Bipolar check-in #64

~Christina · Apr 15, 2022, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

So sorry I haven’t checked in. As you can imagine, I was IP. Got out yesterday. If the first trip was an exercise in excellent care, the second was the EXACT OPPOSITE. I got threatened by a paranoid schizophrenic woman my first night there so I was sleeping facing the door with it closed so I could hear if she came in. And then somehow she became my bestie while I was in that facility.

The people there were very sick, mainly psychotic, and no one really seemed to care. Sedation station, I’d say. The dr put me on 350mg regular seroquel simply because “150mg is such a small dose” in his words. Not that I needed it, just because he felt like it. When he met with me he said I should do ECT and he would transfer me to another facility, one I’ve been in before and know is very professional and offers good quality of care, so of course I said yes. No intention of doing ECT but I figured if it got me out I’d go.

They helped me out. At first I was afraid I wasn’t going home at all but rather to a 30 day residential treatment facility, which I didn’t even know they had for non addict adults. But I responded well to the vraylar and the whole other mess of meds I’m on now.

I’m back in my program and trying my best to remain in a good space. I started journaling in the hospital and will continue once I find the damn journal I bought years ago. It’s very pretty.

Hey hey !! I’ve been asking and wondering where you were. Glad your doing better

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 15, 2022, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

When I got out of bed this morning at 6 to do kitty care (Sid's glucose reading, feed everybody, give Sid her insulin shot) I heard what sounded like car tires swishing. I looked outside and it was raining! Oh, the scent was amazing! I was so excited with the rain that I stayed up for 2 hours. Of course, the rain stopped, but it was a tiny bit of refreshment. I took 12.5mg of Seroquel and went back to bed (I hadn't slept much)...ended up sleeping until almost 2 p.m. I feel pretty lousy. Tired and weak.

I feel stupid to keep bringing it up, but that former psychiatrist really traumatized me. I keep seeing her and hearing her in my mind. She said, "I really wonder what you'll do when you run out of medication?" Well, no problem, because I have a super nice provider who is fine about refilling meds. Yet, I can't seem to stop her voice in my mind. When I wrote the email of complaint I signed it by stating that "I look forward to a reply so I know my complaint has been taken seriously." I'm sure the supervisor will send me a letter. I'll see my therapist on Monday; maybe that will help me get the trauma out of my mind.

Sparkling little peace & love stars around all of us!**~**~***~*****

Oh Beth

I’m so sorry that your dealing with the aftermath of having such a truly dangerous Provider. Unfortunately I think this will continue to be a problem for a while

I know you’ve cut back with your T and I understand that fully. Do you think talking with her about it could help how your feeling and maybe process it better/more ? For me personally dealing with trauma just needs time kind of like how grief takes time to process.

Glad you asked for follow up on your complaint. Maybe getting a response will help put that wretched woman in the rear view mirror??

Much love

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 15, 2022, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo

Feeling real lonely lately I woke up to a dream last night and I was thinking my wife was alive I checked the whole house. I am taking a road trip here soon and I am going to do a couple thousand miles this time out. Thinking of leaving like next week like Thursday not sure of first stop of this trip yet cause I am looking at buying a new motorcycle and taking my trip on that.

Sent from my SM-T733 using Tapatalk

I’m so sorry

How’s your fur babies doing ?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 15, 2022, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

We're on our way to Munich, Germany. First we need to get covid PCR tests done for the flight. We'll have them done in Czech Republic at a border town, where we'll also have lunch. It's covered by our Czech insurance that way. The tests must be done within 24 hours of a flight to the US from abroad.

I feel OK right now

Hope you have a wonderful trip :hug;

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 15, 2022, 12:46 PM

Well zero sleeps last night. I gave it a good try tho.

Our Mennonite neighbors have a daughter that is getting married and we have been invited to the wedding …it’s May 1st and I realize I have nothing to wear to a wedding. I mean I don’t work and lord knows we never go anywhere so why would I have a appropriate outfit like that ??!

No idea what to do. Our local Goodwill have closed there dressing room since the start of Covid so not much luck finding something. I can’t just look at something and expect it to fit.

Just another serving of stress

I have a pork roast in the crock pot and it smells amazing!!!!

Bipolar check-in #64

Gus wants you to know he’s got his eye on you

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Nammu · Apr 15, 2022, 12:53 PM

Oh, wedding clothes!! I have one pair of dress pants I use for every event. Different shirts sweaters depending on how dressy and the weather. No dresses. I got rid of everything in the big move.

0 oh that’s bad. I really hope you sleep tonight.

Sir says to tell Gus he’s welcome to keep an eye on everything as sleep is what he doe best!

HALLIEBETH87 · Apr 15, 2022, 03:33 PM

Just wear nice pants ya and a nice top

HALLIEBETH87 · Apr 15, 2022, 03:34 PM

Today is Good Friday! Easter is coming

Mountaindewed · Apr 15, 2022, 04:11 PM

My anxiety never got better today. I mostly just ate my safe foods. Saltine crackers, chicken noodle soup with no broth, a couple soda, a Slim Fast, and and then salmon for dinner. I also had some m&ms. I was basically so anxious all I could do was sit in one spot on my bed and read all day. I finished the young adult book and now I'm reading the book Pay It Forward. Its quite a bit different from the movie but I'm guessing the ending will pretty much be the same. I just have one of my bad feelings again. I wish I had been more productive with therapy last night. I feel like she's not really happy with me. I had a lot to talk to about and I didn't. I just feel uneasy today. I know the book I read and finished was a tough read mentally.

BeyondtheRainbow · Apr 15, 2022, 05:01 PM

I am cleared for surgery! April 25. I am on isolation until then because I am ot going to have COVID stop this after all these months. (My mammogram that started all this was 4 months ago today). I'm ridiculously excited that they now allow you to drink 12 oz of clear fluids (including Jello) up to 2 hours before your procedure. That will make it so much better. I will confess to sneaking sips of liquids before prior surgeries.

I had to drive home in some strong winds. Not Hallie and Christina winds but winds that made it so I couldn't take my hand off the steering wheel to get a drink. It was a long trip. I'm ready for bed although I think 6 PM is probably a bit too early.

I'm just so relieved!

Nammu · Apr 15, 2022, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I am cleared for surgery! April 25. I am on isolation until then because I am ot going to have COVID stop this after all these months. (My mammogram that started all this was 4 months ago today). I'm ridiculously excited that they now allow you to drink 12 oz of clear fluids (including Jello) up to 2 hours before your procedure. That will make it so much better. I will confess to sneaking sips of liquids before prior surgeries.

I had to drive home in some strong winds. Not Hallie and Christina winds but winds that made it so I couldn't take my hand off the steering wheel to get a drink. It was a long trip. I'm ready for bed although I think 6 PM is probably a bit too early.

I'm just so relieved!

That’s great news. Counting down the days with you!

~Christina · Apr 15, 2022, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

Just wear nice pants ya and a nice top

Girl I ain’t got no nice pants lol

I do have a nice top but pants pure hell to find. To fit my stomach the legs are 5 times to big lol

Honestly I’m thinking yoga pants . It’s a long top I’d need to buy them at Target which is 1.5 hours away. So …. Ugh ! Some clothes must be tried on !

* End whine *

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 15, 2022, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I am cleared for surgery! April 25. I am on isolation until then because I am ot going to have COVID stop this after all these months. (My mammogram that started all this was 4 months ago today). I'm ridiculously excited that they now allow you to drink 12 oz of clear fluids (including Jello) up to 2 hours before your procedure. That will make it so much better. I will confess to sneaking sips of liquids before prior surgeries.

I had to drive home in some strong winds. Not Hallie and Christina winds but winds that made it so I couldn't take my hand off the steering wheel to get a drink. It was a long trip. I'm ready for bed although I think 6 PM is probably a bit too early.

I'm just so relieved!

WooooooHoooooo this whole thing will finally soon be behind you !!!

I am over the moon happy that there wasn’t an issue with MAOI !

Massive hugs

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Moose72 · 07:29 PM

The inspection was uneventful. She was here a literal minute and said I'm good for another year. I got up and did the last few things on my list and then watched Netflix until she arrived at 2 pm. I had guessed that's when she would arrive since that's when she's arrived in the past.

I took a nap today and it was very good. I had the rest of that chicken for dinner. Tomorrow I should make the summer squash and onion. 🧅

Netflix is messed up. Is it for anybody else? It won't load. It spins and counts to 20 then gives an error code. Disney+ is working just fine so it's not the router. Stupid Netflix. And they just upped the price again.

I looked up how they do a colposcopy. It seems like a complicated pap smear- they use a tool to visualize the cervix more closely. Shouldn't hurt. My Drs office sent me a print out telling me that this appointment will be later that what they originally said date wise and earlier time wise too! They didn't ask me if this was ok- they just sent it!

Mountaindewed, I'm glad you got some sleep. You sounded like you were very tired!

Moose72 · Apr 15, 2022, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I am cleared for surgery! April 25. I am on isolation until then because I am ot going to have COVID stop this after all these months. (My mammogram that started all this was 4 months ago today). I'm ridiculously excited that they now allow you to drink 12 oz of clear fluids (including Jello) up to 2 hours before your procedure. That will make it so much better. I will confess to sneaking sips of liquids before prior surgeries.

I had to drive home in some strong winds. Not Hallie and Christina winds but winds that made it so I couldn't take my hand off the steering wheel to get a drink. It was a long trip. I'm ready for bed although I think 6 PM is probably a bit too early.

I'm just so relieved!

Wow that's wonderful that they let you have clear fluids that close to surgery!

08:42 PM

It was windy here in Ontario too but not treacherous. I had a quiet day with my dog. We played tug with an old sock. She's so strong and determined! Did some stinkin' thinkin' about how messy my life has been. I am eager for the end. Thankfully i am 55 with most of my life behind me. I wouldn't want to be young again with all that misery and desperation ahead. I'm so ashamed of myself and ashamed of my life, so dysfunctional i can't even participate in the workforce. My mom lived to 70 and unfortunately my doctor says he can tell from my cholesterol profile that i have her longevity genes rather than my dad's heart disease genes as he died at 54. I've already outlived him. But i have my dad's personality dysfunction genes so maybe it won't be much longer. I'm neglecting my health so that should help speed things along too.

@BeyondtheRainbow:

That's great news about being cleared for surgery! It's nice that you can hydrate too. Being thirsty is so unpleasant. What on Earth time do you get up if you go to bed at 6:00pm?!

@Moose72:

Glad your inspection went well. I find the anticipatory anxiety is often much worse than the event. And you have a nice clean home to enjoy!

BeyondtheRainbow · Apr 15, 2022, 08:43 PM

Jane, thanks for the well wishes. I'm not sure what you mean about going to bed at 6? No way could I ever do that. Are you thinking of Mountaindewed? He goes to sleep early and gets up early.

*Beth* · Apr 15, 2022, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

It didn't go the greatest. It just wasn't productive. I took a nap before the session started. She was on time and she could tell I was tired. I told her I'm normally asleep at this time. I kept nodding off and then jolting awake which she mostly ignored. I don't know if she knew I took my meds before the session or not. She had to do a lot of pushing which isn't normal. It wasn't helpful that my earbuds werent working so I could barely hear her.

The only time where I really was animated during the session was when we were talking about people giving me weird looks in public and not to jump to conclusions and I asked her if she had seen that coffee commercial where those snobbish hipsters gave that lady a weird look and then she shoved the whole shelf of coffee into her cart. My therapist just said "and she shoved the whole shelf of coffee into her cart..." and I said "yeah and they were steroterotypical hipsters" no one seems to have seen that one but me.

But anyways PM sessions just don't work. After I logged out I immediatly passed out until my mom banged on my door and asked if I was ok.

I don't get why my therapist can't reassure me this isn't the end of the world though? Like whats the big deal about reasssuring your client this isnt the end?

Ha, that sounds like a good commercial.

Maybe she doesn't assure you that it isn't the end of the world because she believes that you need to come to acceptance with that yourself. Or maybe she's afraid it's the end of the world, too

Apr 15, 2022, 08:47 PM

@BeyondtheRainbow:

Oh, i must be mistaken, please excuse.

BeyondtheRainbow · Apr 15, 2022, 08:49 PM

@whatever2013 no problem. I'm sorry if I sounded annoyed. Unintentional. I'm really tired.

*Beth* · 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

@BethRags, I also agree that no sleep can do wacky stuff to the brain. Take care until you get another good sleep in.

@Nammu, I'm sure you'll get in the aqua classes soon. There's always people who soon after stop going. You've seemed quite regular in attendance.

Thanks to all who've sent me good travel wishes! We're currently at our hotel in Munich. We fly out in the morning. We've already experienced stress. Actually Hubby even more than me. His combination of anxiety and slowness mixed with ADD stuff and likely a touch of OCD spectrum. Me, frustration and impatience dealing with his stuff and the overstimulation of crowds and travel chaos. I hope the airport isn't too crazy. I have a history of being triggered by them. Arriving at a NYC area airport doesn't help. The American TSA procedures for incoming international flight passengers are brutal since 9-11. Even towards American citizens. There's no "Welcoming Committee" at NYC area airports, by a longshot. I always feel like they treat us all like potential criminals, invaders or terrorists. With all of the covid stuff, it's harder yet. And a fear I have is that I'll run into problems relating to my last name. In the US it's "Lastname". In Czech Republic it's "Lastnameová". My covid test results and vaccine certificate say "Firstname Lastnamová". My passport is just "Firstname Lastname". Since I'm likely the only person in the world with these two names, and the photos, birthdays, and places of birth match, hopefully there won't be a problem. Hopefully! I have a picture of my marriage certificate, just in case, but unfortunately only the page in Czech. Not the translated version. As we're in Germany, wish I had the translated one.

Thank you, Soupe.

Blah, I hope they don't give you any hassle about your name. Hopefully, they know that it customary for Eastern European and Russian women to have the "va" at the end of their names.

Yes, when I've traveled post-9/11 I felt like we were all being treated like criminals. So different than flying was before. Although, I can say it wasn't as upsetting as traveling to Israel, where they escort passengers down long, confusing, white halls while carrying rifles. Whew. Talk about triggering.

But post-9/11 + covid...it sounds tedious. I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible for you and that your flight is very calm and pleasant.

*Beth* · Apr 15, 2022, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rwwff

Just check'in in about the Wellbutrin. Definitely hit the spot. I'm getting things done now, actual progress. I don't know if it'll be enough to make up for past unproductiveness, but I'm definitely in the game again. Didn't expect to feel so different, so quickly. Hopefully it won't take me too far, but I've not caught myself being stupid yet, so an honestly decent mood and motivation it is for now.

Great!

*Beth* · Apr 15, 2022, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh Beth I’m so sorry that your dealing with the aftermath of having such a truly dangerous Provider. Unfortunately I think this will continue to be a problem for a while

I know you’ve cut back with your T and I understand that fully. Do you think talking with her about it could help how your feeling and maybe process it better/more ? For me personally dealing with trauma just needs time kind of like how grief takes time to process.

Glad you asked for follow up on your complaint. Maybe getting a response will help put that wretched woman in the rear view mirror??

Much love

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you so much, Christina. With all the providers I've had over all the years...well, I've had some crummy ones, but that one - she takes the cake. You're correct, it will take time to process through and she just fades away.

I'm seeing my T on Tuesday and ohhh, yeah, I'm going to tell her what happened with that pdoc . They are colleagues and my T needs to know, and of course, I need to process.

Much love to you, too

*Beth* · Apr 15, 2022, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I am cleared for surgery! April 25. I am on isolation until then because I am ot going to have COVID stop this after all these months. (My mammogram that started all this was 4 months ago today). I'm ridiculously excited that they now allow you to drink 12 oz of clear fluids (including Jello) up to 2 hours before your procedure. That will make it so much better. I will confess to sneaking sips of liquids before prior surgeries.

I had to drive home in some strong winds. Not Hallie and Christina winds but winds that made it so I couldn't take my hand off the steering wheel to get a drink. It was a long trip. I'm ready for bed although I think 6 PM is probably a bit too early.

I'm just so relieved!

That is SUCH good news, Rainbow! And also being able to drink some liquid prior. That makes a big difference.

Driving in string wind can be darn scary.

I hope you're having a good sleep tonight

*Beth* · Apr 15, 2022, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Girl I ain’t got no nice pants lol

I do have a nice top but pants pure hell to find. To fit my stomach the legs are 5 times to big lol

Honestly I’m thinking yoga pants . It’s a long top I’d need to buy them at Target which is 1.5 hours away. So …. Ugh ! Some clothes must be tried on !

* End whine *

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ug, wedding clothes. Wedding shoes. *rolls eyes* Do check Amazon - they have loads of yoga pants and leggings. It seems like the sizing is pretty easy to do.

A Mennonite wedding, how interesting.

Menu

Bipolar check-in #64

My Support Forums