Bipolar check-in #63

I’m up early for my GI appointment. I’m very nervous. I’m afraid this dr is going to call me fat and send me on my way with no tests as well. Especially because I’m back up to the original weight I was when I went in the first time. I gained so much from increased seroquel, and now the vraylar makes me insanely hungry. I’m still not at my heaviest but I feel very bad that I’ve let it get out of control.

The first GI dr was a real a-hole, that’s why it’s taken me 4 years to go back. At least I’m seeing a different dr. I made sure of that when I called.

After that I’m going to php.

I got a call last night from the blood doctors office wanting to set up an appointment. He is also an oncogolist which is slightly unsettling. They are sending me somewhere diffrent then my normal doctors office. Its another medical office. I'm worried its the cancer center. I thought this appointment wasn't supposed to be until May. Thats what I thought I was told. So I thought I had a decent break before things started up again. I wasn't even worried until they called last night. I thought my physical health was pretty good and didn't need anymore attention. At least until May. But it sucks being barely 29 and and having a therapist, a primary doctor, an endocronoglist, a pdoc, a kidney doctor, and a blood doctor despite not being overweight or having diabetes. I was legit more healthy at 236 pounds then I am now at 160.

I have the appointment set up for next Monday but she had earlier times so I'm going to see if I can get in sooner since anticpatory anxiey sucks.

I don’t know about in the US but over here all Haematologists (blood dr) also seem to be cancer specialists and a lot work in cancer centres. I used to see a haematologist a lot at 2 different hospitals and it was at a cancer centre at both hospitals. Always made me feel bad going there seeing people who were pretty sick. But heaps of people go to these places like me who don’t have cancer. Try not to stress!

I am feeling the agitated depression today. It's not particularly severe and I am going to challenge myself by not cancelling todays plans (therapy session and hanging out with bf). It's like I want to just lay down and sleep forever but instead I'm restless and irritable.

Edit: Today my therapist informed me they're adding "substance use disorder-in remission" to my diagnoses!

I didn't realize until like a few years ago that you can now only buy Jewish food during Jewish holidays. When I was a kid you could buy it all year round. My dad was Jewish so I was used to eating matzo crackers and matzo ball soup and stuff like that. Then when I tried looking for it awhile after my dad died I couldnt find it. Today I figured I'd try looking for it since Passover is coming up but I thought I might still be a bit early since Passover isnt until the end of April. But I found a whole section of matzo crackers, matzo ball soup, macarons, and I even found kosher Coke you can tell is different because it has a yellow cap. I didn't even know that was a thing until the other day. But its sweetened with some other type of sweetener besides high fructose corn syrup and its only avaliable during Passover. So its super limited. But yeah it was an interesting grocery trip. I guess they have all this stuff out now so people can stock up before. Its a good thing I didn't wait any longer I suppose. I also went back to the used clothes store and got a pair of Old Navy jeans with the tags still on them and a pair of Nike shorts.

10TS- please don't leave! Misunderstandings happen.

I had my ultrasound appointment this morning. Drinking the water and having to pee wasn't as bad/urgent as I thought it would be. The procedure itself was ok. She did an internal ultrasound and that was mildly uncomfortable but the transabdominal one was only uncomfortable because she was pressing on my bladder. We shall see what it says.

I'm sorry everyone for being an asshole yesterday. I truly just misunderstood things. I truly am sorry and I did not mean to cause anyone to leave the forums. I can be a jackass sometimes but I'm not an evil person. But I'm sorry if it came across that way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed This is the part I got upset at "that because of your delicate little persnickety feelings another human being shouldn't live a good life?"

10ts meant that toward the people who are opposed to people who are different from themselves. For example, "I am straight and I'm a woman. I don't get why anyone would want to be gay or why they want to be a different gender." Then I could say to that person, "So because of your persnickety little feelings another human being shouldn't live a good life?"

Does that make sense, or no?

I hope I'm helping

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I'm sorry everyone for being an asshole yesterday. I truly just misunderstood things. I truly am sorry and I did not mean to cause anyone to leave the forums. I can be a jackass sometimes but I'm not an evil person. But I'm sorry if it came across that way.

No, you are not and do not act "evil." You are amazing

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I’m up early for my GI appointment. I’m very nervous. I’m afraid this dr is going to call me fat and send me on my way with no tests as well. Especially because I’m back up to the original weight I was when I went in the first time. I gained so much from increased seroquel, and now the vraylar makes me insanely hungry. I’m still not at my heaviest but I feel very bad that I’ve let it get out of control. The first GI dr was a real a-hole, that’s why it’s taken me 4 years to go back. At least I’m seeing a different dr. I made sure of that when I called. After that I’m going to php.

Some doctors (my GP) are such asses. Too many really do not comprehend the damage AP's can do to our bodies.

Let us know how it goes, wfc

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 I had my ultrasound appointment this morning. Drinking the water and having to pee wasn't as bad/urgent as I thought it would be. The procedure itself was ok. She did an internal ultrasound and that was mildly uncomfortable but the transabdominal one was only uncomfortable because she was pressing on my bladder. We shall see what it says.

Ooh, yeah. I remember all too well those hold-your-enormous-amount-of-pee ultrasounds. Glad you made it through! Of course, let us know of your results

Running to the store. Not *actually* running - wish I was. Actually, driving to the store.

Big loves, I will be back later.

I am on a roll of stupid things I've done this past year. Yesterday I dodged a bullet. But today I was right back to being an idiot. When I went for my ultrasound she told me I could finally go pee. So up I went. When I got back- the bathroom was right next door- I realized that I'd left my purse in the room with the ultrasound tech! I hope nothing happened. Nothing was physically stolen, but I can't help but think that what if she got into my purse and screen shorted my cards in my wallet? It's possible, right? I hope I'm just being paranoid! I'm so mad at myself for being a complete idiot yet again!

I went back last night and reread it a couple times and then it made sense. So yes it makes sense now. I just misunderstood at the time.

The toilet clogged while I was doing a urine sample at my gynecoglist. I was fumbling with the bag and the sample and trying to wash my hands all while the water was starting to overfill. I swear its just never a good time for me at that place.

I'd take this over the incredibly stupid idiotic thing I did today!

Ok so I only took 3mg of vraylar today to see if it was going to help the spasm/restlessness and I think it was a bad idea? I’m super irritable again. I got so mad and exasperated in group, which was ironic because it was anger management lol. I’m just mad I have to sit through these damn skills groups again. But I guess it’s not that bad bc it’s different members so I guess we’ll have different discussions. Also I’m a little paranoid today, just like I don’t want people behind me and stuff like that. I’m planning to walk to get my son but I’m not sure I’ll be comfortable. When RS comes home we’ll all walk together again.

I just didn’t think one day of 3mg would do anything, I was planning on taking it for a few days (after dr approval as I see her tomorrow) and I thought since it has such a long half life it wouldn’t bother me.

My GI appt went very well though. I asked to see a different dr and she was very nice and is actually going to do a test! The other one just dx’ed me with GERD and sent me on my way. I’m having an endoscopy at the end of June to see if the pain is from an ulcer and if not she’ll do another ultrasound to look at my gallbladder and liver. I’m a little nervous about the endoscopy because of the anesthesia, it’s only light sedation but it’s the same kind as ECT and it will remind me of that.

I’m gonna relax for a bit (or at least try).

It has been a productive day I have a new med manager I am meeting up with next week I also went on shutterfly and put together a tribute book for my wife I am going to give them to family and a friend or two. It really was hard to go through those pictures I cried a lot.

I failed last week with my goal of taking a shower twice a week but I have kept my house clean since the girls cleaned out so I'll take it as a break even situation lol. I am now getting ready to shower now. I really appreciate the support you all have given me thank you.

Sent from my LM-T600 using Tapatalk

Try not to worry about the anesthesia being just like when you had ECT. This is a different procedure.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I didn't realize until like a few years ago that you can now only buy Jewish food during Jewish holidays. When I was a kid you could buy it all year round. My dad was Jewish so I was used to eating matzo crackers and matzo ball soup and stuff like that. Then when I tried looking for it awhile after my dad died I couldnt find it. Today I figured I'd try looking for it since Passover is coming up but I thought I might still be a bit early since Passover isnt until the end of April. But I found a whole section of matzo crackers, matzo ball soup, macarons, and I even found kosher Coke you can tell is different because it has a yellow cap. I didn't even know that was a thing until the other day. But its sweetened with some other type of sweetener besides high fructose corn syrup and its only avaliable during Passover. So its super limited. But yeah it was an interesting grocery trip. I guess they have all this stuff out now so people can stock up before. Its a good thing I didn't wait any longer I suppose. I also went back to the used clothes store and got a pair of Old Navy jeans with the tags still on them and a pair of Nike shorts.

I grew up eating all the old-fashioned traditional Jewish foods. I loved them. Most of it is hard to find anymore and much of it has garbage-ey ingredients. I don't know if I've ever had kosher Coke, but maybe I did in Israel - the Coke there was so much better than here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 I am on a roll of stupid things I've done this past year. Yesterday I dodged a bullet. But today I was right back to being an idiot. When I went for my ultrasound she told me I could finally go pee. So up I went. When I got back- the bathroom was right next door- I realized that I'd left my purse in the room with the ultrasound tech! I hope nothing happened. Nothing was physically stolen, but I can't help but think that what if she got into my purse and screen shorted my cards in my wallet? It's possible, right? I hope I'm just being paranoid! I'm so mad at myself for being a complete idiot yet again!

I PM'ed you.

The Passover Coke for sure tasted diffrently then the Coke they have out all year. I got some chocolate covered matzo crackers I'm interested in trying. I've never seen them before. Yeah all this stuff is hard to find now when its not Passover. But my mom would fix matzo ball soup and gifelte fish all year round when my dad was around before 2014. I am not religious but I have been told that being Jewish is also an ethnicity as well. Which I do agree with and I do take after my dads side of the family more then my moms. It used to bother me a lot since I didn't really like my dads side of the family but I am proud of it now. The middle name I am choosing for myself is a biblical name that reminds me of my grandma on my dads side.

I was offered an interview for field study practicum for my SWK program!!!!!! I’m so excited.

Brilliant! Well done @HALLIEBETH87