Bipolar check-in #64

Now I am very anxious about my biopsy results. There is a slight chance of getting them tomorrow. That would be ideal as I have my pdoc in the evening and if anything bad is there she'd be helpful. It's more likely to be Tuesday or Wednesday or even Thursday. I hope they pop up in my patient portal before I get a call. I just want to read the answer before someone tells me so I can think about questions.

I'm not too anxious about the results themselves. I mean I am, of course I am, but even if this is clear I won't know if it is really clear until my surgical biopsy and the pathology from that.

I've been sleeping a ton since my procedure which happened before. Last night I fell asleep early and then woke at 2:30 and was up for a couple hours until I took klonopin. I really hope that doesn't happen tonight. I want to see my therapist in person but if I'm too sleepy I'll have to change to telehealth. Which I am grateful for but it's not the same.

One step at a time...

Beyondtherainbow I hope the results come before your pdoc appointment comes.

Thanks MM. My pdoc has had breast cancer so if my results are not good she'll know better than anyone in my life what to say. I've been so glad to have her during the last 3 months. She gets the hurry up and wait thing so well. So even if the results aren't back she'll understand and help. I'm just ready for some peace of mind, at least for the next few weeks until surgery.

I too hope the results will be there before you see your pdoc and that they are good results.

Orlando bloom and andie Macdowell and crew are in my small rural town this week filming scenes in my childhood church. ORLANDO BLOOM. WILL. BE TWO MILES FROM me!

That will be fun to see when it's done. Do they need any extras? My husband was an extra in a few movies in his youth, including the movie "Yentl" which was shot in Prague. Since then (actually even before) he's been one of Barbra Streisand's biggest fans.

I have 15 minutes left before I have to leave for swimming. Oh how I wish it were warm enough to just wear my warp to and from. I. Hate having to dress undress there. They only have 10 rooms otherwise you have to use the locker rooms. Umm no.

I tried the new melatonin last night. I only took one around 4 and I think before 6 I was out. I also had my oral sensory thing which I haven't used in a couple months ever since my therapist called me weird for using it. The thing is that thing really helps me. With my anxiety and also my sleep. I woke up at 11 to grab a package from the table and often I'm up for awhile if I wake up at 11 especially if I go to bed before 6. But I just used my coping skill and I was instantly back asleep until 2. I didn't need to take any other melatonins or anything. I wish she would be more accepting. Even if it doesn't float her boat, if it helps me not misuse meds or sleep poorly then she should be totally accepting of it. 5:45PM-2AM is a good sleep routine for me because whenever I do go back to work I plan on working the first shift which often starts between 5 and 6AM So those sleep hours are actually pretty good. I'm going to shoot another message to my doctor today to see whats up about going back on these meds. I had not mentally prepared for going for bloodwork today but I will if he wants me to.

No call for extras. My whole county Is buzzing as we are so small and in the rural area of my state.

Feeling good today -- better take advantage huh? Been a wild ride these past few days.

Talked to my aqua instructor, I’m signing up for an arthritis group, mostly sitting in chairs. And strength training. I might have gotten some other aqua members to come too. So exciting. Now when I can get signed up I have aqua fitness M-W-F at 9 and arthritis group at 11:30 the same days.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Ah, French! Ever see Amelie?

Yes! I saw it in the theater when it first came out. What a delightful film! I saw it again at home, but years ago. That's one I'll re-watch. I'm glad you reminded me. I really enjoy French films. I speak a teeny bit of French, my accent is decent, but the verb conjugation gets me. French is such a beautiful language.

Your arthritis class sounds absolutely wonderful. And GOOD for you for taking the classes! Oh, how I would love to do aqua fitness. This town could really use such a class.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Now I am very anxious about my biopsy results. There is a slight chance of getting them tomorrow. That would be ideal as I have my pdoc in the evening and if anything bad is there she'd be helpful. It's more likely to be Tuesday or Wednesday or even Thursday. I hope they pop up in my patient portal before I get a call. I just want to read the answer before someone tells me so I can think about questions. I'm not too anxious about the results themselves. I mean I am, of course I am, but even if this is clear I won't know if it is really clear until my surgical biopsy and the pathology from that. I've been sleeping a ton since my procedure which happened before. Last night I fell asleep early and then woke at 2:30 and was up for a couple hours until I took klonopin. I really hope that doesn't happen tonight. I want to see my therapist in person but if I'm too sleepy I'll have to change to telehealth. Which I am grateful for but it's not the same. One step at a time...

Absolutely - one step at a time. You must be emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. It's no wonder you're needing extra sleep.

I hope your results come into your portal first. I like your approach about being able to have time to form questions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 No call for extras. My whole county Is buzzing as we are so small and in the rural area of my state.

It is so much fun when a film is being made in your city or town! A few years ago, they did one on the street where my husband lives. John Travolta was there and people said he was really friendly. There was a huge, long table full of all sorts of beautiful foods and they encouraged neighbors to partake. David was delighted

I awoke at the usual time, 6:15, to test Sidney's glucose and give her her insulin shot. Then I went back to bed, as I usually do, to sleep for a couple of extra hours. I was lying down and had a miserable allergy attack, coughing and choked up and it would not stop. Ugh, I hate when that happens. After nearly an hour of coughing and clearing my throat I gave up, got out of bed, and here i am. I've decided I'm going to take some ZzzQuil and hopefully sleep for a few hours. I had an appointment scheduled with my therapist for this afternoon, but I cancelled. Besides being very tired I just don't really have anything to talk with her about, and it feels to me like such a long drive over there.

I did call my sister yesterday. She's 18 years older than I am (same parents). It was so good to talk with her. But when I hung up I sat and cried for a bit. She had a small stroke last summer and she's, I don't know, not the same. She's a very intelligent, bright woman and now she cannot recall a lot of information. Her conversational skills are impaired, as far as continuity...we'll be talking about something, then all of a sudden she jumps to an entirely different train of thought. Following her was difficult. I felt scared and so sad. But I had to pull myself up and be thankful for our time together during the call.

Well, it's (hopefully) back to sleep for me. Hugs all around.

I hope Pinny, Jane, and Christina check in today. It's been a while and I'm wondering how everyone is doing. And Blue - How did Miss M.'s spay go?

Oh Beth, that’s so sad about your sister. My sister in 12 years older. So yeah, hard. Have a good sleep.

Oh it’s definitely a huge deal haha the town has been posting all over about this all morning

That's too bad. It was real fun, for Hubby. His older brother was an extra in various Czech movies and even had a very small role in a very popular one. You can see my b-i-l (in the 1960s) at He's the guy in the front (4th from the left) wearing the sleeveless shirt in the initial picture. He's a good bit older than my husband, who is older than me. B-i-l is my dad's age. We'll be visiting both of them this month. His bro lives in Germany.

I watched a really good short documentary on Volodymr Zelensky on Youtube at It was about 34 minutes long.

Ok. Tell me if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I was at Old Navy today and a couple was heading into the fitting room and the guy said to the girl "want to go by yourself?" And she said "we can go together." And they went into a fitting room together. Ok I just found that to be super strange. But I'm not a prude. Like I watch reality TV shows with much worse stuff. So I'm like not sure why it bothered me so much. I know being off the testosterone can possibly change how I feel about certain things that being on it wouldn't have bugged me. But I didn't think being off it would have this big of an impact on how I thought of things. Unless that was a legit weird thing to do in public and my feelings are valid.

@BethRags Miss Mustachio didn’t get spayed yet, unfortunately their appointments are booked until June so I scheduled one for then. She’s doing well though, I have a scratching post I bought for her being delivered today so hopefully she likes that

This is the one I got her, it’s shaped like a cactus


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Sorry I haven't been super supportive of everyone especially lately. Things have been chaotic.
I wish I could see what my therapist saw when she said my meds were clearly not perfect. I don't think my drug use is indicative of an episode. I don't think me wanting out of my relationship is indicative of paranoia either.

Sending warm hugs all around

Oh, that’s a cute one. I need to get a new post, Sir has cut the rope into pieces and unwound it. He does love his posts.

I had my mammogram today. While I was still waiting my turn, my phone rang. It was my case manager telling me that we were supposed to meet at 1:00 today. (By this time, it was about 1:15.) I said, I thought that was tomorrow? Then she said something about not knowing what the date is and said "see you tomorrow". The mammogram itself was uneventful as far as I can tell. They told me where I could exit and didn't say anything about my results.

I am so far off the deep end with this tap water anxiety reaction. None of my meds so far today worked. None of my 3 valiums. Or my 150mil topamax. Or my 20mil geodon. Or my lamictal or propalanol. I just had 3 Cokes and one iced tea. I drink soda plus coffee somedays and don't have this sort of anxiety. Its the tap water which is why I switched to bottled water but my dumb self was too lazy to get a bottle this morning so I grabbed a glass from the tap. Big mistake. I have had crippling anxiety all day. So my next step is to eat dinner super early even though I'm not hungry so I can take my PM geodons early. I haven't heard yet from my doctor so I guess I just contiune to focus on my weight loss and wait until my appointment in May. I'm kinda frustrated because at my last appointment he was toting himself as being so responsive to messages yet this is the second one I've sent. At least my weight is finally going down after being stuck in the same spot for 11 days. First it was confusing. Then it was making me angry. Then I was finding it funny. But then once I started finding it funny then it went down again. So I don't know. Maybe it was stress. Buttoned shirts fit me now since my hips are very narrow now. I got a black and a white long sleeve kinda dress shirt today.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Ok. Tell me if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I was at Old Navy today and a couple was heading into the fitting room and the guy said to the girl "want to go by yourself?" And she said "we can go together." And they went into a fitting room together. Ok I just found that to be super strange. But I'm not a prude. Like I watch reality TV shows with much worse stuff. So I'm like not sure why it bothered me so much. I know being off the testosterone can possibly change how I feel about certain things that being on it wouldn't have bugged me. But I didn't think being off it would have this big of an impact on how I thought of things. Unless that was a legit weird thing to do in public and my feelings are valid.

I haven't been in a dressing room in a few years, but I'm surprised that the attendant allowed the dude to go in with the woman. But things have changed a lot. With that in mind, nah...I wouldn't feel weird about it.