Bipolar check-in #62

@tentoedsloth, I wasn't around much yesterday to see your post here. I just want to welcome you to the forum. We all look forward to seeing you here and getting to know you and support you. I'm glad you got at least the four hours sleep. Hopefully tonight it will be at least six. Things do get better for most of us, or at least intermittently. I find the best strategy is to savor and work to extend the better times. I know struggles are inevitable periods in life, though. For all, but we with BP just have to bite the bitter a bit harder. Some call that weakness, but I see strength in getting through such times.

@Mountaindewed, it's nice to see you checking in again. Please know there is a cardinal rule that patients should never attempt to interpret blood test results or self diagnose. Doctors go through a great deal of training to do so, accurately. It's complicated stuff! And even they are dead wrong on occasion. My husband has had blood test results years ago that sort of looked like ones for people with Ankylosing spondylitis and one for possible blood cancer. That was over 20 and 30 years ago. He's still alive and kicking reasonably well.

@otroo, I agree how important it is to know a loved one's cause of death. I see it as helpful in processing grief. How scary that meds may have been a possible factor. Life can be so delicate, sometimes. Hugs
@BeyondtheRainbow, I'm sending positive vibes that your upcoming surgery makes a huge difference.

@Pinny, I'm glad you at least got some good sleep the other night. Hoping you did again, and that @BethRags got some restful sleep, too.

@BethRags, it sucks how frustrating your new pdoc is. I hope if you still have sleep issues that she at least gives you some prns. Maybe a small dose of Seroquel (25 or 50 mg) could help. Had you also had issues at those doses? I know Seroquel is not your favorite med. I assume you work/use other strategies? I benefited from some rather simple ones, like my sound machine, yogurt, "busy brain control methods".

Little to report on my end. My Czech class is going well. As I said before, I'm ahead of my two classmates in terms of Czech knowledge. I'm embarrassed to say my only struggle is with the Zoom meeting features. The dudes (a young South African man and an American male doctor) have no struggles with that. If I had been working these past 10 plus years, I would surely have been up to snuff on such technology. I'll learn.

I want to go to Prague for a trip. I have been to most attractions, but have a couple yet to see. Hubby (a native Praguer) is so resistant for some reason.

When we moved, we hired a private cleaning company to clean our house. After they left, my favorite mug was gone. Completely gone. I think one of the ladies either broke it and said nothing, or even stole it. It had my first initial on it. Maybe she had the same? I lamented the loss, so my husband bought me replacements (plural). However, the suckers are ugly as sin. Of course I didn't say that to him. But with four, it's hard to "accidentally" break all of them. I found a beautiful mug on Amazon I'm tempted to buy. I'm wondering if I should go for it, but would it hurt his feelings?

Thank you @soup du jour I did have some more good sleep!!

Oh Prague is beautiful, isnt it? When are you thinking of going?
Is your husband going with you? If not, maybe that is why he is being resistive? I suppose the only way youll know is to ask him though.

Im doing ok, had a good sleep, woke up feeling unrefreshed but I slept in until 9am which was nice. I then had to stay in bed because my fiance was on a teams meeting in the same room and I wasnt 100% sure his background was blurred so I couldnt risk getting up partially dressed
He wasnt too long though!

Its supposed to be a storm today but so far there hasnt been much to report. I think further south is worse though, I hope everyone stays safe!

I hope you have all had a good sleep!
lots of hugs

Hi Pinny. Yes, it definitely ranks among the most beautiful cities of the world. If it were up to me, I'd go tomorrow. I think if I said I was going alone, Hubby would see that as an angry gesture. I do think I'll manage to twist his arm enough, at some point.

I'm happy to read that you got more sleep. That would have been funny if they saw you sleeping in the background, but of course it would have been embarrassing. I need to figure out how to apply a custom background when I'm on a Zoom meeting. I thought my classmate did that, but found out the gorgeous tropical scene behind him was actually his back yard in Hawaii. Lucky him!

Thanks @soup du jour !!

I know, could you imagine, bed head in the background with just an embarrassing T-shirt covering me (its a movie quote and says “I have famously huge turds” )

Oh I hope you get to go to Prague soon! It’s one of my favourite cities I’ve been to!
Yeah hopefully you can persuade him! I hope you have a wonderful time when you do get to go!

Welcome back

@Soupe du jour thanks. My therapist told me a few sessions ago to google my symptoms and I told her in the past that was not the best idea. No idea why she as a therapist was telling her clients to self diagnose using Google.

Thank you!

I agree with you on this.

I am in HELL.



It would be cool if I could sleep all day bc I’m alone, I’m not working and RS is.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Emotional roller coaster, keep getting in arguments with my boyfriend.



Working from home today to stay home with my son since he does not have school and trying to work out counseling services for him. I'm so emotionally spent.

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Three months ago today my wonderful wife did not wake up. I am really depressed today and I have been really depressed since she passed away. I am getting better though cause for like the first 2 months I isolated myself so much I did nor eat and I lost 50 pounds.
I am now going to a men's church group for fellowship every other Wednesday I go to a church group every Friday and I go to my parents almost every day now and my daughter and I are starting grief share and will be in that for 13 weeks.
My daughter has been a major supporter in my life even when she is really depressed she still looks out for me and we chat ever night.

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Be gentle with yourself. Grieving can be a long process.

I lost my sister 5 years ago and I still miss her. But the grief has become more manageable. I can look at her picture and think of her without crying now but it still hurts.

It might take time and it's good that you're talking with your daughter and church group.

otroo, it's so good that you are taking these important steps to seek support for yourself and your daughter. Please do push yourself to eat at least two good meals each day. They can definitely be simple, but it would help you to keep yourself adequately nourished. Hugs

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Little to report on my end. My Czech class is going well. As I said before, I'm ahead of my two classmates in terms of Czech knowledge. I'm embarrassed to say my only struggle is with the Zoom meeting features. The dudes (a young South African man and an American male doctor) have no struggles with that. If I had been working these past 10 plus years, I would surely have been up to snuff on such technology. I'll learn. I want to go to Prague for a trip. I have been to most attractions, but have a couple yet to see. Hubby (a native Praguer) is so resistant for some reason. When we moved, we hired a private cleaning company to clean our house. After they left, my favorite mug was gone. Completely gone. I think one of the ladies either broke it and said nothing, or even stole it. It had my first initial on it. Maybe she had the same? I lamented the loss, so my husband bought me replacements (plural). However, the suckers are ugly as sin. Of course I didn't say that to him. But with four, it's hard to "accidentally" break all of them. I found a beautiful mug on Amazon I'm tempted to buy. I'm wondering if I should go for it, but would it hurt his feelings?

I feel so excited for you regarding the Czech class! I understand how it could be easier to learn a new language than it is to navigate Zoom....

Order the new mug and tell him you just want to add to your mug collection. The "disappearing" mug is really sad. I have one from my daughter and another from my son - I treasure them. I understand your feelings. A mug can be a very special item.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I am in HELL. Possible trigger: I’m not sure what I’ve taken already. It may have been 50mg of seroquel but it also may have been 75. Same with Xanax, maybe .5 but maybe 1.5. I’m going to make a note so I don’t take too much by accident. It would be cool if I could sleep all day bc I’m alone, I’m not working and RS is.

Oh, wfc. I feel awful for you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better. As it is, I'm sending wishes for peace and I'm sending love. You hang in there

Quote:

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04 It's been a rough couple of weeks. Emotional roller coaster, keep getting in arguments with my boyfriend. Possible trigger: My 16yo son attempted suicide Weds night. He is ok. Spend 5 hours in the ER, followed by 2 hours in the psychiatric crisis unit. They didn't keep him Working from home today to stay home with my son since he does not have school and trying to work out counseling services for him. I'm so emotionally spent. Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

How frightening. Is your son in treatment of any kind?

I was kind of crabby this morning with the weather. But I was mainly super nauseated. I made it to the store then I came home and took a zofran and I got caught up on the current season of Celebirty Big Brother. My zofran helped a bit but pepcid and tylenol really helped. Then my bad mood disapeared and I've been watching season one of Celebirty Big Brother on Paramount Plus. It does seem that the tylenol and zofran make me feel better more then my valium and other psych meds do. I am able to drink normally now. I had been out of my geodon 20mil since Wednesday because I had taken a few extras. The bottle says I can get it refilled on the 21st. But the pharamacy said it was ready today and I got it picked up at noon. So there was no probelm with that. Being without it for 2 days was not an issue.

Basically today I was in a mood until I took a zofran, pepcid, tylenol combo. I found key lime M&Ms but no Starlight Coke.

I couldn't face another night of horrible sleep last night. I'm near frantic about my Sidney's bouncing glucose numbers. Just now I sent her spreadsheet to her vet with some suggestions and questions. I hope he gets back to me this afternoon. I'm trying my best to be logical and calm, take it step by step. David has been so kind to me about everything that's going on with Sidney...tells me I'm doing so well with caring for her and so on. But he doesn't exactly understand why she needs stable glucose numbers.

SO. Sleep. Get this. Last night I dug through some old bottles of meds and found one with a sliver of Seroquel in it. I took that and it did help me fall asleep quickly, and stay asleep. What a blessing! AND the bottle has a refill on it from my former pdoc!!! It's months old, but the pharmacy has accepted it! The prescription is for 25mg. No, I don't like Seroquel's side effects, but this dose is very low - I'll split the 25's in half and take them prn. I can stretch it out for as long as possible and hopefully re-set my sleep. I am a wreck from insomnia. I'm desperate for sleep.

As for my pdoc - I'm going to tell her about the Seroquel. If she doesn't like it, she can shove it. There's nothing she can do to stop me from taking the bottle I have. The Doxepin is useless.

I saw my therapist yesterday. She is such a dear person. We should have been friends instead of therapist/client. Anyway, we settled on my seeing her once per month. If I need to come in more often, I can. And I can email her, just to keep in touch. I felt both sad and free when I walked out of her office. I'll see how I'm feeling as this month goes on and March begins.

THEN I had an appointment with an NP to have blood labs done. *sigh* From the word go she rubbed me the wrong way. The information she gave to me was, in many ways, wacky. "Metformin is never given for pre-diabetes, only for diabetes." WTH? Of course it's prescribed for pre-diabetes! And so on with other misinformation. I really, really wish I could get male doctors. The women tend to be so defensive, having to "prove" themselves. The nurse, however, was a sweetheart.

I saw the dumpster cat. There it was, near the dumpster, licking it paws - BUT it was licking it's paws as though it had just eaten. The cat has been there for a long time now, so someone must be feeding it. It looks plump and healthy. I thought of what you told me, Soupe- perhaps the cat has lived there all of its life. It is in a fairly enclosed spot, so it won't be in direct weather conditions.

Speaking of weather, it's just gorgeous...except that winter was only 2 weeks in late December. Just so odd.

This may be the longest post I've written here! I'm feeling myself wound up, no doubt from sleep loss.

I know that some of us are having a rough time right now. Please know that you're all in my loving thoughts I'm wishing all of us courage and peace.

Aww Im so sorry about your sleep @BethRags
Im pleased the Seroquel worked though. Even though its not prescribed by your current pdoc. I totally understand feeling like you know your body better. Just be careful though Its a good idea to speak to your pdoc about it though.

I think youre doing a great job with Sid and I think you need to give yourself some credit for handling it so well, Id be a mess if I were you! So well done!

Im glad dumpster cat looked plump and healthy

Just take care of yourself @BethRags

Im so glad you found something that helped the nausea @Mountaindewed
The key lime m&ms sound DELICIOUS! I hope you enjoyed them!

Sending lots of hugs

Im feeling very very anxious today. Ive got the wedding show tomorrow and work was stressing me out today with lots of emails pinging back and forth that I couldnt help but keep checking

My hands were so trembly today. I did go out with my fiance's mum to pick up some things for making my wedding invites, but I felt so anxious.
Im hoping tomorrow I dont feel quite so bad. Maybe this is a sign the depressive episode is wearing off but leaving in its wake, a huge anxiety ball! Im not sure, I still dont feel as low as I did but if Im honest, Im not making as much progress as I wish I was.

And my sleep is still incredibly excessive. And I had a 2 hour nap this afternoon. URGH!

I guess Ill just try and get up and ready for tomorrow. Itll be my first time going into a crowd for months.

I hope everyone is doing as well as possible, I know a few people are struggling so I just want to send some love and hugs your way!

He's diagnosed with ADHD so he does already have a psychiatrist. Well a PA who works under one. I moved his appointment up to this coming Tuesday. She is placing an internal referral for counseling. Finding providers is so difficult. It was an impulsive thing that spurred of of me yelling at him and making him clean up a mess. I think much less a depression issue.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny Aww Im so sorry about your sleep @BethRags Im pleased the Seroquel worked though. Even though its not prescribed by your current pdoc. I totally understand feeling like you know your body better. Just be careful though Its a good idea to speak to your pdoc about it though. I think youre doing a great job with Sid and I think you need to give yourself some credit for handling it so well, Id be a mess if I were you! So well done! Im glad dumpster cat looked plump and healthy Just take care of yourself @BethRags

Thank you, Pinny Your support is golden to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny Im feeling very very anxious today. Ive got the wedding show tomorrow and work was stressing me out today with lots of emails pinging back and forth that I couldnt help but keep checking My hands were so trembly today. I did go out with my fiance's mum to pick up some things for making my wedding invites, but I felt so anxious. Im hoping tomorrow I dont feel quite so bad. Maybe this is a sign the depressive episode is wearing off but leaving in its wake, a huge anxiety ball! Im not sure, I still dont feel as low as I did but if Im honest, Im not making as much progress as I wish I was. And my sleep is still incredibly excessive. And I had a 2 hour nap this afternoon. URGH! I guess Ill just try and get up and ready for tomorrow. Itll be my first time going into a crowd for months. I hope everyone is doing as well as possible, I know a few people are struggling so I just want to send some love and hugs your way!

I hope tomorrow goes well. My thought is, and my hope is, that once you're at the show you may feel calmer.

When is your wedding?