Bipolar check-in #65

I hear you on the memory thing too. Back when I was on more and the lamactil I had horrible memory. But when I’m depressed is the worse. Much worse than from the meds. I blame both bipolar and meds for my poor memory. I can’t even remember a phone number if I look it up, I have to write it down to dial it. And page numbers, they get all turned around I have to use bookmarks now.

So I like my therapist but I don't know. She thinks h is gaslighting me. I understand I have all the symptoms of being gaslight but he's not gaslighting. That's just how I am probably given my past. I've never gotten into my past but I feel I have to to defend h. At the same time defending h may make her think she's right. This is probably why pdoc wants to see me next time in office. H is going with me to the pdoc appointment. I don't know how to fix this. How do I fix this?

Yay! The Unisom just arrived.

I'm so looking forward to talking with the "alternative" therapist tomorrow. Basically, I'm going to tell her how much I miss Mary, but maybe it will help.

My car has been stalling, so I sure hope I'm not headed for car trouble. There's no money to fix it right now, so I'd be in an extremely difficult situation. Old cars don't like hot weather.

Speaking of travel - David has 3 upcoming appointments for medical exams to increase his veteran's disability. He deserves 100% just for hearing loss he has from the war. I think every single Vietnam veteran who was in infantry deserves full disability. I've known loads besides David and my BIL and without exception, every one of them is screwed up physically and mentally from that atrocious war. When I was seeing my therapist, a VA psychologist, I was involved with the veteran's admin with therapy, support group (wives of vets), and I volunteered. I felt a real calling to listen to the Viet vets, and to validate their experiences.

Thank you for your service and welcome home.

Anyway, his appointments are in different towns/cities. We have to do some fancy dancing to come up with the gas money, gas being $6/gallon.

I'm changing the cats' diet to hopefully decrease Sidney's glucose numbers. The recommendation for diabetic cats is to feed them only wet food (canned), which is high protein, very low carb. If any kibble is fed it also needs to be very high protein and almost no carb. The trick is feeding them this diet and managing the cat(s) who has sensitivity to such a dense diet (diarrhea). So I'm working on it - and Sid's numbers have decreased some, already. I expect a bigger decrease as we proceed with the new diet. What a joy that will be!

Here's a voodoo doll of yourself*~*~**How will you treat it?

Heh heh. I’ll put my doll in the window so it can keep an eye out and dust it every so often. 😃

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 I live in the Ohio Valley and allergies here are brutal. My eyes are killing me. Maybe I need to get some eye drops? Because Allegra doesnt help with my eyes much

Allergies are vicious here, too. Our local Native American tribe, the Wintun, call this "allergy valley" in their language.

I recommend Systane Gel eyedrops. Definitely the gel. You can buy it on Amazon.

I used to use Blink gel but can’t get it anymore, I’ll look for systane gel.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Heh heh. I’ll put my doll in the window so it can keep an eye out and dust it every so often. 😃

Great idea!

I have 3 voodoo dolls, all 3 created by a man in Italy who is a witch. Each doll has a needle with a heart on the needle. I have a tattoo of one of the dolls (the blonde one) on my inner arm (except the tattoo has a little flower in the doll's hair). The tiny doll was given to me by my sister, it's now 54 years old.

She's ok. Glad to be home but she's already forgiven me which surprised me.

She has asthma. We also treated for "lung worms" on an off-chance but it pretty surely asthma. She got a steroid shot and a pill for the worms. No home meds, thank God. Abby would not handle that. Her brother was on a lot of meds and he handled it ok but she would not. She would just retreat to the basement and hide from me permanently. But as long as we don't have to do too many steroid shots per year we're ok.


I'm stressed because I didn't want a chronic disease but glad that she hasn't swallowed something. I had a cat years ago who swallowed a bunch of stuff from the trash, mostly the sizing stickers from clothes and it didn't pass as it should have. He had emergency surgery, quit eating and had a feeding tube placed and died. There was a lot more but it's too upsetting to share; nobody needs to hear that story. So I was really afraid that she'd need surgery for the same thing.

I am so tired now. That was stressful. I got there 10 minutes early just to discover I forgot my purse. So I had to call my mom to bring it to me. Thankfully we live about 8 minutes from the vet so it wasn't huge but I do owe her a big favor. Amazingly I went to the bathroom after I checked in and they were waiting for me outside it so we had no waiting room time at all. Tons of waiting in the exam room of course but that's to be expected. She had a blood test for heartworm and xrays. I was surprised they didn't do a full blood panel. I felt good about this vet (new to me as mine left) because she could have done so and charged even more.


She's already forgiven me and has come for pets and purring. That's good. I was afraid she'd hold a grudge.



But we're all done and I am about to make some dinner. Eggplant ravioli. I hope it is good and not too slimy. It's from Aldi's which is generally good but sometimes not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom So I like my therapist but I don't know. She thinks h is gaslighting me. I understand I have all the symptoms of being gaslight but he's not gaslighting. That's just how I am probably given my past. I've never gotten into my past but I feel I have to to defend h. At the same time defending h may make her think she's right. This is probably why pdoc wants to see me next time in office. H is going with me to the pdoc appointment. I don't know how to fix this. How do I fix this?

My T once went with me to my pdoc and it was extremely helpful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow She's ok. Glad to be home but she's already forgiven me which surprised me. She has asthma. We also treated for "lung worms" on an off-chance but it pretty surely asthma. She got a steroid shot and a pill for the worms. No home meds, thank God. Abby would not handle that. Her brother was on a lot of meds and he handled it ok but she would not. She would just retreat to the basement and hide from me permanently. But as long as we don't have to do too many steroid shots per year we're ok. I'm stressed because I didn't want a chronic disease but glad that she hasn't swallowed something. I had a cat years ago who swallowed a bunch of stuff from the trash, mostly the sizing stickers from clothes and it didn't pass as it should have. He had emergency surgery, quit eating and had a feeding tube placed and died. There was a lot more but it's too upsetting to share; nobody needs to hear that story. So I was really afraid that she'd need surgery for the same thing. I am so tired now. That was stressful. I got there 10 minutes early just to discover I forgot my purse. So I had to call my mom to bring it to me. Thankfully we live about 8 minutes from the vet so it wasn't huge but I do owe her a big favor. Amazingly I went to the bathroom after I checked in and they were waiting for me outside it so we had no waiting room time at all. Tons of waiting in the exam room of course but that's to be expected. She had a blood test for heartworm and xrays. I was surprised they didn't do a full blood panel. I felt good about this vet (new to me as mine left) because she could have done so and charged even more. She's already forgiven me and has come for pets and purring. That's good. I was afraid she'd hold a grudge. But we're all done and I am about to make some dinner. Eggplant ravioli. I hope it is good and not too slimy. It's from Aldi's which is generally good but sometimes not.

I know the asthma is no picnic, yet I'm sure glad that there were no surprises.


Going to the vet is a horrible experience for both the cat and for me. Thankfully, you are home now and done with that.

I love eggplant, omg- your dinner sounds delicious!

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Can you tell her that you understand how what you said might have led to that impression but in reality things are __________? I've had to undo misunderstandings like that with my therapist before.

I've been craving icy drinks lately. So a lot of frappuchinos and frozen coffees and coolatas. They feel great on my throat and feel much better then tylenol. I took a nap this afternoon for a couple hours and I kept waking myself up coughing because I had thrown up in my mouth. Now I am contiuning to cough throughout the afternoon. I took my melatonin so I'm hoping to sleep through the night tonight.

I’m so sorry that right now everything is bleak and discouraging. I wish I had grand earth shattering advice but I don’t. Bipolar cycles it always does. That the only consistent thing it ever does. I think it will spit you out the other side and things will look better. Meanwhile … just float. Don’t drive yourself mad by trying to swim up stream. Use this time to just be, just float.

If you need a ear or shoulder I’m here for you.

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Jennifer fantastic news that your testing came out ok , yes Stress but nothing more serious. Yes stress is serious , I’m not making sense but I’m glad your can work on the stress and finding ways to decrease it while figuring out what is the next step and the best for YOU !

Rainbow. Yay ! Glad Abby isn’t needing more extensive treatment and the shot will improve her health likely quickly.

MM .. I think maybe the fact that your H is with you most all the time could be why T is wondering about Gaslighting. Just a thought

Beth love the voodoo dolls

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It was good. If you have Aldi's I'd recommend it. The portion size was weird though. It was supposed to be 2.5 one cup servings. It was only 2 cups (I measured). But the one cup was quite filling so it's fine. Next time I'll have olive oil on it instead of pasta sauce; I didn't realize my olive oil was as old as it is but it did not taste good. I'll have to put that on my shopping list. I dread the price of that one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow It was good. If you have Aldi's I'd recommend it. The portion size was weird though. It was supposed to be 2.5 one cup servings. It was only 2 cups (I measured). But the one cup was quite filling so it's fine. Next time I'll have olive oil on it instead of pasta sauce; I didn't realize my olive oil was as old as it is but it did not taste good. I'll have to put that on my shopping list. I dread the price of that one.

I know - olive oil has become a luxury.

Interesting, I read an article a few days ago about Aldi's, how it was started by 2 brothers in Germany, and how popular it is. We don't have Aldi's here, but we have a store called Trader Joe's. Turns out that 1 of the German brothers started Trader Joe's. I had no idea about all of it. Interesting.

Yeah, I've read that article (or a similar one). It's interesting. We have Trader Joe's in the cities, just not in the rural areas where I live. I think they are only in the big cities since the city where I go for therapy (which is smaller) doesn't have one. My brother gets me their ginger snap cookies for Christmas every year.

Aldi's apparently has a really good wine selection for low prices. I"m not a wine drinker but I've heard this from a few sources. I get lots of fruits and veggies there, much cheaper than Walmart and often in better shape. I've also been enjoying a bag of pre-cooked chicken fajita strips. I'm on a high protein diet and that really helps top off the protein near bedtime.

It's too bad you don't have them. Great store.

WE just got an aldis but wish we would get a trader joes! I have not been to this new aldis yet.
bizi

Beth - how did your t seeing your pdoc help? Mine share notes

Beyond the rainbow - I'm writing out my history for her but idk what to include I don't want it to be pages and pages long.

~christina- how do I convince her otherwise?

It's good she's looking out for me but I worry that she doesn't know me well.

There is a Trader Joe's about a 20 minute drive from where I used to live in NJ. I never did any weekly shopping there, but it was great for some wines and other specialty items we loved (special imported frozen goods, and the like. I also liked that the staff were always friendly and it had a unique feel. I remember the first Trader Joe's I ever went to was somewhere a little south of Berkeley and Oakland, CA back in the mid 1990s. Back then the products were only in bins. I remember thinking it cool.

There are some Aldi stores in Czech Republic, but none especially near me. There are a number of other big chains, though. I'm lucky to have a huge hypermarket nearby where you can get almost anything. More than even a huge Walmart.

I emailed my sister yesterday just to say hello. I was upbeat and hoped that things were calmer and better back in NJ. Unfortunately, she wrote back that my nephew is in the psych hospital a third time since Easter. He had severe vomiting and shaking throughout his body. We have no clue yet what's causing it, but they're examining his medications. He had been taken off of Adderal pretty much cold turkey after decades on it. Could that be a possible cause? Severe withdrawals? He apparently still has concerning mood issues, too.

Sis also wrote that a bad thunderstorm passed through the area the other day, causing a huge old tree to fall on my dad's property, directly on my brother's chicken coup. All of the chickens are dead, save one rooster who is wandering in the field (the fence got damaged, too). If any were still alive, but injured, an animal finished them off (lucky fox?). I feel for him as they were like pets, and since he's a lonely fellow, I think that hurts a lot. I emailed him and received a rare quick response. When cutting the downed tree with a chain saw, he had to wear bee protective gear since the tree fell near his hives, though didn't damage them. He does have some baby chickens brooding in the basement since hatching a while ago. They're the lucky ones.

OK, I didn't know that. I only wanted to give Jennifer a hint, so she can ask her medical provider about why she is given Ritalin. To have good explanations about why we have to take this or that is important to me.

I hope I did not scare her! Thank you so much for the correction!

I don't feel well today! I don't feel depressed, no anxiety. I just want to sit here and do nothing while I have "things" to do.

I will start to do something now! (It always helps me to stop overthinking when I am able to do somehing else. The problem is to find the moment to do it).

Bet wishes to all!

That's okay, GoGo2. Sometimes we just need to "be". Either sit and contemplate something pleasant, or even momentarily strive for a state of "nothingness/vacuity", "Śūnyatā", in Buddhism. Śūnyatā is not a bad thing at all. It has nothing to do with worth. I see it as a state of freedom of the things that clutter our mind, or almost like the blissful beauty of a dreamless sleep. Achieving it, to me, is a good coping skill.

Your mum is just as scared as you are so don’t take what she said to heart. If your lumps / nodules? are malignant thyroid cancer is probably one of the best cancers to get if you’re unfortunate enough to have to get a cancer. It’s very treatable. Not trying to minimise what you’re going through coz I’d be scared and anxious too but just trying to give you some hope. Sorry you’re going through this!