Bipolar Check-in #84

I have a good amount of energy today. I took a shower and I'm doing some cleaning and laundry while watching TV. My moods are ok. My anxiety is fine. My stomach is fine too. Things have really been getting under control with the stomach med.

I think my blood sugar is high. I've had 343 carbs and 218 grams of sugar today. I'm really drowsy and lightheaded right now. And a bit fuzzed thinking

Oh, geez maybe things are swinging too far in the other direction. I had 5 hours of sleep last night, been up since 2 AM not the least bit tired. I took a 6 mile power walk outside in the dark starting a 3:15 AM. And did some ab machines and weight machines that are outside at the park. Then just felt like I HAD to have sex and initiated with H in the first time in forever. Went to Starbucks. Opened a piece of mail addressed to H and not me (though granted, they were the same to a point...we are switching banks and getting new credit cards, but I only noticed once I called to activate the card that the name on the card was H's, not mine.

Having problems with the stupid F*KING laundry washer AGAIN! It drained an entire load of water all over the garage floor, most of which we have covered with rugs as we really use the garage more as a storage/work room than a garage. I about blew my top! I am so sick of this stupid F*KING machine!

Only a few passing sui thoughts today. I read a lot but am concerned I missed some of the finer points of the story as I confused 2 separate characters as being the same 1 character for 1/3 of the book, and that was confusing the 2nd character with the MAIN character. ON the other hand, while a bit fidgety, I feel quite a bit better, so maybe the SAD lamp helped. Part of me thinks I should call the pdoc, but the other part says no, I feel quite a lot better than I did just 2 days ago.

I slipped in the snow-covered grass and fell flat on my front! Nothing broken but lower back hurts! A nice lady pulled up once I got across the street and asked if I'm ok. I said I don't think anything's broken but now that it's been a few minutes my lower back hurts! Maybe I'll use a lidocaine patch. My left arm is sore too.

And my psych nurse doesn't seem to care about my anaphylaxis. She just wants me to see the allergy dr which I am today but I have to make a different appointment to actually get tested as I've had Benadryl in the last five days. A test will be weeks in the future after the Benadryl gets out of my system and the allergies unflare. So my psych nurse is going to leave me medless! I'm so pissed. Not that there are any meds left to try anyway. It's just her lack of empathy that kills me! Even a stranger asked if I was ok after my fall!

Sorry for continued bad news! Let's hope the allergist has better things to say!

I see my gp today about returning to work next week then I have a return to work meeting with the assistant principal in afternoon. Personally can’t stand him.

Ooh someone from my team is meeting me in a bit, what do I say?!?!

If one thought comes to my head I might get hospitalized, if another does it might be an hour of me talking about finding out I am way off in what bra size I am (this calculator says I'm a 30DD, but I've been wearing a 34C (but it has not been doing any miracles))

I think you should leave him a message (unless he's a type who would get pissed if you left a non-emergency message). If anything it'll be an update for him.

dare i say i feel calm? i have not had anxiety all day. weird... im suspicious

I fell asleep for 2 hours. My blood sugar was only 118. I feel ok now.

Admiring this hot pink nail colour manicure I gave myself last night. I’m allowed to boast just on here. For a first timer to this new nail system I am so happy with how the pink came out!

Ha, I wonder if she could tell I was high as shyt. I feel like she could just because it's hitting so damn hard, but also she didn't ask or anything, and I know her well enough that if she suspected, she would've asked for confirmation.

Well we talked for a long time. N2 was in the room too- she drove me. Someone will call me to set up a 3 hour appointment where they give me the Vraylar or Gabapentin then watch me for 2 hours to see how I react. I think they have to be two separate appointments . He also wants to do a skin scraping with vinegar since my mouth burns and tingles when I have anything with it in there. An oral aversion not anaphylaxis like the pills. An oral aversion makes your mouth tingle but not swell up like anaphylaxis. They are calling me to set up the appointments sometime soon. For some reason they couldn't schedule a "medication challenge" as the doctor called it at check out. My psych nurse practitioner said it is ok to continue to not take both Gabapentin and Vraylar. Not worried about withdrawals. So once those other two appointments get made for a Friday morning each Noah is going to drive me. So stay tuned! I may not be able to sleep very well for a while as that's partly why I was on the Gabapentin but we'll see. The doctor said to schedule morning appointments as they are three-hours each.

Otherwise, all is well. Thanks to N2 for driving. I am no good at driving places I don't know. My car isn't new enough to have a GPS screen built in. N3 is going to drive me to my next few appointments.

Oprah did a whole show on this, back in the day.

My rear passenger Tyre was low, filled it and it got low again. So today girded my loins and made a call to the dealership. Ugh I hate making calls. But I did it and received an appointment for 2 pm. Took off at 12:30 so I’d have time to clean the snow off my car and stop at the gas station and fill the tyre. Timed it perfectly. Arrived just before 2 and there was 4 cars behind me. Oof. Driving was a white knuckle experience. We got snow this morning. The noon news said there were 177 crashes already! But it went fine. I got done in time to arrive home just as the dark descended. I hate driving in snow, I hate driving in the dark. But the roads I took were pretty good. The one back road is 55 mph but it seemed people don’t follow the speed limits, everyone was passing me! On a snowy road! Oh well. All done and dusted. Only cost me $30 to have the tyre repaired.

Sleep is going pretty good. Wednesday I see my pdoc. Got good news for him. I’m doing good and steady on the 25 mg of seroquel. I did call 988 after I saw him last and was on here, but that was resolved and smoothed out with the seroquel. Taking 50 mg knocked me out until the middle of the afternoon so 25 is good. I’m hoping to go off once spring gets here and it’s not dark and cold.

Blueberry I’d call and leave a message for your pdoc saying your swinging back and forth. Just so he knows.

Feeling good. On a good routine lately. My anxiety is low. It’s been pretty low lately. I kind of have gotten into a good routine with sleep, meds etc. I wake up around 5am meditate, journal, then play a game. Feed my cat. Then study music theory. Eat breakfast, take meds, brush teeth. I spend some time outside in the mornings for fresh air. I get on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Practice violin for at least an hour. Take a shower if I need to or do any household chores I need to do. My meals are pretty regular. I eat three times a day around the same times plus two small planned snacks. Then in the evenings I eat dinner, take my meds, do the dishes, brush my teeth, limit screen time an hour or so before bed and read on my kindle. Maybe meditate a bit more. Then I go to bed when I’m tired. Usually around 9 or 10pm. Then do it all over again the following day. It kind of annoyed me at first because it felt boring doing things the same way each day but routine really helps me stay stable.

My psychiatrist is gonna sign my payee paperwork on the 12th of this month. He said at my last appointment if I stopped vaping THC he’d sign the paperwork. So it’s been 3 weeks without using it, I’ve completely stopped and have no plans to ever use it again. It makes my symptoms so much worse. I was also feeling a lot of pressure to vape because of the guy I was dating for a year and a half so now that we’re not together I don’t feel the pressure to vape anymore. I’m easily influenced

Also it’s been a couple months since I broke up with him. And yesterday some new news came to light. He told me yesterday when we were talking that he cheated on me once while we were dating. So I don’t want anything to do with weed since it reminds me so much of him

I hurt now from my earlier fall. I took Tylenol but we all know how much good that is!my chest and lower back hurt.no bruising that I can see. The concern is that I’m on blood thinners and internal bleeding. So I’m getting checked out tomorrow morning. I don’t think anything is broken. I’m gonna be sore in the morning! I slipped on some snowy grass and landed on my front. Dunno why my back would hurt though.

Well I sent my mother a picture of my nails that I was proud of and she sent me a reply along the lines of “You need to touch those up “

Well I’m sorry I couldn’t be perfect!

I had a wave of fear about Christmas. I'll be alone again. It's such a hard time, with everyone crowing about family. But other years i had this; the anticipatory anxiety being worse than the event. So hopefully i've confronted the reality of the approaching Christmas and will get thru it with relative ease. The Christmas tree went up in the lobby this weekend. The radio is crowded with Christmas commercials.

I found something to help my mild depression: an audiobook. I've never tried them before. The one i'm listening to is about a young American woman who seeks out her Irish roots and her destiny as a healer. There's a thinly disguised romance but i am not letting it bother me. It passes the time and distracts me from my "Stinkin' Thinkin'." I kind of don't respect myself for entertaining such a juvenile story.

@MuddyBoots

You dyed your hair purple? That's awesome! I wanted to dye my hair pink or red or some odd color, but ended up just doing blue black because I didn't feel like bleaching my hair, so now it's just going to be black for a while.

@Crazy Hitch

Your at home manicure kit sounds like a lot of fun. 😁

@Blueberrybook

You don't seem particularly stable right now. Maybe your mood stabilizer needs to be tweaked? When's your next psychiatrist appointment?

@Moose72

Sorry to hear about your med situation and about your fall. That sucks. I hope they can figure out what's wrong. 🫂 ❤️

We put up our Christmas tree tonight! 🎄 It was so much fun. Got a bunch of goofy pictures of the three of us and the cats. So now I'm feeling a bit more jovial about Christmas coming up. We bought all of our daughter's presents already. They'll be arriving in the mail this week. I think she will be pleased this year. 😊

@Nammu driving in the snow is the worst! I'm glad you made it safely and were able to get your tire fixed.

@Moose72 sorry to hear about the fall. I hope the pain goes away soon!

It was a good first day back from break. My preps were productive so that was nice. I might go in early tomorrow to do some grading. There are three piles of projects I want to get graded before they take their next test. I have a mindless work task to work on for a bit in the evenings right now so that is nice-it helps fill the time so I don't feel so down in the dumps about not having much to do after work.

I've had some anxiety this evening, but my mood was fine today besides that.

@JaneOnceMore

You won't be alone on Christmas. You'll still have us on here. 🫂 ❤️

This!

My brother is getting a $300 ipad for Christmas so my mom is getting me 2 books, 2 hoodies, and 2 pairs of jeans. She trys to make things as even as possible on Christmas. I'm not sure what I'm getting people for Christmas. My bil is gluten free so I would like to find him some gluten free cookirs.

@raspberrytorte, yeah, I ended up not wanting to bleach my hair either but I'm naturally a light brown so it at least still did a fair bit. I didn't leave it in too long either so now it's more of a burgundy.
--
We could get a few more inches of snow Wednesday night/Thursday morning! Thursday's gonna look good for hiking, as long as I stay below treeline (windayyyy and I'm not about to go breaking trail above treeline desperately searching for each cairn.

Ughh I gotta go. I don't even know what to tell med nurse today.