Bipolar Check-in #75

I don't want to alarm you, but I was also a lifeguard and competitive swimmer. Last Wednesday I went to a dermatologist for a skin check and had two biopsies done for suspicious areas. One of which I never suspected. Several other areas of concern were put at ease as normal aging of sun damaged skin. So I strongly agree that you need to "bully" your gp and get that referral sooner than later.

I too have rosacea, acne type. under control thank goodness,
I spent many summers getting burns the first of summer then blistered a bit then had a brown tan which I kept all summer long. Get that referral how ever you can maybe you can call the dermatologist that you want to use and ask them to fax over a referral for you, just a thought.



I took a shower today 5 days also washed my hair.
feels good to be clean and wear clean clothes. I always wear clean scrubs every day. I live in them don't take them off until bed time.
I am doing a load of them right now.
I had cancellations today and the fiber tech is here, because my voice mail is not working.
bizi

Congratulations Halliebeth

My niece was sick today so I thought I'd have the morning to get some shopping done. Then I figured I didn't really need anything until Thursday besides Lunchables and bottled water. I had therapy and it went decently. We came up with some good coping skills to help me deal with my anxiety and stress. Physically today my stomach hurt until I took some tylenol before therapy. I just feel weird today and I didn't eat much but I've had enough at least to me and how I've been feeling. I did buy some non alcoholic peanut butter beer and some other kinda N/A beer today. Idk. I just want to sleep right now.

I keep gaining weight despite my loss of appeite and my stomach is huge right now. I don't even know what doctor to go to for this. I've cut back on my water intake because I was having urinary retention. I keep telling myself I can handle this on my own. But its getting more intense each day.

Well, it's the second week of May and no hypomania. It's for the best, but this mild depression is hard. I fixed the curtain rings today at last. They've been askew for months. I took out some trash. But that's all i got done today. So hard to get things done when depressed. I got a call about a new WRAP session that's starting but i turned it down. Just don't have the juice.

Nighttime bruxism was never much of a problem for me, but daytime has been for a good percentage of my life. An endodontist said that my front top/bottom teeth are worn down as much as many 70 year olds'. Mood stabilization and anxiety control obviously helps a bit, but I believe medications have also been an issue. Definitely something to talk to a psychiatrist about. And also a therapist, for the psych part.

How is your sleep? I would think that a certain night medication might make a difference. For example, I think for those that take Seroquel, taking some instant release with extended release at night could help. Seroquel tends to be good for anxiety sufferers as it is, but a shot if IR with XR puts me in a sleep state where I likely wouldn't be grinding. I barely even remember dreams. Low restlessness.

Went to the second mahjong gathering today. Only 9 people showed up. So the lady that started it just helped one table of four. I was sooo close to getting mahjong! But no dice. It’s fun though. I hope more come, last week there was about 20. It would be nice if lots of people show up and continue the game.

Tomorrow I’m hoping the weather holds. I’ll plant flowers in the planter. Hoping to find some good ones to plant. I want the house to look nice when we sell it.

I’m
A wrap facilitator. It’s a great group!!!!

Hi all.

I have been having a milky discharge from both breasts. Not very much but enough to express a few drops on each side. I went to the doctor today- this has been going on for a week. I also had an ache on the left side like a few full milk ducts. She asked if I’d had an MRI of my brain after the last time I had a high prolactin level. (I didn’t .) They did a blood test for prolactin today. Dunno if she’s looking for a brain tumor???

Also I got some more of the proofs collected for the paperwork that I need to turn in. Just a little bit left and I hope I can get it done when I see my psych case manager next week. I see new Pdoc a week from Friday. Hope that goes well.

Oh and did I tell you that I saw an interimOBGYN who did that biopsy of the lining of my uterus. The test came back normal. Dunno why I had that bleeding but she said that I’m in menopause now! nowI really turn into an old woman. The doctor said that 50 or 51 is average age for menopause. Meh!

@Moose72, Have you any hot flashes or any other typical symptoms
of menopause?
I still experience hot flashes and I turned 60
this last january 1st.
With my twin her friends had included me in on
the surprise.I told gretchen my twin, that we
were leaving to go back to Louisiana but stayed
an extra day to enjoy her being surprised.
They had gathered 20 friends there.
So at the front door jeff and I sat and waited
for them to arrive.so was so happy to see us.

then we led her to the back where they have

a party bar. and that is where she got surprised again.
Her daughter my niece, bought this cake from some

one on pinterest (I think) it was the number 60.

It was the best cake ever.

bizi

I was at the ER for a few hours yesterday afternoon. They gave me IV fluids and a pain med and a strong antacid and did blood work and a urine test and an EKG. The pain meds helped. The bloodwork showed the possibility of pancreatits but since the meds helped they thought I should be ok to follow up with my doctor. Everyone was nice. The nurse had an American flag bandana on. He was super nice the whole time and called me "my man" and was talkactive and friendly. No one even mentioned I was trans let alone misgendered me. And since I legally changed my name they couldn't dead name me. They just mentioned the hysterctomy and they saw my top scars when they did an EKG but were unphased by them. It was a good expierence and they got me out of pain. The nurse said to avoid pretty much everything to keep the acid refulx down. But he said I'm on the right combo of meds from my gastro doctor. So I guess I just wait it out until August for my endoscopy. They said theres nothing they can do about getting me in sooner. Everything is so backed up.

That’s so cute @bizi , I’m glad you got to surprise her! Sounds like fun! And mmmm cake sounds delicious!

@Moose72 I hope you’re doing ok. Antipsychotics can unfortunately increase prolactin levels anyway, I hope you get to the bottom of it and that you’re well!

I finished my nightshifts
I might speak to OHS about not doing nightshifts for a while again because it worsens my symptoms and has triggered me becoming unwell in the past.
It’s so difficult to make sure you get enough sleep, not stress too much and take meds at the right times!
I get hyper stressed. I cried 3 times yesterday over the most ridiculous of things, because I was so tired and had been so stressed. Then I slept for 14 hours last night. And was so groggy this morning.

Other than that I leave tomorrow for Cardiff, which I’m looking forward to! I have a conference on Thurs and Fri then I’m spending the weekend with my friend in London! I cannot wait to see her! I haven’t seen her this year, so it should be lovely!

The train drivers are striking on Friday so it’ll be a bit harder to get to London, but I think I have found a way!

I’m just trying to catch up with chores today and get some laundry done before I pack!
I hope you’re all doing as well as possible! Lots of hugs

I just got my prolactin blood test results. It's 21 with a standard range between 3 and 29. Highish but still considered normal. Thanks for thinking of me.

I had such a massive headache after ECT yesterday. I usually get toradol before I go in but yesterday they didn’t give it to me until after I was asleep because the IV was in a small vein and it would have burned. But next time I’m going to say just give it to me know because I still have the headache. At least it’s only when I move my head.

I took a lot of seroquel yesterday. My head hurt so bad that I just wanted to sleep. So I took 100mg at 5pm then 100mg more with my regular night meds at 9pm. Then I woke up at midnight at couldn’t get back to sleep so I took another 100mg at 2:30am. Slept until 7:30am when I woke with a start because I had to enter my absences online for my job.

Because of the severity of my mood state the ECT dr recommended a mini series. Three this week then possibly transition to maintenance if I am feeling better. I’m not happy about it but I’m desperate. I need my life back.

I feel very on edge again today, like I could punch people in the face. My ECT dr wrote me out of work for the whole week which is probably best. I see both my therapist and my pdoc today. Hopefully my pdoc will listen about the agitation.

I don't know what they gave me yesterday in the ER, but I feel so much better today. And I only gained a pound from the fluids. It was like some magic stuff they gave me. I think the nurse mentioned that the antacid was pretty good. My primary called today and said they saw I was in the ER and asked if I needed a follow up with them and I explained that it was a gastro issue and the soonest they could get me in was August. She put us on hold and called the gastro department and she said they will give me a call, but if I need anything in the meantime to call my primary. My mom and I are just like amazed at this kind of care and good bedside manner and great communication between doctors and the friendly ER since we moved 2 years ago.

In the meantime though, I'm glad for a break from the pain and the anxiety that went along with it.

What a nightmare, today's volunteer shift

One of the cats got way up high above the cages and I couldn’t get to her, I tried standing on something to reach and grab her but she kept screaming and hissing and biting, eventually I had one of the employees come in and get her down. I got scratched. It's not super bad but I just am gonna keep an eye on it just in case it gets infected.

Then there was the trio of kittens and I couldn’t find one of them to put back in their cage, like I had two of them but couldn’t find the third. It was hiding inside the cabinet. I literally panicked and thought I had somehow lost one of them.

I have been dissociating ever since due to stress. I'm worried I didn't do a good enough job cleaning their cages and whatnot because of the first cat being such a nightmare to deal with it kind of threw me off and I panicked and dissociated. She really is sweet she was just scared I think, she's new.

Oh, blue bird don’t worry about it, those things happen. It’s kind of routine when you work with cats. Where I volunteered we had an escape artist who spent a great deal of time in the rafters. Once it was over a week before we caught her. She moved on to the regular cat enclosure and I didn’t hear any more about her. The minus for us is that she was supposed to be getting medication daily. She objected to that.

Thanks and you're right. Sometimes I just let stress and worry overwhelm me. All cats have different personalities and behaviors so they all act differently and uniquely. And she is new there so probably needs time to adjust. It was just something that caught me off guard today, I'm still pretty new to this lol

At least now I know there's a pair of thick "biting" gloves I can put on if it happens again. I emailed the person in charge of everything this morning for advice when dealing with that particular cat (Onyx), and she told me where the ladder was and that I could ask a petsmart emplyee for help if I needed to. So I did that, they got her down pretty easily. She wasn't too fond of me trying to get her down though, at all. lol I wonder if she smelled my cats (mustachio and maybelle) from home on me, could be she could smell their scent on me. I know sometimes female cats don't get along together. Who knows. Anyway, she's in her cage thankfully. Everyone was back in their cages when I left. They all came out spent time stretching and playing.

Well, I have my repaired iPad back! The charging port was broken so it was not charging. I also got a longer charging cable and new charging block. It was all pretty expensive, but not as much as a whole new iPad and the one I have is a good model.

I was super nervous throughout the iPad repair process - from getting the appointment, to going to the repair place, etc. My anxiety is way up. I don't usually get nervous about things like this but I was really nervous throughout the whole process.

My pdoc is prescribing Seroquel for my sleep issues. That's medication number six. I was awake again at 4am today.

I'm still having SH thoughts but not as frequently as a few days ago. Strangey, I'm still looking for opportunities but the desire, if that's the right word, to carry out my plans has diminished which I think is good.

It's my sister's birthday tomorrow - she would have been 57.

I got the flowers bought and planted. The house looks nice. Next week when we have the garage sale people will see the house looking good. But boy am I glad I wore my old clothes. It’s not that hot out but it’s very humid so you sweat doing anything outside. We got the signs made for the garage sale too. Not looking forward to that. They are descending on Wednesday to put everything in the garage. Wednesday my day at the senior center. And the evening of my defensive driving class. I save I lot of money by taking this class! I am so not looking forward to that. Ugh. Too many people in my space. I’m fine with people in other spaces but not in my space.

I made a list for the week of what I need to do. I have a lot of it in my calendar already but things like “clean toilet, vacuum, sweep and mop, eye doctor, social security office…”. So busy the next two weeks!

I've been doing so much better. Not all better but improving and even starting to enjoy things. Yesterday I even managed to drive to the city to see my therapist and then did some errands when I got home.

But I really messed up my clozapine. I thought that I was due for labs this week and then would have plenty of time for them to be approved and the refill done. Turns out that I was wrong and I have 4 pills to cover 2 days which should be 6 pills. I also only took 2 yesterday. I'm a week laste on labs.


I have never done this before. I've had messes with the pharmacy (which I'm staying on top of this time; maybe I'll get my refill tomorrow if I am assertive) but generally my pdoc's office sends the labs twice before the pharmacy gets it. And last time the hospital didn't send the results to the pdoc until she called and asked for them. So I'm worried about that as well; I can hardly expect people to drop what they are doing to run around to handle this when it's my mistake.

Really hoping this doesn't cause my mood to collapse....Scared. And frustrated with myself. I know I forgot because I've not been well but I try so hard to stay on top of this.

Ooo I thought because I had heard nothing that my sil was out of the hospital and doing better. Instead they have transferred him to Mayo Clinic Rochester where his having surgery tomorrow. Please send good vibes for him. Much too young for this.

Prayers for your SIL @Nammu

Well I finally get to see my therapist tomorrow. Been almost a month. I simply didn’t have the money. I have a lot of decisions to make and have no clue where to. Start!!!