Bipolar check-in #62

I finally got my laundry dragged into the basement. In Texas I was pampered. My washer and dryer were just off the kitchen. One level. Of course I lived on second floor and had to dray the groceries up but once inside everything was one level.

Heh heh my cat is so cat 🐈. I had yogurt for lunch and he loves licking out the container. So I called him and he came running. He knew I had something for him!

I have been extremely unmotivated for at least a week. It’s been so cold and/or gray and precipitating every singe day since the big snowstorm. I was supposed to go to the grocery store all week and I still haven’t made it. Today is still so cold, but it is sunny for a change. This week is supposed to be warmer and sunnier though. Not exactly what I would call warm but better than the 20s and low 30s we’ve been having.

This is common for me this time of year though. I absolutely despise winter and February is always my worst month. March at least shows a glimmer of hope with spring the anticipation of spring at the end. We can start going for walks and adventures outside again and I can go out for a walk after work since it’s light for longer. So I just need to hold on for six more weeks.

I’m supposed to take Cheeto to the specialist on Friday but I don’t think I’ll be able to, I don’t have enough PTO to cover it and they won’t grant a personal day if I don’t. I’d have to lie and say it’s a dr appt for myself. He’s doing ok, yesterday he seemed I’ll for a few hours but when the lights went out for bedtime suddenly he was having a grand old time chasing down Ash and running up and down the basement steps.

My SIL and her family did come up yesterday finally and it was very nice. My niece and my son actually played together quite nicely. It’s difficult sometimes because they are both stubborn and only children (or at least my niece lives as an only child) so they are used to doing what they want and not having to compromise. But yesterday was quite nice.

We’re not planning anything for Valentine’s Day, I don’t really like the holiday personally. I’d be happy with some flowers and that’s it but I won’t be upset if I don’t get anything at all, and RS feels the same. Maybe he and I will get to go out to dinner though. That would be nice, we haven’t had a date night since the wedding.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I have been extremely unmotivated for at least a week. It’s been so cold and/or gray and precipitating every singe day since the big snowstorm. I was supposed to go to the grocery store all week and I still haven’t made it. Today is still so cold, but it is sunny for a change. This week is supposed to be warmer and sunnier though. Not exactly what I would call warm but better than the 20s and low 30s we’ve been having. This is common for me this time of year though. I absolutely despise winter and February is always my worst month. March at least shows a glimmer of hope with spring the anticipation of spring at the end. We can start going for walks and adventures outside again and I can go out for a walk after work since it’s light for longer. So I just need to hold on for six more weeks. I’m supposed to take Cheeto to the specialist on Friday but I don’t think I’ll be able to, I don’t have enough PTO to cover it and they won’t grant a personal day if I don’t. I’d have to lie and say it’s a dr appt for myself. He’s doing ok, yesterday he seemed I’ll for a few hours but when the lights went out for bedtime suddenly he was having a grand old time chasing down Ash and running up and down the basement steps. My SIL and her family did come up yesterday finally and it was very nice. My niece and my son actually played together quite nicely. It’s difficult sometimes because they are both stubborn and only children (or at least my niece lives as an only child) so they are used to doing what they want and not having to compromise. But yesterday was quite nice. We’re not planning anything for Valentine’s Day, I don’t really like the holiday personally. I’d be happy with some flowers and that’s it but I won’t be upset if I don’t get anything at all, and RS feels the same. Maybe he and I will get to go out to dinner though. That would be nice, we haven’t had a date night since the wedding.

Going out for a date night would be nice, I think.

My opinion on Cheeto is that as long as he has been checked as thoroughly as he has, and as long as he is doing such things as running and playing (and eating, drinking, peeing, pooping - all normally), seeing a specialist is unnecessary. Of course, I haven't observed Cheeto myself, but I do have plenty of cat experience. I also weigh the benefit of seeing a vet as opposed to the tremendous stress it causes the cat. That's something to consider.

It's a bright, sunny day; at this point I'm just waiting to see buds on the trees, but hoping for rain. Today I am stopping by the grocery store, then washing my dusty car. And vacuuming it, as I haven't in a long time.

I'm trying to find chicken or beef canned food for the cats; it can't be found anywhere! Not even online. The grocery store shelves have so many bare spots. It's crazy.

May each of you see something beautiful today

Today was alright, I got to spend time with both of my sisters, just the three of us for the first time in…. Years.
I have an appt tomorrow with my gp and I’m thinking I’ll go back to work on Wednesday but I’m very worried about it.
I don’t want to be off any longer but equally, I don’t want to rush back and end up in a worse situation.
I don’t see my psychiatrist until the 2nd March.
She wants me to stay off longer but I just don’t know.

I'm feeling the anxiety now. I took 2 valium today. I only have 2 left. I'm still not in a full blown panic over this. I know my Pdoc and his office. They wont leave me hanging. It was just a weather issue mainly. And the pharmacy not answering the phone. My sister and her family brought over a chocolate cake with strawberry jam in the middle. I had a very small piece. They gave me a singing birthday card and a $25 Starbucks gift card and a $25 Amazon gift card. Both of which I'll save since I am trying not to drink coffee and I bought everything on Amazon with my $75 christmas gift card that I finally got refunded on Thursday. But yeah this is my kind of birthday celebration. Especially with covid and how I've been eating and feeling lately. No resturants or actual food. Just a small piece of cake and and a couple gift cards and a few hours just hanging out at home with the family.

But I miss my old therapist so so badly and I wish I knew why. I am getting a higher level of care and am making more progress with my current T yet I just can't let go of my old one and I don't know why. But my heart hurts right now because I miss her so badly.

I'm wondering if I am feeling this way because this coming wednesday is the one year anniversary of me telling her about my transference and how we decided at that session that it was best I move on to someone else.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny Today was alright, I got to spend time with both of my sisters, just the three of us for the first time in…. Years. I have an appt tomorrow with my gp and I’m thinking I’ll go back to work on Wednesday but I’m very worried about it. I don’t want to be off any longer but equally, I don’t want to rush back and end up in a worse situation. I don’t see my psychiatrist until the 2nd March. She wants me to stay off longer but I just don’t know.

She wants you to stay off what longer?

There are several of us here who have 2 sisters. I think those of us who do are the youngest. Are you an oldest, middle, or youngest?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ... I'm wondering if I am feeling this way because this coming wednesday is the one year anniversary of me telling her about my transference and how we decided at that session that it was best I move on to someone else.

That's probably what's happening, why you are missing her now.

Coming back from the car wash I saw a tree in full bloom! Covered with pink-white blossoms. I'm thinking it must be an almond tree, as they are the first ones to bloom.

I'm worrying a bit about my son. Probably unnecessarily. He's very health-conscious about food and exercise. He had blood labs done recently, though, and his red blood platelets were high. Could be just a fluke. He saw his GP, who is sending Noah for more testing. I messaged Noah and asked what other tests? So I'm waiting for his answer. *sigh* Adult children. Mothering adult children will, I swear, be the death of me.

The funny thing is all these anniversarys are happening on days that I have sessions with my current therapist since my therapy is now on Wednesdays instead of Tuesdays. So I can discuss this with her then and hopefully feel better. I know I already made peace with Christmas 2020 and my birthday by making an effort to have a better Christmas 2021 and a better birthday this year.

@BethRags
Honestly I think you’re right. If he was still losing weight then I would definitely be taking him but I weighed him again today and he’s still around 13lbs, a little over actually. That means he’s held his weight steady for three weeks now, at what I believe to be a healthy weight. He was 16 pounds before all this and the vet said he was overweight at that point.

I really don’t want to take off if I don’t have to considering I’m going to have to take off for at least two appointments for myself. Probably more for testing for my possible gallbladder issue. I can’t put off my appointments though, I’ve put off the stomach pain for years and I can’t anymore. It’s really not a good idea.

Feeling really depressed today been crying off and all today. The only good I have today is I am not suicidal.

I got some stuff done today!!! It didn't go super smoothly as i am dozing in the daytime and don't like going out into the building after dark, but it's the only time i'm awake enough. Anyways i powered thru the anxiety and did laundry, trash, tidying and took a shower! I also got my dog out at the end of the afternoon. It's always a struggle but it's a joy to see her run around out there!

Great kid !!!

Sorry about the migraine.

Just something to think about .. most people do feel like crap when going Keto and then add in fasting ?? Your body might just be cranky about it.

Hope you feel better soon

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Keep being kind to yourself

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Well 2 days of sunny skies and 2 more on the way before I have to going to appt so fingers crossed I won’t get stuck again when I come home. I hope not I’ll have a 50lb bag of dog food to get in the house.

Since my Pdoc retired I have a NP and she had the personality of a Turnip at our first appt. Maybe this appt she will improve to a cabbage ?!! I’ve accepted the fact that the days of good care for the medical aspect of my Bipolar care is gone.

I really do need to make calls and get on some waiting lists. I’ve just not had the gumption of driving into town to get a cell signal.

To be honest I am really struggling with Steve gone. I simply have way too much time on my hands I guess. I’m sure it’s just the unknown of when he will come back home that has me unsettled. Every other time he’s been gone we have know when he’s coming home.

He’s also struggling because he doesn’t know what is going on either. Cindy is about the same altho CT scan some blood is being absorbed but it also shows she has pneumonia so that’s being treated. It’s not a surprise since she’s on a vent.

His oldest son and his wife split up and Ryan is pretty much losing it. We are really worried about him. He started telehealth sessions with a Therapist. Of course it’s not the same as in person but at least it’s something.

I hope everyone has a good start of the week

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I'm going to go to my sister's baby shower. I was able to fill 2 bags for $10/each we got 34 items. I also got a play mat.

That's great MM! I hope you have fun.

I'm sorry you and your family are going through so much these days @~Christina. It seems "it never rains, but pours." Did you ever get your car unstuck?

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Well 2 days of sunny skies and 2 more on the way before I have to going to appt so fingers crossed I won’t get stuck again when I come home. I hope not I’ll have a 50lb bag of dog food to get in the house. Since my Pdoc retired I have a NP and she had the personality of a Turnip at our first appt. Maybe this appt she will improve to a cabbage ?!! I’ve accepted the fact that the days of good care for the medical aspect of my Bipolar care is gone. I really do need to make calls and get on some waiting lists. I’ve just not had the gumption of driving into town to get a cell signal. To be honest I am really struggling with Steve gone. I simply have way too much time on my hands I guess. I’m sure it’s just the unknown of when he will come back home that has me unsettled. Every other time he’s been gone we have know when he’s coming home. He’s also struggling because he doesn’t know what is going on either. Cindy is about the same altho CT scan some blood is being absorbed but it also shows she has pneumonia so that’s being treated. It’s not a surprise since she’s on a vent. His oldest son and his wife split up and Ryan is pretty much losing it. We are really worried about him. He started telehealth sessions with a Therapist. Of course it’s not the same as in person but at least it’s something. I hope everyone has a good start of the week Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

A turnip...could we have the same NP? A cabbage is to be hoped for.....

It can be so unnerving when the husband is away, with no sure idea of when he'll return. I would feel as you do.

I want you to know that you are in my thoughts, in my prayers, and as always- I'm sending love

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom I'm going to go to my sister's baby shower. I was able to fill 2 bags for $10/each we got 34 items. I also got a play mat.

How fun! Does she know the gender of the baby?

My husband and I finally got home yesterday early evening from Salzburg, Austria. Some nice aspects, some lesser. I'm glad to be home, but currently sitting (cold) in my car waiting for Hubby to finish with his eye appointment. Three hours, and counting. I can't go in because of covid restrictions. Not interested in a cafe. He has a neurologist appointment tomorrow. I hope he goes alone. I just want a day with nothing to do, preferably in a different room than him for a while.

I created flashcards on an app for my new Czech vocabulary. I'm waiting for my textbook to arrive. Hopefully tomorrow or Wednesday. I also got a new battery for my laptop. It sucked using Hubby's. My first online class was miserable between having it in a hotel room, with someone else's laptop, no book, Hubby using the hairdryer for part of it, and the usual first class anxiety. I kept calling the teacher "Jana" when her name is "Veronika". Whoops!

Thanks @BethRags aww lovely, Im the middle.
And she (my psychiatrist) wants me to stay off work a bit longer but I don't want to. She told me to stay off until Im much much better and just forget about work. My GP said she would sign me off however long but I think Id rather go back sooner. Its just difficult to judge when you feel rubbish isnt it?

Im so sorry your Pdoc retired, its so rubbish when they move on or retire. Do you have to find a new one yourself?

Im sorry to hear about your son too, at least he has reached out for some help. I hope he feels better as soon as possible.

Sending you warm regards.

Well Im still off work, feeling really rubbish with no motivation. Thank goodness for my dog, he's the reason I get out of bed. We went for a nice training walk today and hes making excellent progress, not pulling on the lead for most of the time.
I really want to go down and see my fiance but I dont want his Mum or her friends/neighbours to know Im off work. Im too ashamed. I suppose Ill have to wait until the weekend.
Other than that Im just trying to do all the things Ive learned in therapy. Its so hard when all I want to do is sleep. I do feel Ive made a bit of progress on the new medication but its slow progress and I think I need the dose put up.

I hope everyone is having as good a day as possible!