Bipolar check-in #62

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Originally Posted by Nammu Mum’s birthday was a very good day for her. The flowers my sister and I bought were delivered last night, then first thing this morning my daughter’s flowers were delivered. Then around noon my nephew and his wife brought flowers and pie. I had made a spice cake. Then mum had a nap and we went out to eat. The meal was delicious but they do sundae birthday favors and neither mum or I could eat a sundae so they gave her a cookie. And I left a huge tip, almost double the total. Mum liked it so much. It was great seeing her enjoying her birthday.

I'm so glad, Nammu. That does sound like a truly lovely birthday.

This is so wise.

I’m so confused! I just want to say that I hope everyone is doing ok!

And I’m so glad that your Mum had such a lovely birthday, @Nammu
It sounds like she is very well looked after

I’m awake after sleeping peacefully for another few hours, I’m sure I’ll be back asleep soon.

My mum phoned to let me know my 91 year old granny had a fall. Thankfully she is ok, no broken bones. But I think she was very distressed because she couldn’t get up by herself due to pain in her knees.
What a shame!

It does worry me that she is trying to be so independent and is so stubborn.

Other than that I’ve just been asleep.
I hope every one is doing ok! Sending lots of love and good wishes

Taking care of ourselves is the best practice. Glad we all came to a conclusion.

I'm gonna spend my night relaxing and reading a book -- hope everyone has a wonderful night!

Hi everybody,

I'm still down here (Southeastern USA) reading this forum and also keeping up with my detailed activity list. It's still helping, or maybe it's the restarted medication, or maybe it's both. I only spent like maybe an hour total feeling totally miserable today. Edited to add: If anyone thinks it would help them to see what I'm talking about, I'd be happy to type part of my list into a post here. Or maybe it should be a separate thread; what do you think?

CATS !!! I love cats, and people who love cats. They seem to be favorites on this website. I've had many in my lifetime and have cat figurines all around--they are maybe the most beautiful animal, at least one of the most beautiful.

@Blue_Bird Did things get any better? You probably already heard of this, since you're doing it, but one bit of self-help advice for depression is to go ahead and do the things you used to enjoy, even if you don't think you'll enjoy them right now. Are you able to enjoy them at the moment? I hope so.

Thank you

Unfortunately not really. This has been brewing for awhile now. It started with lack of motivation to do things for a few months, having a hard time getting out of bed, totally isolating myself, not showering, then it turned into the worst I've felt in years in terms of being depressed. I just feel dead inside and extremely low. I keep having really negative thoughts I won't go into detail though. I just feel this oppressive weight holding me down. The last time I experienced it this intensely was years ago.

But I'm trying to force myself to do things, it's just hard because I feel so negative right now.

Speaking of cats, I have a cat named Miss Mustachio, not sure if you've seen her but here she is

FB_IMG_1644007731062.jpg

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Originally Posted by Pinny I’m so confused! I just want to say that I hope everyone is doing ok! And I’m so glad that your Mum had such a lovely birthday, @Nammu It sounds like she is very well looked after I’m awake after sleeping peacefully for another few hours, I’m sure I’ll be back asleep soon. My mum phoned to let me know my 91 year old granny had a fall. Thankfully she is ok, no broken bones. But I think she was very distressed because she couldn’t get up by herself due to pain in her knees. What a shame! It does worry me that she is trying to be so independent and is so stubborn. Other than that I’ve just been asleep. I hope every one is doing ok! Sending lots of love and good wishes

Oh, no. Falls are no good at all. It's a blessing your granny wasn't seriously injured. Still, the fear of falling again may linger.

I'm sending love and good wishes to you, too, Pinny

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Originally Posted by tentoedsloth Hi everybody, I'm still down here (Southeastern USA) reading this forum and also keeping up with my detailed activity list. It's still helping, or maybe it's the restarted medication, or maybe it's both. I only spent like maybe an hour total feeling totally miserable today. Edited to add: If anyone thinks it would help them to see what I'm talking about, I'd be happy to type part of my list into a post here. Or maybe it should be a separate thread; what do you think? CATS !!! I love cats, and people who love cats. They seem to be favorites on this website. I've had many in my lifetime and have cat figurines all around--they are maybe the most beautiful animal, at least one of the most beautiful. @Blue_Bird Did things get any better? You probably already heard of this, since you're doing it, but one bit of self-help advice for depression is to go ahead and do the things you used to enjoy, even if you don't think you'll enjoy them right now. Are you able to enjoy them at the moment? I hope so.

Yes, our beloved pets are angels for us. I have 5 cats; I am very comfortable with cats, but I also like dogs. I have owned rats in my life - at one point I had 22 rats living with me! I built "rat condos" for them. Rats are so intelligent, and absolutely fascinating.

Please do post your activity list, whether on this thread or in its own post. I'm curious to see it.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Thank you Unfortunately not really. This has been brewing for awhile now. It started with lack of motivation to do things for a few months, having a hard time getting out of bed, totally isolating myself, not showering, then it turned into the worst I've felt in years in terms of being depressed. I just feel dead inside and extremely low. I keep having really negative thoughts I won't go into detail though. I just feel this oppressive weight holding me down. The last time I experienced it this intensely was years ago. But I'm trying to force myself to do things, it's just hard because I feel so negative right now. Speaking of cats, I have a cat named Miss Mustachio, not sure if you've seen her but here she is Attachment 12394 Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Miss M. is just darling. She has a very distinctive appearance!

My heart hurts for you, Blue_Bird. You are in my thoughts, in my prayers, and I am sending love to both you and to Miss M. Let her be your angel during this hard time

Thank you so much Beth, that means a lot to me.

I am trying to stay focused on her and the fact that I love her and she does bring me a lot of joy even if I can't feel the emotion at the moment. She's a really good cat. I always wake up with her under the blankets on me purring.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Thank you so much Beth, that means a lot to me. I am trying to stay focused on her and the fact that I love her and she does bring me a lot of joy even if I can't feel the emotion at the moment. She's a really good cat. I always wake up with her under the blankets on me purring. Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Your post gave me tears. I want to send you an extra hug...
a very big one

I have my one bottle of Seroquel 25mg. and considered taking 150mg. tonight to really knock myself out. Frankly, S thoughts are in my mind. But then I thought the better of it; it would devastate too many people and my kitties. This past week, and today, have been stressful. Too stressful. And my psychiatrist could certainly be more helpful than she is. She seems out of touch with real, day to day life.

Hi, Pinny. The muffins taste good, but are kinda "mini" and crustier than Thomas'. My husband says he likes mine better than Thomas', but I'm not sure I do.

We haven't yet started the attic project. Hopefully today or tomorrow.

Hope today is a good one for you!

I've really fallen a bit behind here. Sending positive vibes to all.

It's as gloomy as gloomy can be here in my part of Czech Republic.

My husband is a real night owl and always has been. I woke up at around 4:45 am to see him finally going to bed. I didn't let on that I was awake, but watched him do something very strange. It took him almost 10 minutes to put on his pajama top. He did so slowly, then took it off. Then again the same. Then again the same. I wondered if he might have done so as some part of a ritual. I asked him about it at breakfast and he said he didn't want to wake me up, so did so for that reason. Maybe he put it on backwards twice? Not sure. In any case, I'm certain he's on the OCD spectrum because of many other behaviors. His sister agrees with me. And he's depressed and has ADD. I've been pressing him to go to a psychiatrist, but he won't. General practitioners in Czech Republic are not permitted to prescribe psych meds. He already tried to get them to.

There’s a different test - I’m not sure what it’s called but my dog had it a couple of weeks ago and it’s basically the same as the A1C but I don’t think it’s over the same time period. I assume it would be for cats too.

Sometimes I just have nights where it seems like I just didn’t take my meds coz they do nothing at all but I know I’ve taken them. Sometimes for no reason at all they just don’t work. Then they just start working again. Hopefully yours start working again soon too.

Hello, have been away for some time (I usually post in the depression threads), but suddenly it happened to me that I became high in emotions (not good ). I don't know what that means, but I felt for writing in here ....

I visited my old mother and a very old ant yesterday. It was OK. Today I am at home trying to do some work in the home.

Good wishes to all ....

I am so very sorry you feel so low. I know the dead depression and it’s awful. I’m glad you have your kitty for company.

I did laundry and had a shower yesterday. I know it's not much but with this persistent mild depression it's actually pretty good for me. I know i might be getting annoying always mentioning my persistent mild depression, but it is my regular pattern to be down in the Summer and Winter and high in the Spring and Fall so this is just normal for me and i don't expect any changes til Spring so i'm afraid i'll be singing this song for a while. Apologies if it's getting old. I stepped away from the forum for a few days because i thought i was wearing you all out but i found i missed it too much so here i am, back again, dark cloud in tow.

I also got my dog out yesterday and had a nice chat with a lovely young lady neighbor who finally went on a date from a dating site. Young love -- so exciting!

@Blue_Bird:

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. You mentioned 'self-hatred.' That's very brave of you to admit it openly like that. I suffer from that too. It's very painful. Glad Miss Mustachio is a comfort, she's a cutie!

@Nammu:

Glad your mom had such a nice birthday. It was charming to read about. You are a great daughter! I wish my own relationship with my mom had been as warm.

@HALLIEBETH87:

Congratulations on finishing your assignment! You go girl!

@WindsThatBlow:

BeL@tEd H@pPy BiRtHd@Y! Hope you had a nice day!

@Soupe du jour:

You sure seem to like big projects! I admire that, you get so much done, a real Force of Nature!

I am starting to understand: Two years of isolation (more or less) have been mostly rooted in depression of different degrees. Now when society is opening up again there is room for my former cyclothymic-like symptoms that I have to work very hard on to be able to live an almost good life.

I have had many depressions (also with suic..al thoughts). I have never had a full blown hypomanic episode, but have had short episodes (some of the symptoms) that has lasted for hours or a day or more. (There shall be 4 days to get the diagnose). I do not fulfill that criteria, but I do suffer the way it is.

I think that the lack of diagnose shall not make me feel that I have no right to feel not sick enough.

This has been chronic since teen age years, so if it fits into a diagnose or not should not make me feel less worth then others.

I know how to treat this. In short it is taking my antidepressants (I know that antidepresants seldom are good for bipolar disorder, but I have read that for some it can be the best. It works for me). The "Treatment" here is more in the way I chose to live my daily life, regular lifestyle, regular meals and regular sleep. Social contacts in a appropriate doze. Too much social life make the hypomanic-like symptoms worse for me. It costs to always have to think about how to arrange this or that so it will not cause me too many symptoms afterward; how to behave before I go out and how to take care of myself after a happy social event . (It is as if feeling good, does not stop, but become so "good" that it hurts. I feel I lack a stop button. In lack of that I need to use other ways to calm myself down after good social events - I know this is not well written, but it is so difficult to explain).

Sorry for ranting, but it was a shock to experience old symptoms coming back. (I will handle it and I will try to be kind to myself).

( I like the sheep trying to do it's best to cope ).

I had a best friend from preschool right until the start of 7th grade who ditched me the summer before school started because thats when I started having issues and they were really affecting our friendship. But then everyone sided with her and they all turned the school agaisnt me and they spread a rumor that I was gay. So I'd have kids I didn't even know come up to me and say "sorry I'm straight." And walk away. Now my old friend is a therapist. My mom and I totally believe she went into the mental health field because of how she treated me. But I was looking at her Linkdin last night and I guess she either works or did an intern at the adult unit at the psych hospital where I did my IOP in 2020. Man am I really glad I did not get admitted.

But its funny how life works out.

I'm doing ok today. I found the new Coke in 20oz bottles but not in cans. I've been all over this morning looking for it. I may go back to one of the stores later today. Its crowded out there today. There was a lady at Target with 4 or so young kids and my mom said "she sure was busy having babies" and I said "how do you know they are all hers?" Lol and like so what if they were all hers

I know what you mean. I was looking around my bed and night stand yesterday to see if I had maybe dropped one of my meds. It just felt like I was missing something. But my melatonin worked and I feel decent right now. I didn't have any Pepsi zero though so maybe I just need to ditch that. I know it has some herbs and stuff in it that probably doesn't mix well with meds.

Yes, life can have some surprices!

feeling hopeless.

you know: I think i've finally figured out what my purpose is

do nothing

Hugs for you @raging vortex

I’m so sorry you’re struggling!