Bipolar Check-In #77

My hair extensions

Wow, those look great! 👍

[QUOTE=Crazy Hitch;7382295]My hair extensions


How long was your hair before this?
bizi
It looks beautiful!

[QUOTE=bizi;7382351]Thank you!

It was on my shoulders

Gorgeous!!!

I wasn't feeling too well yesterday. I went out to the asian market in the morning and got a good haul, but after that I just napped all day in bed. I had the TV on. Today I had therapy which was virtual. It went well. I just have not been 100% health wise these last 2 days because of my stomach issues that make me just want to nap all day and sleep all night. The thing on my leg is ok. I put a ton of hydrcroxine cream on it a few times and its ok now. It looked like a mess before though. I'm glad I took care of it.

Surgery in the am!

Looks really nice!

My niece has the flu. She took tamiflu in time so hopefully she’ll be able to fly Wednesday night. Crossing fingers! Gotta get drinks and drop off stuff for Thursday tomorrow.

And here i am, having another flicker of good feelings! I called my older sister tonight. She was out to dinner and couldn't talk but said it was nice to hear from me. I'm proud of myself because it was hard to do. She said to call tomorrow but who knows how i'll feel then. She and i are the last of my family of seven and i feel more interested in her since watching "Ozark" and seeing Ruth lose HER whole family.

I've been feeling down since i let the party pass on Saturday without attending. Just sad that i don't enjoy parties when people generally regard them as fun. I did make a gesture as the party was in the building and i feel warmly towards the birthday girl since she did some peer support for me last year when my younger sister died. Before the party i brought my dog down to see her as i thought she would like to meet my dog as she says she loves dogs. But she didn't even pet my dog. I was disappointed. She might have been concerned about her outfit, which was a lovely, simply-cut, sleeveless, sequined shift-dress in powder blue, very flattering. She really went all out! At least i wished her a happy birthday. It would have been kind of remiss not to at least put in an appearance as the party was just an elevator ride away.

Well, i does what i can!

I've got an appointment on Thursday with my doctor to discuss my depression. I really think the thing to do is REDUCE my meds, at least my Seroquel and then my Risperdal. I'm feeling over-sedated and have the munchies something fierce. Last time i talked to him in this state, he wanted to INCREASE my meds. That's not appealing. Hopefully we can work something out.

My therapist brought up the idea of putting me IP to do a med wash. Hell no! I had a flucking anxiety dream about it. That would be absolutely TERRIBLE. Luckily my husband talked some sense into her today about it so that's off the table. Whew! She's also been freaking me out lately because she's been talking about neurological scarring and how I'm going to get that if I have another episode or if we switch my meds around some more...

For Pete's sake! The only meds I mess around with are my seroquel and loxapine. Everything else has been consistent for years now. And the only reason why I cut my loxapine dose so much is because I couldn't tolerate it anymore and didn't feel like my psychiatrist was taking me seriously.

I'm not thoroughly happy being on seroquel (because I abuse it), but it helps my anxiety SO much and overall makes me feel better. It just gives me the munchies hardcore!

My pdoc wanted to wean me off gabapentin and I was like hell no!!!

So pretty much my meds are a mess, I'm fat, I'm pissed off, I have breakthrough psychosis, and we just got a new cat.

I just don't even want to imagine how AWFUL it would be to be taken off diazepam and gabapentin cold turkey, along with my other meds. No thank you. THAT would cause neurological scarring!

I have a pdoc appointment on Wednesday. Not sure what we're going to do with my meds, if anything at all.

I'd like to go on Topamax because I need to lose twenty pounds, but I'm not sure I want to go on a new med or how my psychiatrist would feel about that.

I was also going to ask about the seroquel XR.

I don't know. Who knows I guess.

This depression is killing me I've skipped out on so many interviews and follow up phone calls. I don't think I'll ever get out of here. Although when my lease is up, I am going to live with my parents until I get a new job. Not ideal. I've been meaning to call my psychiatrist for a week or so now...

I went to the gym for the first time in a month. It was difficult and now I'm tired.

I've been having some really strange dreams, so my sleep isn't very restful.

I did a PHQ-9 assessment and my score is 19 instead of the usual 21, so I'm one point below severe depression into moderately severe depression territory.

I'm learning about poetry, how to read it and appreciate it. I'm looking for poems about hope during difficult times but open to pretty much anything that's not overly negative.

I finished reading Poetry For Dummies and it was helpful. I have some more books to read on poetry but it's hard because I'm having difficulty concentrating.

My pain is so weird. Its terrible on my right side where the problem is. But I feel fine on my left side. I prefer to sleep on my right side but the pain and discomfort and nausea
comes on almost instantly when I'm on that side. I've taken tylenol and pepcid. I just now took dramamine so I'll probably crash in a bit. Anxiety wise I haven't been too bad so I still have a valium left. And mood wise I've have had low energy and its just been a lazy day anyways.

I don't eat meat, eggs, or fish anymore but I still eat dairy. I prefer soy or almond milk anyways though and dairy free cheese pizza is easier on my stomach. I've been eating like this for a couple weeks. I tried being a straight vegan but I need dairy. Mainly things made with dairy. I'm not sure why I'm doing it. The diet just kinda found me I guess.

I wonder if my parents ever drank the milk we left out for "santa" or if they just poured it back into the galllon and left the glass out to make us think he drank it. Lol

Ugh. Dramamine and valium. I'm too drowsy to move. But at least I'm not feeling any pain. Just a craving for an Amys enchiladas frozen meal

@Scooter9

Sorry to hear you're more depressed 😔. 🫂 It's cool you're learning about poetry. Wish I had some recommendations, but I'm more of a shory story/novel kind of girl. Are you planning on writing your own poetry?

Hey @raspberrytorte, thanks.

Poetry is really interesting - I didn't realize there was so much more to English.

I hope, someday, to write poetry. I need to connect with my emotions first so I'll read a lot of poetry to get an idea about how others express themselves and figure out if I can stir the intended emotion in myself.

I'm also a novel/story person but I found that there's a lot of depth in poems. There is depth in novels too, but a poem does it in a few stanzas so it's much more compact. Still, nothing quite like a good book!

My niece is in the ER. This isn't real. I'm dreaming or some ****.

Shes ok thankfully. She just had some build up fluid in her ear. She'll need tubes in her ears soon like my nepews did.

We were all very on edge though because of my aunts husband.

They are already on their way out of state for Thanksgiving. So it really was minor even though it seemed major the way she was she was screaming.

I've heard some ear pain can be ike a knife going through you.

Now I awaite my fate iin the morning with my doctors appoiintment. I took a shower tonight so thats one less thing to fret about

The end of term is dragging on! I only finish December 21. Bring it on. Next week I start roll over. That’s where the current year 9s move up in to year 10. Had a look at my class lists for next week. It seems okay. There will be one or two challenges but I think I will be able to handle that class. I don’t know anything about my Year 7s next year because they are still in primary school and don’t start with us until January.

I did not hear back from the primary school I applied to last week. I’m going to take that as a no. I kinda knew all my examples in the key selection criteria were too high school based. Sigh.

I should be hearing back from a long term DD sober living house next week!!!!!!!!!!!
If I don't get in I'm gonna be pissed,, but if I do get in I'm going to dance as much as I can.

I’m just blah today. Tomorrow is thanksgiving and mum isn’t here. It’s really hitting me, first major holiday without her.

I met with an NP. She was all like "I'll rely this info and these tests to the surgeon." She mentioned my twisted intestions or whatever they were that showed up on a test. She tried helping me out with pain meds. She tried giving me tramadol. But it intefered with my valium. She took me seriously though. I just thought I'd have answers today.

So my mom and I got smoothies and went home. She went out to get more stuff for our own little Thanksgiving and some more Tylenol and some lidacaine salonpataches for me. I went and took a long deep nap and when I woke up I felt better and I used a salonpatch which worked amazinly and I feel pretty decent now.

So I'm hoping all that gets me through until I get legit news from the surgeon.

Surgery went great. I’m home resting now

What kind of stomach surgery did you have if you don't mind me asking?

My small bowel test showed that stuff is all to the right and it shouldnt be like that. Thats why my right side hurts like a ***** but my left side feels totally fine. It has some name to it but I can't remember.

I'm glad your surgery went well

I had a stomach polyp removed