Bipolar Check-in #86

@Scooter9 How much longer do you have to wait for the trial? It seems like you are having an awful time off meds. Dealing with such deep depression day in, day out is hard and really wears on you. We're all concerned for you.

For my awake and upright book I’m reading the Thursday Murder Club book. A recommendation from blueberry. We’ve started a What are you reading thread here, we’re on #5. This particular book takes place in a British home for the senior citizens. I really like British authors. For my in bed after meds book I’m reading JB Robb’s book, it’s not British but it’s a combo of sci fi, hard boiled cop and romance. But I don’t get very far in the book before sleep over takes me.

The birthday party went well. The invite said no gifts but her relatives from outside the building bought gifts. Very nice gifts benefiting a really nice nonagenarian. I’m back and looking forward to tonight’s PBS lineup. The fun celebrity road trip, I don’t know any of the British celebrities but it’s still fun. ( I don’t know American celebrities either)The gentle All Creatures Great and Small. And finally the rather gruesome Vienna Blood.

I’m back from the beach and feeling like I need a shower. Washed my feet. Going to my partner’s mother’s place after lunch. I don’t really feel like going. I get so bored there but I’ll go to show my support. Very hot and muggy weather here today despite the rain and earlier thunderstorms ⛈️. It’s certainly heating up outside which is not great.

I’m back at work tomorrow after our December break and it’s recking havoc with my sleep. Woke up 5x last night. Ughhh.

I ended up taking my 25 mg prn of seroquel last night. When I was praying, my brain was trying to tell me my prayers didn't matter because I was possessed so that was fun. I'm taking another prn tonight just to be safe. The thoughts about being possessed were gone today though.

It was an okay weekend-it went by really fast. The best part was the walks I was able to get in. The amount of time I can handle a walk without it completely destroying me POTs wise is the highest it's ever been since I got sick a little over a year ago-it's great to have this ability back! I'm trying to VERY slowly add in some strength training too.

Dreading work tomorrow. Ughhh

@Moose72, sorry you're going through all that. I hope the biopsy goes well for you!
@Blitter2014 I have a history with Lamictal, it was likely the cause of extreme pain and other symptoms years ago. I stopped it really quickly, over 2 weeks, and everything resolved quickly after that, including better LFT results. I started it again recently because it was required for a psylocibin trial that I'm waiting for, but it looks like that's out now.
@Blueberrybook, thank you so much for your concern. Yeah, being depressed for so long is really hard. It has been years.

My pdoc basically said I've gone through a lot of meds and that I'm almost at the end of the road. I think the only thing I haven't tried is MAOIs.

They had accepted me into ECT so I can just request that and they'll schedule me. But I want to find out what things are like off of meds. My pdoc will monitor me and so will my therapist. If I go lower than I am now, I'll likely request ECT. But one step at a time.

I don't know how, but I'm hanging on. I don't question why that happens, it's just fortunate that it does.

Good morning, at the food pantry waiting

I'm doing pretty good this morning. I fell asleep last night at about 6:20. I woke up at 2 something coughing a lot in my sleep. I was able to get back to sleep until 4. I watched the news a bit and I worked out and did 500 reps with my ab roller and 60 crunches all before 6AM. Now I'm just watching more TV. I don't have any plans today.

My liver enzyme tests are high too. The scans I had were inconclusive and my gastro said I will need a biopsy in two months if still
High. I’m terrified

Me too!

I slept well last night, but I woke up feeling physically exhausted, probably because I started my period. I soldiered through pilates, had a bit more energy after, but not much. Coffee & breakfast and a later snack of a banana didn't help any. Drawing was so frustrating today. Absolutely nothing turned out the way I wanted. I know some days are like that but UGH!

My mood is OK though a bit flat and frustrated at the moment. Even typing is hard for me today; I keep having to correct more typos than usual. Maybe I'll take a nap this afternoon, see if that helps.

Blueberry - maybe thats how picasso and dali started - nothing was turning out right? A melty hourglass? Your regular drawing and exercise practices are stabilizing to me, i really appreciate you sharing them. They help me regulate my own actions and schedule. And feeeeelings.

I got really sick last night even though I ate the stuff I'm supposed to. My mom had me take my temp because flu and other stuff is real bad and I'm not vaccinated. My temp was fine. I looked in my med box today and realized my mom accidently put in 3 25mg lamictals instead of 3 25mg topamax. So I had taken an extra 75mg of lamictal. My pdoc said anything higher then 100mg lamictal would cause an increase in GI symptoms and I guess he was right.

Things are fixed now with my meds.

I'm feeling some muscular stuff from all the crunches though. I took Tylenol.

Have the worst hiccups right now lol

Anyway, I got good stuff at the food pantry. Just waiting on signing my lease renewal today

Might draw some later if I feel up to it

At the moment I’m dissociating and trying to ground myself

My lease renewal came in also. Just a small increase, so that is a huge relief. My friend who works in the office message / called me friday night about "the first 25!" I was like wtf? She meant the first 25 TO RENEW would get a gift card. I was worried for a minute, like ONLY the first 25 COULD renew. Whew!

I wouldn't put it past that guy to do something like that though.

Oh my goodness, I am SO agitated. I was reading when my phone calendar dinged a reminder that I had a doctor's appt. with my gastroenterologist early this afternoon. That was the first I'd heard of it. Usually they call and text a million times in advance. I went onto the portal and sure enough an appt. was listed for this afternoon. I tried calling the doctor's office, and I get an answering service! WTH?! During business hours even! I leave a message and finally someone who barely speaks English calls me back. It sounded like someone calling from India, but then again maybe not as my gastro doctor has a background from there. I asked if I cancelled my appt. today if I'd get a cancellation fee, the guy says yes then says no, not if I reschedule. So I reschedule and the next appt. is in April. Whatever. I am not having any current gastro issues, it's all followup post ulcer surgery from 2018 and just to renew my prescription Prilosec. I've got plenty of extra anyway as the doctor long ago told me to change from 2 a day to one a day but the prescription keeps filling with 60 pills/month. Probably will still end up with a cancellation fee, but H was sweet; he's working from home today, and my call was on speaker; he said if I get a fee, he'll call them himself and yell at them.

Long story short, that shot my stress & anxiety sky high! I don't like being blindsided by a doctor's appt. I didn't even realize I had in a couple of hours (and one that takes 45 min. to drive to) and then not being able to reach what I consider a credible reliable person after routing through a calling service. And my drawings didn't turn out today, I'm on my period, I'm dead tired. Cat litter is coming by UPS this afternoon, and it's a pain as it comes in a 40 lb. bag, and the only way to deal with it is to first parcel it into 1 gallon Ziploc bags.

I just need to calm down. I took my 50 mg Seroquel and a prn hydroxyzine. Waiting for it to kick in. I just know my period is amplifying things astronomically.

My biopsy is scheduled for Valentine's Day at 8 am. (Arrival time. Actual time is 9 am.). Good. I like early appointments- better parking. N3 is taking me. I hope he brings homework because recovery takes 2-3 hours! He'll be able to come back to see me once I'm awake.

I just sent my list of psych meds and their dosages and days to my liver doctor's nurse so she can see what I'm supposed to stop taking so many days before my procedure because of the Fentanyl they're going to use. I saw my psych nurse practitioner this morning. No med changes. I'm doing well on the Vraylar and Gabapentin etc.

Going to see a nutritionist. But to get a head start I bought fruits and veggies and some cod. I read the labels of that and the salmon but Caleb said they may have given the salmon dye while they were alive so I chose the cod. I love salmon though! I'm going to see if Christopher can come over and eat it with me just in case. Cod was one of the fish we tested twice - blood and skin- and no reaction.

Moose, I'm with you on early appts. I prefer to wake up and just get them over with! Sounds like you don't have to wait too long for your biopsy, but what a Valentine's Day present!

I was awake during my thyroid biopsy. Getting numbing needles in my neck hurt so badly I was worried I was going to crack the nurses hand by squeezing it so hard.

I had a 1PM surgery and I felt like I was going to go crazy from fasting. Then I had an edoscopy once at 7AM that was an hour away.

I forgot about the fasting. Guess 8 am is a plus that way too! I was thinking of closer parking.

Walked a couple times around the block, just over 1 mile. Hopefully that helps me start chilling out. I can't believe how agitated I got!

Really! I don’t have a valentine. Caleb is the closest I have. But I trust N3 to be with me and take me there and back.

Another med issue. My anxiety was weirdly high and I didn't know why. I lifted up my med box and found my Geodon which I have normally taken a couple of hours ago. I had put it aside to take later. I swear theres a reason for everything I'm feeling lately. I took it and I feel better.

My lab work came back and I think they are ok. My kidney function is the same as normal. My chloride is high and my CO2 is low. Whatever that means.