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  #201  
Old May 15, 2023, 08:29 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soupe du jour View Post
I'm starting to feel so unwell. I just want to go home, but feel bad that my poor sister is left to contend with the mess. So many people here are vultures, including relatives like our late uncle's widow, my remaining paternal uncle and his wife, neighbors, some real estate agents and people who called themselves "friends" to my father in the past.

I am so sad and mad!
You’ve been though sooo much in the last few years especially the last few months.
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  #202  
Old May 15, 2023, 09:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raspberrytorte View Post
I've been getting about 4 -5 hours a night. Went to bed at 8PM and woke up at midnight. Excited to spend my night writing!
yep close to mania...
please be careful, you don't want to crash and burn.
sorry to say that but your body can continue this fast.
What are you writing about? are you writing a book?
just curious.
bizi
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Last edited by bizi; May 15, 2023 at 09:30 PM.
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  #203  
Old May 15, 2023, 10:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bizi View Post
yep close to mania...
please be careful, you don't want to crash and burn.
sorry to say that but your body can continue this fast.
What are you writing about? are you writing a book?
just curious.
bizi
Hell9!

I'm working on a novel. And I write three pages in my journal every morning

I'm doing some planning at the moment. My novel is going fast and I didn't think this far in advance! So I have to figure out where I'm going next. Going to spend the night doing some novel planning.

Thanks for asking

I think I'll be alright. The loxapine is working great!
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  #204  
Old May 15, 2023, 11:05 PM
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I have been a part of Neurotalk for 15 years. From what I understand it's closing and we are moving here. My friends will probably help !e in this process. Brokenfriend
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  #205  
Old May 16, 2023, 01:14 AM
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My mom and brother were at my cousins wedding out of state from Friday morning until yesterday afternoon. So I had the house to myself. My sister was at her house since kids were not invited to the wedding. She didn't take the time at all to text me to see how I was doing. Which my mom found weird. I didn't tell my therapist about the wedding until after my mom had already RSVP so she couldn't push me into going. I just can't deal with that stuff. And I made the right choice. My mom said it was loud and chaotic all 3 days and I would have hated it. I had a nice semi non anxiety provoking weekend to myself. My therapist said I could email her if I wanted to and we made a list of things to do and not to do while I was home. My mom is taking me out to lunch today. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I deep cleaned the house. It was mostly my mess though, just the dishes from the food I had eaten. And I did the garbage and the recycling and I did the litter box twice. I just can't stand a mess. My mom has always been sort of OCD about how clean our house is and its kind of rubbed off on me.

Anyways it was a pretty good weekend.
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  #206  
Old May 16, 2023, 04:44 AM
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Hello, I am back from Spain. I cannot remember if I told you that I had headache and problems with a tooth, and inflammation in my shoulders as well, before I left.

It is good to be home and out of the Spanish heat, but with that, the pain in one of my shoulders and arm came back, plus pain in half of my head. I suddenly got the feeling of that whatever I do, nothing helps, really desperate, like I was on the edge of breaking.

I panicked and took two Valium ( ). I know I shouldn't have done that, but at least that calmed me down a little. I will now pray (I like to stay connected to my higher power) and then I will do my exercises for my sholders, and after that visit the grocery shop.

Sorry for ranting, but I felt I was in such a deep need (I didn't even had time to read your posts)!

May you all be able to use your day as best you can!
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  #207  
Old May 16, 2023, 09:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenfriend View Post
I have been a part of Neurotalk for 15 years. From what I understand it's closing and we are moving here. My friends will probably help !e in this process. Brokenfriend

Welcome friend!!!so good to see you!!!!just book mark this to always stay in so no worrying about your pass word. and write it down where you keep your other passwords. in case you have to log back in for some reason.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
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  #208  
Old May 16, 2023, 09:20 AM
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Hi rosi, did you have a nice time in spain?
Have you seen a doctor for your head. how long has this been going on?
bizi
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lamictal 2x a day
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cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
fish oil coq10
multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine
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zyprexa,
requip2-4mg





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  #209  
Old May 16, 2023, 10:38 AM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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Nammu, there was a cat today where I volunteer named Sir Batman. Just thought it was cool since your kitties name is Sir

It was a lot of work today. 12 cats/cages. A lot of the cages were very messy. Believe it or not it’s actually pretty physically demanding work. I got it all done though to the best of my ability and didn’t have a panic attack or dissociate. Also the cat that scratched me last week was really nice today. I think she’s settled in now.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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  #210  
Old May 16, 2023, 10:45 AM
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Oh, Sir Batman is a great name! Oh yeah it’s very physically demanding. My back was getting worse that’s why. I had to quit volunteering. Though technically we didn’t have to clean the cages we did anyway as part of our care.
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  #211  
Old May 16, 2023, 11:53 AM
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It looks like I'll be getting a Basset Hound. I just need to wait for one to be avaliable in my area, but I'm in no rush to find a dog so I'll wait for a reputable breeder. I've always wanted a Basset Hound named Copper after the dog from The Fox And The Hound. I've done some reading up on them, and besides their ears which need cleaning, and that they can howl, they seem like pretty low maintence couch potato dogs. Perfect for my family. I've been looking online at rescues and shelters for other options but shelters have become really strict with long applications and home visits before you even get to meet a dog. And they mainly just had adult pit bull lab mixes at all these shelters. I had to think about what I really wanted for a 10+ year commitment.
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  #212  
Old May 16, 2023, 01:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bizi View Post
Hi rosi, did you have a nice time in spain?
Have you seen a doctor for your head. how long has this been going on?
bizi

Thanks for asking, bizi! I started to have pain about 1 1/2 week before Easter. I suspected it came from a tooth because I had pain in my teeth as well. There are some nerves crossing around there, so that's why it is possible to have pain in all the teeth on one side of the mouth.

I visited a dentist Friday before Palm Sunday and he did some minor work in one of my teeth. I continued to have pain in half head and half jaw during the whole Silent week and was back at the dentist's office after that week. They think that my root canal in one of my teeth have to be filled, but since the root is difficult to fill, that has to be done by a root canal specialist. They want to wait until more of the root canal has died. I had pain in head and jaw for still another week after my second visit to the dentist. It calmed down two days before I was going to Spain.

In the sun and heat I felt OK and even after I came home. I think the pain of today came because of me chewing nuts at the suspected tooth yesterday.

But it's not only that. I do have an inflammation in both my shoulders. Because I am a diabetic, they cannot give me cortisone for my shoulders. Instead I have been given exercises to do with a rubber band. I shall do these exercises three times a day for three month. I don't think I have been clever enough with the exercises when I was in Spain.

This morning with pain here and there I wanted to scream out loud. I cannot do that because of the neighbors. Instead it manifested itself in some sort of a "It's enough" feeling. I see now, afterward, that I could have stopped all the tension that came toghether with the pain by using CBT tools, but done is done. Once the Valium was swallowed, it was too late to get them up again.

Tomorrow there is a new day and new opportunities.

Thanks again for asking!
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  #213  
Old May 16, 2023, 01:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
It looks like I'll be getting a Basset Hound. I just need to wait for one to be avaliable in my area, but I'm in no rush to find a dog so I'll wait for a reputable breeder. I've always wanted a Basset Hound named Copper after the dog from The Fox And The Hound. I've done some reading up on them, and besides their ears which need cleaning, and that they can howl, they seem like pretty low maintence couch potato dogs. Perfect for my family. I've been looking online at rescues and shelters for other options but shelters have become really strict with long applications and home visits before you even get to meet a dog. And they mainly just had adult pit bull lab mixes at all these shelters. I had to think about what I really wanted for a 10+ year commitment.

Hope you don't have to wait to long for your Basset Hound.
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  #214  
Old May 16, 2023, 01:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
I made a list for the week of what I need to do. I have a lot of it in my calendar already but things like “clean toilet, vacuum, sweep and mop, eye doctor, social security office…”. So busy the next two weeks!
It’s all done!! I had the inspection and she was in and out in under 20 seconds!
I saw my case manager this morning. We finished the last two proofs I needed and then made a copy of everything for my records. Tomorrow morning, my mom and I will go to the post office and mail it off with plenty of time to spare before June 9th! I did it! I made it through another year of “all that paperwork”!

Also, Caleb and I are going to a concert next month - he’s driving up to see me. This will only be less than 2 months after his last visit. That’s incredible considering that we usually go a YEAR between get-togethers!

I woke up for the second day in a row with pain in my right hip. It hurts to walk when I wake up and for several hours thereafter. Therefore, I cancelled my voice therapy. (It was scheduled for 8:45 this morning.) I have another appointment in 2 weeks. Hopefully I’ll be better by then.
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  #215  
Old May 16, 2023, 01:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
It’s all done!! I had the inspection and she was in and out in under 20 seconds!
I saw my case manager this morning. We finished the last two proofs I needed and then made a copy of everything for my records. Tomorrow morning, my mom and I will go to the post office and mail it off with plenty of time to spare before June 9th! I did it! I made it through another year of “all that paperwork”!

Also, Caleb and I are going to a concert next month - he’s driving up to see me. This will only be less than 2 months after his last visit. That’s incredible considering that we usually go a YEAR between get-togethers!

I woke up for the second day in a row with pain in my right hip. It hurts to walk when I wake up and for several hours thereafter. Therefore, I cancelled my voice therapy. (It was scheduled for 8:45 this morning.) I have another appointment in 2 weeks. Hopefully I’ll be better by then.

Congratulation with the paperwork!


Hope your hips will become better before the next appointment!
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  #216  
Old May 16, 2023, 02:53 PM
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@Moose72 well done with the paperwork! That must be a big stress off your chest!
I hope your hip improves! And I hope you have a great time at the concert!

@Rosi700 I’m so sorry about the pain you’re in. Tooth pain can be particularly difficult to cope with! I hope you get the work done that you need as soon as possible!

So I stumbled down the last couple of stairs at my friends house twice at the weekend and then we walked 20000 steps on Saturday and then again on Sunday. It was brilliant, as it was lovely and sunny. But I went over both of my ankles when I fell down the stairs so now I have kankles . The left one in particular is bruised and swollen.
I have hyper mobile joints so I’m used to doing this. It’s just more of an ugly annoyance!

However, I really want to keep up the steps and exercise but I’m working too much this week. Hopefully at the weekend I will get out walking with my dog, husband and our friends who are coming to stay!

Getting out in the sunshine is so important for me. And getting enough sleep. Work is so frustrating sometimes

I need to make sure I’m looking after myself to stave off this depressive episode that seems intent on rearing it’s ugly head!
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  #217  
Old May 16, 2023, 06:49 PM
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It really is pathological with my dad and cousin. They're not having a good day if they're not putting someone down or lording their supposed superiority over them and I just happen to be a convenient target.

My dad has "hired" my cousin to mow my lawn again this spring and summer. I put "hired" in quotation marks because my father made all of the arrangements without my input or, frankly, consent, but expects me to pay. I will do no such thing. I've communicated this plenty of times last year, but this was ignored. The only reason I'm tolerating it now is because I've been recovering the past month and a half and haven't had much energy to make my own arrangements.

Anyway, he through a tantrum because the mower he was using broke, tried to blame it on me several times, said he would never mow my lawn again (if only), started rambling on about his "California attitude" and how I wouldn't like it if he was angry (as if a hissy fit counts as some sort of inner rage demon) and told me I wouldn't be able to hack it in the "real world" because of a supposed lack of street smarts.

That last one was hilarious as anyone who knows me knows that I've lived in three cities in three different countries, travelled (on my own) to several more, fended off scammers, fended off would-be muggers and more. But yeah cousin, keep talking.

My dad completely dropped any pretense and just accused me directly of contaminating his house with bed bugs and somehow making him spend thousands on furniture. Again, I've not been there in six months. Who needs facts when you have an unshakable belief that nothing is ever your fault?

On a better note, I met with the orthopedic doctor today. She did confirm I had mild carpal tunnel and advised some exercises and a cheap wrist brace. "Conservative management should suffice," she said.

On a much better note, I have a set return to work date. The week of May 30th I'm back in the saddle! Can't wait!
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"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Litany Against Fear (Dune)
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  #218  
Old May 16, 2023, 07:03 PM
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Aurelius710 Aurelius710 is offline
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Originally Posted by Samicat View Post
I know quite a bit about bed bugs, having had them and discussed them with the pest control guy and done a lot of my own research. If your parents have a bad infestation it can be almost impossible to get rid of. Generally pest control has to come TWICE and spray everything including sofas and beds (linens must be washed separately and tumble dried, and non-washable cushions must be put in a hot dryer for 20 minutes.


The second visit is to get the eggs that had not hatched when they first visited.

Throwing out furniture is needless and useless. They generally don't live in the bed but the edges of the floor/baseboards around the bed. Although with a wooden bed frame they are more likely to live in it.


One thing that helped my peace of mind was to saturate that area with DE (diatomaceous earth), a physical insecticide that will dry them out and kill them. I did this AFTER the pest control spraying though Also you can put the feet of the bed in metal dishes (we used jam jar lids) full of DE to stop them climbing up the legs. Also the bed should be at least a foot away from the wall so they can't climb the wall to get onto the bed.

If your father can afford pest control he should certainly do that - the expense is worth it. I couldn't sleep properly knowing those bugs were in our apartment.

If you have any questions, it's fine to PM me.
----------

About your financial situation - I have been there many times and my heart goes out to you. I hope you can ask your mom. This forum also has some kind of fundraising but I don't know much about that.

Also if your father is keeping people away because of the bugs, that is ridiculous. The bugs normally don't even come out if the lights are on.

Big hugs to you

p.s. DE is available in garden supply stores. It looks and feels like talc but is sharp at a microscopic level. It's safe for humans and animals once it's laid down (historically they would mix it with grains to kill bugs in the grain, so it's even safe to eat), but should not be inhaled so if he uses it should wear a mask when applying
There's also the possibility of the bed bugs becoming resistant to pesticides and considering how much chemical they've used and how ineffective it's apparently become, I'm wondering if that's not what happened.

I've unfortunately had to deal with bed bugs myself before, so I know exactly where you're coming from. I still keep some diatomaceous earth and bed bug spray handy in my home. Just in case.

The pest control guy I recommended to them deals with a product called Aprehend. It deals with a fungus that bed bugs pick up when they step on a spray barrier that they pass on through contact until it pulls fungal chest burster scene and kills them. They seem to be getting good results with it. Worth a shot, I'd say, and he can definitely afford it. Hope he goes for it.
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"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Litany Against Fear (Dune)
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  #219  
Old May 16, 2023, 07:06 PM
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Aurelius710 Aurelius710 is offline
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Originally Posted by Brokenfriend View Post
I have been a part of Neurotalk for 15 years. From what I understand it's closing and we are moving here. My friends will probably help !e in this process. Brokenfriend
__________________
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Litany Against Fear (Dune)
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  #220  
Old May 16, 2023, 08:13 PM
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Samicat Samicat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurelius710 View Post
There's also the possibility of the bed bugs becoming resistant to pesticides and considering how much chemical they've used and how ineffective it's apparently become, I'm wondering if that's not what happened.

I've unfortunately had to deal with bed bugs myself before, so I know exactly where you're coming from. I still keep some diatomaceous earth and bed bug spray handy in my home. Just in case.

The pest control guy I recommended to them deals with a product called Aprehend. It deals with a fungus that bed bugs pick up when they step on a spray barrier that they pass on through contact until it pulls fungal chest burster scene and kills them. They seem to be getting good results with it. Worth a shot, I'd say, and he can definitely afford it. Hope he goes for it.

That sounds good. Also there are pest control places that use heat to kill them (bed bugs are sensitive to heat and can't live in high temps).


I hope your Dad gets real pest control people in to get rid of them because they are notorious as you know for coming back. They drive some people around the bend and people start throwing out their furniture and so on (I know because when we had them I went to online forums for our city and read people's stories). I was so glad I discovered DE so I could sleep at night. Ugh.

Glad to hear you are looking forward to going back to work!
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  #221  
Old May 16, 2023, 08:46 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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A nice quiet day today. Did some errands and then stopped by a local restaurant for breakfast and got half to go. Heated up the half and ate it before defensive driving class. Was a fun class. Ran into a lady I know from the Y. There were only 5 of us so class was small and friendly and fast. But still four hours to pay attention! I was rather numb by the end of it. The guy that taught the class was a retired sheriff deputy . Real experience with accidents, but a good sense of humor.
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  #222  
Old May 17, 2023, 05:09 AM
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Scooter9 Scooter9 is offline
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I SHed yesterday. Ugh!

I tried so hard to stop myself. I tried various distraction techniques and other techniques to stop myself. The desire was just too strong. I even texted a crisis line but it was too late.

Now that it has been about 15 hours since it happened, I think I know what was going on and why it didn't have the effect I was hoping for.

It boils down to control. I think I was seeking a level of control but obviously I was not in control to an extent. I still made the choice though but it was driven by a warped desire that I wasn't in control of.

I now have some more perspective and feel better for it. I now understand that SH is not going to get me to where I want to go. I think it's out of my system now. I won't do it again because I now know it's not the solution to my problem.
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  #223  
Old May 17, 2023, 06:33 AM
Soupe du jour Soupe du jour is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Czechia
Posts: 5,172
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenfriend View Post
I have been a part of Neurotalk for 15 years. From what I understand it's closing and we are moving here. My friends will probably help !e in this process. Brokenfriend
Welcome!
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Dx: Bipolar type 1

Psych Medications:
* Tegretol XR (carbamazepine ER) 800 mg
* Lamictal (lamotrigine) 150 mg
* Seroquel XR (quetiapine ER) 500 mg

I also take meds for blood pressure, cholesterol, and tachycardia.
Hugs from:
bizi, Rosi700
  #224  
Old May 17, 2023, 06:50 AM
Soupe du jour Soupe du jour is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Czechia
Posts: 5,172
I know I'm getting sick. I need to go home. I can't take any more of this. Paranoia and feelings of victimization/persecution have been coming and going. I keep taking Ativan, but as it always has, it only works for hours.
__________________
Dx: Bipolar type 1

Psych Medications:
* Tegretol XR (carbamazepine ER) 800 mg
* Lamictal (lamotrigine) 150 mg
* Seroquel XR (quetiapine ER) 500 mg

I also take meds for blood pressure, cholesterol, and tachycardia.
Hugs from:
Aurelius710, bizi, HALLIEBETH87, JaneOnceMore, Mountaindewed, Nammu, Rosi700, Samicat, Sunflower123, unaluna, VerMOZZica
Thanks for this!
Rosi700
  #225  
Old May 17, 2023, 08:23 AM
Mountaindewed's Avatar
Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 41,890
My 7 year old nephew might have the chicken pox despite being vaccinated. He has a rash that looks like it. So my brother in law is taking him to the doctors. And my sister still thought it was a good idea to bring my niece over to my house who is sick with something and is coughing and sneezing so my sister can then go to work at her school. Yeah, lets infect my mom and brother and I with what my niece has, and why not infect the entire town while she's at it. She has sick days. Use them.

And they let the 9 year old go to school....

My mom says I'm just being a nut, but what if the Royal family were trying to off Megan and Harry?

I wasn't in the mood for virtual therapy but it was actually quite productive. Its normally very productive when its telehealth anyways.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka

Last edited by Mountaindewed; May 17, 2023 at 11:51 AM.
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