Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

Happy Birthday @Crazy Hitch !

My blood pressure was 103/88. So yeah I was feeling a bit odd with the low top number and high bottom number. I ate a piece of sourdough bread and I feel better.

I switched therapy to tommorow because I just straight up didn't want to do it today. I didn't want to take a shower and I wasn't up to virtual either. I was fine today mental health wise without seeing her. But all these appointments are driving me nuts and this is the one thats the most flexiable

Happy Birthday 🎉🎁🎂🎊🎈

I’m just up watching the other 4 final destination movies I haven’t seen. There’s 5 currently out and the newest one comes out May 17th in theater that I plan on going to see opening weekend.

No one can help. Rapid response just ended with “Hope your therapist can help you next week.” Yeah fkkk you too buddy.

Does anyone know if there's a special dr that deals with complex med cases? My husband is on almost 20 meds a day for different problems and he'd like to reduce meds but has to be careful as its a mix of psych, heart, asthma, and other issues.

I don’t know about where you live but here there’s a nurse who is a specialist in drugs. She reviews people medication and makes changes based on her review. You have to get a referral to her from the primary physician. That’s her sole job to review medication.

Irritability was less today, but hypersexuality was worse. I also had very fragmented sleep last night so I decided to take an extra 12.5 mg of seroquel. This comes with it's own risk however. The last time I took 25 mg two days in a row, I ended up extremely restless and my nose started twitching. Since tonight is only my first night taking 25 mg, hopefully I'll be fine tomorrow.

Today was okay though. The weather was almost perfect for a walk at the time I went, I read a tiny bit, played some games on my phone, packed a little, and found a great deal on gas when I went out for a drive.

I'm going to bed soon, but wanted to take a moment to reflect here -- I dont post often and go stints where I am here a lot, then disappear. That's probably not going to change anytime soon, but I do want to contribute more when I can. I do lurk very often though to keep up.

Today was fine. Nothing out of the ordinary happened and I've been doing OK. I had therapy today and it went well -- we made a new treatement plan and got the ball rolling on some new goals. I'm looking for a hobby to get back into. I love learning-- so a language, how to cook, some academic subject I like to read about like psychopharmacology... anything really. I just need to spend more time doing something that feels fun. I also would like to get out more, not just walking and exercise-- but social. It's a minor goal of mine too.

If I've learned anything over the years, being who I am, is that things can change moment to moment. I need to accumulate the good so when the bad hits, I can soften the blow. It's more or less what I'm doing now with collecting my resources (meds, therapy, exercise, diet, social activities, hobbies etc.) to have a fallback when the other shoe drops, as it inevitably will. That's not me being pessimistic-- thats reality of me. I get ovewhelmed, dive into a depression and become a recluse. I slowly come out of it... and process cycles. Meds help, therapy helps, and time between varies... but beyond that the ebb and flow of natural life demands it. On some level, we are always going to have highs and lows. Let me enjoy my high and prepare well to weather my lows, ya know?

Have a good night everyone!

Watch my therapist cancel on me again next week too that would be the icing on the the cake.

So I guess my volunteer boss didn’t check her messages (or I didn’t dial the right extension or just dreamt I called and left a message Idfk) and told my career counselor I no called no showed and she (counselor) called me asking what was up with that. I explained and she’s like “oh ****, call back and explain you did leave a message, were in the hospital, probably need to go back, and hold off on volunteering until things get figured out.” So I did but I called her cell instead of her work number so hopefully she’ll check one or the other (if I even got the right first one. I hope I got at least one right.)

Morning!
Got up early and went to the store. Just relaxing now before going to work. May have a friend come in the evening and spend some time with me today and tomorrow. I'm kinda excited to have a friend to hang out with!

Good morning! I’m in the process of doing a new painting. It’s gonna be a silhouette of a black cat with a witch hat on looking out at the moon with a ghost beside it and an orange background. I’ll post it when it’s done. Right now I just put a second coat on the background and and waiting for that to dry to start sketching out the scene

Brentus - i hear ya! For me, its been that "good" just means nothing bad is happening! But yeah i definitely relate to trying to build my life. I swear, my parents used to bulldoze my psyche every time i built the tiniest little structure. Sudden insight - thats why i feel so much for the little twiglets sprouting between the cracks in the pavement - they are me, trying to come back.

Sometimes you bump into what I refer to as the limit of understanding and empathy, and I think you found that.

I feel there's a certain tolerance for people that are considered to be outside the common/normal experience, like us. People, doctors, and others are empathetic, but only to a degree and it varies by person and profession. But there is an outer limit.

I think in this case you reached that limit for that person. So you might have to find help elsewhere, Muddy. I'm so sorry.

I have hit that limit with my pdoc, which I find surprising. I thought it would be further out, but I guess not.

It's not you, Muddy it's the result of how the system is built. It's really crappy, since that leaves us in a not so great place having to find ways to cope or deal with on our own.

Well, I got my GI referral so now I just wait a couple (weeks, months) for a phone call to wait a couple (weeks, months) to have an appointment to chat and wait a couple (weeks, months) for any tests. She ordered bloodwork to recheck my potassium and other stuff too.

Jeez I do not feel good right now. I convinced my mom to go for a donation run after taking me to the doctor and get gas where it is literally $0.25 cheaper a gallon than where she typically goes. I regret it because she’s not a good driver and I am about to puke. I hope she gives me time to recover.

I woke up late at 7:15. I made a navy bean salad that is in the fridge and I had therapy. It was a good session. She taught me some coping skills and showed me a bit of emdr.

I have some odd feeling in my throat and its making me nervous. I'm worried if I call my GI she will want to do an endoscopy right away. I can feel something. But I don't know if I should be worried.

Finished it. I’m feeling pretty good. Walked to the library and picked up a request.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch Hey hey it’s my birthday! Got my 6 year old son singing happy birthday to me lol. Going to an Easter Fair because everything is closed on Good Friday. It’s a bit like Christmas Day here in Australia. So the Fair should be fun. Lots of rides etc.

Happy birthday!

@Blue_Bird I love the vibrant colors on your picture! Fantastic job!

@MuddyBoots I guess at least you got the GI referral? Sometimes they will call back fairly quickly. I hope that is the case for you!

@Brentus I hear you on accumulating the good times so that when the bad times hit you know you are still capable of having good times after the bad. It's good to read your reflections. I have disappeared too for months or even over a year and also just lurked at times when I didn't feel up to posting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by June08 Irritability was less today, but hypersexuality was worse. I also had very fragmented sleep last night so I decided to take an extra 12.5 mg of seroquel. This comes with it's own risk however. The last time I took 25 mg two days in a row, I ended up extremely restless and my nose started twitching. Since tonight is only my first night taking 25 mg, hopefully I'll be fine tomorrow. Today was okay though. The weather was almost perfect for a walk at the time I went, I read a tiny bit, played some games on my phone, packed a little, and found a great deal on gas when I went out for a drive.

I'm sorry you're going through some hypomanic stuff. I started not taking my early afternoon dose of Seroquel for a week or 2 and I think it triggered some hypomanic behavior in me too, such as overspending. I'm glad to hear you had a better day.

@Nammu I haven't tried a hot compress for my eyes. I didn't realize it could help with the sinuses too. When I was at my sister's house, she told me she uses a hot compress before bed for dry eyes and loves it, that it really relaxes her. Hers plugs in, I think and can be set to a timer. It may be something I should look into.

Hopefully, I've caught up on all the posts. Sometimes I miss a lot overnight!

I had a pretty good morning. My sleep could have been better though as I kept waking up every 2 hours. Luckily, I'd fall back to sleep in 5 min or so, but it was still annoying. My mood feels pretty stable, but I am noticing I do a lot better when I take that extra early afternoon dose of Seroquel. At least lately, it calms down my anxiety about I'm not even sure what at the moment.

I took a power walk this morning because I still can't do pilates due to the bruise/sprain? on my left hand. It just can't bear much weight. I really miss doing pilates because my body feels so good afterwards, a nice peaceful good, just different from cardio exercise like walking or running. I was able to finally get an uninterrupted session reading with the SAD lamp as well and made good progress in my book. I drew 3 pics (in the creative corner). I may attempt to bake banana bread after lunch (could be difficult due to the left hand injury), we'll see but I'm needing the extra calories I think for breakfast as poptarts and sometimes a banana are just not enough with the power walking I do. No other plans today, reading probably, maybe try to work on a new Spotify playlist for walking.

Hope everyone has a fantastic Easter weekend!