Bipolar Check-in #81

Shadow, sounds like today was a day for errands! Good job.

I just finished taking off my fingernail polish! It’s about a week overdue. But I couldn’t find my remover. Wasn’t where it’s supposed to be and wasn’t in any of the logical places. So I finally broke down and bought new today.

I fell asleep for almost 2 hours and I woke up feeling fine anxiety wise and mental health wise in general. I'm making twice baked potatos for dinner.

I got a bunch of salads and greek yogurt deliverd from Walmart.

What is with this weird *** pain I'm having. It gets like sharp and I see stars and my head gets prickly. Its in the area and like idk who to tell or what to tell them or if I can even get up the courage to mention it to someone.

Feeling bummed about being diagnosed with perimenopause today. I hope my dr will give me estrogen cream to help!

I haven’t been sleeping well lately- up all night a lot of times.

That made me lol!

@raspberrytorte I was going to say , you should try and find as many coping skills as you can before you get taken off them. I'm starting cbt skills for my anxiety. We had an appointment today
But when she called to start it I wasn't going to be able to understand it. I was so tired. I have to get more than 2 hours of sleep. My wound was really hurting.

But I would learn as many grounding and mantra skills as you can. My therapist and I are going to be doing the cbt skills over the phone. I think it will work. One coping skill that doesn't help me is breathing techniques. I just feel like I'm suffocating.

I hope you can find some that really help you. I hate anxiety too! Going through those 4-5 long hour panic attacks that I went through for 9 months were the hardest part of my life. And I've been through a ton of trauma. Remember you're in my thoughts. 🥰🥰🥰

So my wound is quite a bit bigger. It hurt so bad last night I had to take 800mg of ibuprofen and it still hurt. I miss my old Dr. When my wound was a little bigger than this, he prescribed me 16 5 mgs hydrocodone. He knew me well enough that he knew I wouldn't abuse them. I only had to get them refilled once. The clinic he works for stopped taking medicaid. He fought really help to keep me. Even went to the medical director. It didn't work. Now where I go sucks!

Happy belated birthday raspberry.
Over all my ankle is better! my left knee is still a sore.have used a special bandage that is supposed to help heal it.I had to bend my knee to put the bandage on it and then tape it with water proof tape. and leave it on for a few days then take it off and put a new one on.
bizi

I'm glad it's healing up nicely!

@raspberrytorte Happy Birthday!

This is a very busy week. I'm noticing some depression/irritability getting worse but I'm almost positive it's triggered by my physical health not being great/how this impacts my life now that I'm back to work full time. Hopefully, I can manage things okay so it doesn't mess with my bipolar disorder. I have counseling tomorrow so, hopefully, that will help me get some things off my chest/process some stuff.

@raspberrytorte Happy birthday!

Is it a infection / irritation again?

Getting cold feet about asking for a med-reduction. I can't afford another hypomania this close to retirement. I doubt i'll go thru with the appointment. What does it matter if i'm half-dead most of the day? If i had my choice i'd be all-dead.

Day was okay at work. Death by meetings and I don’t really know how much I learned really all day. Even in the behaviour management session. At the end of the day no one is there to hold my hand per se. I’m the one who has to face my classes alone by myself. I’m on constant high alert waiting for someone to push someone off a chair or what not. My cortisone levels must be higher than normal. Constant fight flight mode.

Glad I am not the only one who has discovered how important a daily or weekly routine is for the total health, Physical as well as Mental.

Wish you continued luck with your routines!

Idk. I hope not. My mom had to stop driving past that hospital where I got it removed because of all the truama like stuff it caused

I talked with my therapist about just the fear of being in the waiting room of a gyencolgist and she said "yeah I can see how that would be bad being that your a very passable trans man."

Idk maybe I'll try some more of this stuff I got.

I am ridiculously tired. Therapy later! I need to discuss if it's a good idea to try and work on a good relationship with my mom. Sometimes I think it is, but sometimes I think she's just such a bad fit of a person for me that it's not worth it. I like playing devil's advocate and making dark jokes which she hates, and am impatient with how slow she goes when talking about something because of all the minute details she puts in there. She triggers the fk out of me when I'm with her, but mostly that's on me just because a lot of noises feel threatening, and certain ones that don't scare me annoy me to the point I cannot be around them. She makes a lot of the threatening noises and the annoying noises. I feel like she's the reason I don't sleep in her house, but I could in the shelter, on random people's couches, in hospitals, etc. Just the vibe I get from her noise is so threatening. But maybe I could stop associating her with threats and be more comfortable around her? Do some stuff we'd do together when I was younger like go to the lakes and do puzzles. Maybe on her good days we could go for short walks. Show each other some music we like that the other could like.

I am so proud of you going to therapy @MuddyBoots and finding some things that will help you with your relationship with your mom. You sound like in much more positive place, so glad.

Yes @Rosi700 - my morning and night routines are so important, but also very necessary. I think the most important thing I do every day is make my bed- even though it's a really small thing, it's really not, especially if you decide to stay home all day - a made bed definitely makes you think twice about jumping in it and kind of keeps you up and about.

Today is a quiet day. It's really nice outside but I am going to stay in today and work my butt off so I can pay for the computer I bought for my dad for his birthday that's coming today. Kind of a big purchase, but I know that he could really use it. Told my mom about it and she said, "thank god you didn't get him another robe" LOLOL!! Like what am I supposed to get, dads are so hard to shop for!

Anyway, hope everyone has a relaxing and productive day!

@MuddyBoots
It's great that you're going to therapy and considering working on your relationship with your mom. It sounds like a good idea to do things with positive feelingsyou associate doing with your mom when you were younger.

@LadyShadow
You are SO right about making your bed in the morning. I make it a point to make the bed every day whethere I'm staying at home or not. It does make me much less likely to jump into it later in the day.

I'm still in stable mode, which is pretty boring to write about since it's same old, same old every day. I have been reading a lot lately though which is good, and I went for a walk this morning.

My daughter started 11th grade today. I can't believe how fast she's grown up. I'm extremely proud of the young woman she's become, but it's hard to believe she will finish school next year as well as turn 18.

Uff da, I did too much yesterday my back is protesting.

I too have routines I follow that help a lot. Especially my bedtime routine. Morning is more lax.

Today I’m taking it easy. Going to my daughter’s after lunch. She’s getting very depressed. Is looking to add an antidepressant to her mix but her pdoc is on vacation until next month. She doesn’t want to see any other pdoc cause she feels hers understands she doesn’t want a lot of meds. So I’m going over more often to help out and just be someone she can talk to who understands these things.

@Nammu
I'm so sorry about your daughter. That has to be hard

I definitelyl feel for everyone who has a child struggling with mental health issues.