Bipolar check-in #62

The migraine lasted only two days. It's true what you say about my body being a little cranky. I cheated tonight and had 3 eggs. But they were so good! I figured they are protein.

My depression and anxiety were intense today. I cried twice. It's things that are not such a big deal and wouldn't bother me if i was in good health. I'm just finding them overwhelming because i'm so sick. It's some extra care i have to do for my dog, routine care (nail trim, shots, grooming). I just find appointments are so unpleasant because i get such bad anticipatory anxiety and for my dog especially because i don't have a car and transportation is an obstacle and because it's unpleasant procedures for my dog and i hate to see her suffer.

Anyways, 43 hours and 14 minutes until her first appointment on Wednesday at 4:00pm.

I talked to my therapist and my pdoc today. Both expressed support with the whole breast cancer scare. My pdoc increased my bedtime gabapentin and also increased my AD dose as well as just listening and reading my reports and giving me feedback. My therapist listened and sent me a picture of his son's new labradoodle puppy which made me smile. I'm still depressed and anxious (my pdoc said my anxiety score went up 50% in 5 weeks) but that's not surprising. For now I'm tired and hopefully will get to sleep earlier than usual tonight and sleep through the night. Then I just have to get through this week and next Tuesday is my surgeon appointment.

dear rainbow,
I am sending you some good thoughts for strength and healing.
I also send you some extra patience, while you wait for things to happen as they should.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Thanks.

Yes finallly but I have to go out Wednesday and I’m worried I’ll get stuck again coming home lol !

Hope your doing well

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Thanks Beth

lol sad we can compare them to vegetables

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Glad your back home ! I do hope you can stay home and have that much needed time to do anything or nothing at all on your own.

Ooops on the name confusion lol

Are you looking forward to this class ?!!

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It good to hear you have so much support. We are here for you too.

Thank you

I have my T and Pdoc/NP is the same clinic. Forever it’s been the most excellent care. I was really really lucky. Now honestly I have zero faith that I will be able to get help if I need it. My T is furious with all the changes the company has been making.

All good things come to an end sadly enough

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I’m so sorry everything is just a mess

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I’m sorry you’re daughter isn’t supportive and accepting like she should be.

Good for you not backing down from you’re Sister !!!! You can not devote 24/7 forever being sole caregiver. Proud of you !

Hugs and hugs

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Amazon is getting worse and worse! I buy most stuff from EBay now. I found a few shirts last year on Amazon and then found them on EBay cheaper. I know I can’t find everything but I’ll try like hell lol

I’ll give you some of my winter if you would like. I’m ready for Spring.

Hugs

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Doggie snuggles are the best !!

I always thought I was letting my Mom down. But often she just didn’t know what to say about whatever so kept quiet and of course my mind always had me thinking the worst about myself.

Hopefully she will become more supportive

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Eggs are a huge part of Keto living ! Glad your migraine didn’t last longer

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So happy that your pdoc helped bumping up your doses and here’s hoping it helps ASAP

I wish I could fast forward time for you and one more thing will get done to help you move past this medical stuff and not have to think about it any longer..

Puppies always help

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More and more pieces of clothing from Amazon come directly from China. With the whole chaos relating to covid/shipping, that may be part of the issue. It wouldn't necessarily be within Amazon's control unless more trains are being robbed within the US (if you've heard of that).

Hubby implored me to join him at his neurologist appointment. I will go, mostly because of the condition of his left eye. They really botched his injection. What can I do? We have too many things to do. Electrician is coming this morning and deliveries, too.

I'm not dreading my class, especially now that I'm home. In fact, I'm on the cusp of being excited about it. Thanks for asking, Christina!

I hope your pups are taking care of you in Steve's absence.

I got sick from doing keto in 2019. I got something called keto flu according to my therapist. I got all these flu like symptoms despite it being the summer and I had a racing heart and bad anxiety. I even got an unscheuled period. I think I was eating too much protein though. But I lost weight really fast on it.

Now I just do calories in calories out and try to intermittent fast when I can.

I tried to rest last night, just ended up writing a ton of poetry and listening to all my discover weekly on spotify there's some pretty rad **** there and now I'm doing laundry (again) I've been so up with the pace that I feel like I should go back to work or something. Nah, i'm going to start writing a new book. About the solidarity of the moose and how man could never achieve that basically.

I can't eat anything my anxiety sucks and all I want is valium. I just can't feel hunger. I've lost 10 pounds since my last therapy session 2 weeks ago and a few pounds was fluids from the ER but I hope she doesn't get pissed at me and call me a drug addict or something. 3 of my Amazon packages finally came after I fell asleep. One of the hoodies fits good. The second one is kinda big but everyone reviewing the item was freaking out and saying to order a size bigger. Some were saying even 2 sizes bigger was too small. So I ordered a size up and its a bit baggy. I'll ask my mom what she thinks she knows this stuff better then I do. Then my med organizer came too. So I can fill that up today. Pretty much I'm just hanging on until I can get the valium. I have absolutly none left. I took my last half at 3PM yesterday.

I got my valium refilled. It was right at 9 and I was on my way to the grocery store and I said "I can't do this anymore." So I went into the pharamacy and had them refill it right then. Which they did with no issue. My pdoc called in a 3 month supply which is weird since I see him in less then a month. But I've had it today with a tylenol and I feel better I just need to eat now. I figured out my Jimmy Johns birthday sandwich so I'm getting that. After the valium I was able to get my shopping done with no anxiety or issues.

My mom is driving me insane though. She is complanining so much. Like really complanining. About almost everything. She takes everthing my sister and brother in law say as the gospel so she got a google pixel phone instead of an iphone a few days before Thanksgiving and its been giving her a lot of trouble. But she's being so *****y about it. Yesterday in the car she was acting almost manic like getting annoyed at her phone, the other drivers, and trying to drive at the same time. At least I'm keeping my anxiety to myself. But she won't be happy until she gets an iphone and it honestly is getting quite annoying to hear her ***** all the time about how much she hates her phone. She also is whining a lot about face masks. Not wearing them in stores just about how they don't go around your ears but around your head. Which is not a big deal to me but I don't wear glasses.

I started my collection test at 5:30AM. So far it has not been an issue. Its been easy to do and I've been keeping the jug in the garage where its cold enough to store. I'm glad it doesn't have to be in the fridge.

I did need to exchange the hoodie for a smaller size. All the reviews though were saying to order a bigger size so idk. In one review it showed a picture of a 13 year old and his mom said that the size I ordered fit him perfectly. So they either made the sizes bigger since all the ****** reviews or I am smaller then a 13 year old boy. Which I doubt.

I keep hearing laughter and "come over here" but I don't think anyone else is home...

@BeyondtheRainbow:

I'm so glad you got some good support from your psychiatrist and therapist. I hope you slept well as i find that makes all the difference. Tuesday will come!

@Sapien:

I'm increasingly concerned about you as you're starting to sound pretty random. What options do you have for some extra care?

Gum. and Bears. beccause we're going to the studio tomorrow so I'm not alone but I'm out of the house. I don't know how south this can go. Merrimack Valley obviously,, but that's just because I see my T thursday she's not a keeper but I've kept her. He's a keeper. Kinda. We do this thing...... I'm basically gonna be medless for the next month.

@Sapien:

Glad to hear you are seeing your therapist on Thursday, even if she's not ideal. Probably best to take it easy and not make any major decisions til then.