Bipolar Check-in #87

That’s awesome!

The room came pretty furnished (bed, drawers, table and a couple chairs). Earlier this week I built a bookshelf out of my old bed frame so at some point I’ll throw on some primer and paint it (I have a really neat idea doing a mural on the back panel because the shelves are pretty tall) and lug that down here too.

Last night was not one of a lot of sleep. I got back on a stimulant yesterday (extended release dexmethylphenidate which hardcore feels like Xanax but all day and instead of sedation and disinhibition there is just inhibition and I felt really boring like I was a grease fire and someone took me off the burner and covered the pan) and had two cups of coffee with dinner and of course new place to adjust to.

I don’t know what I’m doing for meds today. Just kinda waiting for a call.

I’m another one that woke up early. Around 6:30, I tried to ignore the bright sunny day but couldn’t.

Didn’t go to bed until 2 am soo man, my head is buzzing. Took my am pills and realized I missed a day. This is Saturday and my pill box has Friday still in it!

Went to the urgent care for my eye. I have a scratch on the conjuctiva and cornea. They sent over antibiotic eye drops to the pharmacy, and the pharmacy says they can have it ready in 30min to an hour. Glad I didn't wait to see the eye doc until Monday. I really wouldn't want this to get infected.

I fell asleep at 11 and I woke up at 6:57. Kinda odd since I normally get up at 5 and I took an almost 2 hour nap yesterday afternoon. Its just this blood pressure med kicking my *** fatigue wise. It isnt doing anything for my blood pressure though because I went to take my blood pressure half an hour after I got up after my morning valium and it was 132/100 and my pulse was 98. I see my primary on Monday for my BP.

Just as I am typing this though I got a call saying my cat scan got approved. Its a 2 hour procedure. I can't drink any caffeine or sugary drinks for 12 hours or do any strenonus activity. I can't eat anthing for 6 hours but I have to be well hydrated.

I took my mid morning BP. My doctor said to keep taking it. And now its 150/94 and my pulse is 95. I'm just lying in bed under a blanket and posting on here. I had a non caffeinated drink from Starbucks.

Well it’s been a fun morning. I’m gonna head out to get a water filter and a meat thermometer later so I can not poison myself on either front. Just been boiling water since yesterday, but I don’t even know if it tastes weird from chemicals in the form of chemicals or chemicals in the form of life. I also refuse to buy 10 gallons of water a week.

I was going to suggest urgent care, im glad you went. I knew that was in their purview (one of my favorite words!).

I've gone from sleeping 3 hours to 12 hours in a couple of days!

My doctor prescribed Dayvigo and it's really effective. I'm still sleepy after 12 hours of sleep. Seems it can take a while to wear off the next day.

I'm not complaining, this is really helpful.

I drew this pic of Winnie the Pooh for someone who made a request on an art thread I have on a gaming forum website I’m a member of.

It wasn’t easy to draw. I know it’s not perfect I messed up in a few ways. The design is deceptively simple but it’s harder to draw than it would seem anyway I’m happy with it for the most part.

And of course it posts upside down lol

Do you guys think its wise to take up a physically demanding job right now with not working for 5 years and whatever is up with this heart and eye stuff, or is volunteering 15 hours a week at the animal shelter a good place to start to help me get back into things while I figure out my health stuff?

I think the volunteering might be better. That way it’s not so much of a set in stone thing if you find it’s too much especially with the health issues. Start small and go slow. Eventually you’ll be able to go back to work hopefully if you want but don’t overwhelm yourself right away

I was not able to get the new med last night. Mom needed me so I went and got it a few minutes ago. After helping mom, I was so tired I slept hard for 13 hours. That seemed to flip a switch. I drove to the pharmacy with the windows down and the sun roof open singing to Madonna and Maroon 5. Waved at everybody, joked with the pharmacist and talked to my neighbor. Definitely feeling better but I will use the Seroquel today as directed.

@Blueberrybook thank you for the information about the beta blockers. I was really nervous. That helps a lot. I surely do hope your eye gets better soon.

I’m going out in the sun now where the temperature is 64 and going to start a new (to me) James Patterson book then fix some Taco Soup for the both of us and wrangle this house in order. Tomorrow I’m traveling with my family to take mom to see her sisters. She’ll be 90 in 2 months. Sister and I are planning a party.

Things are definitely getting better. @June08 - yes, I will be baptized at the Easter Vigil. I will be the only one they have had in a number of years. I am nervous, it almost feels overwhelming. @Blue_Bird I didn't do RICA - our parish is so small, and I am the only one coming into the church, that some of the ladies took me under their wing and have been studying with me privately. Joining the church means so much to me, I have always felt punished by God, it feels so different to be loved by Him. I have been embraced by my community; despite that horrible manic episode I had that scared all my neighbors and my ex-boyfriend. Things are going better with him; I think we're making progress.

@Nammu - I do hope you feel better soon, I worry about you.

@Blueberrybook - Ouchie for your eye! I hope the medicine helps and you get better soon.

@Mountaindewed - Volunteering will be good to start. After 5 years of not working, you jumping headfirst into a stressful retail job might set you back instead of launching you forward, where I know you want to be.

All in all, I am hopeful and positive. My CPAP says I am averaging 9 hours of sleep, although tomorrow will be tough because I have to get up early and we are losing an hour! Don't forget to set your clocks!

I agree that volunteering would be a good place to start. Other places that take volunteers are parks (usually seasonal, not all positions are physical like trail maintenance), libraries, homeless shelters, soup kitchens, organizations like NAMI and Boys and Girls clubs, probably a bunch of healthcare organizations especially mobile clinics I’d think, schools and childcare facilities, etc. So many options that’ll get you out of the house to test the waters of schedule and routine (or whatever part you might struggle with when it comes to working).

Also, anyone on SSI and/or SSDI that wants to go back to work: PLEASE GO THROUGH THE TICKET TO WORK PROGRAM!!! You don’t want to work a couple weeks and lose benefits (like HEALTH INSURANCE to pay for our hundreds even thousands of dollars worth of monthly meds) only to find out the stress was too much and working just isn’t possible.

Dissociating yay

I know I should do some progressive muscle relaxation to bring myself back into my body. That’s what my therapist did during our last session when I was dissociating in there.

My neighbor (the one I got Papi from) gave me some dresses and other clothes today

Those are some pretty dresses! I bet you’ll look great in them

Thank you! I hope so, I have really low self esteem so have difficulty with getting myself to wear cute stuff but I’m hoping to work on it and start wearing a wider variety of stuff and stylish stuff

I just did some progressive muscle relaxation and the 5 senses exercise. I might put my wax melter on since aromatherapy helps ground me

Talk about periods.
I've been investigating all day but confusion has the best of me.

I'm reading the posts but just don't have it in me to respond to them all. Great picture of Winnie the Pooh & cute dresses @Blue_Bird!

I'm having a low-key day. Couldn't use the SAD lamp, the brightness was too much on my eye. Took a nap and have been reading, but boy is this painful. Only can take Tyelnol for the pain though I guess if it gets too bad I do still have morphine left from the time I shattered my pelvis, just kidding...not going to resort to that unless I shatter my pelvis again, morphine always makes me hallucinate. Tylenol doesn't do much for pain, but I am not supposed to take NSAIDs since I had that ulcer perforate in the past.

So mostly I've been reading to try to get my mind off the pain. Luckily, I've had pretty good concentration today. And my perfume order from Sephora just came which is nice after having to apply stinging eye drops every 2-4 hr. while I'm awake for the next 2 days (then 4 times daily the next 5 days).

I don’t have much experience with cups or discs, but IUDs have worked really well for some people and really horribly for others. I had a nightmare experience with an IUD, but have the arm implant now and couldn’t be happier (my doc said it is usually the opposite because the arm implant has stronger hormones because they have to go farther or something. Maybe I have too little hormones or something similar to how ADHD meds calm me/people with low dopamine down).

I do have a couple pairs of period underwear for doubling up with tampons on heavy days or on their own on light days or spotting (when I had a period) and loved them. They were about $20 for a 2 pack if I remember.

Menstrual cups really shouldn’t be that expensive though. If they are, you need to make a tax free run to Nashua or Salem. I see them in the store like $12 no taxes.