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  #551  
Old Jun 09, 2022, 09:41 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
The loaner came! It’s an old one. But small enough for me. It’s so old it’s manual and has bench seats. I’m not sure it has AC even! I forgot to check.

The way I ended my last long term therapy wasn’t too good. I’d had back surgery and wasn’t allowed to drive. I was supposed to use this transportation service and I had it all arranged but they stopped allowing cash and only accepted tickets. I didn’t know that so they refused to take me to my appointment and with my back the thought of having to ride somewhere just to buy the tickets and come home was too much. So I canceled everything. Then I slid into a year and a half depression where I didn’t leave my apartment. Didn’t pick up the phone or answer emails. When I surfaced I called but she no longer accepted my insurance. She referred me to someone else though but I just didn’t go. At some point I realized I didn’t need it anyway.

The loaner sounds kinda cool! Most of my cars have been sticks, as mine is now. It's such fun to drive a manual.

I'm sorry you had that rotten experience with ending therapy. It sounds really mean, from several sides.
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  #552  
Old Jun 09, 2022, 09:50 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 View Post
Just need to share...

Its been 15 years this September since my dad passed suddenly from a heart attack. His grave has been unmarked this whole time. Not becasue we didnt want to but because legally we arent allowed to. My selfish, abusive stepmother ***** paid for the plot when he died so legally she wont let us put one there andshe refuses to place a stone. Its sooooo hard taking flowers to an unmarked grave. Ive even seen people drive over it before. I have been saying for YEARS that we should take one of the plots around him and place a stone there and by law she cannot remove it. No one listens to me though. Now my sister seems to think its the right idea and shes all about it. anyway, we deisgned it and theyre gonna get back with us. my granny is gonna help pay for it. he was her son. its gonna be beautiful!

he will have a headstone by fall. the 15th year anniversary. i dont think anyone should have to have an unmarked grave.

my soul is content finally.

Thank you for sharing your good news. I've had to work with my sisters, then sister, on our parents' stones, our uncle's, and then our sister's. It took a lot of work, but each headstone turned out beautiful. The feeling when the stone is finished and placed brings, as you put it so well, soul-deep contentment.
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  #553  
Old Jun 09, 2022, 09:53 PM
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Aurelius710 Aurelius710 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: US
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSeaCat View Post
Hey y'all. Man I don't even know if the people I used to update are still around these parts anyway I figured you guys might appreciate a little life update. I get married in 9 days! Covid made me reschedule the wedding a few times. I am so excited to get married and then enjoy the honeymoon.

I also graduated with my MBA and MHA in May. So much has happened since I last checked in. Life has just been insane anymore for the both of us. I hope you all are doing well I just wanted to give you a short update on things.
Congratulations! May your life be interesting in all the good ways.
__________________
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Litany Against Fear (Dune)
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  #554  
Old Jun 09, 2022, 10:10 PM
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Aurelius710 Aurelius710 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 View Post
Just need to share...

Its been 15 years this September since my dad passed suddenly from a heart attack. His grave has been unmarked this whole time. Not becasue we didnt want to but because legally we arent allowed to. My selfish, abusive stepmother ***** paid for the plot when he died so legally she wont let us put one there andshe refuses to place a stone. Its sooooo hard taking flowers to an unmarked grave. Ive even seen people drive over it before. I have been saying for YEARS that we should take one of the plots around him and place a stone there and by law she cannot remove it. No one listens to me though. Now my sister seems to think its the right idea and shes all about it. anyway, we deisgned it and theyre gonna get back with us. my granny is gonna help pay for it. he was her son. its gonna be beautiful!

H
he will have a headstone by fall. the 15th year anniversary. i dont think anyone should have to have an unmarked grave.

my soul is content finally.
Finding closure is a wonderful feeling.
__________________
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Litany Against Fear (Dune)
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  #555  
Old Jun 09, 2022, 10:15 PM
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TheSeaCat TheSeaCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Beth* View Post




~*~Congratulations all over!~*~

What are your wedding colors?
Various shades of blue to make like an ombre effect within the bridesmaids dresses, grey, and silver are the other two colors. Thank you so much.
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  #556  
Old Jun 09, 2022, 10:17 PM
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Aurelius710 Aurelius710 is offline
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Good news: My $175 debt is paid off! Some of the people I reached out to were able to come through and the lien is no more! I was even able to cover lights, utilities, and internet through the next month. Plus, I've been able to start getting free prescriptions through the free clinic I got set up with. A measure of stability!

Fun news: A lot of animals, both domestic and wild, were hanging around my house this morning. Before sunrise, I caught a glimpse of a pair of does grazing in my backyard. Nice moment of calm. I live in suburbia, but I'm about 1/4 mile from some dense woods. A couple hours later, at sunrise, I hear the unmistakable growls and yowls of two very unhappy tomcats. I get outside in time to watch them circling and finishing their feline trash talk, and just before it was time to rumble, they notice me. And they walk away in two separate directions like I didn't watch a potential turf war start. After I broke up the fight and had some breakfast, I went to my carto run errands and witnessed a hedgehog waddling along. He gave a look that, if it were human, would be an old timer tipping his hat and going, "Mornin'."

Not so fun news: I've got to get my car looked at. There is something leaking out in significant quantities. No performance issues yet, but I don't want to risk it. Luckily, there's a repair shop at the end of my street that does good work for fair prices. Hopefully, it's an easy and cheap fix.
__________________
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Litany Against Fear (Dune)
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous 42424, Nammu, Soupe du jour
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, Nammu, Soupe du jour, ~Christina
  #557  
Old Jun 09, 2022, 10:18 PM
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BeyondtheRainbow BeyondtheRainbow is offline
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Location: US
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSeaCat View Post
Hey y'all. Man I don't even know if the people I used to update are still around these parts anyway I figured you guys might appreciate a little life update. I get married in 9 days! Covid made me reschedule the wedding a few times. I am so excited to get married and then enjoy the honeymoon.



Where is your honeymoon? Is this the same guy you fell in love with at work?
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  #558  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 12:40 AM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurelius710 View Post
Good news: My $175 debt is paid off! Some of the people I reached out to were able to come through and the lien is no more! I was even able to cover lights, utilities, and internet through the next month. Plus, I've been able to start getting free prescriptions through the free clinic I got set up with. A measure of stability!

Fun news: A lot of animals, both domestic and wild, were hanging around my house this morning. Before sunrise, I caught a glimpse of a pair of does grazing in my backyard. Nice moment of calm. I live in suburbia, but I'm about 1/4 mile from some dense woods. A couple hours later, at sunrise, I hear the unmistakable growls and yowls of two very unhappy tomcats. I get outside in time to watch them circling and finishing their feline trash talk, and just before it was time to rumble, they notice me. And they walk away in two separate directions like I didn't watch a potential turf war start. After I broke up the fight and had some breakfast, I went to my carto run errands and witnessed a hedgehog waddling along. He gave a look that, if it were human, would be an old timer tipping his hat and going, "Mornin'."

Not so fun news: I've got to get my car looked at. There is something leaking out in significant quantities. No performance issues yet, but I don't want to risk it. Luckily, there's a repair shop at the end of my street that does good work for fair prices. Hopefully, it's an easy and cheap fix.

A measure of stability is a wonderful thing.

I didn't know there were hedgehogs in the US. I have a dear friend from Bulgaria & the name for hedgehog in Bulgarian is "eshkobeshko."
__________________




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  #559  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 05:58 AM
Anonymous 42424
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Beth* View Post


Thank you very much, GoGo2
I have quoted Beth, but my input is for all who perhaps need it.

I have not felt well so far this day. I dropped my usual morning routine and laid down at my sofa (even if I had planned to go shopping today and I really need to print out the tickets at the library). First I was self blaming, but then I understood that all the feelings had to do with my mentioning of the friend/therapy mix yesterday.

So it is. There are days when old hurts feel like they are new.

I think that so it has to be. We cannot beat ourselves up because now and then old hurts break through. We all started in therapy with the wish to overcome all that held us down. But may be that is not how it functions?

May be the best way is to accept that sometimes old hurts breaks through and that we have to allow ourselves to be kind to ourselves when that happens? After all we are human. Old hurts were real and can from time to time pup up again. They have put marks on us that we cannot just wash away. A person who has had a leg amputated can learn to live with that, but from time to time the accident or whatever it was that led to the amputation, pups up again in memory.

I have left my sofa for now and am sitting here with my PC. My body feels better and I know that after a while I will go and do what I am supposed to do for today. That is a good feeling ...

As years have passed I have found that the CBT design is a really good supplement for mental health (at least for me).

I read a book years ago (a self help book) about the CBT approach and it is still helpful to look into that book. In that book I met a therapist who didn't believe in going back in time. His belief was that we have to stay in the here and now and try to learn helpful coping mechanisms.

If somebody want to look into it they have it at Amazon. The title is: "Breaking the patterns of depression" by Michael D. Yapko. Amazon has a good description of it, but if anybody want to buy it, please remember that this book is not for reading only, but for reading and doing. One has to work through the chapters to make it work ... (It worked for me, but we are all different ...).

How do I end this input? I feel fine. I really do. I am comforting myself with that it is OK to not be on the top. In half an hour or so I will go out and do some of the things I had planned for today.

Be as well as it is possible for you today, all of you!
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Nammu, Soupe du jour
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, Nammu, Soupe du jour, ~Christina
  #560  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 07:08 AM
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TheSeaCat TheSeaCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow View Post
Where is your honeymoon? Is this the same guy you fell in love with at work?
The honeymoon will be in The Maldives for 3 weeks and it is the same guy. He proposed in 2020 and we lived together all through the worst of Covid and that didn't tear us apart. So after rescheduling a few times the time has finally came.
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  #561  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 08:04 AM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is online now
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I didn't sleep well last night and I was mostly up from 11 but I got about an hour of sleep around 5:20. Which is better then nothing. At the moment I'm mainly just really hungry. I ate a snack at 11:30 but I think its just the fact that I can't eat thats making me so hungry. Anxiety wise I don't feel much. Mainly I'm just ready to get this over with. Maybe I'll go to Outback after for lunch.
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  #562  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 09:54 AM
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Aurelius710 Aurelius710 is offline
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Location: US
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Beth* View Post


A measure of stability is a wonderful thing.

I didn't know there were hedgehogs in the US. I have a dear friend from Bulgaria & the name for hedgehog in Bulgarian is "."
That is an oopsie from me. Named the wrong animal! I meant this guy:
Bipolar check-in # 66
who, if I'm honest, would likely be too laid back to care. Bill Murray, on the other hand, might be a bit annoyed that I got one of his biggest movies wrong. (Hedgehog Day?) Ha ha!

On a side note, that is an amazing Bulgarian name for the hedgehog! "Eshkobeshko" just rolls off the tongue.
__________________
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Litany Against Fear (Dune)
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous 42424, Nammu, Soupe du jour
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, Nammu
  #563  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 12:18 PM
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Moose72 Moose72 is online now
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Member Since: Jan 2008
Location: USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Beth* View Post


That sounds fun! It's wonderful, and I admire, how extroverted you are. My N2, Noah, is like that.
She is supposed to picking me up anytime actually- we are going for a walk. I hope she comes soon. It's a little hot out and it feels worse when you can hardly sweat because of the sun block. As for being an extrovert yes I am - very much so! That said, I do have my moments when I'd like to be alone away from everybody. But I don't crave it too much since I live alone already.
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  #564  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 12:42 PM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is online now
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I had my biopsy. Man those were some of the nicest medical people I've dealt with. I went to a different hospital then the one I had my surgery at and the ER I go to. I for sure wasn't worrying for nothing though when it came to pain. The numbing needles in my neck hurt like hell. I had to get 2 shots since I have at least 2 possibly 3 nodules. 2 are on my right side. But the tech lady held my hand during the entire procedure and once the numbing went into effect I didn't feel much when the doctor was digging into me. They didn't seem much concerned with the left side. They did seem concerned with the right one and said it possibly had stuff on it I didn't understand and then at the end the lady working on the computer took a picture of the right side. Anyways I'll get the results in like 10 days and I have a couple bandaids on my neck and I'm in some pain and they said to expect swelling and to be bruised. But based on how proffesional and nice everyone was and how I felt afterwards, for once I don't feel totally freaked out after something like this and I got pizza and made it to the grocery store afterwards. I am in bed though since I am just tired physically in general.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
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  #565  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 01:09 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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I’m having a good day today. My knee and hand might have been psychogenic because they are not nearly as painful anymore. Whatever, as long as the pain is gone! My GI issues will not be resolved until I see my dr and she tells me nothing is wrong OR finds an actual problem that can be solved. Today my only problem is that my face hurts like crazy. Like I have a sinus infection but I don’t have any stuffiness? I dunno. I don’t have allergies normally. Don’t know why they would all of a sudden show up. But whatever.

It’s really nice out today and I took a walk nice and early to enjoy the fresh air. I’m hoping RS and CR will want to go to the river and eat today. There’s two restaurants that have outdoor seating and one is right on the river, and then we can take a walk on one of the paths in the state park. I hope RS will be amenable. CR is along for the ride as long as we feed him

CR’s 5th grade moving up ceremony is on tuesday. He’s getting an academic award that he doesn’t know about. I was informed in a letter by his principal. I don’t know what it is but I know whatever it is he deserves it! After all he’s been through in his short life. Then on the 20th is his last day of school. The parents line up at 12:45 in front of the school and “clap out” the fifth graders. I’m swallowing tears just thinking about it!
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
-Albus Dumbledore

That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
-Garden State
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  #566  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 01:17 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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Mum’s not feeling good. Was going to go get groceries since we haven’t had a car for a week, but she asked me to come back after fitness and the library so she could shower. When I got home she tells me she forgot to take any of her pills yesterday! No wonder she feels so terrible. She’s on a lot of heart meds. So she went back to bed.

I also stopped by the auto shop and picked up the garage door opener and the handicap parking thing. Guess I’ll go shopping tomorrow. Got stuff in the freezer I can defrost for tonight.

I’m liking the weather mostly, it’s been nice. I can’t deny that nice weather helps me stay smoother. The weather doesn’t matter if I’m in an episode but when I’m stable my mood is more even on good weather days. I really like 🌞 sun.
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann



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  #567  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 01:53 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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My GI’s office just called, they set up an appt for me to speak with the dr in person. I’m so glad she’s taking me seriously. I’m glad that I’m strong enough mentally to advocate for myself as well.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
-Albus Dumbledore

That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
-Garden State
Hugs from:
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Thanks for this!
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  #568  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 01:59 PM
Anonymous 42424
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 View Post
CR’s 5th grade moving up ceremony is on tuesday. He’s getting an academic award that he doesn’t know about. I was informed in a letter by his principal. I don’t know what it is but I know whatever it is he deserves it! After all he’s been through in his short life. Then on the 20th is his last day of school. The parents line up at 12:45 in front of the school and “clap out” the fifth graders. I’m swallowing tears just thinking about it!
This will be a good day for him!
  #569  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 02:03 PM
Anonymous 42424
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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 View Post
I’m so glad she’s taking me seriously. I’m glad that I’m strong enough mentally to advocate for myself as well.
  #570  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 02:13 PM
Anonymous 42424
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This was supposed to be a good day. It turned out otherwise. I found out that I had bills that I had forgotten to pay. I paid them and had to take some telephones. I felt that I lost track of my mood, saw a movie online, in the hope that it would be relaxing, but I only felt tired afterward.

There comes a new day tomorrow. I have written a plan for the morning, when to go to the library and so on. I hope for a better day tomorrow!

Be well all!
Hugs from:
*Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, Mountaindewed, Nammu, wildflowerchild25
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, ~Christina
  #571  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 05:08 PM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is online now
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I've been without my geodon 20mil for 3 days now. My pdoc doesnt seem to get that I take 2 strenghts and I forget to remind him. I was doing ok without it. Its not like being without an 80mil or a benzo. But I could use it tonight. The pharamacy is working on it but "working on it" to them could mean another 2 days. Mainly at the moment my throat is really sore and I think I'm getting my physical vs mental health symptoms mixed up again. I could probably use tylenol and ice and sleep more then geodon.
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  #572  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 05:27 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSeaCat View Post
Hey y'all. Man I don't even know if the people I used to update are still around these parts anyway I figured you guys might appreciate a little life update. I get married in 9 days! Covid made me reschedule the wedding a few times. I am so excited to get married and then enjoy the honeymoon.

I also graduated with my MBA and MHA in May. So much has happened since I last checked in. Life has just been insane anymore for the both of us. I hope you all are doing well I just wanted to give you a short update on things.

Congratulations! Thank you for sharing

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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  #573  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 05:35 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I had my biopsy. Man those were some of the nicest medical people I've dealt with. I went to a different hospital then the one I had my surgery at and the ER I go to. I for sure wasn't worrying for nothing though when it came to pain. The numbing needles in my neck hurt like hell. I had to get 2 shots since I have at least 2 possibly 3 nodules. 2 are on my right side. But the tech lady held my hand during the entire procedure and once the numbing went into effect I didn't feel much when the doctor was digging into me. They didn't seem much concerned with the left side. They did seem concerned with the right one and said it possibly had stuff on it I didn't understand and then at the end the lady working on the computer took a picture of the right side. Anyways I'll get the results in like 10 days and I have a couple bandaids on my neck and I'm in some pain and they said to expect swelling and to be bruised. But based on how proffesional and nice everyone was and how I felt afterwards, for once I don't feel totally freaked out after something like this and I got pizza and made it to the grocery store afterwards. I am in bed though since I am just tired physically in general.

Good for you, Md! You're brave. I'm glad the medical team was a nice one. That makes such a difference.
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  #574  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 05:39 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 View Post
...
CR’s 5th grade moving up ceremony is on tuesday. He’s getting an academic award that he doesn’t know about. I was informed in a letter by his principal. I don’t know what it is but I know whatever it is he deserves it! After all he’s been through in his short life. Then on the 20th is his last day of school. The parents line up at 12:45 in front of the school and “clap out” the fifth graders. I’m swallowing tears just thinking about it!

Aw, how awesome that CR will be getting that award.

Every time they move up a grade
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  #575  
Old Jun 10, 2022, 05:45 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
Well I’m feeling lousy today. Hope I don’t have an Asthma /URI brewing. Just very tired, still. Steve’s been coughing a lot today.

Well we can’t find anyone to work on the oxygen concentrator’s ! Closest we have found that might be able to repair is freaking Atlanta ! Can’t even wrap my head around shipping cost.

Not sure what we can do ! Might have to go back to renting but thats 50 something a month. Not sure how much more I can squeeze out of grocery money.

Always something !

We treated the dogs for fleas and ticks 3 days ago and Gus has been feeling bad so I have to find another treatment K9 Advantage just isn’t good for him. Never had a problem with Dexter and Sirius.

I think I need a bottle of wine and a bag of chocolate! Anyone wanna join me ?!!

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