Bipolar check-in #69

My ex husband used to love Paddington Bear! Back in the early 90s we bought at least 6 VHS tapes of the show and we saw the movie(s).

I’m being re-evaluated because my bipolar 2 diagnosis is in question. Many of the current and former professionals in my life say absolutely. Many say absolutely not…it’s XYZ or ABC. According to my med provider, I don’t respond to medication like her other bipolar patients do. Results have been inconsistent. What does it matter right? A lot when you’ve heavily identified with a diagnosis for 20 plus years. Researched it. Managed it. Someone pulls a rug out from under you. You feel adrift.

There have been questions for several months and I’m just now addressing them. The treatments in some aspects are different for the various diagnoses brought up to me. It will take several weeks of my therapist assessing and discussing things with me but she said we’d nail it down.

I posted this in a private message and my friend (thank you) said it might be a good idea to post it on the forum and get some feedback on the topic.

Thank you.

Hi @Sunflower123. A thought is that you've had a very rough year and have seemed vulnerable to "relapses", whatever that means for you (bipolar or not). Having extreme stressors in life exacerbates mental illnesses, of various sorts. If past medications have not served you well, then other treatment approaches are best to pursue, whether with medications, therapeutic approaches, and/or significant life changes. And "significant", as you know, may mean "sufficiently great", but also "sufficiently important". Two related meanings, but size may not be (or seem) large, in the same sense, in the latter case.

I certainly can't know what your definitive diagnosis should or shouldn't be, but feel that clinging to something that doesn't work is counterproductive and may only do you harm. Even if you do keep a bipolar diagnosis, know that our "flavors" are on different points of a mysterious and varied spectrum and our illness courses often change throughout our lives. Mine certainly has. The brain is so complex! Clinging to a particular spot in that universe doesn't always make sense.

Don't you dare dispare or feel too frustrated! There is no need to. Things can improve in an instant, or can be hard won. Patience, tolerance, hardwork, forgiveness (of self and others), and an open mind for the present and future, helps. Imagine the moments, floating on your back, in the water. Your eyes closed. The sun is shining, making your closed eyelids appear red. You feel warm and at peace. You open your eyes and you are temporarily blinded by the light. Then you see again, the bright beautiful sun and blue skies. That's always there, or will be again. That's how seasons work, and mecurial things.

Awwww poor baby

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It's 2 am and I'm not tired. First, I forgot my meds until a bit after 10 pm. Generally that means I'll be tired by 3 am. Second, I had a lovely date night with Hubby. I totally spruced myself up, did my hair up nice, put on lipstick, a red dress, pantyhose , high heels, and my favorite brown leather jacket. I felt hot! And Hubby agreed. He felt great, too, and was smiling a lot. We ate a delicious meal at a lovely restaurant. Felt so good after so many days of frustration and impatience.

Yay for having a good day

Hope you have many more !

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So happy she’s able to drive now ! When Steve had gotten so sick a few years ago I wasn’t okay with him driving for right at 9 months. It’s hard to be a full time care giver for pretty much anything !

Here’s hoping you can enjoy the freedom

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Good lord they sure do !!!!!

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I’m sorry sorry your having back trouble again. You have suffered so much with that I do agree about IP beds they are brutal !

I’ll cross all my body parts that the pdoc works out

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I’m glad you have a guy to go with. Women do just get taken advantage of !!!

Take time to research cars, check Kelly blue book to see if the price lines up for what they are asking.

Don’t accept the first price offer they have ALOT of wiggle room price wise. In the past I’ve always gotten up to leave a few times and heading for the door suddenly they come down in price !

Good luck !

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((((((((( Bizi ))))))) I hope everything improves for you quickly !!!

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Hey guys. I’m exhausted from all the driving and talking today so more info tomorrow, BUT! I did get a new to me car. 2016 Hyundai Elantra for an ave price but got a great deal on the financing because my credit was excellent and I live in mum’s zip code! The people there were great. They have you ring a gong when you purchase a car. Three people that were there before us rang in then me. Very nice experience, couldn’t have gone smoother.

Yay! Congratulations!!!!

It’s time for me to take a break for a week or two. I didn’t want you to wonder if I suddenly disappeared for awhile. I’m okay and everything is fine.

I send much love and all my support.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Hey guys. I’m exhausted from all the driving and talking today so more info tomorrow, BUT! I did get a new to me car. 2016 Hyundai Elantra for an ave price but got a great deal on the financing because my credit was excellent and I live in mum’s zip code! The people there were great. They have you ring a gong when you purchase a car. Three people that were there before us rang in then me. Very nice experience, couldn’t have gone smoother.

That is such great news! I'm so glad everything went smoothly. May you use your new to you car in the best of health!

Hyundais are supposed to be good cars. I hate Fords so in my biased opinion you've made a great step up. (I had a Ford so bad I sold it as soon as the warranty expired. Hated that thing and the customer service at my local dealership. For now I like my Subaru. Hyundai will be on the list of things to consider when this car dies (hopefully a long time from now).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflower123 I like most of them (I’ve rarely met a disco song that I didn’t like). We would go on these disco dance cruises here and I would dress up and enter the dance contests. Either my sister or I won each time. It was a blast. My favorite band from the disco era (I have current ones as well) is Earth, Wind and Fire. The song September is great. I was lucky enough to sit on the stage throwing distance from them when they played a festival here years ago. The CEO was dancing as well so I didn’t feel so bad in front of a huge crowd. Good times. I bet skating to disco is incredible!

Oh, the cruises sound incredible!

I love to skate to The Bee Gees because their music has a very clear beat. I've always adored the song "More, More, More" by Andrea True Connection. Her YouTube video of that song is soooo '70's, really reminds me of high school; the song was immensely popular back then. I've always wondered...did people listen to the lyrics? Andrea True was a porn star. The lyrics..."Get the cameras rollin', Get the action goin'"...I mean, haha. Sadly, she died of AIDS at a pretty young age.

A lot of classic rock is great to skate to, too.

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Originally Posted by Sunflower123 It’s time for me to take a break for a week or two. I didn’t want you to wonder if I suddenly disappeared for awhile. I’m okay and everything is fine. I send much love and all my support.

I will miss you very much. You know I'm here if you need a friend. Please be good to yourself.

I've never, never been sick from a med like I am from Luvox. I've cut it down as fast as I safely can, I think. So far, no nausea today. That's major. But all I dare to eat is dry toast, water, carbonated water with a tiny bit of cranberry juice in it, a banana, and a little bit of yogurt packed full of probiotics.
I am going to cut tonight's pill down smaller than I was planning to.

I won't see med dude until Thursday. I tried to get in sooner but, no go. The main reason I want to see him is because I'm very concerned about becoming depressed when I'm completely off the Luvox. I don't know. The whole med game drives me nuts.

I'm happy to see those of you who have checked in. I'm feeling sad about some missing people.

Six days until Fall begins! We're being promised 69 degrees and showers on Sunday I'm hoping so hard for rain, not just showers.

Love all around

serious amounts of body pain

uggg. I have spent the morning picking up laundry. and it's not helped

@*Beth*, I couldn't help but look for and find this because whenever you post about your skating I think about Blondie. Can't help but wonder what the doggie lying on the floor was thinking. Love her pants!

Good morning

I slept good last night. The dosing schedule change with my chlorpromazine (Thorazine) is helping me sleep better. The past two days I’ve slept straight through the night instead of waking up at 3-4am and then being up for the rest of the day. Weird how a little change in dose schedule can make such a huge difference but I’m happy with it. Before I was taking 200mg of it 2 hours before bed. Now I’m taking 100mg an hour before bed and 100mg directly when I lay down to go to sleep. So the dose is split now. It’s made a big difference. I went to sleep at 10:30pm last night and slept until my alarm went off at 7am and woke up no problem.

I’ve been thinking of what piercings I want next. I got my nose pierced this past June. Im thinking of getting Tragus piercings on both ears and a conch piercing on my right ear next June. And I need to get my all my tattoos touched up, especially the ones on my wrists.

Anyway, Im doing well, Ive been drawing a lot more the past few days. I feel less paranoid and anxious.

My psychiatrist said she was proud of me for staying at the volunteer lunch shift thing during my panic attack instead of bolting. And also for taking a klonopin when I needed it last Sunday when I was also panicking and paranoid because normally I don’t and I just let things build up until they become huge and totally unmanageable.

I’m making an effort to work on my eating disorder. Not going to either extremes of starving myself or bingeing because I’ve been struggling with both of those. Good news is I haven’t purged in almost a year.

The cats are doing well, they just had their breakfast and now Maybelle is relaxing. Mustachio is just walking around getting into mischief like usual lol

I hope everyone is doing okay and has a good weekend

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Finally back on the med train! Forgot to take my morning meds yesterday and I really don't have a good reason why. I mean, it was only a 24 hour window, but people noticed how wound up I was a work. Nothing bad happened, but people were telling me to take a breath.

Missed a phone call from the hospital. They want to schedule an MRI. My primary care doc was concerned with me having pinched nerve symptoms on both sides of my body (what with most of my issues of the past year being brain based) and wanted to cover all bases. I don't see anything drastic coming out of it, but it's nice to be able to cover my bases without people asking for a check!

Work was OK, even for being a little wound up. A few stressful situations, but none directed at me personality. Just frustrated people.

I think a movie might be in order tonight! Question is, what to see?

@Blue_Bird Glad you're doing well, and have a wonderful weekend too!

@Nammu Congrats on the new car!

Good morning

I was so exhausted yesterday but wanted to touch base with the car. Mum had terrible news when I got home. Her youngest (88) brother fell down in his back yard. No body saw him or heard him for 2 days. He has Parkinson’s and was looking into independent living but he’s real tight with money. He has a lot but hates to spend it. So he laid outside in the elements for 2 nights. He’s in the hospital now in and out of it. He was without food, water and his medicine for all that time, and his kids came down. But mum is beside her self. She can’t visit because it’s close family only because of covid and also because of a nurses strike.

Today I have to go get my stuff out of my old car and turn the loaner in. I’m hoping they won’t charge much for its use. Well I got to get going. Type later. Take care everyone.

Purple sparkles ✨

I’m not expecting you to answer this but I’m assuming one of the possibilities is borderline personality disorder. Just saying if you don’t feel this fits don’t let them label you with this. Just because meds don’t work for you the way they work for others doesn’t mean you don’t have bipolar. They like to label “difficult” cases and ones who don’t fit nicely into their baskets / expectations as borderlines. I’ve seen how some health professionals treat borderlines and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Of course if that is in fact what you have then knowledge is power and can help you get treatment. Just don’t let them give you a label because you don’t fit into their neat little boxes.