Bipolar Check-in #84

The panic won't stop. H has a snake at the drain outside. Why can't I stop panicking? I HATE this!

Yeah, or at least get his plate and tell them there's a dude driving around drunk in that car?

Might be a good idea to think of self-defense too (nothing crazy, but like pepper spray or a bat in case somehow he manages to get in).

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@Blueberrybook Sorry you're having a rough go of it. Is there anything you can do to sorta take a break? I found a lot of times being in a dark room under a blanket with some noise going will help (I have a laid back music playlist for just that). Just wondering if you did anything like that.

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Most of yesterday was praying for Jesus to take me away. And last night sucked. And sleeping sucked (my dreams are just...jeez...). I can't believe it's almost noon I feel like I just woke up. I don't even know what I did this morning.

im panicky today. so many assignemnts due at once. ugh. im praying for peace and to just get them done. i picked up my book for winter class. heres to hoping i makw it through. ugh. so anxious. turns out my thyroid is off and thats probably making my depression worse

I'm actually doing quite a bit better then I think I am. I haven't had the news on all day every day since the 5th. I watch some of the Today Show but thats it. I've gotten back into my regular TV shows.

My moods and depression have really improved this morning
and I'm seeing progress in both my mental and physical health.

My heartburn and stomach have been pretty ok today and I haven't been overdoing it with the antacids.

I started having a panic attack and dissociation earlier but somehow got it to stop. I started cleaning and decluttering and that took my mind off of it. Now I feel better. I'm just preparing for my violin lesson, it's in about 3 hours from now. Been practicing

I did that tapping thing my therapist showed me in EMDR. And I put cold water on my face, and distracted myself with a show.

i wonder whyw e are all panicky today. is it the time of year?

Me too. I bought more wet cat food then went to Taco Bell with my friend. The cat food is still buy 12 get one free but this time I got mostly liver and chicken, and salmon as she seems to like these best. So she still has dry food and now more wet food. She prefers the wet stuff and I usually give her half a can per meal with a little dry food at the bottom. But yeah I gotta reign in the spending!

Took a muscle relaxer and napped for around an hour. Still feeling drowsy.

The plumber just got here and is talking with H as H was not able to fix the problem on his own. I hope the plumber can get this fixed soon. More expenses. Then, having to clean the tubs, the leak in the garage around the washing machine.

On the flip side, no Thanksgiving with my extended family today, but in truth, I would much rather have suffered through that.

I got my clozaril!!! I am so relieved.

i got one assignment completed. whew. now on to the bug one im worried about. going with hubby to a AA chili dinner tonight. we went to an AA meeting for somenes 44th AA birthday last night. so cool. lots of people showed up to celerate with him. hes a great guy. hes my husbands grand sponsor.

Just did the dishes. Need to put my clean clothes away but I’m really tired. Ariel is on the bed with me purring. Maybe I should take a nap.

the clouds are freaking me AND my cat out! It's so windy they're flying by and it's getting dark so the lighting is weird!

Had a mind-numbing wave of depression hit out of nowhere even after getting all the sewage issues fixed/stuff cleaned. Finally the depression is letting up some, probably because I caved an took a Claritin (seasonal allergies acting up today). Now I just hope that doesn't make me even more anxious.. I really just want to go to sleep but I'm going to have a hot drink and try to read. Then get through cooking dinner. It's not THAT hard a meal, but in my mind it's buit up to this huge thing.

I really hate bipolar!

Had a Werird day. Got up way before the sun as I had an art class from 9-4 today. Got up and was having my chai when an itch attacked me and I had this overwhelming urge to check the art website. The class was canceled. So I went back to bed. Ever so nice dreams.

Hen ran my errands and got gas. When I returned a bunch of people were in the community room and asked me to join. Now I’ve nothing for the rest of the day. Gonna watch tv and chill. Tomorrow is the family thanksgiving dinner. We’re having it early as some of them go south for the winter.

Had a fantastic violin lesson. My teacher said my tempo and timing has improved a ton and was really surprised and happy when I was able to play the beginning of a new song we’re working on called the Harvest Home which is a Celtic jig and has some more complicated notes, fingerings and triplets. So I’m excited and feeling really good right now!

Oh! That’s great news! Congratulations 🎊

Feeling better now dinner's in the oven. What a roller coaster of a day - manicky, panicky, tired, depressed, wired, finally levelling out. I hope I sleep better tonight. I never function well on too little sleep.

On top of everything else, I had only a 2 day long period this cycle?! WTH? So maybe I'm having some hormone issues as well!

Hope you have a better night @Blueberrybook Have you still been cutting your meds? (Please forgive me if that wasn't you).

Yeah, I was. But I think I'm going to go back to the full 300 mg Seroquel at night as maybe I need it? I had only been taking the gabapentin at night sporadically, I really hope I don't need that as well. I'll try another night without the gabapentin but give in and take the full dose of quetiapine....sigh.

I also had a 2 day period this cycle....WTH?! When the previous ones have been over a WEEK long, but now it's gone on 3 days and no more bleeding, so I guess it's over. Could be I am having good old hormonal issues with perimenopause.

@Blueberrybook I think that's a good idea. You've not sounded so stable the last few days and you've said this is your high risk time of year so probably taking everything now and trying to lower things in a month or two is probably for the best. It's so unfair that we tend to most want off our meds when we need them the most.

found out my usually lazy thyroid has become overactive and guess what that can cause.....ANXIETY! maybes thats why im so freaked out all the time right now??

I called the after hours nurse line and she said I could have pneumonia even without a fever and to go to the other hospital as the one from two days ago were so mixed up and hid the lung issues from me! I don’t feel like I have pneumonia even with the chest pain/lung issues. I can’t deal with another ER trip especially waiting overnight in the waiting room. The nurse did leave a note for my doctor so I hope she calls. If I get a fever or if my symptoms worsen I’ll call an ambulance I guess. I’m not dizzy anymore and I’m not dehydrated- been drinking Gatorade. I see my doctor on Tuesday. They said my heart was fine and no blood clot in my lungs. Those are the biggies.

Guess I’m having a Brit box night. I’ve a small glass of Bailey’s, fancy biscuits, pbs is on and I’m reading my British written cozy book, all that’s missing is a fireplace and a butler.

That sounds nice!

The midsomer mystery here tonight is the one with oh whats his name orlando bloom! He certainly is a pretty boy! I love how in the next scene after his last one they mention Lord of the Rings.