Bipolar Check-In #77

Oh, I certainly hope you’re cleared of cancer. But boy it doesn’t sound like a fun way to find out. Sending good vibes and hugs.

An update. Doing fine. Still up and down with sleep.

Today I was told I look 50! 15yrs younger than my age! I suppose that’s a good thing, wish I felt 50. I guess that’s what not smoking helps? Wish I could get my daughter to quit smoking. Every time they show those anti smoking campaigns on TV I get nervous for her.

I'm really sorry to hear about the nodules on your thyroid. Hope very much they are benign and that the biopsies can be done quickly so as to avoid waiting and worrying. Really hope everything goes as smoothly as possible

I'm sorry Arelius! Hope they are not malignant (and if they are, that good treatment will work).

I am sad and slow this morning. I have caught myself in thinking a lot of "depressive thoughts" like: I am not good enough, It will never become better, and more....

These thoughts are thoughts that according to the CBT model continue to keep me depressed. So I need to fight them.That's exactly what I am going to do, fight them with apropriate methods !

My therapist is such a baby. I have a cold and so I gave her a heads up through email and she decides to move my session to virtual. I'd wear a mask...

I mean, I feel sick. But its not a big deal.

I wasn’t able to go on my longed for and badly needed trip. Good news is that they filled my reservation quickly so I’ll get some money back. Other good news is my daughter is in town and asked me to meet her for lunch. Fingers crossed. I wasn’t able to go initially because the dermatologist verified that mom has scratched her face up so badly that it is infected and there is no underlying condition. Mom got very angry and then very upset. She asked me to stay with her and not go. Of course I stayed.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is kicking in for me. I’m really blue today despite going to meet my daughter later. Starting this early makes for a tough winter. Usually it starts at the end of November or early December.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day

My daughter has SAD too and said hers kicked in early this year too. I think I’ve seen others post on here that it’s kicked in for them too. I’m sorry.

I hope your visit with your daughter goes smoothly.

@Aurelius710

I am sending positive vibes that the nodules are benign!

@wildflowerchild25. I forgot,…happy anniversary! Congratulations 🍾🎉🎈🎊

Our house is a mess from the painter. He left a fan on to dry some things. Virtual therapy was mediocre. She is glad I'm fighting the depression and getting out of the house more. She said I need to watch less news though. I have a pdoc appointment on Tuesday. I plan on telling him to leave all my meds the same. Its mainly just the cold today thats making me feel a bit funny. I think I would be in a good mood if it weren't for that. I slept ok last night.

I don’t think wanting to switch to virtual
Because a client is sick
Is being a baby when maybe she doesn’t wanna get sick.

I don’t want clients to come to my office sick.

Mental health day today. Went and had my nails done and bought a new bra. All is good with the world today.

I'm frustrated and upset. I always think I'm fine and I can manage my symptoms on my own and then I mess everything up again and it is so frustrating. I need to accept who I am and that I need help because the lows are so sad and depressing and embarassing and every time I just end up kicking myself because I know that I know better but yet here I am again.

Took me years and a very scary psychotic episode to admit I needed medication. Then it took me a few more years to admit that maybe I didn’t know best. It’s hard but needing help is not a weakness. That’s a tough lesson to learn, but you can do it. You deserve to be happy and stable and maybe you just need help getting there. It’s ok to need help! Good luck! And welcome, don’t think I’ve seen you around before. Though my memory is terrible so if you’ve been here I apologize.

I could use a hug too.

Hey there,

I think it's fantastic you are aware of these changes, challenges, and emotions. That is a huge step in the right direction of maintenance, management, and recovery of bipolar disorder, and the balancing act we call self preservation.

You're doing great, and by being here with all of us shows your ongoing commitment and how serious you take your disorder, which is awesome. Keep on being amazing, and always feel free to chat with us here.


Be well.

I’m
Taking my niece and her bestie to the drive in tomorow
Night for the t swift concert movie. Pray for me hahah

I feel pretty good today mental health wise. Low anxiety and stuff. I felt really good that I didn't realize until almost 11 that I hadn't taken my morning meds. I went out shopping a bit around 8. I got a good haul at the Asian mart. Idk if it was really good to go out considering I still feel pretty lousy physically. Still just a cold. But my cabin fever was worse. The painter has been here for 2 days. So what are you going to do about it?

Well I flipped out last night for no reason. Couldn't sleep because I thought my family was going to die in a car accident today and then where does that leave me. Stuck in a place where I'm terrified to go anywhere and terrified to stay home, unable to do daily life but unwilling to let anyone in. Still have a year till I get my new service dog. My elderly SD I can't take outside by myself. So I'm scared. I didn't expect to be this dependent on people and it gets worse in the winter. There's so much anxiety relying on others. Then they didn't even go out today. So I finally combed my rats nest. It's been a couple of months since I combed my hair. I got a really good detangler and a detangling brush and went at it. Didn't even have to cut it this time. Now if I can drag myself to the shower.

I don't know if I'm depressed or just unmotivated. I've been this way since latuda/trintilix combo I started when moving here. I no longer take care of the bills or assistances forms. I don't even know my bank account info. Or passwords to anything. I need to save about $200 a month for the next year for my service dog. Her harness is about $600 and training is about $2k.

Work was... stressful. I had a customer nearly start a full-on, multiple parties involved brawl at my workplace. He was a bit agitated from the beginning, but nothing I couldn't handle. Found out fairly quickly he was drunk and/or hungover from the smell. Again, nothing I couldn't handle.

He would have been home free if hadn't worked himself into a frenzy over some people talking nearby. Now, they were a bit loud, but I frankly had them tuned out. He, I have a good idea, was feeling the consequences of his alcoholic shenanigans and heard every syllable bouncing around his throbbing head. Instead of, I don't know, asking nicely, he decided to insult the people, their appearance, and order them to "Get the @#$& away!" When the chatting customers didn't take kindly to being ordered around by a stranger, he decided "You wanna go!?" was the appropriate response. Lucky for him I was essentially done when he made a fool of himself, otherwise he would have heard "Get the @#$& away." from me, albeit in "customer service" speak.

That's the part that bugged me. After the dust had settled, I recapped everything with my boss and made sure of the circumstances where I could refuse service. I also talked with the leadership of the store I worked in to make sure they would back me up if I had to refuse service to someone that belligerent.

I've had multiple circumstances where I've felt uncomfortable or even unsafe with certain customers, relayed my issues to management... and they bend over backwards to accommodate the belligerent. It's very much in the same vein as my "Expectations of Disbelief" thread. Why rely on someone who might not act in my objective best interest?

I'm happy they didn't reinforce that thought process, but it doesn't mean it's not still there.

Yesterday was good, and so is this morning. I didn't use my plan, and I don't intend to use it this day either.

The plan is there to prevent me from getting sidetracked, to help me to focus on what is important in the different hours of the day. When I can do that (being present) without a plan, that is excellent.

I suppose I will need it later on, when I become more occupied during the days with work and study. For the time beieng it seems to be OK for me to take each day as it comes.

I send good wishes for the weekend to each one of you!

I have three days off. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I started training for my new role as a talent recruiter. I’m still doing other stuff like cashiering, and running stuff on the sales floor too. But yeah anyway it’s stressful. One member of management is hard to deal with, a lot of the customers are hard to deal with and just all of the work involved in general is exhausting physically and mentally and I come home after each shift wanting to quit.

Right now I’m learning how to interview people and how to choose whether someone is a good fit work here or not, and learning how to run job orientations and training employees. I’ve been there going on 2 months now.

I’m trying to stick it out for at least 6 months then maybe stop and focus on going back to college and finishing my degree so I don’t get stuck in this type of job forever. Ideally I’d like to stick it out a year but idk if I can handle it. I guess I’ll see how things go. My anxiety is severe from it lately, and I get depressed and stuff about it. I’m trying to learn to keep work stuff out of my personal life. Like try not to stress about it on my days off but I find myself always ruminating about it and stressing and when the next shift approaches I feel a sense of panic and dread.

The holiday season is approaching and I’m not looking forward to how busy it’s gonna be.

Anyway, today I’m going to the pharmacy to get my covid shot and flu shot

Had a fantastic dinner out with my sister, brother-in-law, nephew and his wife. Went to a local owned and operated restaurant. It was very good. I had walleye! Boy it’s been years since I had good walleye. The rest except for my sister had various fish dinners and my sister had liver and onions. Boy restaurants like that are rare nowadays.

Without mum to be the social glue it’s going to be quite rare to see everyone. We all live in southern Minnesota but we all have different schedules and it’s just not the same without mum. I don’t think we’re having the holidays anymore either as my sister and brother in law go south for the winter.

So this dinner might be the last time I see them for a while. It was a nice dinner.

Doing fine mentally too. Seem to have got my stability back. It was rocky for a bit. The gabapentin is helping my sleep. My pdoc said to take it every night. It does seem to be working to keep me asleep.

Good attitude and solid planing! How are your two cats doing, they helping with the depression and stress?