Bipolar Check-in #84

No idea what I’m going to do today after I’ve dropped my son off at school. Feeling bored and the day hasn’t even started yet! I’ve just swept the entranceway. It was cluttered with some of my son’s stuff that I got out the way. Changed the kitty litter. Feeling accomplished lol but with not much else to do. Slept okay last night. Woke up once. I get very heavy periods so that interfered with my sleep. Then woke up at 4:20am when my partner got up for work. I hate that he has to leave so early. Totally disrupts my sleep every single week morning ….

Just home from my pelvic ultrasound. They did the whole area but mainly they were looking for the ovarian cyst the cat scan found back at the beginning of the month. Results in my portal tomorrow. I think it was just a cyst from ovulating since my period came 10 days later but we’ll see.

Results were in my portal. Everything normal except they couldn’t see my right ovary. Wonder why.

I met for like an hour and a half with my new pdoc. I'm going back on abilify injection at a higher dose and changed my sleeping medicine. So to start I'll be on one pill. He was really nice didn't say anything about my mess of hair. He asked me all my diagnosis and which I felt fit. I had a 3 hour panic attack at 4 in the morning. Oh he wants me to get back to school and work.

My back is hurting again and I can’t put on another lidocaine patch. So I took a muscle relaxer. Praying I can pee later. I’ve taken a few of these before and haven’t had that problem this time around but it is a Sid e effect and I have a history of urinary retention wit,h two other meds both of which were psych drugs. Took a shower and ate dinner and now in pajamas sitting in bed with the cat.

Oof, I had a pretty bad night. I only put one ambien in my med box. My dosage is one and a half, but I don’t like having a half leftover to put back in the bottle. Maybe I should get another med box and do two weeks at a time? That would be an even number. Anyway…. Because I was short 10 mg of ambien I added an extra 25 mg of seroquel. That was a mistake. Took me forever to get to sleep and then the vivid dreams and not able to wake up in the morning! I had to check that my car was still where I parked it the dream I lost my car was so real.

Other than that things are going well. I decided to go play bingo tonight. I usually leave at the halfway mark cause I’ve not that much patience for bingo but people keep asking me if I’m going to be there, so I go for half the time.

I feel kinda blah but I'm hanging on. I think the new stomach med is causing some anxiety. I'm ready just to give up on the prescription stomach meds and keep up with my OTC stuff.

I didn't do much today. I didn't even get out of bed really. I feel a bit depressed. I did take a shower a few minutes ago though.

Drat. Another crown it is. I am so tired of dental problems!

I had a pretty good day. I sat outside and socialized with my friend/neighbor today. I have a really hard time socializing due to social anxiety (even though I do want to socialize because I end up feeling better after I have). It was not cold, in the 50’s and sunny. Beautiful day.

I also did some yoga. That’s 5 days in a row now I think.

I saw my favorite security guard tonight. He normally works on the day shifts but he’s been doing night shifts the past couple weeks so I haven’t seen him as much cause I don’t really go downstairs at night. (I live in supportive housing, there’s a security guard in the lobby downstairs 24/7)

Let’s see, some building events to look forward to this week. Wednesday is the nutrition class. Thursday is a craft day we’re making wreaths, I signed up to go to that. And Friday is the Thanksgiving potluck. I’m going to all of those. Should be a really good week.

Tomorrow I have to stop by the pharmacy to pick up my meds and while I’m there I’m gonna get my Covid and flu vaccines.

I did some artwork today. Read a lot. Played with my cat. Watched some anime and some episodes of Supernatural.

Now I’m just enjoying the evening. Gonna put on my wax warmer with some vanilla scented wax in it. Trying to decide on what warm drink to have later.

I can choose from these that I have in my cabinet:
-Decaf coffee
-Decaf green tea
-Caramel black tea
-Pumpkin spice black tea
-Hot Cinnamon black tea
-Peppermint Mocha Herbal tea
-Raspberry Harvest herbal tea
-Ginger snap herbal tea
-plain Peppermint herbal tea

I’m doing well I think. I’ve been managing my irritability and paranoia better. I haven’t smoked weed in a week. Taking my meds. Feel pretty good.

Idk if EMDR is starting to work or what but I haven’t dissociated in several weeks which I normally always dissociate at least once or twice a week every single week at minimum. And the last time I did I was able to pull myself out of it extremely quickly.

Today i felt pretty good! It was a welcome break from my mild depression. I slept in really late which i like because i feel so refreshed and it makes the day go faster. I exercised and enjoyed it, and the afterglow. I'm thinking of sticking just to cardio because it makes me so happy. I tried my ZOOM social hour but it turned me off so i quit. I don't want anything to mess with this good mood.

Hugs to all in need!

I have an 87 in the class I’m
Worrying over. I’m about to just give up

Been feeling bugs crawling in my face. Started yesterday

My last school did twi8 week classes per semester. It’s horrible

No hypomanic symptoms today! I think it was starting up the hormone pills after four days of placebos that caused my symptoms. I also discovered last night that I accidentally didn't take one of the hormone pills so that probably didn't help things either.

It was a pretty easy day at work. The schedule for the rest of the school year ends up being pretty chaotic because of all the breaks and special events that happen. I'm still deciding if I'd rather get a non teaching job next year or just move schools (if I can find one that pays better and has good benefits). Since I don't feel protected by my boss anymore, staying at my current school just isn't an option.

My primary is right! Vraylar and Gabapentin isn’t a good combination. Too many similar or same side effects! Like dizziness! I put in a request to see my primary this week about this or see if she can contact someone at my pdoc’s office to discuss this. Y Pdoc is out of the office for yet another week! My psych office lowered my gabapentin dose but did not address the Vraylar especially the risk of cirrhosis from high liver enzymes which I currently have per my liver doctor. My primary said she was going to contact my liver doctor. She was out of the office through today so she should be back tomorrow.

My anxiety and paranoia is at an all time high. I have soulless eyes. The negative entity has stolen my soul, or it's looking out at me through my eyes because I don't even recognize them. I can feel it resting on my shoulders. I don't know why this is happening! I've been taking all my meds for a change! It wants to steal my happiness. I just want to cry. 😭 😭 😭

I feel better. I took a valium and skipped my stomach med then fell asleep for a bit. I think I'll take the stomach med twice a day instead of 3 times a day. I'm still not hungry or thirsty for much. But I'm getting along. My ultrasound is this Wednesday. Not next Wednesday like I thought.

Now I feel bad again. Its not anxiety. Just nausea and stuff. I wish I had some dramamine.

Plus Vraylar has many of the same side effects as Invega! Stiff muscles, shuffling gate, tremors, akathisia, uncontrolled muscle movements…. I had all these and more on Invega and I will not go through that again!

I just left a phone message for my liver doctor’s nurse- the front desk answered the phone. I said I wanted talk about my liver enzymes and medications. Hopefully she doesn’t wait forever to call me back. Plus my portal says I should contact my provider about an appointment? Blood draw for liver enzymes? I want to talk about Vraylar and cirrhosis. And is it best if I discontinue this drug.

Good morning. Enjoying some tea and music. Before I get dressed and ready to take the bus to the pharmacy to pick up my meds and get my flu and Covid vaccines.

I played my game on my Xbox for a couple hours last night. Had a lot of fun. Was very immersive and the story is getting very interesting. Am gonna try to finish the game tonight.

I slept good. My cat woke me up around 7:30am purring next to me and snuggling with me. She’s a love bug especially in the mornings.

87 is fantastic! Why are you worrying about it?

I am so sorry you're experiencing this. Feelings like that are so hard to get through. Do you see your T soon?

@Blue_Bird That's great about having less dissociation. I wish I had less!

My morning started out okay. I slept well, did pilates, started laundry. Then, I had to go to the imaging center to finally get an x-ray of that foot I slammed into the doorframe a couple weeks ago. Things just still feel weird in there even though the pain is minimal. I had an 8 AM appt. there, checked in, the woman is like "I see you completed the e-check", I sat there 30 min. then get called up only to be told there was a problem with my check-in and I had to enter all the info I did online at home again in their i-pad. After that, I was fuming. I mean, I had to wait 30 min. past my appt. time for them to tell me I had to do the checkin all over again?! I shouldn't be surprised, that's how crappy healthcare is in this country. Then, I had to wait another 20 min. just to get called up to sign some consent forms and then wait ANOTHER 15 min. to take a couple x-rays that took all of 1 min. to complete. I was so angry and fuming and churned up by the time I left the imaging center.

I went to the grocery store afterwards to buy some rolls to toast into garlic bread for dinner tonight, and was fuming at cars driving too slow. Came home and was irritated to see H didn't make the bed before leaving for work. Then, I had laundry to fold and I was going through it quickly and haphazardly, the way I do when manic. Still having trouble typing this. Hopefully, it is not mania and still just cooling down from waiting for the x-rays. I made some coffee and hope to settle with a book. I really need to chill out some.

I got my flu and Covid vaccines. On my way back I stopped at the store after I got off the bus and got a gallon of milk. On the walk home this lady who was walking around by the bus stop wasn’t sure where she was going cause she had never been in this area before so she said she’d walk with me. I vaguely got what she was looking for but it was hard to tell because she had such a heavy accent and it was hard to understand her most of the time. We walked for a bit then she talked to a lady who understood exactly what she was looking for and gave her a ride there. So that worked out.

Got my meds picked up. Now I’m relaxing at home. That walk up the hill to where I live is exhausting especially in the bright sun. It’s a non stop extremely steep hill /incline that goes on for a few blocks and levels out when I get to my apartment complex.