Bipolar Check-in #87

Had my appointment with my psychiatrist today. He’s outraged about the disability thing and said he’ll give them all the paperwork they need for me to get this appealed.

He also tweaked my diagnosis a bit so now I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type plus Social Anxiety disorder and PTSD. (The social anxiety and PTSD ones are the new ones) He said he’s surprised the PTSD didn’t get diagnosed sooner with my history and that it’s good me and my therapist are doing EMDR.

That makes sense. I’ll probably hold off on it until I get this appeal done but if I ever do go back to work someday I’ll give food service a try maybe. I despised retail so much. Not to mention one of the assistant managers at one of my last retail jobs was so toxic. I kept thinking the next one would be better but all the retail jobs sucked so bad and were equally as bad as eachother lol speaking of dollar general I have a friend who was a manager there and she said it was a nightmare and she’d never go back lol

That's wise. Like Beyond said, if your appeal goes through but you do decide to try to work, make sure you do it with the Ticket-to-work program. I'm working with my state's voc rehab so I can use it and I won't be completely cut off right away if I do go back to work.

I got on the treadmill today for 10 minutes. It’s not much but it’s a start. My goal is to remain consistent with it and eventually increase back to 30 minutes a day. Anyway I’m doing better today than I was yesterday, I’m not dissociating like I was yesterday. I rescheduled my dentist cleaning from tomorrow to next Thursday cause I already had two appointments in the past two days and don’t want to overwhelm myself. Plus the new appointment is at a more reasonable time of 10:45am instead of 7:45am. It’s hard to wake up that early on my meds.

I need to get back to practicing violin. I rescheduled this coming Sundays lesson to the following Saturday cause I just haven’t been able to practice lately.

I just want to sleep for days

Soo.... I had an eventful therapy session. Done mostly with me on the floor trying to breathe. I didn't realize how depressed and anxious I had gotten. She asked me to think of something comforting and my answer lead to safety planning and explaining that I don't engage in negative coping strategies because they aren't socially acceptable not no desire or thoughts too. I told her I wouldn't so I won't but man I so want to .

I had a really good therapy session. She said I did a really good job processing. I didn't even want to go but I know when you don't want to go to therapy is when you really need to go.

I stopped at the grocery store this morning to get the new Harry Potter butter beer flavored Goldfish crackers. I also found some HP butter beer Keebler cookies. I didn't know they had those.

My eyes feel normal today.

I felt crappy this morning but I feel much better now

I don't feel good today -- my head hurts and I'm seriously considering just going home (it's a half day at work and I've only been here an hour. I know 3 hours isn't much more time but I just don't wanna be here.). I may at least make it until 3 and then leave. I have my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. I'm just really apathetic this week -- I don't really know what's going on with that. Hope tomorrow is a better day.

I had a really tough night. When I finally fell asleep I had rich and complex dreams that weren’t too restful. It took me a couple of hours to orient myself to the time and place. Sort of an alternative universe sci fi dream.

I’m otherwise ok. Feeling like being alone today.

You all I feel so stupid. It was SSDI they were denying me for. Not my SSI , I don’t even remember applying for SSDI cause I know I wouldn’t qualify it seems they just did it automatically then denied it obviously cause I don’t have enough work credits. So my SSI is safe crisis averted.

@Blue_Bird that's wonderful news! I'm so happy for you! You must be so relieved.

Oh, blue bird, what relief! I’m so glad for you. Not silly at all. Whew 😰

Blue_bird that’s amazing news I’m so happy for you 😊

i read an article im hoping is fake news that SS payment culd be cut off for 90 days. i cant survive without it.and i cant work more c of school & practicum. im hoping its jsut fear mongering BS

Thank you everyone. I’m definitely relieved! This is the best I’ve felt in well over a week

I tried to find out. The only sites carrying this story were iffy. Social security sites and more trustworthy sites had no info on this. So I think it is misinformation started on instagram or X. For myself I rate this low valuation.

Oh, @Blue_Bird that's wonderful news! You have to be so relieved!

I'm pretty tired today even though I slept well, so I wasn't sure I'd even get around to posting. I've read the posts but just do not the energy to comment back to everyone. Sorry about that.

This morning, I took a long power walk, showered, read for an hour with the SAD lamp. Then, I had to pick up prescriptions from the pharmacy, gas up the car, and go to Walmart for some bread. Ugh. I really hate going to Walmart! It was late by the time I started drawing, so I only drew 2 pictures, both of birds as I seem to have a bit of a knack for drawing them. I colored the birds from pictures off the internet as the workbook only had the sketch outline and no coloring instructions, but I think they turned out OK (both in the Creative Corner).

I was really tired after lunch and tried taking a nap; I lay there about an hour, but if I drifted off it was only for a little bit. At least I have leftovers I can make for dinner, so no big deal cooking. I'm going to try to read more of my book if I can stay alert enough.

Hey @Blue_Bird that's such wonderful news! I am glad that crisis was averted. @Nammu I hope you are back to sleeping well again, (I wanted to let you know I've been kicked off of Thread Wars, someone there has me on their ignore list so I can't participate anymore, really bummed about it, that's why you haven't seen me there). But other than that, I have been trying to hold my head high. @Blueberrybook - thanks for complimenting my picture! I am really excited for Lent; this is the first time I have ever been active in a church so there are a lot of firsts for me!

I have good days, and I have bad days. Today was a really bad day because my ex-boyfriend is backtracking again. We had a really good rapport going and I thought I was making progress, then he completely shut me down. I am thinking it is too painful to hang on anymore. I am feeling so lost and alone, but I really have to start being more grateful and counting my blessings more. I just wish that manic episode didn't happen last year, it has completely disrupted my life, and I lost so much. I hate my illness I really do, with a passion.

Good news is I am not sleeping till 3pm anymore and I made my bed today, woohoo! Always proud of myself when I do. I also treated myself to Zaxby's twice today, they brought back shrimp on their menu, so I had a good lunch.

Hope everyone else is having a great week so far, the weekend is almost here again!

@LadyShadow if "threadwars" is on MSF and is a "general thread" which it sounds like, just notify an admin and they can restart it under an admin name so everyone can participate. Those are the rules here.

O lady shadow that’s so wrong. If you have people on ignore you can’t start community threads . I’d report that. I’m glad things are for the most plat are getting good again. Sorry about the ex-boyfriend.

For the most part I’m sleeping ok, not brilliantly but ok. I did manage to get up at 6:30 for an early T appointment, so there’s that!

It’s so good to see you back.

Just two weeks after the apartment disruption, i FINALLY got my tv plugged back in and my little exercycle is set back up. It is like 5 percent of my apartment. At this rate, to clean up the rest of it? - well, good thing my lease is signed for the next 18 months!

I received my blood test result for my iron, and it's 26, with 30 already being low.

I might have a date for my Psilocybin dose. I need to speak with the doctor that has the final sign off, so that'll be next week. But it could happen within the next couple of months.

Lots to do to get ready for it. I don't want to spam this thread, so if you're interested, please send me a DM or whatever is called (private message).

Oh, my diagnosis has changed. It was Bipolar NOS, but now it's Bipolar 2. Finally some more clarity. I was always uncomfortable with the NOS designation.

Has anyone worked at Ross before or heard anything about it? I finally got a call back on my job application I filled out at the start of the year.

I called and the lady said to try again tommorow afternoon. Managers must be gone. The job is an early morning stock job. Not sure how early. But the work is similar to what I used to do.

Its a pretty physically demanding job and my blood pressure can go to 140/92 just from taking a shower. But I need to get my life together.

Trying to build Lego with my son is so frustrating. It says 6+ too LOL. Can’t find half the pieces nor follow the pictorial instructions. But he somehow has landed up with a car even if it doesn’t look like the original picture!

I worked for Marshalls which is a similar store to Ross. I did cashiering and sales floor though so I wasn’t doing stocking. I did some stocking at Burlington though even though my main job was as a cashier and talent recruiter. The stocking was very physically demanding, they cross trained everyone though so would throw people anywhere depending on what was needed. Anything on the sales floor too was physically demanding.

I know retail in general though is very physically demanding and when I was doing it I started out not in great shape physically but I lost a lot of weight doing it. It sucked though the first few months I was in pain and had to put on icy hot on my back a lot