Bipolar Check-in #87

I did this kinda not great painting of grapes and an orange mostly to get my mind off some stress

My day is going okay. Classes are behaving so that's a small win. Have a staff meeting after work tonight. I'd better look at the agenda to see what's up.

I'm sorry-I can't go back and read everyone's recent posts because I need to get to bed (I just got home less than an hour ago). But-I just have to share this good news with you all!

Today, I learned I'm not going to have to switch pdocs when my health insurance changes this summer (he doesn't accept what my new insurance will be). At my pdoc appointment today he told me that, once my insurance switches to the one he does not accept, he will start charging me an out of pocket cost that is the same as what my current copay is. So, I will still only need to pay $15 an appointment to see him. I can't believe it! This is so generous of him, especially since I'm pretty sure is out of pocket is $125. I'm so thankful and so relieved.

@BeyondtheRainbow we moved in possibly temporarily. HUD has not approved the place, has not sent rent and is not returning calls or emails. So if they weren't incredibly nice we would have no where to be. So somehow we need them to move there *** so we can keep the place. Same with the place that was supposed to help with moving. So we may have to get a lawyer to deal with all this so we don't get evicted. It's a mess. We're out of money spent it on groceries and an awful pizza. So I have no idea how I'm traveling the 2 hrs to get my shot on Wednesday. I have to figure that out tomorrow. The bus is a half mile walk which I can't really do. So I need para transportation but that takes a while or medical transportation. The apartment is awesome but we had to put work orders in. They came today fixed most things but the washer dryer. So we're in PJs that we had to order.

Yesterday was an ordeal. We all took showers and stared the wash with our only clothes. Well the washer locked. Fire alarm went off. Victoria went down in a toga. While we were wrapping blankets around us and zipping my jacket it stopped. We ordered pj to be delivered. They cancelled my pj. So Victoria and h got their pj Victoria had to go down in a toga to get it. Then I reorder my pj from 5 below and finally got them after a 4 hour wait but our washer dryer still is not working out clothes are still locked inside and maintenance comes back tomorrow to try again.

Oh ok.....

Us too! We actually had a temp of 56 last week, but their saying winters not over.

@MuddyBoots

Congratulations, i hope you love the place.

Thanks @Victoria'smom, @Nammu, @Blue_Bird, @Iloveanimals25, and @BeyondtheRainbow!

It's this old apartment building in the southern part of the state. I haven't seen the inside of the units because when I went they were remodeling the empty units, but it's a women's only subsidized studio with a lot of emphasis on safety. No drugs allowed, no overnight guests, a security guard on property, cameras at the doors. Community washer/dryer, I share a bathroom with one other tenant. There's a community area where they have stuff like cooking classes and art groups. It's within walking distance to the local mental health center, the library, the park, the hospital, like three different Dunkin Donuts', lots of stuff.


Because there's a lot of people there that struggle with mental health (it's a low-income women's only apartment, come on, that screams "come here if you have PTSD from SA or DV"), they're really supportive and say, if you don't show your face in a few days the landlord will come by and knock on your door just to make sure everything's okay.

Muddy, who knew such a place existed?

Are you okay? I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just trying to clarify

Muddy I hope you enjoy your new apartment! I live in a place somewhat similar. We have a security guard on site 24/7, no drugs allowed, cameras, other people who work in the building program managers and stuff like that which are kind of like case workers. We have community events in the community room like art stuff, potlucks, etc. I’ve lived here for going on 6 years now and it’s been really good. Rent is subsidized so you pay 30% of your income. Anyway I am so happy for you!

@Blue_Bird - Your painting is great! In the future I may try water color but it will be in the LONG future as I remember my painting not being that great in art class!

@MuddyBoots - Congrats on getting your own place! When do you move in?

Sorry I haven't time to respond to everyone; I've read all the posts just ugh, it's like the 3rd or 4th day of my stupid period and I'm having bad cramps. Can't take NSAIDs b/c of past ulcer surgery which leaves me only with Tylenol...sigh.

I wanted to walk this morning, did 0.5 miles in the drizzle then it started raining harder, so I came inside and did pilates. Then wouldn't you know, the rain stopped a bit. Frustrating to say the least. So I made a quick trip to Walmart for H's bolillos for his sandwiches; the Walmart makes much better ones than our local grocery store (H-E-B, which wouldn't you believe it, that store tends to be much superior than Super Walmart except in the baking department.) However, the stupid Walmart delivered me wheat bolillos and H of course only likes white, so that is why I had to make the trip there. I really HATE going to Walmart! I used my SAD lamp 15 minutes reading but now am trying to get H up (he is overworked and very hard to wake). He is taking my daughter to a school meetup in Houston late this morning and needs to get ready. I feel bad because if I were I normal mom, I'd have no problem driving into Houston on the freeways and stupid downtown one way streets of the museum district (they are going to the art museum). I only drive locally because I get such panic attacks driving where there are lots of cars and where the speed limit is high, and you suddenly are forced to switch lanes because a lane ends or turns into a right or left turn only lane and you need to go straight or you need to get over to turn right or left and people don't want to let you over.

Mostly though, I'm still in a good mood. Planning to use the SAD lamp another 45 min. after H wakes up; started a new book and it's pretty good Probably will have to microwave my coffee by now. Then, drawing which I always look forward to.

@Blueberrybook Friday!

Good morning, I slept alright last night. Got up and put on the coffee for the coffee event for people in the building in the community room. Waiting on my program manager as we’re supposed to meet today. Other than that not much going on. Just gonna practice violin as I have a lesson on Sunday

At some point today I need to shower

I'm so, so glad it has all those safety precautions i think that will be goodforyou. And all those classes, yay! I would take advantage of all those. Again, im so happy for you!.

Tomorrow I have therapy and Thursday I have my psychiatrist. I’m gonna ask both of them about complex PTSD and see if there’s any chance that makes sense for my diagnosis rather than schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. Or if it would be both complex ptsd and the schizoaffective bipolar disorder. Who knows. Just want to get some insight.

Oh I'm ok. I understood what you meant. I was a bit concerned that you may have thought it was insensitive of me for laughing about my son shaving his eyebrows. Like a year ago he started shaving his head bc he thought he was having too much hair loss. He has barely any but he won't listen to me. You would just have to know him. I did tell him I'd buy him a eyebrow trimmer. But I'm already running low on money bc I bought my caregiver a pretty expensive gift. Just to tell her how much I appreciate her.

But no I'm ok. Sweet for asking.

I'm getting on this new medicare plan and. a guy came out and when we got to the end it wouldn't accept it. So my caregiver said oh she'll get up early and call social security. You all know how difficult it is to get in touch with them. At least a 2 hour hor wait. I can't do it. She doesn't understand how important sleep is for bipolar people. I ran on only 5 hours yesterday. I HAVE to get more this morning. I do wake up for a couple hours and then I go back to sleep. I'm kinda mad at her for saying that. I'm going to call him in a bit and let him know I can't do it.

I have so many phone calls to make. I have things to do this morning. I hope he understands.

Good morning everyone

Just saw my T it went well. We talked of my plan to use my walker and walk about 4 blocks to the Main Street and back again. I’m also more open to taking meds for weight loss. I see my pdoc in 21/2 hours so I’m just going to stay at the clinic and read or use my iPad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Tomorrow I have therapy and Thursday I have my psychiatrist. I’m gonna ask both of them about complex PTSD and see if there’s any chance that makes sense for my diagnosis rather than schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. Or if it would be both complex ptsd and the schizoaffective bipolar disorder. Who knows. Just want to get some insight.

I'm not diagnosed with complex PTSD, just regular PTSD but sometimes I think I have the complex type what with all the dissociation I have going on so much and even feeling so detached from my actual identity. Sometimes I will think my name is "blueberry" well, actually not, but you get the drift, and I will be like gosh, I was that little girl in third grade who lost my tooth in class, the teacher wrapped it in a tissue and she forgot to give it to me to take home and I was so upset I couldn't put it under my pillow that night for the money (even though I didn't believe in the tooth fairy any more and knew it was my mom giving me the money) but I'll think I'm so far apart from that, that's not me, but yet it WAS, you know. And gosh, I was that girl who won Artist of the Month in high school and the girl who rode bikes with my sisters up and down the roads and it all feels like it wasn't me and it was. And I have the hyper arousal. I even have hyper reflexes when the doctor tests them, but it's more than that, like I can't turn it off you know and just RELAX.

Probably I need therapy for all that but then again, I've lived with it so long, what can you even do? I see my pdoc tomorrow, but I'm not sure I'll mention it; he already wants me to go to therapy and this would solidify it more, and I don't WANT to have to commit to therapy any more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iloveanimals25 I'm getting on this new medicare plan and. a guy came out and when we got to the end it wouldn't accept it. So my caregiver said oh she'll get up early and call social security. You all know how difficult it is to get in touch with them. At least a 2 hour hor wait. I can't do it. She doesn't understand how important sleep is for bipolar people. I ran on only 5 hours yesterday. I HAVE to get more this morning. I do wake up for a couple hours and then I go back to sleep. I'm kinda mad at her for saying that. I'm going to call him in a bit and let him know I can't do it. I have so many phone calls to make. I have things to do this morning. I hope he understands.

I definitely understand about sleep. 5 hours is not enough for me. I need 8 ideally, even longer if I didn't have to get up for things like making sure my daughter wakes for school.

Blueberry, I actually like therapy. My T just today said I’m so healthy but she understands the two issues I’m dealing with. It’s a nice shot in the arm of reenforcement. She’s just sort of a sounding board. Lets me be accountable.

To day is mardi gras. Have not been up to going to of the festivities. except we went to a king cake party last night. that was fun! It is traditional
Had a bad fall.
just sore from it.
I hurt my right knee and feel over all sore.I was trying to shut off the fan and started to fall forward away from the fan I just kept trying to catch my self but could not stop the momentum and just fell on my right side. Thank Godess I did not break any thing. I have border line osteoporosis. all in August I chipped my ankle bone little. they wanted me to wear a boot I said it is a small chip,AMA I chose to just wear my sketchers.
any I did not get seriously injured. I hear the wind picking up.
bizi

I've been told I'm a pretty good example of cPTSD, although because it's not a "real diagnosis" here right now my dx is "PTSD-dissociative subtype, chronic." There's also talk that BPD, maybe even all personality disorders, are forms of cPTSD. It's a good conversation to have.

Oof, just checked my face up close. I thought I had a couple cold sores. Nah. Impetigo like a fking 8 year old. Nice.