Bipolar Check-in #87

I worked for Marshalls which is a similar store to Ross. I did cashiering and sales floor though so I wasn’t doing stocking. I did some stocking at Burlington though even though my main job was as a cashier and talent recruiter. The stocking was very physically demanding, they cross trained everyone though so would throw people anywhere depending on what was needed. Anything on the sales floor too was physically demanding.

I worked for Marshalls for over 2 years and I was only in the back. Opening boxes. I worked for 5 hours 2-3 times a week with no customer interaction. I was off at 11AM and it was great.

If I have to get cross trained I'll tell them no to the job. I can't work a cash register.

I'll end up short somehow. I had a teacher at school who was accidently given a $20 by the cashier and my teacher said "I took that money and ran"

@bizi Sorry about your fall. I hope you start feeling better. I'm glad you didn't break anything. I worry about falls too because I have osteopenia.

So, wow, I drew for 3.5 hr. today, didn't even have lunch yet because H and my daughter are at a school meetup, and I'm home by myself. Just was distracted from drawing; I'll eat after I post this. I had a fun time drawing. Everything is in the creative corner. I attempted a platypus, but I don't think it went that well; in truth I have only seen a platypus maybe once or twice at the zoo and maybe not even there. I also did a treble clef with wings from a strange drawing book and my favorite, a rose with a darkened background. I didn't even think I could draw it; the rose looked complicated, but I found I didn't have to follow the example exactly (large steps were skipped in between) and that made things smoother. In the end, I really liked the result.

I keep hoping that I've gotten to the bottom but things just keep getting lower.

I used to like coffee, I had 3-4 cups a day ( it doesn't affect me, I can sleep right after coffee), I liked various snacks and had a pretty varied diet.

Now I have just 1 coffee, a piece of bread for breakfast and another slice of bread at lunch. Even that's not fulfilling anymore.

I'm dragging myself around.

Plus I think I might have a post viral thing happening. I'm really weak and have a hard time doing basic things like getting in and out of a car, standing from a chair, getting dressed etc. I saw my doctor about this and am waiting for appointments for some tests.

I think there's something going on though that's causing all of this (it has been a slow decline over at least a year). I can't seem to figure out what it is though. Could be family issues, or in getting triggered by some events happening now that bring up thoughts and feelings from when I was abused as a kid. It was really intense and went on for about 10 years.

My T and I are working through this and other things but they all seem related and we're trying to get to the underlying feelings.

So long story short what I’ve been alluding to in my posts regarding some issues that have come up. I had a disability review last Tuesday. Over the phone. Lasted all of 6 minutes. And it was denied. And I’ve been on SSI since I was 19 and I’m 30 now. I think becoming my own payee triggered the review. Cause I hadn’t had one in many years and a week after I became my own payee they decided to review my case. So like now I have to appeal it. My therapist and psychiatrist are fully supporting me in my appeal it’s just been stressing me out because I’ve been scared of losing my apartment and my cats. So like I applied for the part time job in the mean time to get me through because my rent is income based so it’s 30% of my income. So at least I have that in the mean time until this appeal crap is dealt with. Anyway idk wtf. For a little while I was thinking of just saying eff everything and giving up entirely and going and being homeless. But my psychiatrist and therapist fully support me and are gonna assist in anything I need in regards to proof of my disability. I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type and have been diagnosed with it since I was 18 years old.

ive got wicked cold and my nose is bright red and sore now from blowing it all day. sudafed didnt help at all. any suggestions yall?

My kitties are being sweet. Papi on top of the fridge because he’s papi and that’s what he does.

I had a decent day I guess. I did 10 min on the treadmill and 15 min of violin. I know that’s practically nothing for both of them but I’m starting small to build them back into my routine

Should be getting back to doing EMDR with my therapist the week after next

Yeah I like the idea of an animal rescue volunteer job. I really just need something to get me out of the house.

I just applied for a volunteer posistion at my local animal rescue. I said I could do 15 hours a week doing anything any day of the week. Maybe that would be a better fit right now while I get used to things again.