Bipolar check-in #70

Blue_Bird · Oct 18, 2022, 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflower123

Here I am…in the 4:00-5:00 hour as usual. My nephew is in town from the Navy this week and we’re trying to all find a common time to meet up. M will come down so it’s taking some finagling. He’s the captain now of the amphibious vehicle he’s assigned to. We saw a picture of the vehicle with his name on it. We’re so proud. Of all the kids really. My BIL and I were musing how easy and peaceful it was raising the 3 - good kids (young adults now) and good people at heart - all raised with good values. We are very blessed.

I finally put a grocery order in and had more of my favorite apple cinnamon spice tea that I love delivered. Mom put her hands on the other box and it disappeared. I also got honey vanilla camomile which is delicious. I love making a mug of tea, lighting my favorite candles - balsam or sand and sun and opening the door for some cold, fresh air. I’d have it open now if things hadn’t changed. What has happened took away my innocence and sense of safety about this neighborhood. It’s a bad feeling to have. I walk to the mailbox as if I own the street all the while looking around and wondering who it is. The security system is of great comfort. It helps to know we’re on the police department’s watch list. Thank you former spouse.

I’m not sure what my plans are today aside from catch up and preparation for the next trip. My body, mind and soul just needs a quiet day to hang about and catch up. I’ve canceled my commitments. The most I’ll do as far as going out is to go get a daily warrior smoothie at the Smoothie King as I’ve become quite attached to them. I think I’ll stop off by the park on the way back and sit and watch the stream and do some walking and thinking.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Much love

The apple cinnamon spice tea sounds really good! I love putting my wax warmer on with scented wax cubes on it, my recent favorite wax cubes are pumpkin patch scented. I like putting them on while I drink a coffee and relax

I hope you have a nice day

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Blue_Bird · Oct 18, 2022, 07:36 AM

Mountaindewed, sorry your psychiatrist acted that way. It’s not like pristique is a controlled substance (I think?) anyway, he could have explained why he didn’t want to increase it or give you recommendations on how to deal with the things going on without increasing it, try those recommendations out, and if that didn’t work have a follow up appointment and increase it, that’s what my psychiatrist usually does, explains her reasoning and recommends alternative ways to deal with things if she feels a medication increase wouldn’t help without making me feel bad about it.

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unlived · Oct 18, 2022, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I slept all last night. I fell asleep before 6. I woke up for a few minutes at 8. Then I woke up again for a few minutes at 1. Then I slept until 7:30 and I had to really pull myself out of bed. I'm congested and I'm coughing a bit and my nose is running and I'm just worn out. I have a message into my doctor because my portal said if my symptoms do not improve to ask for Paxlovoid. I stopped my cold medicine since it was making my anxiety a lot worse. So my anxiety is ok today and the only meds I've taken are my regular psych meds. My mom is pretty much fine. I wish my sister would be more helpful and would bring over food for us. We did so much for them a few weeks ago.

Can you get some food delivered?

Sometimes family just doesn’t think to do things like that.

Blue_Bird · Oct 18, 2022, 07:42 AM

Good morning, I’m volunteering today around 10:30 to 12:45/1ish depending on how long it takes to clean up in the kitchen at the shelter dining center. Sometimes we get done at 12:30 sometimes later. And I have to walk home which takes a while because it’s entirely up a very steep hill.

I’m just enjoying the morning listening to some music with some coffee and spending time with the cats before I leave. I hate leaving them. I get separation anxiety when I’m away from them, always worry about them. It’s the best thing ever when I come home and they greet me at the door all happy and excited to see me.

After I get home I have to head over to the library to pick up a book request and stop at the store to buy some more cat litter.

Hope everyone has a good day

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Fuzzybear · Oct 18, 2022, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

You know...I hate when pdocs go weird on a patient and start with the "that isn't a mental health thing." When another time they'd say just the opposite. And plenty of times they're wrong - and plenty of times (in my experience) they deny that a physical problem is due to medication. I'm experiencing that one, more and more.

I completely agree with this. I've found that they often get it wrong in the ways you've described. One time I mentioned fluid retention in my ankles which I had never had prior to taking the medication he had prescribed. He took a look, and he looked surprised. He said ''yes you have, if it continues, go and see the GP'' I might have been reading ''too much'' into his look of surprise... but I suspect he may have thought of me as ''just another neurotic patient who blows physical symptoms out of proportion or even imagines them''... as another medico had Wrongly observed about me... after one ugly conversation. Grrrr

eta. ''when another time they would say just the opposite''.... I won't even share what the scary bad thing a psychologist said about one of my physical issues I had recently been diagnosed with. It's hard not to think he was being intentionally malicious. And I am not ''paranoid''...

''Plently of times they are wrong''... I absolutely agree.

A different T (the mean T had got rid of me as I didn't feed him enough supply...) said in a mean voice ''you have put on weight''.... I had started taking a med notorious for weight gain a few months before..

Blue_Bird · Oct 18, 2022, 10:22 AM

Well because my anxiety is so bad about volunteering more , like on the verge of throwing up from anxiety and panic attacks from it.my care manager agrees that it would be best to take a break from it for awhile until the spring and just focus on college which starts in January. Working in a kitchen//serving food is too fast paced/high pressure and overwhelming for me. I can't handle the stress and get sick with anxiety just thinking about it. So I'll give it a try again in the late spring. Im the mean time I'm just going to get to low pressure social stuff, work on my anxiety, and focus on doing well in college till I'm ready to give it a try again.

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Blue_Bird · Oct 18, 2022, 10:26 AM

At least I have 8 or 10 hours logged volunteer experience. That will be useful for getting a part time job in the future.

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Mountaindewed · Oct 18, 2022, 10:27 AM

His solution was to find another therapist. As if it is my fault I've been blown off by 5 of them. Anyways, I'm not saying he is wrong when he says what I'm going through isn't really mental health related, It was just the way he has been acting towards me the past few times I've met or talked to him.

Today my anxiety has been fine but I'm still dealing with this Covid but I am getting better. I'm still congested and out of breath. I've been moving around a lot and deep cleaning my room and doing laundry which is why I'm out of breath. I have stayed out of bed all morning and I've been sitting in the family room with the news on. I went out earlier and got a chai latte with pumpkin cold foam on top. I do feel better and I'm not as worn out but I'm still taking it easy. My moods and depression are alot better today though.

Fuzzybear · Oct 18, 2022, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Well because my anxiety is so bad about volunteering more , like on the verge of throwing up from anxiety and panic attacks from it.my care manager agrees that it would be best to take a break from it for awhile until the spring and just focus on college which starts in January. Working in a kitchen//serving food is too fast paced/high pressure and overwhelming for me. I can't handle the stress and get sick with anxiety just thinking about it. So I'll give it a try again in the late spring. Im the mean time I'm just going to get to low pressure social stuff, work on my anxiety, and focus on doing well in college till I'm ready to give it a try again.

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Hey Blue_Bird,
Sounds like a good plan taking a break from volunteering and focusing on college for now. I understand and sympathise with being on the verge of throwing up due to anxiety.

Focusing on doing well in college until you're ready to give it a try again is a great idea.

Soupe du jour · Oct 18, 2022, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Well because my anxiety is so bad about volunteering more , like on the verge of throwing up from anxiety and panic attacks from it.my care manager agrees that it would be best to take a break from it for awhile until the spring and just focus on college which starts in January. Working in a kitchen//serving food is too fast paced/high pressure and overwhelming for me. I can't handle the stress and get sick with anxiety just thinking about it. So I'll give it a try again in the late spring. Im the mean time I'm just going to get to low pressure social stuff, work on my anxiety, and focus on doing well in college till I'm ready to give it a try again.

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Blue_Bird, a break from the volunteering sounds about right if you are having such anxiety about it. I had basically the same situation a number of times in the past. I'd try volunteering, but then had to stop because of either anxiety or bipolar episodes. It's definitely no failure. Having to take breaks from certain things is a part of life. For us with bipolar disorder or other types of mental health challenges, they are more frequent. However, the trying is so important. Once you're ready for such a thing again, I'm sure you'll give it another shot.

Nammu · Oct 18, 2022, 01:58 PM

@Soupe du jour

*Beth* · Oct 18, 2022, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I completely agree with this. I've found that they often get it wrong in the ways you've described. One time I mentioned fluid retention in my ankles which I had never had prior to taking the medication he had prescribed. He took a look, and he looked surprised. He said ''yes you have, if it continues, go and see the GP'' I might have been reading ''too much'' into his look of surprise... but I suspect he may have thought of me as ''just another neurotic patient who blows physical symptoms out of proportion or even imagines them''... as another medico had Wrongly observed about me... after one ugly conversation. Grrrr

eta. ''when another time they would say just the opposite''.... I won't even share what the scary bad thing a psychologist said about one of my physical issues I had recently been diagnosed with. It's hard not to think he was being intentionally malicious. And I am not ''paranoid''...

''Plently of times they are wrong''... I absolutely agree.

A different T (the mean T had got rid of me as I didn't feed him enough supply...) said in a mean voice ''you have put on weight''.... I had started taking a med notorious for weight gain a few months before..

Your examples are excellent ones. I have one example ( from many):

My blood pressure was always great, then I was prescribed an SSRI. I had been at a low weight, but gained some on the SSRI. At the same time my blood pressure increased. Both my pdoc and my GP told me that the cause of the bp increase was the weight gain. That was when I was about 30 years old; I still weighed only about 125lbs.

I remained on an SSRI over the years. My blood pressure continued to increase, so my GP told me I needed to lose weight. I told her that SSRI's cause a rise in bp. Oh, no, she said - it's because you need to lose weight. "Watch those portions!"

And so it went. Not a single doctor, regardless of specialty, ever attributed my high blood pressure to the SSRI's I was taking for nearly thirty years. I was only told to "eat less."

I felt so ashamed of the weight I had gained (from Seroquel!! ) that I stopped saying anything about my high blood pressure.

Over this summer when I was so sick I completely stopped the SSRI I was on (and I will never take one again). Within 3 days my blood pressure had dropped down to where it had been in my 20's. But my weight has not changed. Now, because of having stopped the SSRI, my blood pressure is fine. It is perfectly normal. Clearly, the SSRI's were casuing my bp to spike - it had nothing to do with my weight, my "portions," nor all that misinformation.

I am awaiting the opportunity to apprise both my GP and my med dude of the situation. If they dare to deny reality I will be insistent.

Moose72 · Oct 18, 2022, 02:32 PM

I'm feeling rather paranoid again.

I received a text from my dentist's office today. It was from the same text number (not a phone number) as a bunch of other texts I'd gotten from the dental office reminding me of appointments etc. It said I needed to update my information before my appointment this Thursday. So I followed the link and answered all the questions about health insurance and what meds I'm on and what meds I'm allergic to and which medical conditions I have. (Too many!). Well, part of the information they wanted was my address, an emergency contact and most alarmingly my social security number! I filled it all in -including signing my name a couple times!- and I know the number I called is the right number because I entered the number and named it myself. I called and asked if they got my "paperwork" and they asked for my name and said that yes they did get it and didn't they speak with me earlier today. I just have this (paranoid??) fear that I just gave away all that info to some crook!!! Guess it's time to take my PRN Haldol....?? Can somebody help soothe my fears??

Moose72 · Oct 18, 2022, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Your examples are excellent ones. I have one example ( from many):

My blood pressure was always great, then I was prescribed an SSRI. I had been at a low weight, but gained some on the SSRI. At the same time my blood pressure increased. Both my pdoc and my GP told me that the cause of the bp increase was the weight gain. That was when I was about 30 years old; I still weighed only about 125lbs.

I remained on an SSRI over the years. My blood pressure continued to increase, so my GP told me I needed to lose weight. I told her that SSRI's cause a rise in bp. Oh, no, she said - it's because you need to lose weight. "Watch those portions!"

And so it went. Not a single doctor, regardless of specialty, ever attributed my high blood pressure to the SSRI's I was taking for nearly thirty years. I was only told to "eat less."

I felt so ashamed of the weight I had gained (from Seroquel!! ) that I stopped saying anything about my high blood pressure.

Over this summer when I was so sick I completely stopped the SSRI I was on (and I will never take one again). Within 3 days my blood pressure had dropped down to where it had been in my 20's. But my weight has not changed. Now, because of having stopped the SSRI, my blood pressure is fine. It is perfectly normal. Clearly, the SSRI's were casuing my bp to spike - it had nothing to do with my weight, my "portions," nor all that misinformation.

I am awaiting the opportunity to apprise both my GP and my med dude of the situation. If they dare to deny reality I will be insistent.

Congrats on stopping the SSRI. I'm on an SNRI but I don't think it's affecting my BP. But my BP has gone back to normal - maybe because I've been walking- however infrequently. Anyway I'm glad it worked for you to get off the anti depressant.

~Christina · Oct 18, 2022, 03:37 PM

I’ve been coughing a lot lately because my Asthma is acting stupid. My throat has been scratchy also … well I got up today and my voice is like 97% gone

This is just a typical asthma flare for me. I do have prednisone I can take but last time I was on it from my rheumatologist it hit my Bipolar hard and fast. Now that I’m working I don’t have the ability to miss work.

Payday is tomorrow. It’s only for 21 hours .. but I swear it feels like it’s been 137 hours !!!

I have to share a total Dorky pic of Gus I snapped last night. He had just woken up and he’s gotten goofy eyes before. His eye is fine but Wow did We laughed so hard! Bipolar check-in #70

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Mountaindewed · 05:34 PM

I've been getting this really bad nausea in the evening. Its really been difficult to deal with. Nothing seems to help it except sleeping it off. Then I'm fine in the morning until it comes back again. I know I'm still congested so maybe the post nasal drip is causing the nausea. I don't think I've ever gone through so much kleenex before. I'm on my 3.5 box. But yeah at night these past 9 days I've just feel super crappy until I fall asleep. I hope it goes away soon. My mom still doesn't get why I got covid now instead of when I had surgery in 2020 or 2021 or when I was on several of my trips in 2021 and this year. She just finds it really really strange and random. She is perfectly fine now.

I forgot I was supposed to get my shot tonight. That could have been why my anxiety suddenly spiked yesterday. The day before can be tough mental health wise.

I'm kind of not in the mood for therapy tommorow. Telesessions just burn me out. I know we need to discuss things though.

*Beth* · Oct 18, 2022, 05:59 PM

I called and asked if they got my "paperwork" and they asked for my name and said that yes they did get it and didn't they speak with me earlier today.

@Moose72- there's your proof, there's the fact. ^^^

I will go so far as to say that there isn't a single person in the free world who doesn't have some paranoia about giving out our information - especially online. I certainly felt that my personal info was much safer when I filled out paperwork and handed it in to a receptionist, right there in the office.

That said, the way almost all medical/dental/etc. practices do it nowadays is electronically (as you know). So...

1. You did what your dental office instructed you to do (you know that the person you spoke with this morning was an IRL receptionist), which was to fill out your information and send it to the practice.

2. That you called the office to be sure they have received the information they need from you was a smart thing to do. It ensures that your info was definitely sent to the correct place and was definitely received by the very receptionist who (as she said) spoke with you earlier today.

It sounds like everything went very smoothly, and that now your dental office has your (confidential) personal information, which they need to properly treat you as their patient.

There's no sign to me of any weirdness, shadiness, or odd shite going on. I believe that, based on every fact in the situation, you are 100% safe, Moose. I feel confident in telling you that you can relax.

btw - this is probably true everywhere. Now when I make an appointment to get my hair done I have to go to a freakin' website, fill out basic information, and make the appointment electronically. Grrrr. I hate it! For one thing, a couple of times my stylist didn't get the info because of some glitch in the online system. Whenever I make an online appointment I keep wondering if she received it. I usually get anxious, feel OC, but message her to confirm anyway.

I sooo miss the times when I'd call a salon, speak with the salon receptionist, tell her what kind of service I wanted to book for, and she'd be all nice and helpful and the appointment was made because she wrote it in the big paper appointment book and it was all easy and good.

*Beth* · Oct 18, 2022, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I won’t be replying or updated as much but I am still reading and sending love. Apparently I have severe carpal tunnel syndrome in my right hand and it is very painful to type. I hope to get some cortisone injections in a few weeks’ time.

Oooh, cts can be terribly disabling. I remember that you've mentioned it bothering you before. I hope your doctor has recommended some treatments such as sleeping with a hand brace on. The cortisone shots should help. I'll be thinking of you, wfc, and sending loving thoughts for healing.

*Beth* · Oct 18, 2022, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Yes, cops are taught to fear mental illness. Even though statically those with mental illness committed less crime and are more often victims the cops are taught to fear us.

That is so true. Supposedly, that's what programs like CIT do. Teach and de-stigmatize.

BeyondtheRainbow · Oct 18, 2022, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

That is so true. Supposedly, that's what programs like CIT do. Teach and de-stigmatize.

I could be wrong but I think part of the goal of the 988 number is to have trained officers responding to mental health emergencies. I don't know where I read that though so maybe I made it up.

Nammu · Oct 18, 2022, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I could be wrong but I think part of the goal of the 988 number is to have trained officers responding to mental health emergencies. I don't know where I read that though so maybe I made it up.

I think I read that somewhere too but it depends on the availability and local resources. In the papers here they said they want to send social workers instead of cops but it’s complicated by red tape.

*Beth* · Oct 18, 2022, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I'm so sorry about your sister. Dementia is always a terrible thing to watch happen to a loved one.

Something you can do that can help a little is to make a memory book. It can be as simple as a little photo album with a one-two sentence statement about her life on each page ("I like baseball. My favorite team is the Giants") ("I worked in a library") etc. Or you can go fancier and use a photo album or scrap booking album and include pictures with labels on all faces, meaningful mementos (Like a program from a wedding) and just kind of make "the story of Sister's Life). I used to do these with my patients with dementia and they usually loved them. One woman with more advanced dementia lost hers and they had to search her whole room because she really missed going through it every day. It was the first thing she'd enjoyed in years. It won't stop the dementia; it just reminds her of important things in her life.

I hope that she has a slow progression and that you are able to spend time with her. It's good she has people who love her.

Rainbow, what a magnificent idea the memory book is! I know that my sister would be so attached to her memory book. And there would be a whole lot to put in there, since she has a big family. Thank you very much for sharing such a special "tool." I'm going to share the idea with my niece, I know she'll be very enthusiastic about creating a memory book for her mom.

My sister does have many people who love her and are/will be of support to her. Her children & grandchildren (and a great-grandson, born this month!) are all local. Only my niece is in San Francisco (near my son), but it's not as though that is far off. Also, my niece is an acupuncturist, so she gives my sis treatments to help boost her immune system and things like that, which is so important.

Anyway -

*Beth* · Oct 18, 2022, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Well because my anxiety is so bad about volunteering more , like on the verge of throwing up from anxiety and panic attacks from it.my care manager agrees that it would be best to take a break from it for awhile until the spring and just focus on college which starts in January. Working in a kitchen//serving food is too fast paced/high pressure and overwhelming for me. I can't handle the stress and get sick with anxiety just thinking about it. So I'll give it a try again in the late spring. Im the mean time I'm just going to get to low pressure social stuff, work on my anxiety, and focus on doing well in college till I'm ready to give it a try again.

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Birdie, food service is notoriously extremely fast-paced, high-pressured, and just plain hard on mind and body. A major reason I was approved for SSDI was because my "regular line of employment" or whatever they call it was cafe work. i.e., food service basically. Someone who works in food service and applies for disability is already high as far as points toward being approved.

I agree with your care manager on this one. Low pressure and practiced calming so you can enter class in January feeling peaceful and ready.

*Beth* · Oct 18, 2022, 09:13 PM

I think I've heard that, too @Blue_Bird. About 988, I mean. I sure hope so!

@Nammu I'm lucky because the county I live in has much better than average resources for mental health services. The county I came from was a sorry situation when it came to mental health assistance. Bad.

Anyway, in my county it's slow, but sure- NAMI is pulling together a program that will have either 2 trained volunteers go with 2 cops, or 2 vols go alone (together) to places where there is someone having a mental health crisis.

In a certain way the program reminds me of the work I did with teens back in the '90's. Street outreach. I loved, loved that job. So, when that program gets rolling here I am very interested in volunteering. I already have NAMI's basic training, so I would need to do only the specific training for the new program.

Sunflower123 · Oct 18, 2022, 09:26 PM

I had a very productive day - mentally and physically. I did a lot of pondering and reflection walking through the park and sitting and watching the stream slowly meander along. It’s good to realize when a new chapter in life is begging to be written. It’s even better when you realize your need to go with it. The signs are there if you but look. Fortunately, life has been preparing me for such an adventure.

My big, strong nephew home on leave from the Navy heard that I’d had an unfortunate encounter and surprised me today by taking me to lunch - his treat. He’s a hugger as well and has a smile that lights up a room. It was so lovely and life affirming being with him. It snapped me back to what’s real and what matters. It did me a world of good. I’m back now.

Tomorrow I am going to work out at the gym, go to bible study, attend a swanky luncheon for mom (I have no interest), rush to DBT therapy and the much anticipated drum circle. I have yet to pull out my fall/winter clothes and the chill bites tonight despite my soft blanket. I must get them out tonight.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Much love

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Bipolar check-in #70

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