Bipolar Check-in #84

We'll be around

I ordered a bunch of groceries for pickup including some Kinder eggs and other candy for Christmas presents. I also ordered a stuffed Tango (Elmos dog) for my niece fron Amazon.



I am also super drowsy again despite sleeping ok. But my moods, anxiety, and depression are all fine today and my stomach is fine..

Well I slept an hour longer last night than the night before so that makes 6 hr. total. I can't remember my dreams clearly just that they were disturbing.

I did a 6 mile power walk in the dark, but I guess at least I started at 3:45 AM instead of 3? Haven't done too much today, read a bit, used the SAD lamp, been surfing around aimlessly on the internet. I still don't have much appetite these days but I'm getting by okay weightwise 1-2 lb up and down fluctuations each day (I know I need to destroy the scale; I ran over my old one with my car back when the ED was really severe). Think I am exercising a little much, but I also get OCD about NOT exercising. I don't know. I've had passing SI thought today, not so dangerous as a few days ago where I really felt capable of just doing something rash, like OD. Maybe probably should have gone to the psych hospital in retriospect. A bit of overspending.

Not sure if I'm getting over things depression wise and stabilizing or if this is turning into hypomania? Or it this something mixed? I really hate mixed.

Got X-rays after my doctor visit today. The results won’t be in till tomorrow. Also got bloodwork. They took X-rays of my left shoulder, left clavicle and my lower back. Mostly my shoulder hurts. Plus N3’s gf thinks she has hand foot and mouth but hasn’t been to urgent care yet today to get a proper diagnosis. I can’t remember if N3 had it when he was little but N1 and N2 had it when they were 1 and 3. Adults don’t usually get it so this is strange since N3’s gf is almost 20.

Blood test results came back. All are normal!

Thats a good thing that nothing is wrong.

I'm feeling less tired after lying down for a bit.

Not with my blood counts but we are still waiting on the X-ray results.

Still doing fine without Gabapentin or Vraylar though I realize that Vraylar stays in your system for a while. The Gabapentin is long gone by now.

I took a long afternoon nap.

Now, I realized I cut my tongue raw (likely by chewing Trident vibes sour patch gum) too long. It hurts to eat almost anything. I seriously had to have oatmeal and chocolate milk for lunch. Not sure what I'll do for dinner that won't hurt too much. Maybe if I scramble eggs and leave off seasoning with salt, just have them plain, bread, doubt I could do toast. I just had white rice with yesterday's dinner. Man this sucks. I wish I had some jello or pudding or yogurt or something.

Wish I could take more than Tylenol. My whole body aches. And it’s every 8 hours not four!

Tomorrow is my annual breast MRI. I am anxious. I usually get anxious about 6 weeks in advance and this time I made it until today before it really hit so I did well but I'll be glad to be done. The MRI tends to show things that mammograms don't so I often (maybe always) have left MRI with a biopsy referral. Which is not a big deal, just stressful.


I also have to get a couple of labs drawn to see if I'm in menopause yet. As soon as I am I go on a drug that suppresses all estrogen made outside the ovaries for 5 years. It's not supposed to be a very fun drug so I get anxious about that too.

I am going to treat myself to a decaff latte afterwards so I'm trying to focus on that more than what I have to do prior.


I hopefully will get back here (to the hotel) in time to take a nap. I'll need one after this. My appointment is at 10 and it only takes 20-30 minutes including waiting usually. Then another 15-20 minutes for blood and I'll probably get lunch there because they have good soup. If it is beef barley soup day it's a really good day. So I shouldn't be gone too long.

Hopefully I sleep well tonight. That can be tricky the night before the MRI and I have to be ready to get on the shuttle at 9:15 which is really early for me.

It will be over soon and I'll have my coffee!

I’ve had a weird day. Have felt scattered mentally and kind of manic.

I slept maybe 2 hours last night. Woke up at 3am and cleaned my apartment. Been listening to songs on repeat all day and obsessing about random things and am somewhat impulsive. I need to sleep. I took my night meds tonight so hopefully I get actual sleep.

I randomly started learning about astrology. It’s interesting.

Got a new 2025 planner (like an actual physical planner book) I do a combination of digital and physical planning, just depending. If it’s like super important it goes in both digital and physical planner but the more detailed and random stuff goes in my physical planner. I’m kind of weird about planners and obsessive about them. I like planning things out to the last detail months in advance. It’s weird. I’ve tried to stop but I can’t. It’s like it gives me a perceived sense of control in my life.

Well I may be sleeping fine now and am fine on my own I’m still not very much wanting to be with people. Tonight was our monthly building meeting. Ohhh it just gets to be too much. The noise and the repetition of questions. Was supposed to play 500 afterwards but begged off. I’ve not been to bingo in a month, poker even longer. I’m just not up to people yet. So I guess I should bring that up when I see my pdoc on Wednesday, oh, that’s tomorrow! I like being in my chilly apartment with the tv on but sound off and my books.

I saw the retina specialist today. It's a good thing my eye doctor referred me. What my eye doctor saw is nothing to worry about at the moment but the specialist found a small retina tear in my right eye. They were able to fix it with a laser right away and I was able to go home immediately afterwards. My eyes are pretty tired and sore from the exam and the procedure. In total, I was at the office for a little over three hours. A lot of that time was spent just waiting though. I have a follow up appointment in three months and, as long as it looks like the laser treatment healed well, I won't have to go back until if/when my regular eye doctor finds something else. I'm so glad they were able to find this before the tear got worse or it turned into a retinal detachment.

I was very turned off by romantic love today. I generally am, from my ex-husband, but today i couldn't listen to songs, watch my soaps, or play my audiobook because of it. I mostly played Scrabble and listened to mood music. I ordered groceries and it's nice to be stocked up again. I got meds delivered. I overate really badly and did not exercise.

Thanks Raspberry, Nammu, and MuddyBoots for assuring me you'll be around on Christmas day. This place will make the day easier to bear.

@BeyondtheRainbow:

Hope your MRI and blood tests go okay tomorrow. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Enjoy your coffee!

@JaneOnceMore Thanks!

I am addicted to nicorette fruit drops. And doing my own manicures myself. Such joy in looking at pretty colours knowing I did it myself!

Okay I am addicted to doing my own nails. I have ordered so much stock I could run a mini salon from home!

I got the X-ray results. No broken bones but I have osteoarthritis and curiously multiple surgical clips in my lower back??? I never had surgery in my back! My shoulder is sore too. More after the doctor reviews it all and contacts me. I put on some arthritis gel on my back and shoulder. You can only use the lidocaine patches on every 12 hours off every 12 hours and I wore one overnight.

Bought some arthritis cream for my back a month ago but kept using the lidocaine patches but I had to take off the patch this morning so I put on the NSAID cream. I can't believe there's not one fracture! I never break bones except maybe my toe in judo 20 years ago. I thought for sure my shoulder would have issues. Of course, still waiting for the doctor's interpretation. But the report does say I have osteoarthritis and an abnormally shaped back which puts me at risk for further lower back injuries. The clips in my back??? I'm clueless! I've never had back surgery. Maybe they saw my Essure coils in my fallopian tubes? But the report said "multiple clips" which suggested previous surgery. And the arthritis cream is helping for the moment. My whole body is still sore. I hope the nurse calls me back asap. I wonder if she will prescribe more lidocaine patches. Tylenol is nearly useless of course !

Has anyone heard from LadyShadow recently? Just wondering where she is and how she is doing.

(((HUGS)))to all going thru medical stuff recently. It is always a lot to deal with.

As for me, I feel sort of scattered. I woke up at 1:45 AM and was wide awake, so I didn't have the best sleep. I took a 6.5 mile walk in the dark, which probably is both too long and not the best decision safety-wise, but I like walking in the dark. Used the SAD lamp for 30 min as prescribed by my pdoc.

I'm feeling a bit jumpy and scattered, passing SI thoughts.



I have to take 2 of my cats to the vet for shots today. I really hate getting cats into cat carriers. It is NOT easy!