Bipolar Check-in #87

Iloveanimals25 · Mar 15, 2025, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Thank you all for the support. I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner; I've had one of the worst migraines I've ever had the last 48 hours. It's much better now but yesterday was rough. I need to get window blinds to help block light, especially if I'm going to have as many of these as I have been. I'm sure that won't; I'm going to try to get into my family doctor next Thursday after I've talked to my pdoc. I talk to her Monday but can't do the family doc until Thursday because I have therapy Tuesday and it would be a late cancel and Wednesday I have the dentist for fillings.

I'm feeling much calmer about things. It helped knowing that I'm not alone. I've also had some conversations with my mom about exactly how much money I have saved (not enough) and how to keep that money safe until we know what's going to happen. I had a lot of time to think yesterday while I laid with my eyes closed but couldn't sleep to think. I'm terrified but for right now it sounds like if you already have benefits you won't lose them. Of course my renewal pending so long doesn't make me feel confidant in this but it's something.

And @raspberrytorte if you haven't gotten your tax forms they are available on ssa.gov I ordered a paper copy on the website so it hopefully will have the form to determine if any taxes are due (they won't be but I like knowing 100%). I thought maybe they just didn't send paper copies this year but my mom got hers so I don't know.

Anyway, again, thank you all for not leaving me feeling so alone. This can be hard because the very bad side of having a therapist for 19 years is that I can read him about as well as he can read me. And so when we've tried to talk about this stuff I can tell he leans the other direction. It just feels uncomfortable. So I wait for my pdoc appointments to get counseling on this (22 years and I can read her politics agree pretty much completely with mine). Pdoc Monday!

I am so very sorry about the migraines .my sister used to get them and they sound awful! I hate headaches. Can't imagine those. I'm glad
It went away.

About your therapist, I would need to find a new one too. If that what you were saying.

It will be OK. 🫠

Iloveanimals25 · Mar 15, 2025, 10:20 AM

Seeing if this works

Iloveanimals25 · Mar 15, 2025, 10:26 AM

I'm so mad I posted a big long post and it said my token has expired and reload page and then it was gone.

I'll try again. I've been trying to cut my trazadone by a quarter and after 4 hours of sleep I feel like I could start the day. But by 3pm I feel horrible. I'm going to post this before it says my time and something about a token. Has that happened to anyone else here?

Mountaindewed · 10:53 AM

I'm doing good today. Once I got to my room at 8:30 I slept until 7:30. So I'm hoping I'm back on a schedule. I feel good today. Both physically and mentally. My uncle said the same thing happened to him. Immediate care thought he was having a heart attack and the ER said he wasn't.

I have a virtual appointment with my insurance at 2:30. I'm hoping its easier then the in person ones. I get a $100 Walmart gift card for doing it.

I got up and took a shower without an issue. Showering has been really hard lately.

I also went to the gas station today to get a slurpee and a 4 pack of the Post Malone Oreos. The cashier said they were really good.

Iloveanimals25 · Mar 15, 2025, 10:36 AM

My sister is going to come out Sunday. Yay! I miss her and she's going to take back a ton of stuff from Amazon to ups. I would do it but there's always a long line and I can't handle it. Then she's going to go look at some chairs kind of close to me.

My son came out yesterday bc something I bought him came to me. He ended up coming here around 6pm. I got him panda express. But I talked to him about coping skills and that he needs therapy really bad for his ocd, anxiety and anger. We had a good time.

Iloveanimals25 · Mar 15, 2025, 10:43 AM

I'm really excited. I found this new skin routine that I've only used 3 times. I've already seen a difference! It was a total of $58. But it's worth it. Once I get my refunds from Amazon it will help. I am pretty broke though bc I bought my velcro wraps this month and one of them is $93. So I need to really cut down on spending.

Hope everyone is well.

Blueberrybook · Mar 15, 2025, 11:03 AM

I'll catch up with posts in the afternoon.

My update is pretty boring: slept well last night, took a long power walk, showered, ate breakfast, read with the SAD lamp. Also refilled meds. I still have a load of laundry to fold. I drew 2 pics; both turned out. I had fun but each picture took longer than usual. The raven is better if you click on it to enlarge it.

Blue_Bird · Mar 15, 2025, 12:18 PM

I'm going to the interview today in a couple hours. I kept debating on it but I think if it is part time I can manage it. Full time absolutely not. But part time may be manageable, at least I'd have some days with no hours work. Since the shifts are like 8 hours (9 including lunch) I'd only be working like 3 days maybe 4 if part time

Blue_Bird · Mar 15, 2025, 12:27 PM

I would just feel more safe having a job again especially if trump decides to cut social security

Anyway this is me ready for my interview

Nammu · Mar 15, 2025, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I would just feel more safe having a job again especially if trump decides to cut social security

Anyway this is me ready for my interview

You look nice. Hope the interview goes well. Part time might be doable. Stick to your guns about the regular hours and only part time. Kudos to you.

Blue_Bird · Mar 15, 2025, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

You look nice. Hope the interview goes well. Part time might be doable. Stick to your guns about the regular hours and only part time. Kudos to you.

Thank you!
Thankfully with stocking it’s set in stone (the hours) it’s always 2pm to 11pm every shift without variance. Just gotta make sure it’s part time. Cause I can’t do full time.

Cashiering was a nightmare. Sometimes I’d be working 2pm to 11pm then back the next morning at 6am for early shift. The hours were wild and very different day to day

Mountaindewed · Mar 15, 2025, 01:35 PM

I could not stand how scruffy and unkempt I looked. So I went out to get my haircut at noon. I haven't gone out to get my haircut on the weekend in over 5 years. But I just had it. I got a fade cut and I got my beard cut very short. The hairstylist knew what I was talking about and now I look much better. It was a bit crowded but it went fast and I didn't feel anxious. I'm really happy with how it looks.

unaluna · Mar 15, 2025, 01:55 PM

Blue bird you look like an italian movie star! Ive been watching an italian medical soap opera on Acorn. The sound is in italian with english subtitles. Its set in the late 1960s so the clothes are great altho its mostly nuns!

The sound of italian is hitting me a certain way. You know how older people cant remember what they had for lunch yesterday but they remember stuff from a million years ago? It feels like its awakening stuff in me.

I never really thought about it, but my parents must have been speaking italian AROUND me when i was a toddler. They believed i spoke only english because i was born here. I grew up listening to all the relatives talking italian, i always understood everything. I didnt speak it very well, but i didnt speak well period.

Blue_Bird · Mar 15, 2025, 02:04 PM

@unaluna thank you!

I actually am Italian , my grandfather on my moms side was from Italy , I’m Italian and Irish

I took an intro to Italian class in college which was a lot of fun. Unfortunately I never met my grandfather, or any of my grandparents for that matter. My grandparents on my moms side passed away before I was born and my grandparents on my fathers side I never really met because my father was never involved in my life. I would have liked to meet my moms parents

Crazy Hitch · Mar 15, 2025, 02:11 PM

So nice to catch a glimpse of what you look like blue_bird. Thanks so much for sharing and I hope the interview goes okay!

Blue_Bird · Mar 15, 2025, 03:55 PM

The interviewer never showed up they tried calling him on his walkie multiple times and over intercom but he never came lol I waited half an hour then I left

Blueberrybook · Mar 15, 2025, 04:05 PM

Oh, no, I'm so sorry Blue_Bird! That's awful! Your picture was nice; always neat to put a face to a name.

unaluna · Mar 15, 2025, 04:12 PM

The italian Acorn show i am watching is Cuori - All Hearts (about the progress of heart surgery at the time). The actress that BB reminds me of is plays Rosa, a ballet dancer / patient.

Blue_Bird · Mar 15, 2025, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

The italian Acorn show i am watching is Cuori - All Hearts (about the progress of heart surgery at the time). The actress that BB reminds me of is plays Rosa, a ballet dancer / patient.

I’ll have to look her up

Blue_Bird · Mar 15, 2025, 04:24 PM

I’m kinda glad to be honest. I know deep down that I really can’t handle working. Just walking into that place gave me anxiety and felt similar to how I felt every shift I walked into my old jobs. Just pure retail hell and chaos

Nammu · Mar 15, 2025, 04:27 PM

Oy, I’m so behind everything today. Last night I just had to finish my book so I was up until after 2am. Then I couldn’t fall asleep. So I didn’t get up until 12:30. So out of it. Haven’t been out of my apartment. Just now finally got a shower. So of course didn’t take a walk today. It feel like a Sunday. Especially since the weather is what they forecast for Sunday. It very cold out. A feels like temperature of 18.

Dreams, yeah I had them but didn’t think about them so they’re gone. I need to get to my drawing. I prefer to do it when there’s sunlight but today’s been overcast. I did find out I draw much better once I’m awake for a few hours. I’ve never been a morning person. I don’t know how I worked the dawn morning shift all those years?

BeyondtheRainbow · Mar 15, 2025, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iloveanimals25

I am so very sorry about the migraines .my sister used to get them and they sound awful! I hate headaches. Can't imagine those. I'm glad
It went away.

About your therapist, I would need to find a new one too. If that what you were saying.

It will be OK. 🫠

Thanks. The migraines are no fun at all. It's been a long time since I had so many in a row. Hopefully my doctor can help.

I'm definitely not changing therapists. There is issues with 19 years of knowing each other but there are also good things that make up for it. We'll be fine. It's just weird because the textbook stuff doesn't apply after so long. But we'll work around it and be fine.

Victoria'smom · Mar 15, 2025, 05:06 PM

Possible trigger:

I want to self destruct, I don't want therapy, meds, I want to cry, sh, do legal drugs that are illegal in this building, sit in a hot shower, I need to get out of here, I don't feel safe here, too many people and the building isn't full yet, I want to rest not feel my body freezing all the time over every noise, everything is too ****en loud, I can't get my body or head to relax, I don't even know what I'm thinking, I'd do anything to get away from this feeling. I can't do this. I tried distracting it doesn't get rid of the body feeling. I daydream about hurting myself but nothing is wrong.

Iloveanimals25 · Mar 15, 2025, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

A lot of times when I was working before I’d just skip sleep between shifts because there would be no way for me to relax enough to fall asleep in time for the next shift. So I’d just go in on zero sleep

Have you thought about just working a desk job like a receptionist one? Oh my tremors are bad!

Iloveanimals25 · Mar 15, 2025, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm going to the interview today in a couple hours. I kept debating on it but I think if it is part time I can manage it. Full time absolutely not. But part time may be manageable, at least I'd have some days with no hours work. Since the shifts are like 8 hours (9 including lunch) I'd only be working like 3 days maybe 4 if part time

I don't know if you've gone yet, but good luck!

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