Bipolar check-in #62

Thank you so much @~Christina I really appreciate your kind words
I was pretty upset they had been talking about me but the result is a good one. I just hope this colleague isnt talking to anyone else about me

Aww Im so sorry for your loss @~Christina that sounds so very tragic

And stay safe in those storms!

Your dog is so incredibly cute! My one is fast asleep next to me even though its almost time to get up!

Im so glad you werent too ill with it, @bizi
Even so, just make sure you try to rest up and recover properly!

Welcome back @tentoedsloth

I hope you had a good sleep! And Im glad things are going better than they were for you! I look forward to seeing you around the forums!

I slept well, and Im awake at a normal hour! its 7am and I dont feel so overwhelmingly tired like I have been feeling. I dont by any chance think this is me out of this episode yet, but its certainly progress! Ill probably need to nap later, but I can do that and still do other things during the day if I feel up to it.
Ive contacted some friends too (I always ignore messages when Im having a depressive episode) so thats also progress. Hopefully this will keep up.
My anxiety is still through the roof but I dont think that will reduce until Ive sorted everything at work. I have a few meetings that I need to have which are worrying me
I hope everyone has had or is having a great sleep!

F—-k I accidentally took a seroquel ten minutes ago! S—-t I thought it was my birth control. I really, really, really hope it doesn’t **** me over. As I said before I have to go in today in order to get paid for the long weekend.

Thank you everyone for the support these last couple of days, I appreciate it!

I just needed a few days off for my own mental health sakes. I was not banned and I did not do anything. I asked the moderators for a break. Thanks for being concerned about me Beth, Bizi, Pinny, and Unlivid, and thanks for sticking up for me winds that blow about why I had my account suspended instead of just logging out.

I am trying to figure out my therapy situation. I like her but I do feel she is pysching me out at times. Especially when she makes comments regarding trans issues and me going back to work. At times I do feel like I am the one who is being unfair. I did call about another therapist earlier this week. A male. But I have not heard back yet. My insursance is the worst when it comes mental health help. I don't know what to do.

My physical health is kinda bad again. Just the nausea and the stomach pain. I did get my zofran filled and I had another ultrasound for my kidneys and bloodowork that my endocronolgist wanted done, all yesterday. So I'll see whats up with that. I told my therapist yesterday that at this point if I'm not hungry I'm not even going to try to force myself to eat.

Tuesday night I didn't get to sleep until 6:30 AM and then I couldn't nap so I was very tired last night. I don't even known when I fell asleep. I know my reminder to do my Bible study when off at 11:30 and then that's it. My pdoc told me to start taking an extra 1/2 to 1 mg klonopin every day until I am through my surgery and calm down a bit. I didn't even get to time to take it.


I've ben really upset that my therapist would terminate me because we had a disagreement Monday. Not a big one but I still was left worried. In reality we moved on to something else and so I know it's fine but I also know he was pretty upset. Initially he didn't understand what I said and was really upset and then when I explained again it was like he couldn't totally let it go and I felt defensive. It was a mess. Then I cancelled my appointment for 2 days before my surgery because my pre-op overlaps my appointment. The receptionist was weird, demanding to know why I was cancelling. I felt like saying it was none of her business but I was so surprised I just answered. I've never been treated like that in 22 years at this center. I don't know why she was like that. I'm going with bad day but at first I felt like my therapist had shared his anger and she was reacting with angerr too. Not something that would really happen but hard to not feel weird about it.

Anyway after sleep I feel a lot less paranoid about that whole thing. I'll dealw ith it on Monday when I actually see my therapist. Until then I've got enough to worrry about with upcoming surgery. Minor surgery but still surgery. And at a different place than I've ever had surgery which is a big deal with my MAOI.

I hope I can sleep some more now. My meds haven't worn off and typing is hard. more sleep would be great.

If it was a 25 or 50 mg pill, which I assume it might have been given you mistook it for birth control (small pills), it's possible you'll just have 20 mins of sedation and it will wear off quickly. At least that is what happened when I took such doses during the daytime. If it's a higher dose, perhaps more sedation. Or maybe not.

Sending so many positive thoughts and hugs your way @BeyondtheRainbow

Well I drove back down (2 hours) to see my fiance instead of waiting until tomorrow when the storm is supposed to hit.
Its very gusty but with just a few sleet showers so far. I think there is a red weather warning further down south in the UK, I hope everyone stays safe

We're supposed to be going to a wedding show on saturday but I'll see how I feel. Ive not gone out much this week except to walk the dog.
I had to leave the dog with my mum because of the wedding show. My Mum was getting all stressed about the wedding. I couldnt really be bothered with it.
This will be the longest Ive ever left him since I got him. 3 nights

At least Im making future plans! This is good progress

Welcome back! Thats understandable to need some time to yourself. I hope youre doing as well as possible @Mountaindewed
Im so sorry about your physical health but Im glad youve had some investigations. I hope they are the best possible outcome for you!

I took the Klonopin this morning. My pdoc wanted me to try 1/2 mg first but it didn't really do much after a couple of hours so I took the other 1/2 and things are much better now.

The anxiety is a lot less but I'm feeling slower overall but I guess that's to be expected.

I fell on the ice the other day while taking out the garbage. I fell on my back. I had to crawl of the ice to get my footing. I'm not hurt at all, so it's all good. More of a hurt pride kind of thing.

What a shame! Im so sorry you fell, but Im really glad you didnt hurt yourself @Scooter9

I hope the medication works for you!

Ugh

I've deleted many posts today so I won't start a rant here.



Horrible, horrible day.... one of many

Oh.. but I ''should''.... Yada Yada Yada. Those idiots in my head I'm so tired of them

And Yet ANOTHER NUISANCE CALL. They have to stop, UGH

I've been burnt out by someone (not anyone on msf) so I'm now.....

Sending lots of hugs

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny I failed at playing for my sports team tonight, probably because Im "anxious and avoidant" but also Im just so tired. Im going to call my doc to get my bloods rechecked just incase there is something off with them. Im tired, as per usual and I feel a little irritated about things that dont normally irritate me. Maybe thats a good sign, that I actually can be bothered to be irritated? I also had a colleague reach out through email to me because she spoke with another colleague about me being unwell and off work. I didnt really appreciate the fact that they were talking about me but I really did appreciate that she reached out and offered her support. She wants to video chat so Im going to have a think over the next few days. I opened up to her in an email about my health but its a bit different talking to someones face. Ill see how I feel. It was so kind of her to offer her support though.

That is very decent of your colleague. Hopefully, they were talking about you because they are truly concerned. It sounds like that's the case.

Do you know, when I've been irritable after having been depressed I, too, have considered that the irritability is actually a positive sign.

Getting your bloods checked is, I think, always a smart idea. I'm actually having mine done today.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tentoedsloth Today I came back to this group after almost 7 years' absence. I want to know some people I don't have to pretend around. It's been up and down, these past years, but today was slightly up from neutral, despite waking up way too early. Maybe it's because I spent a lot of time, maybe an hour total, working on a detailed daily schedule. That's supposed to help--maybe not something THIS detailed, but having a daily routine. I'll try to be a better group member in the future. I've lived in the same place for over 4 years now so maybe I'm more stable. I'm taking mirtazapine for sleep assistance and whatever other benefits it may provide, instead of amitriptyline, along with lamotrigine. I tried going off them all recently and that worked great for a few months, then I was back in the ditch. So I'm working on accepting that yep, I have bipolar disorder, maybe for life, and looking for things that will help me live with it. It's getting very late so I'll go make one comment to someone then go get ready for bed. If I can't sleep I'll come back and do more. Good night to everyone, and I hope tomorrow is a good day for us all.

Welcome back! It's good to meet you

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I just needed a few days off for my own mental health sakes. I was not banned and I did not do anything. I asked the moderators for a break. Thanks for being concerned about me Beth, Bizi, Pinny, and Unlivid, and thanks for sticking up for me winds that blow about why I had my account suspended instead of just logging out. I am trying to figure out my therapy situation. I like her but I do feel she is pysching me out at times. Especially when she makes comments regarding trans issues and me going back to work. At times I do feel like I am the one who is being unfair. I did call about another therapist earlier this week. A male. But I have not heard back yet. My insursance is the worst when it comes mental health help. I don't know what to do. My physical health is kinda bad again. Just the nausea and the stomach pain. I did get my zofran filled and I had another ultrasound for my kidneys and bloodowork that my endocronolgist wanted done, all yesterday. So I'll see whats up with that. I told my therapist yesterday that at this point if I'm not hungry I'm not even going to try to force myself to eat.

Welcome back, Md! I hope your break was helpful. Some of us were concerned about you. I hear you on the therapist issue. I'm kinda stuck in a similar spot...but then, I've felt unsure about my T for almost 3 years.

I agree about not forcing yourself to eat. Sometimes when I just can't eat but feel like I need to I'll eat a banana (good potassium) or rice cakes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9 I took the Klonopin this morning. My pdoc wanted me to try 1/2 mg first but it didn't really do much after a couple of hours so I took the other 1/2 and things are much better now. The anxiety is a lot less but I'm feeling slower overall but I guess that's to be expected. I fell on the ice the other day while taking out the garbage. I fell on my back. I had to crawl of the ice to get my footing. I'm not hurt at all, so it's all good. More of a hurt pride kind of thing.

Falling on the ice sounds very scary. I'm so glad you're not hurt!

I'm in a bit of a hurry to get ready for my therapy appointment today. I'm somewhat looking forward to it so we can settle on a new schedule. After that, I have to get blood labs done, which is good.

I haven't been driving much lately - good thing, because I stopped to get gas yesterday and it's up to $4.79/gallon! Sheeesh. I remember putting $1.25 into my VW Bus in the mid-'80's and being able to drive quite a bit on that for 2 days.

Well, I'm just so tired. I need one of those good, solid 2 hour naps that will refresh me. Nothing that can be forced; it'll come when it comes. I put in a call to my pdoc's wonderful nurse. Fingers crossed that my pdoc will offer something helpful.

I'm so grateful for all of you being here, every day, day after day. I'm sending love - see you later

Beth, I hope therapy is everything you hope for today.

The weather has been awful in most of Central Europe, too. Loads of wind in CZ and Germany and I know Poland got hit especially hard. At some points today, all flights were diverted from Poland. People died today because of it. Trees fell on cars, on highways, and over train tracks derailing at least one. There's also flooding. Global warming shows itself again. This is NOT normal.

Stay safe in your area!

I had a meeting with my med provider. The lithium that I asked repeatedly to be taken off of has done some damage to my kidneys and my platelets are high enough that they want me to take a baby aspirin a day as a precaution for heart attack or stroke until platelets come down. I am not a happy camper.

Otherwise life is treating me kindly. I have been worried because my boyfriend has not been feeling well for a week or two. He’ll have a physical and bloodwork next week. Really happy about that.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Jennifer, did they finally take you off the lithium or did they just add the aspirin? Take care.