Bipolar Check-In #76

Tonight is my first night without any Klonopin. I hope I can sleep ok. My power is back. I went home and took care of Ariel and got my meds for tonight and tomorrow morning. It will be nice to have a fridge full of all fresh foods. Then I need to clean up my apartment. It’s sort of shabby right now.

Moose I hope you sleep tonight are you taking melatonin or some benadryl?
Those are 2 things you can try if you want.
good luck!!!!!
bizi

Left work early today. Only lasted 20 minutes. I was near breaking point anyway and something small tipped me over the edge. It did not feel small at the time though. Thankfully I got to sleep it off. I was rather tired. Tomorrow is another day ….

My med provider had a note in her files that when I take Vraylar and Wellbutrin together I don’t sleep. I hadn’t remembered that and doubted it. I am, in fact, not sleeping well with that combination. I’ll have to discontinue one of them. Good thing I have an appointment for Wednesday with her.

Feeling happy and positive today. Looking forward to getting things in order in my life.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

My brothers OCD seems to be getting worse and last night he woke me up at 11. Then I got spooked because of the podcast I listened to yesterday afternoon. It wasn't a very fun night. I was scared to fall asleep but I did eventually drift off for a few hours.

My blood pressure and pulse have been all over the place these last few days. I think its just lack of sleep and then pushing the caffeine. The other night my blood pressure was 131. Last night my blood pressure was 118 but my pulse was 101. Today my blood pressure was 128 and my pulse was 67. That was kinda freaky. Tbh I've gotten some bad chest pains as well, but I still think its not a big deal. I see my primary anyways on Thursday.

I was a bit concerned about my mental health meds and my metformin so I messaged my pdoc yesterday and he got back today said it was fine to take the metformin with my meds. So thats good.

Currently I feel ok now that I heard back from my pdoc. I was in a bit of a panic before.

I’ve got 1/4 tank of gas to last me til Friday am. I’m broke. Ugh. At least my cat wants to cuddle tonight.

I had a quiet day without any anxiety attacks. My dog continues to do well. She gobbles down her antibiotic because i stuff it in a tasty treat. She LOVES taking her meds! Her booboo is less reddish.

I didn't crave pop today at all! Coping with tea is working out well.

Thanks for the updat on your dog. I love hearing about the pets, especially when they’re doing well.

Met with the oncologist this afternoon. He's hitting the ground running, scheduling a brain MRI, thyroid ultrasound, kidney ultrasound, a visit to a dermatologist and confirming my upcoming colonoscopy. All stuff my ailment can cause trouble with. I knew it was coming, but still a gut punch.

Oh, and the oncologist wants me to take a brand new (within the past two years) blood test that can finds signs of the cancers I'm more vulnerable to with 88% accuracy. The issue: the American healthcare system. The test has a $949 price tag and insurance won't touch it. Making a patient's life easier? The horror!

The oncologist did say he would advocate for me in getting the test and securing funding if need be. It's definitely appreciated, but there's a lot to mull over. A thousand dollars isn't chump change, especially in my part of America. Also, a 12% margin of error is not insignificant. Spending a grand is one thing. Spending it on a test that has a 10% chance of error makes one take stock.

I see the usefulness of the test, especially given my situation. I just need a financial buy-in to be able to realistically access it.

The next few months are going to be fun.

@Aurelius uffta that’s a lot of tests. Yeah the American health care for the working poor is a lottery. What a lot of hard decisions to make.

Welcome, @Sophia23! I hope your job search yields a good opportunity soon and that all will be safe during the tropical storm.

I've been doing almost nothing, lately. I barely want to leave my bedroom, other than to cook something and eat. I had a productive session with my therapist yesterday. I think he now knows the majority of my situation. I think I like him and that he's good at his job. I feared that online therapy would not be as good as in-person. Clearly that's not so, in some cases.

My interactions with my sister have been more soft brief chat. She knows that I'm unwell and avoids the other stuff. I'm glad. I need this break, but of course I know I must again face more life realities soon.

It's been raining a lot, for days, after drought conditions. I like that not just for our outdoor plants' health, but the sound of it. We had new metal gutters added that make the sound of the rain emphasized. It's like my sound machine, relaxing me, and prolonging my sleep. Beautiful!

My 7 year old nephew is here along with my niece because he thought it would be a good idea to put the babys foot in his mouth. So now he has hand foot and mouth. He is being quiet and the baby is taking a nap.

I feel better then most days probably because I got all my symptoms under control fast and I didn't gorge myself on a ton of caffeine. Just one iced tea and one Mountain Dew. Not any coffee. My blood pressure is fine.

I meet with the pain clinic tommorow. I'm guessing its just going to be an evaulation and the shots will be at the next appointment. I guess I am kinda more anxious then I seem. Limiting caffeine will help for sure

My pain really really sucks right now. But I'm going to a literal pain clinic in less then 24 hours. So I just need to wait.

Ugh. I don't feel right physically today. I'm tired and weak, like walking is a chore. I don't know what's wrong with me! I'm always so hungry!!! And I blame seroquel. I've gained like thirty pounds! I have an appointment with my pdoc tomorrow morning and was going to ask him if we could increase my metformin and maybe that would help. We have to do SOMETHING. I'm going crazy with hunger. I had two bowls of cereal for breakfast. I totally slobbed out. I'm a fat midget! I'm 5'2" and weigh 160lbs. When I was on Haldol I weighed 130lbs. I'm so frantic and frustrated. I'm freaking out!

Going to my daughters place today. Her hubby is home today so the three of us will head out for lunch.

She has a questionable spot on her head. The doctor referred her to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester for a biopsy. She’s a red head with the fair skin red heads have. So we are all a bit worried about that. Currently just waiting for the phone call for the appointment.

The grandkids have been in school now for a week!

I’m worried about my daughter. I worry anyway because she and hubby are smokers. They eat healthy enough but those cigarettes! I wish they’d quit.

I’m over summer. I will regret saying that but I’m so bored! I’ve cleaned everything, done all my projects, I’ve literally nothing to do except exercise which only takes up a half hour of my day. I’m not in good enough shape to exercise for longer yet. I also find exercise boring, walks around the neighborhood or park listening to my podcast aren’t bad but the gym is awful. Even with stuff to watch.

I start work on Friday which will also be incredibly boring because it’s just training all day on the autism program we use. But at least it’s something. The kids come back next Wednesday and then I’ll be able to develop a routine.

I am covered in blue hair dye. I used a new salon-quality kind and boy did it work. Rinsing it out of my hair dyed ME! Blue streaks all over my tummy and legs, not to mention my hands and feet. I’m not really bothered though. I wear pants and sneakers to work so it’s really just my hands that I need to wash off somehow. I’m going to try RS’s mechanic wash that he uses to clean grease off his arms. My hair looks good at least. I only have blue tips, I thought all blue would be frowned upon at work. Maybe blue tips will be too, but if so I can dye it back to something natural. I don’t think my principal will mind though, my coworker last year had purple streaks.

The nightmares have stopped thank goodness. For the past few nights I’ve been taking extra seroquel to sleep, I was up until 2am on Saturday just tossing and turning. No real reason. Last night I fell asleep early though so hopefully it was just a wobble. Emotionally I’m fine.

Sigh. Positive vibes being sent to all who are struggling!

I am sick!I canceled all of my clients for today and went back to until1;15pm.
I am coughing and sneezing. This is day 2 of symptoms. I used a sinus rinse Which was gross.I have post nasal drip which is causing me to cough.
I take an allergy pill at nite and use flonase in the morning. Which I forgot to do, so I used the spray just now.
I can't afford to be sick.
bizi
I just took 1 benadryl to see if it will stop my nose from running which would decrease the cough. I have to be well enough to work tomorrow. I haven't been well enough to wear my mouth guard.

I almost caved in and went to the ER. Especially when my heating pad started giving me severe stomach cramps. I took a very hot shower and I still have the nausea and loss of appetite but my pain is better. But idk. Hopefully I can make it until the morning.

Well, that comment certainly aged well. Hope you're staying safe with Idalia in the area.

I would love to see your hair color!
bizi

moose how did you sleep last night?
It finally rained. my yard was so brown, now there are sign of it turning green, maybe I am just hoping! we are on water conservation orders no watering yards. etc.

bizi

As if on cue, my work has sent me an email saying they'll be cutting hours effective... sometime in the next month. The timing is impeccable, but I can't take it completely personally. Mainly because my employer doesn't know the full extent of my health issues.

No, this reads as a "Congratulations New Boss, you've properly staffed your region. Now make sure we don't have to pay extra payroll for the extra people."

I'm not going to do anything drastic, like quit effective immediately. However, I need to know more info. How many hours am I losing and for how long? I like this job, but if it becomes financially untenable, I'm more than willing to jump ship. 😒

Au@aurelius; I’m im so sorry! That is a gut punch.

Kinda a bad thing I guess when you take a ginger chew to help with your severe nausea and then get nauseated from it and puke that up and also the bowl of Cheerios you ate for dinner.

Not that my pain is even much better now anyways.

My dog's blood and urine tests came back all normal. I'm so relieved.

It's the one-year anniversary of my younger sister's death today. I said goodbye to her long ago tho. But it does make the world seem smaller, knowing she's no longer in it.

I had a quiet day. I went to the mall tonight for an iced fruit drink as it was hot today. I got a few things to cheer things up in eating since i can't eat the chips and cheesies i used to, as i associate them with pop. And it's for the best, of course, of course, and everything like that.

It's been over a month since i started struggling to get off pop and i'm cautiously optimistic that i've done it, as i wasn't bothered by cravings again today. It's a little soon to sing out, "Free at last... " but i am tempted!

Hugs to all those struggling. I follow your stories and would like to say a kind word to each of you but nothing seems right. Know that i hear you and i do care!