Bipolar check-in #65

Yeah, I can for sure relate to you when it comes to crappy mental health providers. This one really ****ed me up mentally and I got her into a lot of trouble for the stuff she did. I am happy you ended things with yours when you did because I wish I had done a lot more at the time with my old therapist instead of staying with her for 4 years and dealing with all the crap she gave me. I'm pretty sure I could have even gotten a settlement out of this place to be honest.

I think I may have just had too much caffeine. I had a coffee like milkshake late this afternoon and didn't realize it had 225 miligrams of caffeine. I think that was the weird feeling I had.

Oo I forgot to put an alert on my blood donation appointment. The only reason I saw it on my calendar was I was inputting mum’s eye injections appointments. So now I’m guzzling water so I’m nice and hydrated.

Thank you I appreciate it.

Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

She is 61. You’re definitely right about not wanting to deal with it, especially my brother. He still hasn’t accepted what happened to us in our childhood. I don’t expect him to forgive her, I’m not even there yet, but I’ve accepted that she made mistakes and she’ll never be the mom I want her to be. I’m perfectly fine having the surface relationship we have.

You are a long, long, productive way into recovery. Be nice to have sibling(s) that are also accepting and treating their emotional and mental health issues, and working to recover from them, but apparently it's rare. My oldest sister relies heavily on her husband to "fix" life for her and she's blessed...her marriage is a wonderful, old-fashioned one. My other sister coped by substance abuse and died 3 years ago from decades of it. I'm the only, sole person in the family who has been in treatment since I was a teen.

It's lonely at the top, hahaha.

I talked about it a bit in group today, I was reminded that I am not responsible for anyone else’s feelings or behavior or reactions to boundaries that I set to keep myself safe and healthy. My boundaries are quite poor with my grandma. I feel responsible for her as well and both she and my mom guilt me about each other.each one claims the other took the most care of us and we “owe them”. That’s why I was about to take on the three things my grandma told me to but I’ve decided not to. It’s too much. I will take her car through inspection, that’s easy. But if she can’t find her registration ticket to get it renewed online the most I’ll do is get an appointment for her at the DMV, she’s gonna have to get herself there. And the taxes are not my problem. I’m not gonna go through all her papers to help her find her w2 s from the last 3 years. It’s too much. I can’t do everything for everyone all the time.

Ahhh, the "you owe me" is a big hook abusers use. I fully support what you have decided to do, and to not do. It sounds very reasonable and fair. Your mom is 61 - that's 2 years older than I am. She's perfectly capable of going to DMV and of doing (or not) her taxes. She's darn lucky you're taking her car for inspection! If someone did that for me I'd probably drop over dead from the shock.

Stick with what you've decided. It's already very generous.

I must set that boundary with my grandmother. I want to save her anxiety because she is 85 after all, but I just can’t be expected to do all this.

I understand; 85 is really old. Still - stick with your limitations.

I’ve been taking care of everyone (including myself) all alone since I was 10.

Oh, good! Then I'm not alone in this club.

I am sorry about the awful abuse you’ve been through, Beth. My mom was just neglectful. She got angry as well, especially when I ****ed up and had to go back IP, but she never yelled, just kind of…disappeared. Sat in her room ignoring us. Ugh.

Have you tried the non prescription stuff like doxylamine (brand name is restavit over here not sure about the US) or phenergan (again not sure what that would be called in the US? They used to work for me before I got into benzos and Seroquel. Maybe an antipsychotic like Saphris? They might be more willing to prescribe one like that? It’s newer so supposedly less side effects and some people it makes sleepy. Not sure about it’s risk of TD but being newer I’d hope it’s be less than some of the others.

Also it won’t put you to sleep on its own but I take magnesium every night and it helps me sleep. If I miss a night I can’t sleep and have to get up and take it before I can fall asleep - and that’s having already taken sleeping pills.

I'm feeling better today but always do right before therapy, which is tomorrow. I'm sitting outside the office and she calls but I don't have the balls to tell her I'm here if she can see me. I'm not prepared for the many conversations I will have tomorrow with her.

I think I'm just going to walk in and tell her I'm not really eating, sleeping, taking my meds probably but I am smoking my anxiety is down, sh thoughts are down and sex drive is up. I feel good but behavior wise I'm falling apart. Just start there and see where it goes

Beth, have you tried Haldol? I take it twice a day (and as needed) and it works well for me. Why do they think you'll automatically get TD? Have you had it before? I agree- dying of a heart attack because you haven't slept in forever is NOT preferable to possible TD.

Ugh 😩 I forgot that if I don’t drink enough water my blood is sluggish and doesn’t come out fast enough. So they were fiddling around with the needle. But it fine, it got done. I’m type O positive almost everyone can receive my blood. I’m almost a universal toner. I had to take a year and a half break to build my iron back up but it’s good now. My doctor wanted to rule out any physical cause first. I’ve never had a need for blood but other I’ve known have had needs for it. I’m gonna take an iron pill twice a week so I don’t get low again.

Sir sent warm sandpaper kisses to you all.

Hi Beth. I'm OK, but feeling very tired and a bit overloaded at a time when I wish I was kicking back before the mega excursion ahead. Hubby and I went to Prague this past weekend for a concert and spent a lot of time socializing and walking around the city. It's hard when I feel I have little choice to "step away" from things. The recent warmer temperatures and sure perimenopausal hot flashes doesn't help either.

This week and part of next week are busy, too. Calgon take me away! We have tickets AGAIN for a concert in Prague early next week, but I've already declared that I'm not going. I do want Hubby to go. Not just so he can enjoy it, but to give me some much-needed time alone without him. I like my time alone and have had extremely little since the pandemic started.

As for the France trip, the flights and car rental are booked. We still have to look into a place to stay upon arrival. Some accommodation arrangements may be made on the fly.

I saw my therapist today. My next appointment isn't until mid-July. I still need a future psychiatrist appointment. I had to cancel the one I had due to trip scheduling. He's so booked that he said to call him to "See what we could do" about finding a time in July, or so. I have plenty of meds to wait. Vacation season is coming up soon, so long delays may apply. As long as I don't push myself beyond my limits I should be fine. Maybe in France I'll find time to walk around town WITHOUT Hubby. Maybe flirt with some hot French guys. Flirting does me good. Do people know that Flirting is Good for Mental Health?

There is definitely something going on physically. I stood up twice today and was so unsteady on my feet that I fell twice. Once into a coffee table and wrenched my lower left back and once into my birthday present and wrenched my ankle. I sure hope it doesn’t turn out to be something that requires surgery. I would hate to miss Florida. I know - get my priorities straight.

Something I thought about and texted sister. Yelling at a frail, cowering 87 year old could be construed as elderly abuse and that maybe she (sister) needs to check into the hospital. I’ll catch heck for that but it needed to be said.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all

My recent 'depression" was just a blip. I'm feeling better today. Although I've spent most of the day super anxious because I keep hearing gunshots. I desperately want it to pour so the guy will stop but no rain yet.
I really need help with the insurance stuff though. I don't know what to take to the pharmacy/doctors/hospital I have so many papers and cards. I think I'm getting a case manager when I start ACT but I'm not sure how soon that will be.