Bipolar Check-in #87

I slept all morning. I slept good last night. Then at noon I got up and I ate a frozen omleltee and went to a couple stores looking for some jeans. I didn't have any luck. Where can I find acid washed jeans. I'm having no luck.

Overall today I guess I'm ok.

I'm a bit depressed for no reason. I got these 20mg melatonins from Walmart so I took one early. My doctor added the extra 25mg Lamictal last week. Not sure why I have an increase in depression.

I don't know what my issue is. I feel like clawing out my eyes right now. I didn't wear my contacts today. I'm just really frustrated with something.

@bizi Sorry about your fall. I hope you start feeling better. I'm glad you didn't break anything. I worry about falls too because I have osteopenia.

So, wow, I drew for 3.5 hr. today, didn't even have lunch yet because H and my daughter are at a school meetup, and I'm home by myself. Just was distracted from drawing; I'll eat after I post this. I had a fun time drawing. Everything is in the creative corner. I attempted a platypus, but I don't think it went that well; in truth I have only seen a platypus maybe once or twice at the zoo and maybe not even there. I also did a treble clef with wings from a strange drawing book and my favorite, a rose with a darkened background. I didn't even think I could draw it; the rose looked complicated, but I found I didn't have to follow the example exactly (large steps were skipped in between) and that made things smoother. In the end, I really liked the result.

I slept until 5:30am which is a late sleep in for me during the week when I’m at work. I forgot my partner is wfh today. Usually he wakes me up at 4:40am when he leaves for work because my bedroom is right by the front door. My alarm landed up waking m up so everything feels off this morning! I’ve managed to squeeze in 2 cups of coffee so that’s great. I’ll have one when I get to work because the coffee machine is REALLY good at making lattes.

@MuddyBoots I can’t figure out if my son has woken up with cold sores or impetigo (sp?) either. It’s his second round. I’m going to go with cold sores because that’s what the gp said he had last time.

@Crazy Hitch cold sores are usually more defined bubbly blisters and impetigo looks more like a crusty rash. From my experience cold sores tend to hurt more before/when they first appear, and impetigo looks grosser, so hugs to your son either way!

I think impetigo is more contagious too, at least once it starts oozing. In grade school I had to be sent home for impetigo but they didn't care if I had a cold sore as long as I wasn't kissing anyone haha


@Blueberrybook wow that is a GREAT rose!

I always associated cold sores with the mouth/lips and impetigo with other parts of the body but this is probably because of my sister. My youngest sister has outbreaks of impetigo still. At least that's what the doctor called it when I was growing up, mostly on her legs. Neither my middle sister nor I ever got it and we were country girls, a pretty rough & tumble bunch! But maybe it was some type of bad ezcema for all I know; she still calls it impetigo though and she definitely has a different PCP from our GP growing up and probably has seen a dermatologist for it now when she get outbreaks. Those were the days...the GP did everything...sickness, setting broken bones, x-rays, delivering babies, hard to specialize in any one thing in that field! Though there are lots of other times I feel medical care has definitely worsened for the loss of the old-time GP who even made house calls!

I think its my blood pressure med that is causing so much fatigue. This sleeping half the day thing is new and so is the med. I set up an appointment with my GP for next Monday. He wants to see me.

I feel better after listening to music and taking a couple dramamine.

MD What blood pressure med are you on? If you think it's making you sleepy, why would you take an extra (or early, I can't remember which) melatonin?

I'm just really depressed right now. My therapist thinks its all the health stuff I'm going through and the uncertainties. I just talked with her. Melatonin also really helps my anxiety more then helps me sleep.

I guess I just want an escape right now because tommorow is my eye dilated appointment and I'm nervous about the dilated part and what they might find.

I'm on alodimine or something for my BP

A wonderful start to the day here, it's cool and sun is shining. Treacle and I have been for a walk after a decent night's sleep. We walked and I found everything I could at the time to be grateful for. The bushland nearby, the birds singing, the sunshine, my ability to walk, talk and interact with the world. I realised that I am being so tough with my self talk, expectations of staying positive all the time, not allowing the negative energy to pass through without stopping and analysing, I'm not dignifying or validating the concerns of my mind. So it talks louder, and louder until it manifests in my body. It doesn't serve. Currently listening to a Mel Robbins podcast, listening to one from her, Abraham Hicks, Tony Robbins, Joe Dispenza, Jefferson Fisher etc is a daily goal of mine. Maintaining a mindset that's positive sure is challenging. Depression has been kicking my butt the last few weeks and there has been nothing in the tank to get online or communicate with others. Which is not how I desire to show up. The psych didn't help as I was hoping, and, perhaps expecting them to help rather than me continue to do the work on myself was erroneous thinking. The tired leads to anger, and the anger, fear is ultimately behind it. Uncovering the purpose that its there, its frustration, which in turn has fear of feeling like this for a lifetime, sits behind that. So make change is the answer. Idk. I feel like I am wasting my life, and to a certain extent, I read my old posts here and it's kind of challenging to accept that whilst I am stronger and no longer in victim state, so little has changed. I do think there is a glass ceiling that bipolar brings with it, that isn't victim, rather its realisation. Not letting it define me, not allowing it to stop me from striving for more, hmm, navigating those thoughts takes some major energy.

And that's all about me, hugs to everyone likewise here who is finding life challenging and, continue to be the best version of themselves.

Oh no his look crusty but it's just under his mouth! When I took him to the gp 2 weeks ago thinking it was impetigo she said no it's just cold sores! Now I'm confused lol

Blueberry I definitely agree with you. I think medical care by caring gps was better that now when they all just refer you to someone else.

I’m finally home. Been gone hours. I did remember to get my meds out of the car when I got home. Oh thank goodness my stomach med was one I need. The other was my eye drops. Left them in the car for three days!

Oh blueberry, love the rose. Whatever you did on your own worked, looks great

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I'm just really depressed right now. My therapist thinks its all the health stuff I'm going through and the uncertainties. I just talked with her. Melatonin also really helps my anxiety more then helps me sleep. I guess I just want an escape right now because tommorow is my eye dilated appointment and I'm nervous about the dilated part and what they might find. I'm on alodimine or something for my BP

I just asked about the BP med because I'm on propranolol for anxiety but it is also prescribed for high blood pressure. Maybe that could be an option to bring up with your doc? I believe the use of propranolol is used off-label for anxiety though.

I wouldn't worry about the eye appt. too much. If they find a cataract and it is not affecting your vision or not affecting it too much, you just wait with surgery. My sister has one that was found in her 30s; it didn't start affecting her vision until she was 40, 41 or so but still not enough for the insurance to pay for her surgery so she has to wait. My niece was born with cataracts (some people are) and the eye doctor says she'll need surgery in her 20s. But really, cataract surgery was the best thing to ever happen to my vision, and the surgery is simple, I even started seeing better on the drive home from the surgery!

The building management gave me a huge white board to keep plus some markers and an eraser. Like it’s mine now. I guess they were getting some new supplies in and had extra so they gave me this

I’m so excited. I can draw on it I can make to do lists etc the possibilities are endless lol. It’s huge.

@Blue_Bird that is awesome! Your management sounds wonderful!

@Blitter2014 You are so right in maintaining positive thoughts when you are depressed and think you have nothing! I actually started a thread in general talk about the small (and really not so small) things we have to be grateful for like easy access to clean drinking water, eyesight, hearing, modern bathrooms, vaccines, medical care, etc., I forget what all is in there, but a lot of those things people in 3rd world countries do not have or they are things our parents or grandparents may have grown up without and to have hearing/hearing aids and seeing/corrective vision and the other senses are all gifts we take for granted every day. How much harder life would be without those things and like you said the ability to walk, to talk, to interact with others. We have a lot more than other people have even if it's hard to see and we just take it for granted.

Mustachio says, first on the list is FEED ME!

I'm having a really good day I just finished baking chocolate chip cookies from scratch, my mom's recipe. It used to seem like so much effort to go through and now I'm feeling it's no big deal at all to bake something from scratch. It's a bit cathartic too, though not as much as drawing is for me!

@JaneOnceMore and @LadyShadow How are you doing?

Haha yup always gotta feed the great Mustachio!

That rose is so pretty Blueberry. That’s awesome that you made homemade chocolate chip cookies. I find baking very therapeutic as well

Cold sores are always on the face usually on the lips (you can have an outbreak of the same virus on the genitalia but those aren’t considered cold sores). Impetigo is usually in the same area, but can be found anywhere. Cold sores are a viral infection, impetigo bacterial.

I guess cold sores can look crusty esp later on, but they do have a more defined shape/ less area will be affected than impetigo.

I googled photos of impetigo and I don't think it looks like that.

I keep hoping that I've gotten to the bottom but things just keep getting lower.

I used to like coffee, I had 3-4 cups a day ( it doesn't affect me, I can sleep right after coffee), I liked various snacks and had a pretty varied diet.

Now I have just 1 coffee, a piece of bread for breakfast and another slice of bread at lunch. Even that's not fulfilling anymore.

I'm dragging myself around.

Plus I think I might have a post viral thing happening. I'm really weak and have a hard time doing basic things like getting in and out of a car, standing from a chair, getting dressed etc. I saw my doctor about this and am waiting for appointments for some tests.

I think there's something going on though that's causing all of this (it has been a slow decline over at least a year). I can't seem to figure out what it is though. Could be family issues, or in getting triggered by some events happening now that bring up thoughts and feelings from when I was abused as a kid. It was really intense and went on for about 10 years.

My T and I are working through this and other things but they all seem related and we're trying to get to the underlying feelings.

I slept from almost 9 last night until 6 and I woke up having no idea what month or year it was or what was going on with anything.

I'm trying to get up the energy to get in the shower so I can get dressed and put my contacts in. I have a grocery order and then my mom and I have to get to my sisters house to meet my nephews for early dismissal. My bil has a meeting today. Then my sister will get home with my niece and my mom and I will get to the eye doctor.

I feel better today depression wise. I don't know if its because I slept a lot or the lamictal increase is working more.

I took a shower and got dressed and got my contacts in. The contacts took a bit with a couple breaks and I had to take the left one out and put it in again. But now they are finally in for the day. And I didn't lose one this time.

I have a pdoc appt this morning and need to leave in about 45 min. I can't believe a month has already gone by since my last appt. For awhile he had me coming in 2 weeks apart. I doubt he'll change anything, it will be routine, just refills on my prescriptions probably.

We have plumbers coming today because our bathroom sink is stopped up. When H put an auger down it, he found roots, meaning holes in the pipes. That will be a huge expense to get fixed, so H is just going to ask them to unstop it for now and then come back again when we need it unstopped. I hope the plumbers are not here too long. It is always awkward to have maintenance people in your home.

@Scooter9 You may be feeling weak just from not eating enough. You should really try to eat whole meals. You also could be lacking in vitamins if you are not consuming enough & not eating the right foods.

Yeah, @Scooter9, even if it's something else that's causing lack of appetite, a diet of couple slices of bread a day is just going to compound the problem. If food is really hard, do you have access to meal replacements/supplements like Ensure or Boost? I think you're really missing out on some protein right now along with a lot of vitamins/minerals people get from fruits/veggies.

I have a couple carnation instant breakfast "recipes" like making hot chocolate out of the chocolate kind or a vanilla chai tea with the vanilla and a chai tea bag for when I have trouble eating to make it a little more fun (I usually go for the instant breakfasts because they're cheaper than stuff like ensure).