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  #801  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 03:56 PM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags View Post


I literally just typed your name. UGGGGHHHH! That seriously SUCKS. All I can say is, time passes. I hope you can occupy your day so the time passes more quickly
I just ate some roast beef ramen which calmed my nerves a bit since I didn't eat much today and I feel somewhat better now. I think if I can try to sleep without my music, tonight will be better. If I can concentrate in the morning I can finish watching a TV show that just finished up last night. I think I have 3 episodes left. Poor concentration is a symptom of the condtion I am concerned I have that the blood levels indicate is a possibilty. Which I'm also wondering is why I got so confused on the dates. If I just wasn't paying enough attention.
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  #802  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 04:01 PM
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I really hope it goes as well as possible tomorrow! Ill be thinking of you @Mountaindewed
Thank you!
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  #803  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 04:55 PM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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I'm at my dad's place now in the southern part of the state in a city. I'm here just in time for a major snow storm, supposed to get about a foot of snow. I just need a change of scenery for a bit, tomorrow I'll make the calls to switch CMHCs. I'll probably need to do an intake evaluation here, but hopefully it won't take too long. I can still see my NP and T since that was all telehealth anyways, but the point in moving is to get better help. I do feel at risk as my dad is actively in the grips of addiction along with soooo many other people here (I think it's the worst city in the state for that), but I mean I was hanging out with mostly addicts at my mom's, at least I don't have the connections here. Tomorrow's going to mark 11 months clean for me.

So yeah, I basically moved today (not that I brought much stuff).
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"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
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"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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  #804  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 05:29 PM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
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I know its not the same thing at all, but my surgeon seemed super hesitant to do my surgery because of my size and I was already at the preop appointment and I had the ok from the insurance and the surgery was in a week. But at the preop he kept talking about my size and how much tissue there was and how involved it would be. I was worried I'd be sent to one of the bigger hospitals and would have to start over. He did the surgery and after kept saying how great it looked. He seemed pretty proud of the work he did.

But I feel for you BeyondtheRainbow. I hope you get it done fast.
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  #805  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 05:45 PM
Anonymous41462
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@Sapien:

Early congratulations on your eleven months clean tomorrow! Hope the move to your dad's works out for you!
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  #806  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 07:16 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinny View Post
Oh Im so sorry youre still struggling with insomnia, @BethRags

My sister had terrible insomnia on Sertraline/ Zoloft, she had to keep the dose down because she couldnt sleep on a higher dose. Do you take it in the morning? Its usually prescribed in this country in the morning becuase of the effect it can have on sleep.

I LOVE the sound of your purple bed sheets Bamboo material is so nice, I really like my bamboo socks! But I can imagine it might accumulate lots of animal hair...

Im really upset about the whole situation in the Ukraine too and I wish for things to be very different. Its so scary and I hope people stay safe. Theres so much more that I could say but it would make little difference.

Sending lots of hugs your way

Thank you, Pinny. Lots of hugs to you, too! The experience your sister had is helpful to me. I have been taking the Zoloft at night, but tonight I will skip the dose, then take it in the morning. If I recall correctly, when I was on Zoloft years ago I took it in the morning.

OMG, those sheets They are SO PURPLE.

I looked up petit basset griffon vendeen. Cute pups!
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  #807  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 07:34 PM
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tentoedsloth tentoedsloth is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags View Post


Here we go on the carousel ride, and we never even bought a ticket.

That statement would look good at the top of this thread.
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  #808  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 07:44 PM
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otroo otroo is offline
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Really down in the dumps today. The only good thing I have to say about today is I started back on all my medications today. I even put them all in one of those pill organizers lol.
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  #809  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 07:52 PM
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tentoedsloth tentoedsloth is offline
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@Sapien

Wow, you got out there and got it done, didn't you? Admirable drive and activity. I probably would have discussed it with myself for months. I hope it goes very well for you.
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  #810  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 07:59 PM
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tentoedsloth tentoedsloth is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otroo View Post
Really down in the dumps today. The only good thing I have to say about today is I started back on all my medications today. I even put them all in one of those pill organizers lol.
Sorry it wasn't a good day. Maybe tomorrow....

I had to do that too, just over a week ago--go back on medication. It's disappointing, but it seems to be a fact of our lives, at least for now, probably for a long time.

I ordered an am/pm pill organizer, because the lamotrigine is a little bit stimulating for me, and the mirtazapine is somewhat sedating, and I hate it when I take them at the wrong times (only happened once but that was enough.)
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  #811  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 08:09 PM
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I did some Stinkin' Thinkin' this afternoon. That's where i feel down and lonely and bored. It occurred to me that i am just enduring life. Then i got my @$$ in gear and played Scrabble and guess what big play i got:
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  #812  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 08:13 PM
Anonymous41462
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@BethRags:

That's a great quote, about the carousel. The late American author David Foster Wallace wrote a similar line about addicts:

"What a wild ride this is, that none of them signed up for."
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
  #813  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 08:19 PM
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tentoedsloth tentoedsloth is offline
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My check-in for Thursday: This was an okay day, not great because my worry thoughts kept coming back, but still, okay--good enough to continue to try things and to hope.

I was hoping that going back on the medicine would cancel out those thoughts, the way it did before, but it hasn't yet. I'm not sure whether to treat it as regular OCD or just a side effect of untreated bipolar. If it's plain OCD, you're supposed to "sit with" those thoughts until they bother you less. I've done that some but hate to waste my time that way if the medicine is going to knock them out soon. It's not stuff I used to think about at all, before my mind went hyper on me..

Still, it was a good enough day; if I had stayed with my schedule it might have been better, but there was something not on the schedule that I had to do this morning, and my cousin called in the early evening, which was nice, but not on the schedule (I always planned to ditch the schedule when a really good social occasion is offered). And I'm still being a bit slow and lazy; the schedule isn't new any more, and it's considerable work. The house looks better though. Maybe I'll get the energy back tomorrow.

Saturday I can increase the lamotrigine--it's a medicine that you have to increase very slowly, which I guess is why a lot of people don't try it, and the doctors don't always prescribe it. It's very hard to wait that long--the increases are supposed to be every 2 weeks, starting at 25 mg. It usually starts to be effective, for SOME people (me included), at 100; other people need more.
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  #814  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 09:04 PM
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otroo otroo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tentoedsloth View Post
Sorry it wasn't a good day. Maybe tomorrow....


I had to do that too, just over a week ago--go back on medication. It's disappointing, but it seems to be a fact of our lives, at least for now, probably for a long time.


I ordered an am/pm pill organizer, because the lamotrigine is a little bit stimulating for me, and the mirtazapine is somewhat sedating, and I hate it when I take them at the wrong times (only happened once but that was enough.)
Yeah I can understand that. I have this one diabetic medication that accidently took it at night and it made my blood sugars drop while I was sleeping it it actually woke me up. And thank you for the well wishes.
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  #815  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 09:15 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tentoedsloth View Post
That statement would look good at the top of this thread.

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  #816  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 09:17 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otroo View Post
Really down in the dumps today. The only good thing I have to say about today is I started back on all my medications today. I even put them all in one of those pill organizers lol.

Pill organizers are really so helpful.
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  #817  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 09:26 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tentoedsloth View Post
My check-in for Thursday: This was an okay day, not great because my worry thoughts kept coming back, but still, okay--good enough to continue to try things and to hope.

I was hoping that going back on the medicine would cancel out those thoughts, the way it did before, but it hasn't yet. I'm not sure whether to treat it as regular OCD or just a side effect of untreated bipolar. If it's plain OCD, you're supposed to "sit with" those thoughts until they bother you less. I've done that some but hate to waste my time that way if the medicine is going to knock them out soon. It's not stuff I used to think about at all, before my mind went hyper on me..

Still, it was a good enough day; if I had stayed with my schedule it might have been better, but there was something not on the schedule that I had to do this morning, and my cousin called in the early evening, which was nice, but not on the schedule (I always planned to ditch the schedule when a really good social occasion is offered). And I'm still being a bit slow and lazy; the schedule isn't new any more, and it's considerable work. The house looks better though. Maybe I'll get the energy back tomorrow.

Saturday I can increase the lamotrigine--it's a medicine that you have to increase very slowly, which I guess is why a lot of people don't try it, and the doctors don't always prescribe it. It's very hard to wait that long--the increases are supposed to be every 2 weeks, starting at 25 mg. It usually starts to be effective, for SOME people (me included), at 100; other people need more.

In my experience whether that type of thoughts is OCD or bipolar disorder they come from the same source, which is anxiety. I kept being told to sit with my thoughts, etc., etc., which I understand can be helpful at times. But. Finally, my pdoc agreed to try to treat "those thoughts" (anxiety). She prescribed Zoloft and Gabapentin and my anxiety level dropped dramatically. Much of the power of the unwanted, intrusive thoughts dissipated.


Yes, that slow increase that has to be done with Lamictal takes patience, and it's not easy. Hang in there
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  #818  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 10:27 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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Oh @BeyondtheRainbow, I am so sorry! That’s terrible that they couldn’t have decided that sooner! Just to pull the rug out from under your like that

Hopefully you won’t have to wait too long for the actual surgery. Glad you were able to get the procedure you were dreading over with though!
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That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
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  #819  
Old Feb 24, 2022, 10:56 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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So. I stayed home from work. Dosed myself with seroquel and Xanax repeatedly but still SH, because it had to be done, I cannot resist my brain even though it is separate from myself and I can usually keep it under control.

I have no control over my behavior. I saw my pdoc and she strongly recommended IP but said if I really didn’t wish to go I had to go to an IOP. So I called the IOP I was in before. Well, they don’t have an intake appt available until March 9 and I won’t be able to start until two weeks after that. So a month before I’d get any help.

That leaves me with trying to struggle through work because I clearly can’t be left home alone, or going IP.

RS and I have spent hours talking about it. Neither of us wants me IP. We don’t want to be away from each other (including my son for me). However I was honest with him. Based on my behavior at work yesterday, and my behavior at home today, neither place is going to be a viable option for the next month. In fact, due to my habit of pushing myself to the breaking point before going IP, I will likely end up there anyway AFTER I’ve seriously hurt myself in some way.

I told RS that there’s no point in going tomorrow. The regular IP doctors are not there on weekends so I would be wasting my time getting no Help. RS Is going to stay home with me tomorrow and then it’s Saturday when both my boys are home so I won’t be alone then either. If I am still out of control by Sunday RS will take me to the ER Sunday afternoon where I will likely be admitted (I swear at this point they just see my name come through and automatically admit me before even talking to me!). It is a painful decision but I absolutely cannot continue like this for another month. I will seriously hurt myself. Possibly worse, if only accidentally. At least I’ll have time to say a proper goodbye to my son to reassure him that I’ll be ok and I’ll be seeing him soon.

I know how I feel within a half hour of waking up so I’ll know pretty immediately on Sunday whether I’m still feeling agitated and angry.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
-Albus Dumbledore

That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
-Garden State
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  #820  
Old Feb 25, 2022, 12:05 AM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 View Post
So. I stayed home from work. Dosed myself with seroquel and Xanax repeatedly but still SH, because it had to be done, I cannot resist my brain even though it is separate from myself and I can usually keep it under control.

I have no control over my behavior. I saw my pdoc and she strongly recommended IP but said if I really didn’t wish to go I had to go to an IOP. So I called the IOP I was in before. Well, they don’t have an intake appt available until March 9 and I won’t be able to start until two weeks after that. So a month before I’d get any help.

That leaves me with trying to struggle through work because I clearly can’t be left home alone, or going IP.

RS and I have spent hours talking about it. Neither of us wants me IP. We don’t want to be away from each other (including my son for me). However I was honest with him. Based on my behavior at work yesterday, and my behavior at home today, neither place is going to be a viable option for the next month. In fact, due to my habit of pushing myself to the breaking point before going IP, I will likely end up there anyway AFTER I’ve seriously hurt myself in some way.

I told RS that there’s no point in going tomorrow. The regular IP doctors are not there on weekends so I would be wasting my time getting no Help. RS Is going to stay home with me tomorrow and then it’s Saturday when both my boys are home so I won’t be alone then either. If I am still out of control by Sunday RS will take me to the ER Sunday afternoon where I will likely be admitted (I swear at this point they just see my name come through and automatically admit me before even talking to me!). It is a painful decision but I absolutely cannot continue like this for another month. I will seriously hurt myself. Possibly worse, if only accidentally. At least I’ll have time to say a proper goodbye to my son to reassure him that I’ll be ok and I’ll be seeing him soon.

I know how I feel within a half hour of waking up so I’ll know pretty immediately on Sunday whether I’m still feeling agitated and angry.

I commend you for your acceptance, and for your practical, smart planning. I agree that 1 more month is dangerously long. I believe that you do need to go IP, and I also believe that when you do you'll be able to relax and get the help you need and deserve. Watching you unravel over this past 6 weeks has been so sad and very worrisome.
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  #821  
Old Feb 25, 2022, 03:37 AM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tentoedsloth View Post
Sorry it wasn't a good day. Maybe tomorrow....

I had to do that too, just over a week ago--go back on medication. It's disappointing, but it seems to be a fact of our lives, at least for now, probably for a long time.

I ordered an am/pm pill organizer, because the lamotrigine is a little bit stimulating for me, and the mirtazapine is somewhat sedating, and I hate it when I take them at the wrong times (only happened once but that was enough.)
I just ordered a morning noon and night pill organizer the other week because I was getting so confused with my meds. Its been very helpful.
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  #822  
Old Feb 25, 2022, 04:46 AM
Soupe du jour Soupe du jour is offline
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I just ordered a morning noon and night pill organizer the other week because I was getting so confused with my meds. Its been very helpful.
I definitely second that these are helpful. Honestly, I'd be in a world of hurt if I didn't have them. Plus, I would hate having to remove pills from all of the bottles each day as I have so many bottles. I even have two weeks worth of the morning/evening boxes. I fill them all every other week as sometimes a week seems to fly by after which I often procrastinate filling the boxes.

Unlike in the US, Czech pharmacies almost always fill meds in push out packaging. That's so inconvenient that every so often I sit and literally push out dozens of pills in one sitting and put them in bottles I reserved from the past. Though inconvenient, the extreme cost savings of medications in CZ is worth the effort. In most cases, my meds here have zero co-pay. When they do, the co-pay is ridiculously low.
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Dx: Bipolar type 1

Psych Medications:
* Tegretol XR (carbamazepine ER) 800 mg
* Lamictal (lamotrigine) 150 mg
* Seroquel XR (quetiapine ER) 500 mg

I also take meds for blood pressure, cholesterol, and tachycardia.
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  #823  
Old Feb 25, 2022, 07:10 AM
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Pinny Pinny is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soupe du jour View Post
I definitely second that these are helpful. Honestly, I'd be in a world of hurt if I didn't have them. Plus, I would hate having to remove pills from all of the bottles each day as I have so many bottles. I even have two weeks worth of the morning/evening boxes. I fill them all every other week as sometimes a week seems to fly by after which I often procrastinate filling the boxes.

Unlike in the US, Czech pharmacies almost always fill meds in push out packaging. That's so inconvenient that every so often I sit and literally push out dozens of pills in one sitting and put them in bottles I reserved from the past. Though inconvenient, the extreme cost savings of medications in CZ is worth the effort. In most cases, my meds here have zero co-pay. When they do, the co-pay is ridiculously low.
Yeah we get our meds in push out packets in the UK too.
Maybe I should think about getting an organiser. Ive almost missed ordering my meds a couple of times recently so I almost ran out which isnt like me.

We get our prescriptions for free in scotland which is really good.
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  #824  
Old Feb 25, 2022, 07:11 AM
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I slept well, as usual. Just away to go shopping. Im thinking about cancelling on my friend tonight. I feel bad but I just dont think I have the energy to stay up late unless she agrees to do something earlier. Maybe Ill ask her if we can hang out a little earlier.

Im making tacos for my family tomorrow so Im going to pick up all the things I need. My granny is in a bit of a dip with her mood, she definitely has an undiagnosed mood disorder. Hopefully she will still come tomorrow too but I have a feeling she is going to cancel.

Theres also a market on sunday that I want to try and get to, I think my mum said she might come with me. Its a "Slow Living" sustainable/local/vegetarian etc. It sounds really good, over 40 stalls. There is a yoga workshop which sounds really good but it's sold out. My Mum wont like it but Im already prepared for that.

Anyway, I think Im feeling better each day, the hypersomnia hasnt been getting to me quite so much, Im trying to remind myself its a slow process, recovering, so I just need to be patient. Im trying to do everything I can to help myself.

I had some horrible dreams about Ukraine and Russia last night. I feel so sad for the people of Ukraine, it's just so awful. I can only imagine how horrible it must feel to be there.

I hope everyone has had a good sleep
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  #825  
Old Feb 25, 2022, 08:59 AM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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I am having a HARD time. I was fully warned by my therapist and others that this relationship could not have ended happily ever after and in fact would have descended into h$ll. I’m trying to keep busy and to move on and it’s nearly impossible. I am fighting myself not to return to him. I tell myself some pain now is a whole lot better than total devastation and possible danger later. The problem is that I really loved this guy and have never felt so loved, cared for or supported. It’s too bad there were so many other issues that could not be overcome.

I have 3 dates lined up but no stomach for it. Maybe I should focus only on recovery right now. I don’t know. I am thankful that I have a forum with which to work it out in. I really have appreciated the support I have received.

Still titrating off the lithium and then we’ll assess damage. My med provider relayed all this information to me. My doctor entirely missed the boat there.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day
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