Bipolar check-in #65

I could not imagine getting shots in your eye. I can't even touch my eye to put in contacts. I even had lasik done a couple of years ago and they gave me extra medications to relax me cause I could hardly keep my eyes open for the procedure. I wish your mother the best of luck and that she only needs a couple of shots instead of forever. Good luck.

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I had my one week hematricrit blood test done today and I do not need another phelebotmy procedure. I figured with how I felt before the procedure vs how I feel now that I didn't need another one. I've been a lot less moody and irritated which the lady doing the procedure said was caused by the high hematrcrit level. She said I'd feel better after the procedure So I figured since I've been feeling pretty stable mood wise the level was fine. Physically today, its still annoying when I swallow but I didn't hear back from the doctors yet. I had therapy and it was pretty productive although its tough to know how much progress I'm making with her and how much progress I'm making with my other providers. She did seem to help me get my sleep under control with the stuff she suggested I buy. I haven't had a too bad of a night since Friday. Today is the one year anniversary of my move. I don't really feel one way or another about it. This is just my new life now. I swear they gave me a different generic of valium when I got it refilled a few days ago. This stuff seems to work way better then the stuff I had before. As RuPaul would say "the good stuff you get behind the alley."

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Originally Posted by otroo ...

Beautiful ink, otroo! That's about all I can say right now, but want to mention it.

I had a wonderful birthday. Thank you for the birthday wishes.

My med provider said that my platelets were high enough that I need to take a baby aspirin and go to a doctor directly if I have any type of chest tightness or pain. The platelets were caused by the Lithium. I had a bad episode of chest pain last week and I’ve had dizziness and shortness of breath for three days now. I always think I can power through. A friend finally got through to me today how serious it could be and I have an appointment tomorrow to get checked out. It’s been one thing after another for 2-3 weeks now.

I have another appointment tomorrow with my med provider for an alternative to Wellbutrin. Feeling good mentally right now.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day tomorrow. Hugs to all!

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 We’re trying to convince her to rent a condo or apartment in a 55+ Community. All she needs is two bedrooms since she does like having my son over. She wants a better relationship with my niece too but as I said, it’s impossible right now. We want her in as small a space as possible because it will be easier for us (probably just me, let’s be real) to help her clean up and get rid of stuff should she begin to hoard it out again. Which I believe she will do as she will not go to therapy to address anything at all. I feel like we need to get her settled somewhere first and get her out, and then we can clean the house out without her around. Most of her stuff is junk but I know she will assign value to all of it. I mean at this point even the furniture is trash. Maybe my son’s old bed is ok. That’s about it. I feel you on the panic thing about stuff though. If things are looking cluttered around here I get upset and start tossing things. Then later I realize that I actually needed it but I didn’t want to lay eyes on it anymore. Then I have to buy a new item.

Yes, I also have to spend sometimes stupid amounts of money to replace things I've thrown out due to a fear of "being like my mom."

Moving your mom to a senior community would be excellent. That's what we did with my mom - also from a 4 bedroom house in a desirable neighborhood, ironically. The big positive about the senior apartment was that the management did keep an eye on maintenance and so on. That forced my mom to at least lessen her hoarding so we were able to walk through her apt. and sit on the couch.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ... As RuPaul would say "the good stuff you get behind the alley."

Ha, yup...

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I had a wonderful birthday. Thank you for the birthday wishes. My med provider said that my platelets were high enough that I need to take a baby aspirin and go to a doctor directly if I have any type of chest tightness or pain. The platelets were caused by the Lithium. I had a bad episode of chest pain last week and I’ve had dizziness and shortness of breath for three days now. I always think I can power through. A friend finally got through to me today how serious it could be and I have an appointment tomorrow to get checked out. It’s been one thing after another for 2-3 weeks now. I have another appointment tomorrow with my med provider for an alternative to Wellbutrin. Feeling good mentally right now. I hope everyone has a peaceful day tomorrow. Hugs to all!

I am so happy to hear that you had such a good birthday. Yay!

Oh, boy. Lithium. *sigh*

I'm just....so done. So done. Stupid crap happening all day. Yes, it could be much worse but, gee...there's always tomorrow for that. My attitude stinks right now. I feel very self-destructive, very angry, and I'm turning it inward on myself. I'm going to turn some music on, that always helps me to work out emotions that are stuck.

Triggers all over the place. I truly don't deserve what I'm getting. Seriously...

I saw my med provider today, another hour long appointment. He's a sweetheart, really helpful, doesn't act rushed in the least bit. He works with me not over me, listens very well and is able to interpret what I'm feeling and what I want to do. He has diagnosed me with bipolar disorder, hands down. I really worked to withdraw the diagnosis, but he gently but firmly stuck with his diagnosis. Bipolar, CPTSD, and OCD.

Same as always (with the exception of the former med provider, the lunatic woman who got everything all screwed around; she, who never once asked me about my history & ended up plastering me with a substance use disorder because I've been physically stuck on Klonopin for 20+ years. *eye roll*).

I left the clinic feeling defeated. "That" feeling of being told i have a brain disorder that I'm stuck with for life. That I will likely always need medication. That going off medication won't make the disorder disappear. Smash, smash, smash.

He very kindly and respectfully asked me to please go back on Lamictal. He offered the option of switching to Vraylar, but I thought about wfc's experience with Vraylar and decided against it. Lithium came up, but why take on the side effects when Lamictal is working without any problems.

The problem is not the medication; the problem is me.

Clonidine for sleep, but only .5 - has anyone here been on it? It sounds to me like a pretty mild sleep aid, and I feel like I need a sleep aid that will snow me under. I keep asking for a very low dose of Haldol and I wish one of them would listen to me about that.

I'm sorry. When I go dark I go really dark, and this one has been prolonged. If my therapist would return...yes. And so on.

And a few nights of good sleep would be ay-may-zing.

Bear with me. (Fuzzy, bear with me - teehee )

Crystal-blue persuasion to each.

(I hope Nammu is okay, hope she can check in soon.)

Love, peace, health, happiness, stay golden
all around.

Oh, Beth

I did check in, I’m at the bottom of the previous page. Thanks so much for thinking of me when things are so dark. Oddlles of warm fuzzy sand glittery purple vibes for you.

These are supposedly my same exact diagnosis - diagnosed on the 5th of May.
Clonidine was only used for akathisia for me. Didn’t really help with much of anything else.

Miguel moved out. I'm going to take my medication early tonight. I don't know how I feel. He'll see us tomorrow and Saturday. We'll see, Friday he's starting job hunt. I see my T next Wednesday. I hope he's okay, he didn't bring his meds. I wouldn't be able to do it.

Thank you I appreciate it.

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You want to know something that I find funny about myself? The heavier the music the calmer I feel. I mean throw on some slipknot or Pantera or heck even a little Slayer it actually calms me down if classical music is put on when I am already agitated it really pisses me off lol. Nope put on some metal and it calms me down lol.

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Wow I have been a member since July 2013 crazy. I have a few posts but most of them are since my wife passed away. I really miss her.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Oh, Beth I did check in, I’m at the bottom of the previous page. Thanks so much for thinking of me when things are so dark. Oddlles of warm fuzzy sand glittery purple vibes for you.

Wow...thank you for those beeeeuuuutiifuulll vibes! I'm envisioning sparkling, purple sand and it's looking glorious! I feel better already.

I'm going to find your post, I somehow missed it.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Hello I’m back. The clinic Wi-Fi wasn’t working so I couldn’t sign on there. Mum’s regular eye dr thought she saw bleeding in her eye. But it turned out to be fluid build up, macular degeneration, one eye wet one eye dry. But it was caught early. Thank goodness. She has to go in for injections in the eye for three months then another evaluation. She may need the injections for the rest of her life they can’t say yet. It was a good clinic experience over all. Mum was an emergency appointment so I thought we’d have to be waiting for a long time. But no. All the appointments were on time and. The doctor was very nice. A female dr. She asked her nurse to go get her a mask with a clear section so I could see her lips. And went though it all again with me since I care for mum. That was really nice. I see why they have a good reputation and are listed as number one in USA.

There you are!


Ohhh, I am SO glad they caught the macular degeneration early. Whew. That's huge. Sounds like it all went really smoothly. Being able to read the doctor's lips must have made everything easier for you - less stress = very good. Having an empathetic doctor and nursing staff makes all the difference in the world. Through all the years I cared for my mom most of her doctors were kind, and just good folks. Made it that much less strenuous for both me and my mom.

btw- yes, I do deserve that free blanket after all the big hassle Amazon, then UPS have put me through. Sheesh. Phone calls, delivered to wrong address, grr. The blanket is finally due to arrive tomorrow!

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Originally Posted by otroo You want to know something that I find funny about myself? The heavier the music the calmer I feel. I mean throw on some slipknot or Pantera or heck even a little Slayer it actually calms me down if classical music is put on when I am already agitated it really pisses me off lol. Nope put on some metal and it calms me down lol. Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

Oh, I sure understand that!

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Originally Posted by convalescence These are supposedly my same exact diagnosis - diagnosed on the 5th of May. Clonidine was only used for akathisia for me. Didn’t really help with much of anything else.

Welcome to my club, then

Thanks for the Clonidine info. I sure hope I'm wrong, but I don't expect much from it. I kept stressing to my med provider that I must have sleep. He didn't seem to focus too well on it. I wish psych med people would clue in that sleep is the major key to good mental health.

Breathe ….. you can do this. All children have the nerve to grow up and spread out there wings. Your seeing him soon so try not to fall into catastrophic thinking. Feel it in.

Hugs

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I’m sorry. Just remember we can only control how we feel… nobody else

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Today’s IFS work was very interesting !!!! It’s exhausting but I can see this helping many things especially the PTSD parts.

Good grief it was hot today 90 and humid. Come on Tennessee get it together its May NOT July !

I’ve been posting an animal pic a day on Facebook. I’ve enjoyed looking for pictures. Many of my friends just love it and a few have started tagging me with animal pictures they post. Maybe random but I just want to give someone a reason to smile.

Speaking of Facebook I can scroll for hours on reels so much funny stuff and uplifting people I now follow. If you haven’t checked out reels give it a try.

Gotta share a picture I snapped of Gus. I swear he’s a puppy but this pic with his fangs I think Bat LOL

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I agree. Have you tried Remeron?

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Awwwww he looks like a little monkey! Soooo cute. Thanks for that Christina!

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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom ....

Hi, hey there you, beautiful mama ....It is tough when they leave. Harder than giving birth to them is letting them go. The physical pain has nothing on the emotional pain. I've been there twice and I won't lie- a part of me is still not over it (and most likely never will be).

I don't know any great words of wisdom to ease your pain and fear, sweetie. But I am reaching allll the way across the miles to give you a HUGE hug, hug, hug - and to tell you that:
you - are - not - alone.

I've noticed that not every mom feels it when her child leaves home, but may the Universe bless those of us who do, because we really know what love is, and I am serious about that.

And I am sending you sooo much love tonight! Please Mm, beautiful you, take care of yourself. Believe me...he will need you all of your life. Many times more so than he ever did before. It's weird that way.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Today’s IFS work was very interesting !!!! It’s exhausting but I can see this helping many things especially the PTSD parts. Good grief it was hot today 90 and humid. Come on Tennessee get it together its May NOT July ! I’ve been posting an animal pic a day on Facebook. I’ve enjoyed looking for pictures. Many of my friends just love it and a few have started tagging me with animal pictures they post. Maybe random but I just want to give someone a reason to smile. Speaking of Facebook I can scroll for hours on reels so much funny stuff and uplifting people I now follow. If you haven’t checked out reels give it a try. Gotta share a picture I snapped of Gus. I swear he’s a puppy but this pic with his fangs I think Bat LOL Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

He's so fuzzy! I can just feel his fur under my hands