Bipolar Check-in #75

@HALLIEBETH87


Congratulation!

Thank you soooo much!!

Congratulations, @HALLIEBETH87! I'm so happy for you. Many here have read of your challenges and triumphs during your studies. And you did great!

Congratulations HallieBeth!

Congratulations @HALLIEBETH87 !!!

My birthday is Wednesday. I’ll be 56 years old. I’ve tried therapy and other means to overcome the adoption pain I feel around my birthday and the depression I fall into. It’s already started. I should be happy that I was born right? I get so tired of this. I’d like to be free of every emotion tied to my adoption. I have a wonderful life now and a bright future.

I’ve got lots of great things coming up. Mainly, my only child’s wedding. Yesterday was her 24th birthday. I was happy about that and proud of the woman she has become.

I’ve got great birthday plans lined up with family and friends. I’m going to try to kick these blues to the curb.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

Congratulations HallieBeth! You struggled and triumphed!

Congrats Haillebeth!!

Have you tried to find you biological parents some times they look for you too. do you want to try to do that?
You have suffered way too much.
((((((HUGS))))
bizi

I went back to taking 10mg of lexapro because I realized I missed a few haldol doses and that probably contributed to feeling so wired. For the last two days I’ve been fighting strong self harm thoughts. I forced myself out on a walk yesterday because it was so nice and I would feel better about myself if I walked. I have a route up to the end of the main road and back that is exactly one mile. It’s easier to do because I can count the cross streets and encourage myself to make it past each one on the way there and count down on my way back. Then I colored. I’m really trying here.

Today I feel a bit on edge. Not totally wired but just uncomfortable. I had a SH dream so it’s still on my mind. I slept until 9:30 but I didn’t fall asleep until midnight. It’s another gorgeous day so we went to a nearby hiking trail and went for a 2 mile walk through the woods. It was so peaceful. I do feel a bit better, it took my mind off everything for awhile.

I’m not looking forward to ECT tomorrow but it’s necessary. I hope my throat doesn’t dry out like it has been overnight. I have to gulp water and sometimes eat something hard and scratchy to get it to stop itching and I can’t do that tonight.

Congratulations @HALLIEBETH87! A huge life achievement that you approached with bravery and curiosity!

Just back from the gym. It was a tough workout.

I'm struggling with SH thoughts again. I really don't understand where they're coming from. I notice them when I start to make plans. I try to stop them but they are very strong.

I workout at home until I can feel pain to try to offset the thoughts because maybe I'm thinking I want to feel something but it's not the same.

My pdoc is aware of this and has referred me to an IOP program. I'm just waiting for them to get back to me.

Congratulations HALLIEBETH87 !!!!

@Sunflower123 Happy Birthday - I'm 54 so we are around the same age. Sorry you have sadness over the adoption. Sometimes I think about who I am -- there's so much I long to do over differently yet all my failures have, I think, made me a better person and a better fiction writer. All have at least contributed to who I am. I'm probably not saying this well but check out Ryan Holiday on YouTube. He's a proponent of the ancient philosophy of Stoicism (which is not what it sounds like - the word has taken on a different meaning in the modern world).

@wildflowerchild25
I hope that ECT will help you and your coping strategies today were excellent!. Be proud of yourself!

I hope that you will become part of the IOP program soon!

I'm ok but I'm on edge about something thats going to happen. My mom is trying to make it as easy as possible for me, but I'm still kinda a mess about it. I actually don't think she knows how big of a mess I am about this because I don't want to worry her even more. I wish I could inhale a bunch of chocolate cake right now but I just feel like I'm going to throw up from nerves instead. I have therapy tommorow. Shes been pretty helpful lately. Maybe she'll have an idea on how to cope.

I did talk to my mom, well sorta, and we came up with a long list of things that are stressing me out. From Trump to finding a job to even minor things like is my cat overweight or just super fluffy and needs a trip to the groomer. She thinks stress may have caused the ulcer.

Had an easy going day. Though I woke up much earlier I stayed in bed until 9 am. As it is Sunday my day to do laundry, laze about in PJs and watch silly programs. Found a book based on Druid legends, magic and fairies. It’s set in the first century CE in the British islands. Ah the magic of fantasy. All I have left on my to do list is a long hot shower before bed.

Struggling SO hard. Nasty self harm thoughts. Almost overpowering but I’m still fighting to stay “clean”. One year, one month, 16 days and counting. I’ve got one more day under my belt. Here’s to tomorrow.

Finished a coloring page and then went out to snuggle with RS. I was unable to tell him what was going on but he is accepting and knew that I just needed some silent cuddles as we watched TV. I’m really lucky to have found him.

Send good vibes my way, I certainly need them!

Happy Birthday @Sunflower123!

Sore jaw from clenching/grinding my teeth. I have almost chewed through another night guard. I don't know how to relax more while asleep!

Anyone else have this problem?

[QUOTE=Samicat;7331030]Sore jaw from clenching/grinding my teeth. I have almost chewed through another night guard. I don't know how to relax more while asleep!

Anyone else have this problem?[/QUO



I did! I payed for a professional custommmouth guard. Worth it!!!!

[QUOTE=HALLIEBETH87;7331051]
Yeah this one actually is a custom mouth guard but I don't think it was fitted properly so I think I will have to shell out for another.

Warning: Vent!

I am so damn frustrated with my skin - I have extremely pale rosacea skin with literally dozens of marks, scars and spots. When I was young I got too much sun as I was a lifeguard. Several of my skin marks are probably malign, but my doctor just pooh-poohs my concerns. I want to see a dermatologist. But I need a referral, unless I go to a cosmetic dermatologist and pay (this is Canada but anything "cosmetic" isn't covered).

Today I noticed two new areas of concern, a rough patch on my cheek, and a small indented red slit that almost looks like an open wound.

I know I need to bully my doctor into giving me a referral. I don't mind waiting to see about the cosmetic stuff, but I want the things I'm worried about looked at.

The thing I'm most concerned about is a small bubble on my right eyelid. My family doctor said oh that just looks like a --- (can't remember what she said) that people get sometimes. But I've had this thing for 3 YEARS and it has grown in size. The location is particularly concerning to me. It does not look like a cholesterol deposit or a calcium deposit.

Sending good thoughts your way!

Go on ...