Bipolar Check-in #87

The shading on that candle is so good Blueberry you can tell the candlestick is metal

@halliebeth I don't always get disorganized when psychosis but I do have logic jumps. Like people looking at me through my computer. Solution my t came up with bandage over the computer but then they can still hear me.

I'm still doing pretty good. My anxiety has been high these last two days. I think it's because it's looking like I am definitely going to have to move in a few months. Moving is stressful, and having to pay for everything by myself since I won't have a roommate anymore is also stressful. I've also just had a low grade anxiety about the fact that my health insurance is going to change since the email first came out. I was somewhat hoping to get a new job for next year, but it's looking like I could have to sign a contract at my current job for the next school year by Tuesday so it's looking like I'll be staying at my current school. I'm not really in a position where I can not sign a contract and hope for the best/assume I'll find a new job. I guess this is also contributing to my anxiety.

After school, I went for a walk at the park I like so that was a nice break from my anxiety. It will be tough when summer arrives and it will be to hot to be outside most of the day.

I’m doing okay. Saw my gp today. Sent off some work cover forms. Man my return to work coordinator isn’t very bright but don’t get me started! I’ll be here all day. I find her very frustrating to deal with tbh.

I got really sick really fast. Woke up with the worst headache I've ever had in my life (not even exaggerating) so have been taking Tylenol whenever it's woken me up. Have gone through a box of tissues, coughed up a bunch of green phlegm, stomach is hurting sooo much, sore throat, chills.

I've never had a headache in my life that needed two consecutive doses of acetaminophen, let alone has woken me up several times to let me know it wore off. Usually my headaches are stupid shyt like dehydration/hangovers/med side effects/lack of sleep and I can FIX that.

I tried putting in my contacts and I had a lot of trouble with the right one again and then I dropped it and I can't find it. Now that eye really hurts again. When I get migraines its always behind my right eye. The left contact I almost got in. I'll have to ask my mom to help me find the right one or else I'll just have to wear the left one until I see the eye doctor again next week.

I feel ok today mood and anxiety wise. I woke up feeling a bit nauseated from my BP med but I took some dramamine.

Moving day! Not thrilled, so much pain.

My mom found my contact. We put a bunch of the cleaning stuff on it and put it in the container. Hopefully its fine. I'll try them again in a bit.

A bit tmi but I had a dream last night where I went all the way with a guy I knew in school. I'm not even into guys. I woke up desperatly needing to take a leak. I know lamictal causes kooky dreams but after just one night of the increased dose? lol.

Anyways I'm behind on food again but my stomach is fine. I'm wearing my clear glasses. And my energy levels are good today.

I have to catch up on the posts later; I've been busy today.

I took a long power walk this morning, showered, made H's lunch, read with the SAD lamp, picked up prescriptions at the pharmacy, and baked banana bread. I didn't have much drawing time, but I drew an outline of a gull I plan to color tomorrow. After lunch, I'm going to the library with my daughter. She does a volunteer shift there every Friday as community service hours for the National Honor Society. I have 4 books on hold there also, so I'm looking forward to picking them up.

Wow! @Blueberrybook I love the drawing and you seemed to have a productive morning! Good for you!

Sadly, i have been slowing down on productivity over the past few months with health issues. Trying to regulate my periods and the pains so got an IUD like almost exactly 1 year ago. Also got like an estrogen boost last fall to like normalize the cycles (pain was gone but duration of periods got longer and more frequent). Now i am waiting for it to balance out, if it will. Some progress.

But my current issue is a concern with blood work and this lower (or kinda middle, like possibly kidneys?) back pain. We are looking into a few things and i go back to the doc next week for more tests. Was really freaking out yesterday till i spoke with the doc, cuz all i saw were the results and my symptoms. I'm better now, but still have to figure out and deal with this.

Something more fun. I spent (wasted, but worth it ha!) my morning trying to find out the lead male for the upcoming Emily Henry novel adaptation romcom, and since there isn't one yet, started looking at others' suggestions and coming up with some of my own. Since i am a bit older, my picks would be older, but i also know of a few younger actors who i agree could work. Haha! Yeah man, I often feel like a cougar or something with these young hot actors coming up, but i mean, nothing illegal, and as if I'd ever actually do anything with them 😅🤷*♀️ But so yeah, that was fun! And my bookclub this last week.

Alright, gotta get back to work.

Good morning. I’ve now had enough coffee to say hi! Taking my son to swimming lessons this morning then will probably go to the mall to have something to eat. I’m thinking chicken salad with corn. Right time for me to go tidy up shortly …. My other lounge is littered with my son’s toys all over the place. Going to get him to put them back in the bucket.

Such a cluster ****. We rented a second unit for storage and truck. We tried to pay our portion on line and they want the full amount by cashier check. We ask what the full amount is they refer back to a letter that we never received without telling us the amount. Now they won't answer calls or emails. I don't know what to do. It's a ways to get there and my family is unpacking the truck while I'm trying to figure this out. We can't pay the $6k balance there are two programs that are supposed to be paying that. Our portion is a lot but not that much. One of the programs that are supposed to pay is closed until Monday. The other pays on the agreed schedule. We don't know what to do. At this point besides rent I have $100 to my name.

I just got back from urgent care. He said there's a million things going around ("half of NH is sick right now") and I definitely have some kind of respiratory infection, but I did test negative for covid, flu, and strep. I can take 1000mg of acetaminophen every six hours which is cool because I've only been taking 500.

The woman that did the strep test was impressed by my lack of reaction to the back of my throat being played with. A few years ago I think I wrote on here a ways back bulimia made me better at deep-throating, I guess I'm better at strep swabs too, haha.

I had a so-so day. Set my alarm for 10. Even if I don’t fall asleep until 5 am that’s 5 hours, so decent and getting up and getting going might help me fall asleep sooner?

I stopped the meals for Monday and Tuesday, chicken chow main the American version,yuk. And Tuesday pork with asparagus. Had groceries delivered to cover the weekend and m-T. They were out of everything that was on sale and my soy milk. So I’ll be depending on frozen foods to get me though the next 4 days.

Got the memo that the hud inspection is the 13th. Hmm 13 not an auspicious day.

Last night I ordered two books to help me do art daily. One a drawing book and the other a gouache paint book. I can’t post my efforts but I’m joining blueberry and blue 🐦 in a daily hobby.

Today I got my groceries then went downstairs for games. We all talked of the new condos going up. The cut down every single tree in the back. Gonna take away our view of the lake. Got the whole town to build in and they had to do that right here where there’s already this building, 3 condo buildings and a hotel. In the rest of my town there’s no building over 4 stories. Just here, it’s sad.

I went to the movie theater tonight and saw the new Captain America movie. I was the only one in the entire theater again. Just me in an empty theater watching the movie by myself lol that happened yesterday too when I went and saw The Monkey. Anyway, I enjoyed both the movies, it was kinda cool having essentially a private viewing of both of them all to myself lol.

I called in to work today. I decided, just to be safe, to go get a lice check at an office that specializes in lice treatment. No lice! Just a very irritated scalp, which could be from the over the counter lice treatment I used. I took the entire day off though because, if they would have found lice, I would have needed the day to do laundry and clean.

I woke up feeling pretty depressed and anxious, but being lice free helped. I also got some of my weekend chores done and got a walk in. Today, instead of going outside, I used my walking pad and watched some TV while I walked. I have a lot I want to get done this weekend, starting with my IV fluids appointment tomorrow morning. At least I got to sleep in a bit today, after I sent in my sub plans.

So this is strange...

My freshman year in college was 30 years ago now. I've had little contact with people from college because a lot of them are judgmental about mental illness and I don't want to get hurt again. It happened plenty in college.

I had a roommate my freshman year with a very unusual name. The last time I talked to her was maybe my junior year? It's been a long time.

My cousin went to another college. She was never at my college. She lives in a different city and state now..

Tonight I posted a stand with Ukraine thing on Facebook. About 15 minutes later my cousin posted the same thing but she didn't get it from me. Instead she had gotten it from my freshman roommate.

Apparently my old roommate's daughter and my cousin's daughter were good friends in grade school until the roommate moved to California. They had dinner together last year when my cousin visited CA on spring break.

How bizarre is that? I'm thinking it's time to say hi to the old roommate....

Did i mention The Monkey? Cuz i saw that last Saturday and I'm obsessed!! It was so funny and fun! Lol But yeah, there were only like 4 other small groups, so maybe 12 total people. It was nearly empty. It was a Saturday afternoon, but still, opening weekend. I was expecting and hoping for more. But i THINK the movie is doing well, regardless. But yeah, LOVED it!

Oh @Blueberrybook ok so i saw the yellow icon notice, but i couldnt figure out what it was (forgot about tags). Well, the other thread is closed now, but this above was the movie. Lol

Finally in the hotel.

Got the ezine up. Made peanut butter cookies with my daughter. Read a bit. Still have to write interview questions (for the writer I'm interviewing for the ezine), then get started on self-publishing my short story anthology, then get started on self-publishing my book, while also writing my new novel. Whew. So much to do! At least the March issue of the ezine is up. Thank god. 😊

Seeing my parents Monday night, since they canceled Monday before last and I didn't want to see them this past Monday because of my labret piercing and my lip being swollen as hell. I'm still on the very soft foods diet. Lol. Otherwise I accidentally bite down on the back of it and it hurts like a bytch. I'm pretty happy with it though. It's way cute. Wanted to give my piercer a huge hug after she was done and I looked at it in the mirror! It didn't hurt getting done... but afterwards... man, the swelling! It's terrible! But, my piercing set up is complete now. 😊

Had my therapy appointment today and my therapist and I talked about seeing my parents Monday night and how I was going to do. It should be interesting. I'm nervous. Have to admit. They're going to see my piercings and say, "You're not a 20 year old girl anymore!". My therapist asked me what I would say back, and I told her I would just give them my death stare. She asked me to demo it. I did. About five seconds into it she said, "Okay! That's enough! That's very effective. You can stop now!" Lol.

I told her what happened when I cut my seroquel dose in half. She suggested that maybe I should talk to my psychiatrist about taking 300mg scheduled again and 100mg prn. I said I didn't want to do that because I'm heading into my spring upswing (like what happened last year, hence suddenly self-publishing two books and writing a book at the same time) and that probably wasn't a good idea.

I don't know though. I'm fine. I'm happy. Doing well. Just chilling until my husband gets home. Get to spend the entire weekend with my daughter so I'm extra elated. 💕 We always have fun!

This bipolar community is so supportive of one another. I always feel so appreciated when I get a hug or a thanks. So thanks all for making a difference in my day. You all matter to me. I always read through everyone’s posts but admit I don’t often enough reply to any.

Same! Although i am sometimes worse. It's not that i dont care, it's just that sometimes i can't read everything or even react to everything when i want to. Like my brain is only capable of reading so much or sometimes just shorter posts or more recent posts, in the time that i get here. Sometimes i am so busy i post a message, but can't read more. So i was actually considering mentioning this stuff again earlier, but i decided not to, but now i am since you mentioned something... and you may not even be referring to or thinking of me at all, but i mean, i HOPE people believe I have good intentions and thoughts for people here, I'm just not as capable at being there.

Gah! Sorry, I'm... I am even debating whether or not i waste people's time by posting this. I guess i will and just add that i am extremely neurotic, especially these days with that one person not texting me back (i mentioned in other threads on this site tonight). Ugh! I'm logging off for the night. I will remember and aprrciate the hugs though when i go. 😂

I thought the movie was as great as well! Really enjoyed it

This forum/subforum is great. One medium-sized, mood-dysregulated, loving family


I feel I haven't been contributing very well lately with the last few months of crazy, and now not having too much focus being off my ADHD meds for a few weeks at this point, but each of you guys are amazing. Keep up the good fight, my friends

i had a chai with my cousin at Quills Coffee this morning. Now im settling in to do homework.