Bipolar check-in #65

@*Beth*

I’ve found it’s quite refreshing to allow myself a few minutes of “wallow time”. As long as I don’t sink into it and stay there!

Beth I'm sorry it didn't work out. Maybe try another therapist if Mary's not back next week.

I am on another trip but this time I am with my dad and daughter. We are doing a foodie tour and it has been fun actually. We have so far eaten at two bbq places and one steak restaurants. We did go by a bbq joint but it was permanently closed so we ate at a place called Del's and it was really great. I want to thank all of you for being here for me to voice myself. Here are a couple of pictures to make you hungry lol.

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I don't know if you mean to move forward in life or if you have some trouble doing things you have on your to do list.

I am older than you (and in that way have had a longer time to grow in my grown up years) and I can remember from my student therapy that there was topics I was afraid to touch. Now, many years later I am able to look at all of it ("This is my life and so it was. I can accept that. I can accept myself").

I always had a strong "push-factor" when it came to growing, and so it happened with the topics I once was afraid to face as well.

Take it to your therapist and be open to suggestions ... , and let it take the time it takes.

If your topic was to avoid doing things on your to do list, that is what happens to me. It has become worse after the corona lock down. I am sitting there and just let my thoughts pass by. I am working on it. I bought a book at Amazon (kindle) yesterday about overthinking. I don't know if it is that it is about or has more to do with being afraid to move (in the here and now). I do remember times in my childhood where I had to hide and be silent as a mouse. Anyway, if it is this or that explanation, the book (have only read one chapter) reminded me about that "things" are intermingled (hormones, memory-traces, early childhood effects , effects in the real time, social bounds and more). To remember about all this "intermingledness" helped me to relax a bit and to believe that this problem can be overcome as well with time.

I wish you well with your problem. Whatever it is, it has it's natural causes!

(Me too get the feeling of being hopeless and of no worth when the "no-doing" happens to me. That is why I want to do something about it and try to be kind to myself in the process).

Yes, I became hungry! Enjoy your food where-ever you are!

@~Jennifer 1967

In addition to my post 184, I want to tell you this, in case it can help you. When I told my therapist about my "no-doing", the therapist said it was about anxiety. I had a bit of trouble to understand that, because I don't feel any anxiety in these situations. Here is my point: The book I mentioned in my last post says the same. "Overthinking" or using time to not do what should have been done is about anxiety.

In other words, it masks anxiety.

Hope it was helpful!

Best wishes!

We just took a short walk to warm up for the NAMI walk and boy is it humid. It’s gonna be bad in the blazing sun. Also my vision is slightly compromised. Slight double vision, almost like what happens when I switch around my lamictal by accident. Like if I take 200mg in the AM instead of 100mg. It’s weird because I know I filled my box with 100mg in the morning spot…and it hasn’t happened any other time this week. I’m a bit concerned. It’s Saturday so I can’t see my program dr until Monday at the earliest. And she is rather unhelpful. Im positive I didn’t take extra lamictal last night either, but I did skip the minipress, because I think that’s what’s making me so tired during the day. Gabapentin, minipress, and seroquel is just too much sedation, but I can’t take just one or the other because then I don’t fall asleep.

I dunno. Im looking forward to the walk despite the fact that it will be so hot. Unfortunately we have no choice but to complete the whole thing unless we want to swim across the lake in the middle! We have a cooler backpack to take with us and I have an insulated water bottle. I will be putting water in my gym bag as well.

Everyone wish us luck!

@otroo, that is indeed a most tempting-looking feast. Wish I could eat a few of those sausages and beans...and steak...and the tacos, too. I'm glad you're spending quality time with those you love and that love you. I think it is a healthy thing to do to help in your grieving process.

@Jennifer 1967, condolences to you and your mom for the loss of your aunt.

Good luck 🍀 have a wonderful day!

Sorry, It was post 854 !

Have a good walk!

Still blah. The day looks beautiful but that’s deceptive for it’s only 50 degrees out there. Have to bring the plants in tonight and cover the others. Sheez almost June. Ah well I had no outside plans. I wish the artworks center would post some adult classes. All they’ve had lately is one class the end of July for experienced watercolor. I’m not experienced. I was really hoping for another joy of painting class. That was an excellent class.

I've been worried about nuclear war and monkey pox since yesterday morning and my mom is saying and my therapist would probably agree with her that I'm just focusing on all that stuff as a type of coping mechanism I'm doing to distract myself from my real life health issues. I plan on seeing my pdoc in person finally at the start of June. If he tells me he knows of a great doctor, he can go shove it. He is always telling me he knows of some great doctor and he honestly just sounds full of himself. He never seems to trust or understand that I am already getting good medical care and I trust my doctors. But today I don't feel as bad physically as I did yesterday. That advil really helped and I think I'm getting used to the swallowing thing. I'm a bit worn out and slightly on edge anxiety wise but thats about it today.

Theres this band I like called Jacks Mannequin and then he went solo a few years ago and became Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness. I've liked him since high school but since Januarary 2021 I've found a lot of his songs really relatable to what I've been going through myself. Especially regarding my transference therapist and my health issues. I've just been using my music to cope a lot with how I've been feeling.

I'm currently a bit nauseated. I haven't gotten nauseated in awhile. I've taken my valiums and what I could of my mental health stuff. I could possibly need half a zofran for the first time in awhile. My throat pain was getting there but still stable. My mom got the makings for vanilla milkshakes so I wouldnt have to stop at Starbucks again.

The nausea went away after a homemade milk shake. Now I am just worn out and I only had the energy to do one load of laundry today that I'll just leave in the dryer. My nephews are at their partys so the house is quite. But my area just hit the high covid risk mark and with them at partys and my sister and brother in law flying to a wedding who knows what next week will look like. At least our 8 free kits are coming.

Enjoying some Raspberry Zinger tea while I sit on the deck and enjoy the scenery and the birds singing. I had my morning chat with my best friend. That hour or two always brightens my day and starts things out right.

I do have a list of things to accomplish before I leave for vacation but I’m pretty chill about it. I’m an anxious person but I’m making a diligent effort to address that. I’m asking myself if things will matter a week, month or year from now and the harder questions of what am I actually anxious about. I’m determined to lighten up and be more calm. I’m casually getting things done.

My daughter moved into her first apartment last night. So happy for her. She’s wanted her own home for as long as I can remember. They signed a year’s lease and have an agent looking for a suitable home for them to buy. She’s 23 and has things going just right. I’m proud of her.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend. Hugs to all.

WOW, hope your daughter will like to live in her own apartment!

Glad you are having a good time preparing for your vacation. Mine is not before the end of July. But better late than never (I was late with my order after the lock down and all the places I wanted to go were already taken).

You asked a question a few pages back. I have tried to answer in two posts, post 854 and post 856, this thread. I mention that now in the case that you have not seen them. May be my answer does not fit with you. It was not meant degrading when I said I was older then you. I intended to say that there is always hope. So it was for me and so it will be for you. I was young when I entered therapy, but I experienced that "insights" in inner topics could come even after ending therapy. So it was meant as some sort of : "There will allays be a time for new understandings as long a we live".

We are all different and luckily most of us benefit from some sort of therapy or perhaps a combination of meds and therapy. (I ordered some sessions with my former therapist now and feel privileged to have that opportunity. Most people have to wait in long waiting rows for a therapist).

I send my best wishes for this prepare-before-vacation week for you!

OOF that was a hot walk! We left the walk after one loop around, it was a paved path with not much shade and we are out of shape lol so it would not have been smart to continue the whole three miles. It was a great experience though and I’m glad we did it! I’m cooling down with a decaf iced coffee and then it’s shower time for me for sure!

That’s great Wildflower that you did that much. I’m sure it was appreciated . Congratulations 🎊

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I can sort of remember season one, it’s 2 &3 that are harder to remember. I loved chummy, she was one of my favorites. I can guarantee though Ill cry all over again watching those seasons. The midwife story lines are so good.

I adored Chummy. She was so open and genuine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo .....

Dude, you are cruel! That food looks so good.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 We just took a short walk to warm up for the NAMI walk and boy is it humid. It’s gonna be bad in the blazing sun. Also my vision is slightly compromised. Slight double vision, almost like what happens when I switch around my lamictal by accident. Like if I take 200mg in the AM instead of 100mg. It’s weird because I know I filled my box with 100mg in the morning spot…and it hasn’t happened any other time this week. I’m a bit concerned. It’s Saturday so I can’t see my program dr until Monday at the earliest. And she is rather unhelpful. Im positive I didn’t take extra lamictal last night either, but I did skip the minipress, because I think that’s what’s making me so tired during the day. Gabapentin, minipress, and seroquel is just too much sedation, but I can’t take just one or the other because then I don’t fall asleep. I dunno. Im looking forward to the walk despite the fact that it will be so hot. Unfortunately we have no choice but to complete the whole thing unless we want to swim across the lake in the middle! We have a cooler backpack to take with us and I have an insulated water bottle. I will be putting water in my gym bag as well. Everyone wish us luck!

I want to thank you for doing the NAMI walk. NAMI has been a huge part of my healing process for decades, it's such a valuable resource for zillions of people. Congratulations!

I hate the double vision that comes from meds. What is minipress?

Wouldn’t you love to have Dr Patrick Turner as your family doctor? He is such a good listener

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Wouldn’t you love to have Dr Patrick Turner as your family doctor? He is such a good listener

Oooohhh, would that I were so fortunate! I actually do recall doctors like him from when I was a very little girl. I had a pediatrician, his name was Dr. Bramham Caring, entirely devoted, ultra-competent. I don't know what happened along the way. Guess it was just a different generation.

Unisom is, tragically, another sleep med for the bin. I ended up taking 25mg Seroquel last night, finally fell asleep. Now I cannot wake up. Pffffft.

The 200mg (increase from 150) of Lamictal is calming my mind. Good, good.

We're going to hit 100 degrees on Wednesday. Mercy me. Hot, bone dry, no point in washing my car because it's all dusty again in a few hours. Just over the Coast Range Mountains 10 miles west of here is the San Francisco Bay Area, which is substantially cooler than this valley is. I pray for an ocean breeze to come through, at least at night.

Well kids, I'm headed for the shower. That will feel amazing. But first, turning on 2 fans and some disco.

Here's a bouquet of flowers for each of you

Oooo 100! You poor thing, dry is better than humid but still 100 is just too hot 🥵

Heh heh disco died but it does have a beat! Especially Abba.

Thanks for the flowers 💐

Thank you, GoGo, for your responses and your support. You are very kind. I, too, recently bought a book about Overthinking as my best friend has pointed out that I have that problem occasionally. It’s good to know it has roots in anxiety. Thank you.