Bipolar check-in #62

Sorry guys I just don't have the attention span to read thank hug etc. but sending great big bear hugs to everyone who wants them!!!!

I just had my appointment with my NP and it went horribly! She's okaywith me being basically unmedicated for the next three weeks just valium and whatever the **** she prescribed for the akathisia (Trihexyphenidyl) I'm not picking any of it up she send it to the wrong pharmacy and i'm sick of calling them about HER mistakes. I'm sorry if I can't drive because I no longer have a car and can't go to your pharmacy only open 9-5 Mon-Fri when BOI THAT SEEMS LIKE WHEN PEOPLE WORK. ****ers. Not like valium does anything anymore.

I'm just gonna drop out of treatment. **** 'em. I'm probably pregnant by now anyways...

Beth she's having a boy.

I met my daughter half way yesterday to visit. We had a lovely visit. Only downside, not accepting of boyfriend. Firmly against. It upset me and had me doubting myself. On more stable ground today. It would be nice if she was on board but I don’t need her permission to love who I love.

Sister and I are in a deep freeze. I finally put my foot down and said no more abuse. Huge fight. Standing my ground. It is upsetting though. She thinks I need to make caring for mom and brother my full time job and that I’m not doing enough. Excuse me?!?

I’m feeling very melancholy today. I’ve been taking my meds consistently so it’s probably just the things I mentioned and concerns with my boyfriend.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Sending you hugs, Jennifer. Please do keep standing your ground. Not sure why your sister feels she can dictate something for you that I'm assuming she does little of.

It's hard for adult children to quickly accept girl/boyfriends of divorced or widowed parents. I know, having had to accept my dad's old girlfriend. But there's a big difference between my dad and you. You seem to have your feet firmly on the ground. He didn't. Hugs

I ended up starting to cry soon before my husband finally finished his 3 hour eye appointment. I think he figured it since he picked up lunch before returning to the car. His eye looks horrible. The guy received a poorly administered eye injection. They had to keep him in the office for an extra 30 minutes afterwards because of it. I now feel bad for crying for myself. In any case, I'm glad it's done for the day. Neither Hubby nor I plan to do much until tomorrow.

I had been working myself up too much about my kidneys. They are far from doing great, but I admit to catastrophizing. I finally saw the results (not in front of the doctor) and all I could tell was that the creatinine level was in red font rather than black (normal) or blue (slightly elevated). I didn't understand the measurement system, as it is different from the US one. I had to google conversion calculators. After doing an apples to apples comparison, it appears that my creatinine level is worse than ever, but not frighteningly worse. I have some lifestyle changes that will be done, for sure. Fewer sweets, more water, a bit less protein, more exercise, smaller starchy carb portions, healthier fats, less salt, and almost no alcoholic beverages. Rare occasions only.

I was almost in a full blown panic attack while out grocery shopping this morning. I knew what I needed so I just hurried. I didn't feel unsafe I just am very anxious being on a low dose of valium right now. Plus my face masks do look goofy but they are super protective. But anyways my doctor did call in my valium. Now I just have to hope the pharmacy fills it 3 days early. I have one left. I took half of one early this morning and an ativan about half an hour ago and I feel like I'm about to crawl out of my skin right now. Or pass out. I just ate a bowl of veggie pasta so I shouldnt be hungry. I've just been very lightheaded all day. When my pill organizer comes I plan on filling it and keeping that in my room and givng my giant basket of meds to my mom to keep. My old therapist told me I should get a time lock one but they are like $70.

Edit: I took half of my last valium and I am super lethargic but not very anxious anymore. the other half left and the ativan. I still have not heard back from the pharamacy. Oh yeah I forgot to take my topamax this morning. My hunger has sucked so badly in general I keep forgetting to take it in the morning and then I have to double up at night

By the way, there are moles on this site and if this part of my post gets deleted then that just proves it.

I feel like a super lethargic nauseated mess right now. I don't know if its the mixing benzos, the lack of valium, not eating enough, or being up since midnight. But I feel so sick and tired right now. I emailed my therapist and I asked her if I could see her tommrow instead of wednesday but I haven't heard back.

I am so PISSED!!!

once I had a NP who didn't know what salvia was. He thought it was the same as synthetic marijuana. These guys have no clue wtf they're doing. I could medicate myself better with a baseball bat and a chainsaw. I broke the bucket without touching it, that's how good I am with a bat.

But really, I called my T Friday morning as an SOS type thing and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. I'm just gonna say forget it cancel this week's session and **********

My car insurance people haven't gotten back to me yet either, so it's not like I can go further with that either.

I'M HEAADSICK
I'M DRUG BIT
I'M LOVELESS
I'M TRAFFIC

and now it's snowing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny Thanks @BethRags aww lovely, Im the middle. And she (my psychiatrist) wants me to stay off work a bit longer but I don't want to. She told me to stay off until Im much much better and just forget about work. My GP said she would sign me off however long but I think Id rather go back sooner. Its just difficult to judge when you feel rubbish isnt it?

Oh, lucky to be the middle!


It is difficult, yes. But perhaps take a bit more time off, just to heal so you don't relapse?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour My husband and I finally got home yesterday early evening from Salzburg, Austria. Some nice aspects, some lesser. I'm glad to be home, but currently sitting (cold) in my car waiting for Hubby to finish with his eye appointment. Three hours, and counting. I can't go in because of covid restrictions. Not interested in a cafe. He has a neurologist appointment tomorrow. I hope he goes alone. I just want a day with nothing to do, preferably in a different room than him for a while. I created flashcards on an app for my new Czech vocabulary. I'm waiting for my textbook to arrive. Hopefully tomorrow or Wednesday. I also got a new battery for my laptop. It sucked using Hubby's. My first online class was miserable between having it in a hotel room, with someone else's laptop, no book, Hubby using the hairdryer for part of it, and the usual first class anxiety. I kept calling the teacher "Jana" when her name is "Veronika". Whoops!

Ugh, you poor thing It sounds like you've had it up to your ears lately. For sure encourage him to go to his appointment alone. I can feel how much you need a break.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapien I am so PISSED!!! once I had a NP who didn't know what salvia was. He thought it was the same as synthetic marijuana. These guys have no clue wtf they're doing. I could medicate myself better with a baseball bat and a chainsaw. I broke the bucket without touching it, that's how good I am with a bat. But really, I called my T Friday morning as an SOS type thing and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. I'm just gonna say forget it cancel this week's session and ********** My car insurance people haven't gotten back to me yet either, so it's not like I can go further with that either. I'M HEAADSICK I'M DRUG BIT I'M LOVELESS I'M TRAFFIC and now it's snowing.

Call your T again! I will never forget something a pdoc, many years ago, slipped out to me. She said, "If I get just one phone call I don't always respond right away, but if I get two phone calls I think it must be a serious request." I will never, never forget her words.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I was almost in a full blown panic attack while out grocery shopping this morning. I knew what I needed so I just hurried. I didn't feel unsafe I just am very anxious being on a low dose of valium right now. Plus my face masks do look goofy but they are super protective. But anyways my doctor did call in my valium. Now I just have to hope the pharmacy fills it 3 days early. I have one left. I took half of one early this morning and an ativan about half an hour ago and I feel like I'm about to crawl out of my skin right now. Or pass out. I just ate a bowl of veggie pasta so I shouldnt be hungry. I've just been very lightheaded all day. When my pill organizer comes I plan on filling it and keeping that in my room and givng my giant basket of meds to my mom to keep. My old therapist told me I should get a time lock one but they are like $70. Edit: I took half of my last valium and I am super lethargic but not very anxious anymore. the other half left and the ativan. I still have not heard back from the pharamacy. Oh yeah I forgot to take my topamax this morning. My hunger has sucked so badly in general I keep forgetting to take it in the morning and then I have to double up at night By the way, there are moles on this site and if this part of my post gets deleted then that just proves it. I feel like a super lethargic nauseated mess right now. I don't know if its the mixing benzos, the lack of valium, not eating enough, or being up since midnight. But I feel so sick and tired right now. I emailed my therapist and I asked her if I could see her tommrow instead of wednesday but I haven't heard back.

I hope your T gets back to you today. Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease....email again, if need be.

What is a "mole"?

I kind of can't feel hunger anymore and I don't know why. But nothing ever sounds good and I keep forgetting to take my topamax so its not like that is whats causing my loss of appetite. I'm going to have to eat an entire cauliflower crust pizza for dinner and I'll still be under my calorie goal. But like I tell myself I need to eat, but it doesnt help. I have a pain in my ribcage but I think thats from severe constipation that was taken care of the other day. But I don't get why I can't feel hunger anymore.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I met my daughter half way yesterday to visit. We had a lovely visit. Only downside, not accepting of boyfriend. Firmly against. It upset me and had me doubting myself. On more stable ground today. It would be nice if she was on board but I don’t need her permission to love who I love. Sister and I are in a deep freeze. I finally put my foot down and said no more abuse. Huge fight. Standing my ground. It is upsetting though. She thinks I need to make caring for mom and brother my full time job and that I’m not doing enough. Excuse me?!? I’m feeling very melancholy today. I’ve been taking my meds consistently so it’s probably just the things I mentioned and concerns with my boyfriend. I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

It sounds like you have reasons to feel melancholy Buuut...good for you for taking care of yourself with regard to your sister! I was always my mom's caregiver; my sisters were nowhere to be seen when it came to taking Mom to appointments and grocery shopping, and so on. One day I just had had enough. My mom was high-maintenance and I was exhausted. I called my oldest sister and said I NEED SOME HELP WITH MOM!!!! She did step up. I was extremely grateful.

Did your daughter give reasons as to why she isn't accepting of your boyfriend?

A mole is a spy. Who has like inside information about things and goes around to check things out.

She doesnt really allow emails in the first place. I was already bordering on crossing boundaries by sending that first one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I kind of can't feel hunger anymore and I don't know why. But nothing ever sounds good and I keep forgetting to take my topamax so its not like that is whats causing my loss of appetite. I'm going to have to eat an entire cauliflower crust pizza for dinner and I'll still be under my calorie goal. But like I tell myself I need to eat, but it doesnt help. I have a pain in my ribcage but I think thats from severe constipation that was taken care of the other day. But I don't get why I can't feel hunger anymore.

I don't feel hunger when I'm anxious. Could that be it for you?

Possibly. I'm getting ready to call the pharmacy to see whats up. I still have half the valium left and all my night meds. So I can possibly make it until tommorow if I have to.

My update is that I am SO annoyed with Amazon. I ordered a shirt and leggings from them last week and the shipping keeps being delayed. If the items don't arrive today I'm thinking of telling them to shove it up, and cancelling.

The predicted temperature for later this week is 72 degrees. Climate change is scary. Once again, we had 2 weeks of winter in December.

I had major issues with Amazon when using my christmas gift card. I was getting the wrong size and fake products and then refunds were taking forever to come in. I finally got all my refunds in and I ordered a number of things that are coming in the next few days. 2 are out for delivery now. I did have to talk to a few people to get things corrected though.

Someone told me Amazon is a mess ever since that Jeff guy went on his space stuff and stepped down.

No she would not discuss it. Merely said she did not like him, trust him and would not engage with him. She’s never met him or talked to him. She was like this when her father started dating but I had hoped that at her age (22) things would be different. Thanks for asking.

Eh, I can handle this on my own without her pissing me off even more. It wasn't really a serious request, just a "OMG I'm spiralling" but I'm not spiraling several days later I talked to my NP this morning and she's fine with me not being on meds until our next appointment.

It looks like my valium will be ready tommorow at 11AM. My mom is trying to see if I can get it today but shes been on hold for 45 minutes. I have half of one left I just don't want to have a seizure from being so low on the dose. But I guess I took about 1.5 valium today after the last half mil. I took a couple little crushed pieces this morning. I have a cauliflower crust pizza in the oven which I'm hoping helps. I have a headache and I don't know what its from. Probably from everything. I'm just hanging on with that last half as long as I can. But at least I won't have to wait 3 days and talk to my pdoc. I do know now to be super careful. Why I am finally using a pill box. And yeah I do have a huge issue but now is not the time for me to work on it.

Amazon still has not come by. My Fedex hoodie came though but I havent looked at it yet.

My hoodie fit ok. Amazon still has not come by. My free birthday sandwich from Jimmy Johns disapeared from my rewards section on my app. Baskin Robbins was out of ice cream. No joke. I swear technology is just falling apart because of covid.

I never heard back from my therapist but its my own fault for not calling the office directly. At this moment I'm ok. The morning might be tough but after 11 when I get my valium things should be somewhat back to normal.

I’ve noticed clothing takes longer for some reason. I ordered a hat once and it took a month and a half to get here. I was wondering if they had to go back to 1920 to get it? It was a reproduction.

I’m snuggled up in bed with my doggy. I think his left eye is a little red so I’ll have to keep an eye on that.
I went out for another dog walk with my mum. She doesn’t speak about me being off work.
I think I’m an embarrassment for her

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I had major issues with Amazon when using my christmas gift card. I was getting the wrong size and fake products and then refunds were taking forever to come in. I finally got all my refunds in and I ordered a number of things that are coming in the next few days. 2 are out for delivery now. I did have to talk to a few people to get things corrected though. Someone told me Amazon is a mess ever since that Jeff guy went on his space stuff and stepped down.

Some things about Amazon are excellent, but in other ways Amazon can be really annoying and frustrating. My items are finally out for delivery. Sheesh.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 No she would not discuss it. Merely said she did not like him, trust him and would not engage with him. She’s never met him or talked to him. She was like this when her father started dating but I had hoped that at her age (22) things would be different. Thanks for asking.

22 is still so young and dependent. My guess is that she may feel concerned about losing time with you if you're with your bf instead of spending time with her.