Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

When i first "retired", people would ask me what i was doing, and id be like, "NOTHING! and it takes me all effing day!" Still does. Youd think ida gotten better at it by now. I used to say, i had two speeds, fast and off. I been stuck on "off" now for a good 20 years. Still perfecting it.

Oh its fabulous. All I’ve really done (after my MB run, donation drop off, and then walking over and up from the parking garage) is screw the electrical plates back in and open a window (oh my goodness my windows are so hard to open, they’re old and heavy af and go to about a foot off the ground) and I think that is the physical exertion I am good with for now.

I do have to sort through winter stuff I could probably put in a bin until a hike or October later, but right now I can just sit on the floor and chill and try not to pass out or throw up.

Practice, practice, practice!

My alarm didn’t go off! So I didn’t get up until 10:30! I was sort of half awake but waiting for my alarm. Had another cool dream, it’s too complicated to write out but I didn’t want to forget it. So I was laying there going over the dream when I looked at the clock. Yikes. Was laying there too long. It’s overcast so I didn’t get the sun to tell me it was morning.

Today was donation day. I donated a bunch of stuff I don’t wear but is nice. I bra I ordered online that doesn’t fit at all. An iron, very nice reusable water cup, a thick thick coffee cup that’s too heavy to hold.

I wonder if the more you go down on Prestiq the less severe the withdrawels are? On 75mg it was crazy bad and I had bad anxiety, irritabilty, and insomnia 50mg it was tough for a couple days. On 25mg I'm not feeling much of anything. I'm sleeping a lot better and my moods are fine and my anxiety is ok for the most part.

Idk.

Hello! I woke up at 5am and was up for like 2 hours and thought I was gonna be up for the day. I went to bed early last night so it wouldn’t have mattered if I was. But like an hour after I took my morning meds I fell asleep on the couch for 3 hours. Anyway, so far today I’ve read. I’m taking it really easy this weekend as it’s a holiday weekend. Just doing whatever I want. Which includes reading, games, and watching shows/movies. A nice cozy time with my kitties. Hope you all have a good weekend and holiday if you celebrate!

I don’t celebrate Easter but I feel obligated to join them for lunch. This year it’s brunch. It’s always away out in the country. Last time I went I got a nail in my tire. But it’s ok. I do like my relatives for the most part. The ones that follow rump don’t come so there’s no tension that way. I’m just not comfortable with so many packed into the house. So I will be gone on Sunday but not really celebrating anything.

I am flat out not going to easter at my sister and bil because of his parents and their views and beliefs. My 11 year old nephew told my sister he doesn't care for them much either because of the stuff they believe in. Its kinda sad an 11 year old doesn't like his grandparents. But I don't blame him. They are awful to my bil brother and the whole situation is a mess.

@LadyShadow Happy Holy Saturday! Thinking of you as you get ready to be fully received into the Church this evening.

Fixing to get lunch ready so just a quick post. My morning went as usual-woke up to my cat Pecan on me, but at least she let me sleep 8 hr. Took a power walk, showered, had breakfast, read with the SAD lamp & finished my book. I folded laundry, and time had just flown this morning; I only drew 2 pics (in creative corner). The bird I'm planning to color tomorrow or Monday, not sure if I will draw tomorrow. But the other pic was another version of an eye tutorial...LOVE those!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Today is a very strange day. My anxiety is way up, and I am so nervous. I have been dreaming about this day for months, years even, and now that it's finally here, I am besides myself. I am glad I helped renew your faith a little @Blue_Bird, that means so much to me! Thank you so much @June08 for thinking of me today, it's a really big day.

I have periods of late @Brentus where I have not participated here, but I know that this community is one that I always come to for support. Being on this forum has been such a blessing to me, I am so grateful for everyone on here who always helps out, even when they are not feeling the best themselves.

As for me, in 5 hours I will be baptized Catholic at the Easter Vigil, something that I have wanted for a long time. Christ led me to his church years ago in New York, when I was at my worst, and then found me again on the floor of a jail cell 4 years ago, and as a born Muslim, it has been quite a journey. All of that has led up to this point, and it's finally happening tonight. Faith is where I draw my strength, and when the most manic of bipolar episodes brought me to my knees, He was always there and brought me back to sanity.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter weekend.

@Blue_Bird I'm sure your baptism will be amazing! It's so special to have an Easter baptism, and I am glad that your faith has helped you through some of your toughest times.

Have a wonderful baptism @LadyShadow

Let us know how your baptism goes, @LadyShadow! Have a good time!

Have a wonderful Baptism @LadyShadow !!

Have a glorious baptism lady shadow!

So I decided I’m gonna get more into baking. I have a vegan dessert cookbook my friend gave me. I’m gonna try some recipes from there in a couple weeks. The ones I plan on trying first are the mocha scones with cacao nibs and chocolate chips and some raspberry muffins. A lot of it has specialized ingredients that I don’t typically have on hand cause I’m not vegan so I’m gonna have to order some stuff from Whole Foods for the recipes.

Anyway, I also got a bread recipe book from the same friend and plan on trying to make some Italian style brioche! I’m excited about that too. I bet those would be really good with a cup of espresso. I’m aware they might not turn out right the first time as I’ve never baked homemade bread before and don’t have any experience with it but I’m hoping to keep learning and getting better at it over time.

This is the Italian style brioche, topped with powdered sugar.

Yeah should be some fun projects! I love baking anyway. I find it extremely relaxing and fun.

Oh my goodness, I was writing a message in my nephew's baptism card (he is also getting baptized tonight) and wouldn't you know I wrote, "Congratulations on your confirmation!" In pen, of course. I couldn't find white-out anywhere! I can't remember the last time I even used white-out! Finally coaxed some out of an old white-out pen H dug up, but you can still totally tell I wrote "confirmation". Two completely different things, baptism and confirmation! I think I got confused because I got confirmed around Easter Sunday when I was in 8th grade (baptized as a baby). Oh well, I'm sure my nephew (a college sophomore) will get the gist of it. Man, my stupid pen wouldn't even write over the white-out! I had to used fine line Sharpie marker. Hope my nephew gets a laugh out of it, at least!

lol I’m sure your nephew will love it, and get it!

Congratulations @LadyShadow !

I didn't take my prn of seroquel last night, hoping one dose would have done the trick. But, the irritability has returned today. I also realize I have not been to focus on anything or sit still all week, today being the worst. So, I plan on taking my prn tonight and tomorrow, then not Monday, and see if that does the trick. If that doesn't, I'll probably message my pdoc and see what he thinks. I really want to stay on top of this because, the first weekend in May, I will be seeing family which can trigger a mood episode. So, I'd really like to be completely stable when I get there-if I'm already off, I feel like the chances of seeing family negatively impacting my mood will increase.

@June08 Is there a reason you don't take the Seroquel nightly? Do you not have enough to take it daily, at least until your trip with your family is over? Could you ask your pdoc tomorrow about it, why wait if in 2 days then you still have the same issue? You wouldn't HAVE to take it nightly if 2 nights does the trick, but if your pdoc already okayed taking it nightly if you need to, I wouldn't see why not.

@Blue_Bird The names of those recipes make me drool. I have come to find baking to be cathartic at times though I feel less so with cooking. Though maybe with making a meal, multiple things going on (ADHD, bipolar racing thoughts) having to please 2 picky eaters on top of it all makes me prefer baking. In my family, it's my expectation to plan & make the meals since H works extremely hard, and I don't do much at all, so yeah, I kind of do need to make the meals at least; that might help too with my ED issues in having some control over us healthier meals or using healthier alternatives at times when cooking.

I randomly fell asleep from 1:15 to 2:50 this afternoon. I haven't taken a nap in awhile and I wasn't even feeling tired. I have a slight cold or else its just allergies.

I made lemon and feta green beans for dinner. It was really easy and healthy. I'm enjoying this mediterrian cooking. I plan on buying some more cookbooks in the next couple weeks. I haven't had any cravings for sweets. Just for pizza.

I take 12.5 mg nightly. My prescription says I can take 12.5-25 mg nightly for sleep.
The reason I'd want to reach out to my pdoc is to just keep him in the loop and see, if things got bad on my trip or didn't improve with 25 mg of seroquel nightly, would he want me to try a higher than 25 mg dose of seroquel or try a higher dose of risperidone (I take 4 mg of risperidone nightly as well). You do make a good point about just taking the higher dose until my trip is over. The last time I took 25 mg of seroquel two days in a row, I was super restless and my nose started twitching. But, if I get that again, it is possible these side effects would go away with time. I always appreciate your insights!

I'm freezing. Daughter is in her bedroom doing teenager stuff. Husband is at work. And I'm lonely and want to talk to someone, but I texted my friend and my sister and neither have responded, and my husband is busy working. Boohoo. I'm going to drag my daughter out of her bedroom! Just kidding. When she's in there I leave her little *** alone!

I've had a pleasant day. Just cleaning, taking out like four bags of recyclables and four boxes that have been sitting in the corner of our kitchen forever, taking a pleasant walk with my daughter. She wanted to walk to the park, which is like two miles away, but I'm honestly scared to because I'm worried my anemia symptoms will flair up! I'm so used to feeling fatigued walking, well, EVERYWHERE, that a two mile walk is intimidating! I told my daughter that and she was understanding, so we just took a walk in the neighborhood, which I was fine with.

But I'm still scared to walk to the damn park! 😨 I know to get over this ridiculous fear I just have to do it.

Easier said than done of course.

I keep on forgetting tomorrow is Easter, but we're going to my husband's mom's house in the afternoon. Since we get to sleep in tomorrow morning I hope my husband will be up for a late night chat and possible intimate encounter. That would be nice.

A girl can dream. 🌙

Sigh.