Bipolar check-in #67

So much going on at the same time! You are in my thoughts!

I have started to sleep more after Covid, 10 to 12 hours a night. It eats too much of my day. I'll buy a battery for my old alarm clock and start setting it for half an hour early each day until I reach normal get up time.

Best wishes to all!

The house we saw yesterday was unique, but a bit of a hot mess and other factors made us rule it out. Then we went to see some "na klic" (pre-fab) model houses. No decision on that idea. No one expected this all to be easy!

My nephew is in the psych hospital again. I don't think ECT is the solution again, or at least not alone. Yes, maybe he does need medication adjustments, but after 30 something years I am encouraging my sister to get him housing with support for his autism spectrum.

Yes a person’s own living space helps immensely. I know having my own apartment was crucial to healing.

Am having a time trying to find a counselor that specializes in grief/loss/dying on my insurance plan (which pays 100% right now). I did have a counselor set up for August 10th but can’t really afford that right now as she doesn’t take my insurance and I have medical expenses currently.

In-office visit on Monday at my med provider’s request.

Scheduled to talk to my daughter Tuesday evening. I hope that goes well. Fingers crossed.

I just bought the cutest soft fleece blanket off Groupon. It’s got pretty green leaves, pink lotus looking flowers and pink flamingos. I love it! It’s a good size as well. I do like my soft blankets.

Doing well today. Yay!

As told, am drowsy after Covid. I have decided that I have to go out every day. I went out and bought a Greek omelet and a glass of withe wine for dinner at a restaurant. After that I bought a bigger Osprey sack. The one I have is too small. I have wanted to do that for a long time, but felt it as too luxurious and have said NO to myself. This day "the no" was gone. I need a bigger sack for the rest of my vacation at the end og the month. I went for a little walk afterward. Good to be moving forward again. Not to forget, I did buy battery for the alarm clock.

Good wishes!

I have decided I need to take time for myself. I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself and keeping it all in and I just can’t do it or my brain will snap and I’ll have a psychotic breakdown. I’m not on any APs and on Tuesday I already had a blip, I couldn’t stop for gas because I thought there might be shady characters there and someone might follow me home. I just felt like I wouldn’t be safe until I was in my completely locked house. So it’s not looking good if I continue on this path.

Anyway today I am going to go to Trader Joe’s after dinner all by my lonesome and get the produce that the regular grocery store didn’t have, plus a treat for myself (they have nice candies). On Saturday I have a hair appointment. Been meaning to get it cut for a few weeks but haven’t felt well enough.

I just feel like I need to get away from here for an hour or so. Not that I don’t love my son, but I did so poorly when he was very young and completely dependent on me. And right now since he’s recuperating he is again completely dependent on me. It’s taking me back to when my first husband died and we were alone and I had no breaks at all. I just felt overwhelmed and trapped, which is how I feel now. But now I have RS to take care of him while I go out for a little bit.

At least CR is doing well, you’d hardly know he had surgery tbh. He’s frustrated that he can’t eat his favorite foods though. He was super upset last night because he was very hungry but he couldn’t eat anything “real”. I placated him with instant mashed potatoes that I made the consistency of baby cereal. He was happy with that. Today he was upset he couldn’t have broccoli cheddar soup bc of the big broccoli pieces but mom to the rescue, I dug out my food processor and blended it very smooth. So now he’s happy. Soup, potatoes, and processed chef boyardee spaghetti (yuck).

-sigh-

work is proving to be difficult to schedule. since most my clients have medicaid they dontget charged for no call/no shows. which means they do it literally alll the time with very little consequence. its just not right that people take advantage

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow ... I'm sad because I came home and my Abbycat is having wheezing spells from her asthma being triggered. My mom used a cleaner over here a few days ago that seems to have started it. But the other time she had an asthma flair I was away overnight for my surgery. So my being gone 10 days probably really stressed her out even though my mom gave her lots of attention. I don't want to have to take her in to the vets for more steroids.

Aw, poor girl. Yes, she was probably stressed about you being gone. Hopefully her asthma will calm down now. Vets don't usually tell people that steroids are one of the main causes of diabetes in cats.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoGo2 As told, am drowsy after Covid. I have decided that I have to go out every day. I went out and bought a Greek omelet and a glass of withe wine for dinner at a restaurant. After that I bought a bigger Osprey sack. The one I have is too small. I have wanted to do that for a long time, but felt it as too luxurious and have said NO to myself. This day "the no" was gone. I need a bigger sack for the rest of my vacation at the end og the month. I went for a little walk afterward. Good to be moving forward again. Not to forget, I did buy battery for the alarm clock. Good wishes!

have an Osprey bag I used for traveling and love it.

Yeah, my vet warned me about steroids and diabetes. The goal is to not need them more than 3 times per year.

I'm pretty sure that this was a combination of stress and cleaners as she is fine today/tonight. She's even cuddling a bit. I can tell she feels much better. My mom admitted that she used a scent cube on my melty thing and that was one thing the vet specifically said not to do (and my mom didn't know). So that alone may have been her probem. Plus the furnace repair people were here yesterday and used a solvent of some kind that could have triggered it. I just hope it stays gone.


I hope she doesn't have this happen when I'm on vacation next month. She boards at my vets' so if it happen they'll take care of it easily. It's only a few days but the prior round of asthma I was only gone 36 hours.

Poor kitty.....

I went to lunch with my friend. Being with her is comfortable, which is a huge advantage to having a life-long friend. But I was worrying the entire time and I had taken Seroquel to sleep, so was feeling drugged and odd. By the time I came home I was thoroughly exhausted. I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through the next 2 1/2 hours until bedtime.

I came home, after visiting with such a "normal" person with a "normal" life wondering if I can hide my not-normalities forever. As I've gotten older it's becoming very difficult.

I question this a lot as well when I’m around “normal” folk. I kind of have radically accepted that I’m just out there. It is what it is. I’m glad that you had a good time though!

I have a party Saturday and have had a major OCD flare up. I might see about upping my Luvox with my pdoc. He seems to want me off of Seroquel & Luvox, but idk. The Luvox is helping tremendously and my Depakote levels are now back up!

Work has been going well as well. I’m learning a lot and am a lot more focused than before. Also my coworker just got promoted so I’m getting donuts for her tomorrow, some blood work done (if I have time), and I bought her a pop up card!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour .....

I'm sorry to hear that your nephew is IP again. Poor guy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by convalescence I have a party Saturday and have had a major OCD flare up. I might see about upping my Luvox with my pdoc. He seems to want me off of Seroquel & Luvox, but idk. The Luvox is helping tremendously and my Depakote levels are now back up! Work has been going well as well. I’m learning a lot and am a lot more focused than before. Also my coworker just got promoted so I’m getting donuts for her tomorrow, some blood work done (if I have time), and I bought her a pop up card!

Is Luvox prescribed to you for OCD?

Well, the financial situation got resolved. Much too late for me to do anything, but I'm OK in the short term. I'm not losing sleep over the missed neurology appointment (crappy doc), but I was able to reschedule my missed interview for next week. A couple of other employers got back to me and have a couple of hoops they want me to jump through. I'll iron out my interview clothes, shave and start jumping those hoops in the morning.

I was a treated to a "Daddy know best." lecture where he rehashed his newest attack: I'm supposedly keeping my blind dying mother away, because I haven't cleaned my (already clean) house and he, in all his (conveniently found) principles, will not let her stay with me in my "dirty" house. He won't let me visit them at his place (the home I grew up in) because of "bugs." I had bed bugs about two years ago (Pain in the rear end to get rid of!) and ever since he's acted like I'm a walking biohazard, even going so far as to "warn" other family that I was going to "infest" them by being there. I always thought gaslighting was subtle? This is... this is...

At any rate, I'll scrub the floors. I'll vacuum the carpets. I'll even spring for a carpet cleaner rental. I'll make my clean house shiny for him. I shouldn't have to submit to an inspection to see my mother, but there we are. I'll play the game, because he's the gatekeeper. Once his role is finished... I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, but I'll likely be on my way out.

@Aurelius710, I'm sorry your dad is so extreme in his expectations. If needed, could you take her out to lunch, so your place is not an issue? If money for that is an issue, a cheaper fast food place could be fine. Doesn't your mom, herself, have any say in this? Blindness need not take away her say. I bet you'd also sometimes like to see her alone without your dad.

Nobody has the right to know what kind of illnesses you have, mental or not. Please remember that next time. It is a blessing to have life-long friends. Mine are dead. There is one still living, but I don't know were she lives and she has married into another name.

Do you know any relaxation exercises you can use instead of using a med in front of challengers? I find relaxation exercises very important in my life. Had to work with them for some months before they sat. May be you can try to make a list of what is normal in your life and repeat and repeat that for yourself until it sits.

By the way: It is OK to feel exhausted after being out for a friend chat.

Be kind to yourself today!

So much to carry!

This morning has been almost "normal" according to how my mornings used to be before Covid. I only used a little over time at the breakfast table. I have done my physical exercises and read my notes (about how to use coping strategies) to live my life as best I can with my disorders. I will soon lay down to do self hypnosis (on coping strategies) before I go out for a little walk.

Best wishes to all!

The pain medicine is really helping with my tongue but it’s messing up my sleep something fierce. It’s why I’ve been up since 4:00 am. It makes me sleepy and yet…. I’ll use it very sparingly.

I’m going to work on getting things done more consistently. Until now it’s been hit or miss but I feel like I’ve come over a hump now. It feels good. I unexpectedly came across a bookmark with my brother’s picture and obituary on it that the funeral home put together and while it startled me and set off fresh pain, I was okay.

I think I’ll look for ways to really enjoy this summer. Fun and pleasurable things and activities. Bible study the other day was a good start.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I did decently yesterday. I can't tell if I have really bad agoraphobia or just no desire to go out because there isnt anything to do and I don't need anything. I just watched TV all day and got mexican food for dinner. Today I don't have any plans although I might go to TJ Maxx.

Sir was very insistent that I get up today. I don’t know why as he had food and the sun is not out so he didn’t get in his bed. His bed is right where the morning sun hits, but no sun today. I think he knows this is Friday! I used to have aqua fitness on fri morning. But there’s a new instructor on fridays and I can’t read her lips so I can’t follow the movements as she’s in deep water and doesn’t get out to show us the moves. So I no longer go on Friday. She’s just temporary though, for the summer. But meanwhile Sir wants me to stick to the routine!

Someone called the cops yesterday and reported that they were my roommate and I wasn't giving them their stuff back. Thing is, I don't have a roommate and have never had one ever. I have my own apartment and am the only one living here. I wasn't even home when it happened, was at my friend's house for his birthday. I live in a supportive housing program due to my schizoaffective disorder/ bipolar, and being on SSI. It really stressed me out and upset me but my care manager said not to worry about it, they know I'm a good tennant and there are a lot of mentally unstable people who live in the building so it could have been that. They said it was a .some number, I forget the code for it, but someone who frequently calls the police for random and false things.

So paranoia is one of my big symptoms and that whole situation really set it off yesterday, I was in my apartment shaking and crying. Had to take my prn klonopin to get to calm down and get to sleep. I'm still a little on edge today

Last night something else happened, an apartment down the hall had police and police dogs come to their apartment and the tenants boyfriend assaulted the police officer then damaged the property. So yeah, lots of drama and crap always going on here