Bipolar check-in #63

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Well my husband and I were up until 630 am. Our taxes are due by next week and we have been struggling with how to pay them. We finally settled on using our 2 credit cards which have low balances but that will leave you with zero available money for an emergency but we have no choice.

As for fixing the truck Steve estimates at least 1500.00 him doing all the work which will require he pull entire engine out ! What a nightmare it’s become.

I’ve been having to bath my dog Sirius every 2-3 days he’s been scratching himself like crazy. It’s not fleas but it looks like mange! If it is NO IDEA how he has it. It’s a strong medicated shampoo that has to be lathered up and left on for 20 mins then rinsed. This is a huge chore he’s 70-75 lbs and long hair. I just want him to feel better.

My stress is just unchartedable ! I woke to my teeth and jaw incredibly sore from clenching and grinding my teeth which is not common for me.

I just want to pay the taxes somehow be able to start working on the truck. Things have just been frantic like since Cindy had that devastating aneurysm mid January and Steve being gone over 6 weeks.

I will say our weather has been amazing ! I’m back on the porch a lot of the day and windows open to air out my home. It just so yuck when all shut up for winter. We certainly aren’t over with winter yet. But getting such a nice break is amazing !

My Fitbit continues to be one of my best investments. I tracking glucose and food intake it’s very simple I just scan barcodes or do a simple search to find what we are eating and it saves all info. I’m working hard to keep my calories daily at 850-900 a day. Between that and my pushing myself to get out and moving daily but ….. my diabetic medication side effect can be weight gain and then psych meds ! I should certainly be losing but at least I’m not gaining. Ugh tho.

Wow I have sure rambled eeek ! Anyone that’s hung in I thank you

Hugs and sugar free chocolate chip cookies to everyone ~

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I've been up since midnight acting like I have diabetes by chugging 2 bottles of water and a can of soda then pissing like a racehorse all night and still being thirsty. But I'm not hungry and I havent been for a long time and I thought with diabetes you were ravenous. I got a friend request from my bigoted very obese (she was like 400 pounds the last time I saw her) cousin who does not like me and does not hide it from my other family members. Plus shes a jack *** to some of them too. She unfriended me in late 2015 for some reason unclear to me. I'm not sure why she friended me last night after almost 7 years. If she's trying to change her ways or if she's trying to use me for something. She had mentioned to one of my cousins about trying to get back into the family. Even her own parents don't want anything to do with her. I looked at her friends list and very few family members are friends with her. My mom, my aunt, and my sister are not. So I probably will just ignore the request as well. I don't really feel comfortable having her see all my stuff anyways. She was really rude to me at my dads funeral and that stuff you just don't forget. I just feel like theres some kind of ulterior motive behind her friending me after 7 years. She's a bit of a naricisst and pretty manipulative despite almost being 40.

My doctors appointment is in a few hours and my anxiety sucks even with the valium I took earlier. Of course I don't want food and I for sure don't want to watch The Today Show so I just have to deal with it until its time to leave.

@BethRags

I’m sorry your anxiety is so high! Anxiety is the worst. It’s a shame you injured yourself too. I do hope you were able to get some sun anyway. Saturday was gorgeous here but I was too upset to walk so I just sat outside and watched the birds build their nes in the birdhouse we have. I was sitting close to the bird feeder and a titmouse sat on the railing to our porch and chirped at me for a good 20 minutes to get me to move lol. Maybe if it’s still nice where you are you can just sit outside. Not sure what kind of living set up you have though, sometimes it’s hard to find a place to sit if you are in an apartment.

@~Christina

It is unfortunate and counterintuitive that a diabetes med should cause weight gain when losing weight often helps diabetes! If it’s type 2, I mean. It is great that your Fitbit is helping you so much. I had a very very cheap knock off that really only tracked steps (in metric so my silly imperial measurement brain couldn’t compute lol) so I stopped using it. Maybe investing in an actual real Fitbit would be a good idea for me!

Good morning everyone

Going grocery shopping in a little while. Planning on getting on the treadmill after that. I've lost 9lbs in the past month and a half so I'm very proud of myself. I cut wayyy back on sugar.

My kitty is being sweet. She licked my nose to wake me up today. Yesterday she woke me up by biting my feet lol She's growing a lot and very fast. It's hard to believe how little she was a when I got her compared to her size now.

I've been brushing my teeth with pronamel sensodyne toothpaste 2 times a day, flossing 2 times a day, and using flouride mouthwash 2 times a day. At the recommendation of my dentist to try and strengthen my enamel. Hopefully it helps. My next appointment is in May to get some fillings.

I've been feeling very good lately, very stable since my med increase. Little to no paranoia now, mood is better, etc.

Hope everyone has a good week

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So. Today was…not good. I dropped a glass and then


So now I feel like the biggest a-hole in the world. Like absolute trash. But it’s only me making me feel this way and I am f—-ing OVER IT.

My clinician in php offered to meet twice a week and walk around the building complex with me if I need it. She gave me some suggestions for when I feel super agitated and restless to get the bad energy out. I can’t always go for a walk, especially if it’s the middle of the night. She suggested throwing soft object at the wall, beating my pillow, trying to push the wall, etc. I’m going to try them. Apparently I can no longer control how badly I self harm. TBH I never really could but this proved it.

The urgent care dr and nurse were very nice, though. So often doctors scoff at people who come to them with self inflicted wounds. I had one say to me “why are you even here, it’s not like you care about scars”. These women both treated me with dignity and respect and I really appreciated it.

I’m feeling anxious about work tomorrow. It’s been so long since I’ve been in.
I don’t think I’m feeling as anxious as I expected though. I’ve been put right in at the deepend, even though occupational health said I should have some time for orientation.
Maybe that will be better for me- less time to worry

Other than that I’m having lots of stress dreams but that is to be expected. I just want to be able to have a normal sleep wake cycle.
Hopefully with work I’ll get back into having one!

I hope everyone is having a lovely evening!