Bipolar Check-in #75

@Sunflower123
Happy birthday today!

Hello to all! It is raining outside and I have decided to make this day my "REFLECTION DAY".

I feel better now than some weeks ago. I have come to the conclusion that may be it's wise to reduce my activities here. That does not mean that I don't have concern for how you all celebrate your good times and how you have to relate to your very bad times.

It is more related to one of my views of life: "The more one does something, the more it becomes a habit that may be steals valuable time one could have used on other topics. Everyone is responsible for how they use their time here on earth (related to how many possibilities they have of course)".

We are so many here that for somebody who has not English/American as a first language, it takes a really looooooooooooooong time to write an answer to everybody. Hope for your understanding! I will still come here, but not so often. I have been blessed that have had all you co-sufferers to share good and bad times with after somebody, last year, psychologically jumped upon my back and almost broke it. Hope that may be I have meant something to you as well.

For the time being I will finish a book I have written. It is some sort of a professional book. I prefer the anonymity forums like these gives, so of course I will not reveal the title nor my profession (work part time).

I have a lot of things to look forward to. We have a lot of celebrations in my family on the steps of the coming weeks. So It will not be boring. After that the normal everyday life will return, with normal everyday problems and with good happenings as well

I have a strong faith in balance! I disagree with all the "happy-land" prophets ... I put my trust in cognition and our abilities to make choices according to what occurs on the road, even if one has a diagnose (regularities in daily life, having a so good social life as possible, enough sleep, healthy food, physical exercises, relaxing exercises, religious practice, tolerance for others also when they have different views than me, and more ...).

When I place such a value on our cognitive skills, that does not mean that feelings are unimportant to me, but they shall not decide over my rationality.

I wish all of you the best opportunities for developing good coping skills and to be able to use them when necessary (medication is also a form of coping tool).

See you now and then!

@Sunflower123. Happy birthday 🎈🎂🎁🎊

It took another couple of days, but I'm finally on an even keel physically. No GI symptoms, no pain, no muss, no fuss. I'm happy!

Drove to the nearest (somewhat) large city yesterday and visited Barnes and Noble. Bought a hardcover of Roald Dahl's Matilda. It was a very formative book for young me and watching the Netflix musical brought back some good memories! Memories I want to relive!

Not much to do today. Lounge about, pick up around the house, that sort of thing. Can't wait!

Happy Birthday @Sunflower123 !

I struggle with writer's block every day, but today I am determined to put in 2-3 hours of writing work. Will report back....

My sil is doing ok. He just got out of surgery now. They postponed it until this afternoon. Hopefully now he can recover. The one good thing about all this is that they both quit smoking! I’ve tried not to nag them to quit but I’m so happy they are now. Sad it had to take this to get them to quit. He’s young though so hopefully a full recovery.

Yesterday my family and I attended my father's and brother's joint funeral service and reception. It was beautiful in its simplicity and symbolism. They will be buried at a national cemetery, along with half of my mother's ashes (half are with my nephew's). The funeral was at the national cemetery. As my father served in the Air Force and my brother was career Navy, there were officers from both present. There was a small bugle band of retired elderly servicemen that played "Taps", about six soldiers that shot gunfire, as part of the ceremony, two soldiers each from the Air Force and Navy lowered then folded flags and then gave one to each me (my dad's) and my sister (our brother's). The gathering was invitation only. This prevented the presence of people that we would have otherwise been disturbed to see. The small reception afterwards was quite nice. I was lucky to have been seated opposite my favorite first cousins, and without their young children present.

We've made good progress with various tasks here. Some work will obviously need to continue after Hubby and I return to CZ, but the grunt work is scheduled to be handled by a contract work team we've hired. My sister initially had the unreasonable thought that she, her husband and adult son would do a lot of the work. Not only would it be exceedingly too much for the very best of us, but certainly so for them. They are not physically or sufficiently mentally well enough. Plus, it's not reasonable to expect people prone to hoarding to be able to clean up another person's hoard.

I joined my remaining blood paternal uncle and his wife for breakfast this morning. It was pleasant. They are in great shape and blessed with a very large extended family, thanks to the two good cousins I mentioned. Even my uncle acknowledged that when we said "goodbye" that it could possibly be for the last time. The only other blood uncle I have living (never had blood aunts) is my mother's brother. We never see him anymore. Years back, he up and moved to Maine without telling any of us. My sister tracked him down, but that didn't make him want to have anything to do with us. We all know that he fled feeling guilty for a greedy act. I will likely never see or talk to him ever again. It was his choice.

I want to go home. To Czech Republic.

@Soupe du jour

It sounds like a lovely service. I'm glad that you were able to get help cleaning up the house. I have experience with a hoarder and it was horrific trying to find anything in there. It's also good you've had some time with family.

When do you go home? I'm sure you are so ready. Did they do more work while you've been away?

It was a beautiful day so i went in to my drop-in and visited with everyone. An old friend i really like was there. It was nice to see him. The only thing is, he and i and another man were chatting nicely when they got up and moved and talked just the two of them by themselves. I felt rejected.

@Soupe du jour:

So glad your dad and brother had a fitting send-off. Happy that you are contracting-out the rest of the work on your dad's house. You've certainly done your share of hard work there.

@Nammu:

Happy that your relative made it thru surgery okay and that your relative and their partner were inspired to stop smoking. Maybe some good will come of the ordeal.

I got my clozapine before I ran out, thank God. I calI in to check on it and got this really nice tech who actually walked over to the fax machine and checked to see if my labs were in instead of assuming they weren't. A few hours later I had it in my hands. I'm surprised how well I handled the half doses the last few days but I'm sure my body will be glad to be back to normal now. Hopefully I'll never do that again.

I had to take my mother to the hospital because she had a fall. She hurt her knee. Fortunately there are no broken bones but they want to take a closer look at her knee for extensive swelling. We see a specialist next week.

I started Seroquel for my sleep problems. Last night was the first night and it looks like it mostly worked. I still woke up several times at night but was able to get back to sleep.

I. Feel. Amazing. Not hypomanic or manic, just NORMAL. ECT is worth the pain. I’m so glad I “gave up” and did it. Now I’m just going to make sure to listen to the ECT dr and take her recommendations for maintenance.

It’s definitely a pain in my *** but if it gets me functioning again it’s worth it.

The dr wrote me out for the week so I have a free day today. Gotta go grocery shopping and clean up. It’s going to be gorgeous out today so I’ll take a nice long walk as well. Kind of fell off the wagon regarding healthy eating and exercise in the last few days, I just didn’t have it in me. So I’m jumping back on. Didn’t have a great breakfast but whatever.

I’m so glad I have my family here for support. I would have given up on myself a long time ago without them.

@Scooter9, I hope your mom's knee is able to heal quickly. Glad it wasn't broken, at least.

@wildflowerchild25, how lovely you finally feel better after the ECT. Please do strongly consider some maintenance ECT, if suggested. I think when I had my series a long while back I quit a bit prematurely. I think you sometimes need to really solidify the effects.

This Gerd and whatever else, is kicking my *** this week. The stomach meds drain my energy all day and then I do this weird narcoleleptic type thing where I fall asleep for an hour without realizing it. I just wake up an hour later confused. I'm also not hungry much, because of the meds, and I can only really drink water now instead of soda. So I'm starting to see some weight loss. GI is still like August is when we can get you in. So idk. I guess I'm just going to be a lethargic 100 pound zombie by the time August gets here. My therapist said we can work on a diet plan that works with my stomach issues and so I don't go into full blown ED restrction. Since it seems theres maybe 4 foods that don't get my stomach upset.

Anxiety wise I'm a lot better then yesterday. Mood wise I've been fine.

I did my writing yesterday! Now to make it two days in a row. Also hoping to take my new e-bike out for a spin.


Hugs to all

My plan was to take my car to the dealership for the spring check up. But thunderstorms and flooding derailed that plan. The dealership is an hour away on back roads. I don’t like driving in rain and even less in thunderstorms. So it was stay home and be bored day.

Drove to the senior center for dessert and the place was empty except for the room with bingo. That was over flowing. But I had bread pudding and read my book. Looking forward to jeopardy otherwise it’s a nothing day.

Thank you so much for the happy birthday wishes! That was so thoughtful and appreciated.

I had a wonderful birthday with my family and ended the day with a long conversation with my daughter. Perfect. My family got me a cake with a beach scene, tropical flowers, palm trees and a pair of flip flops. So cute. My sister brought me a present and a dozen roses. Very nice. We had dinner at a good Italian restaurant that gives you a free meal on your birthday. Can’t beat that.

My daughter and niece verified that they would be coming to Florida with us in June. My daughter’s fiancée has to work so it will be three generations of women enjoying the beach. Hopefully we can avoid the seaweed. Looking forward to going.

After the fanfare of yesterday things are quiet on the home front. Just relaxing today and enjoying life. Folks are busy getting the pool ready. It’s in the high 80’s here so I’ll be more than ready when it does open in a few weeks.

I hope everybody has a peaceful evening. Much love.

Idk why but man my neck has shooting pain. it’s like shooting down my neck to my shoulder

Went to the eye doctor this morning. Tried green contacts but didn’t think they made my eyes “pop” like they had back in 2005 when I had them before and people would say to me “Are THOSE your REAL Eeeeyes?!?!?” 😂 So my eyes are healthy. I wore the no-prescription green ones after I got home and kept looking at my eyes in the mirror. Decided no I don’t want to pay extra for contacts that aren’t as comfortable as the plain ones. I wore the clear ones home from the optometrist and noticed how clear and colorful and crisp everything was on this bright warm sunny day. I also ordered new glasses with bifocal lenses.

Been cleaning my apartment for the inspection tomorrow. They’re just going to see that maintenance fixed my bathroom closet door frame.

Been talking with Caleb a lot lately. Don’t know where this relationship is going. Guess I’ll just enjoy the ride.

Oh and I got some paperwork from my pdoc’s and case manager’s office. It listed three diagnosis codes: F31.2 (bipolar affective disorder), F29(Unspecified psychosis) and F31.9 (bipolar disorder unspecified).

Got some writing done but didn't take my bike out because I didn't want the bother of putting on sunscreen etc. I will take it out tomorrow or Saturday.

My novel is progressing sooooo slowly and I keep having revelations about things I want to add or change. I think this is normal for me but it's frustrating. I'm on the revised Chapter 6 (some of the material I wrote earlier and removed will be put later in the novel).

I'm a bit nervous about the heat wave coming soon to my area. It's supposed to hit about 94 degrees Farenheit. I hadn't even taken my shorts out yet! So I shaved my legs today and going to paint my nails lol.

Can't believe it is going to be that hot in canada!

I guess it can get that hot anywhere.

I lived in alaska many moons ago when I was in the air force.
lived in fairbanks and it was 93 degrees Fahrenheit one day.
bizi

love wallace and gromit! and shawn the sheep

And chicken run!

And curse of the were rabbit!!