[Nammu]

G’morning I didn’t want to wake up this morning. My dreams were fragile and I wanted to guide my dreams to a better ending. But I wasn’t able to do that and ended up loosing them altogether.

I’ve not done much yet but answer emails and texts. Think I’ll stay in today. Hot outside and bad air quality from the Canadian wildfires. I hope they get some rain soon.

[Mountaindewed]

I fell asleep right before 5PM yesterday. I slept until almost 9 and then I went and ate a PB&J lunchable for a late dinner. I got back to sleep fairly quickly until 4:30 or 5.

I feel fine mental health wise and mostly ok physicaslly. My anxiety and moods are good and my GI stuff is decent.

I did 1020 reps with my ab roller this morning and my muscles and joints feel fine.

[Moose72]

Well my friend I was supposed to get together with- HAD place picked out!- has apparently ghosted me and I can’t see that I did anything out of the ordinary!

In other news I am meeting with a peer support person on Wednesday at the book store. She called me and said she’s from my psych office. I texted my case manager to confirm this is legit but no reply yet. I’ve never done peer support before.

[LadyShadow]

So, it's been an interesting morning. I had dreams of my ex-husband, which I haven't had a in a very long time. I really wonder what that's about.

Around 8am my smoke alarm starting beeping! UGH! The stupid thing is so high up and I don't even know which one is doing the beeping. I called my poor mom, who was going to do it, but I felt bad and called this guy I know from my AA meetings. My dad JUST went out of town, (horrible timing), and I really have no one to help me change the batteries because all my neighbors hate me because of all the trouble I made last year during my manic episode. I HATE BIPOLAR!!! It made me lose so much : (

I did pretty good with work though, making enough money for this week so far. But that beeping OMG!!! Sometimes you just got to count your blessings when you have them.

The guy should be here soon. I'm so grateful I didn't burn all my bridges and have friends in the area. I know my church friend would have came over to help, but she's SO pregnant, there is no way I would have let her step on a ladder.

Hope everyone is having a good day! @Blueberrybook love the avocado painting! @Blue_Bird so amazing to help your neighbor when you're so tired.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm baking chocolate chip cookies @Blue_Bird - I hope your fresh baked bread turns out! When I was little, my mom baked all our bread; it was SO good. My youngest sister bakes bread for her family every week; I really don't know how she does it. She grinds all her grains into flour too.

[Blueberrybook]

@LadyShadow - When those fire detectors start beeping, it is such a pain! I'm glad at least I can reach all of ours with a chair. It's good to hear you sounding more positive.

@Nammu - I'm so sorry about the smoke in the air. There is often bad air quality here because I live so close to chemical plants. Later this week we are apparently having Saharan dust blow in to create haze and worse air quality.

[Crazy Hitch]

Good morning threadies

Hard to get out of bed this morning. Just super tired. Thoughts of calling in to work today … idk … I have 1.5 hours to make that decision. I’ll likely go in ….

[Nammu]

I’m so low energy. I didn’t get in the shower yesterday so that’s my main goal today. My eyes just wanna stay shut.

Yes blueberry I remember when I was living in Austin, TX there seemed to be lots of unhealthy air from overseas.

[Mountaindewed]

A bit confusing but because of my dads death and then my moms survivor benefits I just recieved over $9 thousand from SS. Plus I'll still get my monthly stuff. My mom called them and they said it was legit.

I'll put most of it in my savings.

My stomach hurts right now and I'm tired. So yeh money can't buy happiness.

My mom will probably force me now to get a new phone although I'll probably be able to get whatever I want. My current samsung is still plodding along.

[MuddyBoots]

Possible trigger:

so in the past 24 hours, I threatened to burn the building down, cut, got high, bought alcohol, binged and purged, and drove like a fking madman.

I talk to my CM soon bet shell say im doing good

[Moose72]

Friend I was supposed to see finally told me that her package is delayed due to traffic! She’s waiting for one of her children to show up for some reason. I dunno. This is getting ridiculous

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Possible trigger:

so in the past 24 hours, I threatened to burn the building down, cut, got high, bought alcohol, binged and purged, and drove like a fking madman.

I talk to my CM soon bet shell say im doing good

Be careful these sound like rather dangerous behaviours that put you and others at risk stay away from driving until this passes!

[Crazy Hitch]

So I think I’m going in to work today ughhhh

[LadyShadow]

So, this is a good and bad thing. The good news is the beeping has stopped! The bad news is there is now a live wire hanging from my ceiling because I think my friend ripped it out when we were trying to change the battery. Plus I don't even think its the battery now, i think the smoke detector itself is now broken, UGH.

@Blueberrybook - Thanks! I am feeling more positive. I am slowly coming around, and my mom found the watch my dad lost! It was a present we got him 30 years ago! Now I don't have to replace it! (I know I don't have to but I was going to for Father's Day). I hope your goodies turn out good! Oh and @Blue_Bird good luck with the bread! I wish I could bake and cook things, my oven and stove are mainly decorative at this point.

@Nammu - oh man I can relate. I realized it this morning, and its embarrassing to say, but I didn't shower for two almost three days. I don't know what was going on in my head, but I felt so relieved this morning when I did!

@MuddyBoots - oh my be careful! Those sound like some really bad behaviors, I hope you are able to talk to your CM soon.

[Blueberrybook]

@MuddyBoots - Definitely don't drive in that state! It sounds like things are very out of control with you. Please be careful.

[Nammu]

Duh! I forgot to turn the AC up this morning. It was very cold and that was making me tired. I have to turn the AC way down at night so my bedroom becomes breathable, but then in the morning I have to turn it up so it’s not too cold in the living space. So I got my shower. Thinking of joining bingo tonight. It’s been months since I played. They’ve changed things.

[Crazy Hitch]

Well done on having that shower Nammu! I’ll have one tomorrow. Don’t have the energy to have one today! Maybe after work because it’s the afternoon and it won’t be so cold!

[MuddyBoots]

I do want to clarify I have not actually drank any alcohol yet and got high last night/did not drive until this morning, but damn, I feel like I belong on the Mass interstates during one of those hours there's "traffic" but like a hundred cars doing 85+mph, not bumper to bumper.

(Also normally when I buy alcohol I get a bottle of vodka for $12 and I only spent $7 today on way less potent stuff)

[MuddyBoots]

But the first thing my CM said was "you did a good job over the weekend using positive coping techniques!" and I'm like "I made a crazy cal-restriction challenge (told her exactly what it was but I'm not going to post it here) for Fri-Sun that I "won," b/p'd this morning, got high last night, cut before getting high, and threatened arson."

She pulled up to my mom's driveway and I was waiting outside just said "we're going to GTFO right now" so we went down to a pond and hung out. Heard a fisher in there and I don't think she's heard those before so she was like "omg what's that?" and I didn't want to scare her so I told her the guy that owns a house nearby has the hiccups a lot and his have a unique sound.

[Blue_Bird]

I helped my neighbor with her grocery order. Thankfully my apartment building has Dollies (spelling?) so I could put everything on it and roll it down to her apartment and then helped her put her stuff away. It was a lot of stuff and extremely heavy stuff so I wouldn’t have been able to carry it on my own. She got some cat litter and cat food too for the cats. She likes to do that once and month for me cause of how much she cares about Papi. I told her it’s okay and they’ll be fine they have enough stuff but she still does it, which is sweet of her.

[Blueberrybook]

@Blue_Bird That's so sweet of you to help your neighbor. I'm sure she appreciates it. That's so kind of her to buy some stuff for the cats.

I love my mechanic! They got H's car fixed and then I wasn't sure if H would be home tomorrow so we could pick up his car, so they drove the car here to me at my house, and I gave them their check. They are so nice and honest. We've been using them nearly 20 years. When you find a good mechanic, you definitely stick with them! Even though I don't have to go anywhere today, it's nice to know I have a car in case I need to.

[Nammu]

Blue bird I bet your neighbor buying the cat stuff is both to repay you for your kindness in helping her and also her love for her cat. Kindness does go a round.

Blueberry, oh definitely when you find a good mechanic you cling to them! I had one but when I bought my newer still under warranty car I have to go to the dealership now. I don’t trust them as much, it’s impersonal and huge.

[MuddyBoots]

Ohh, I get it, you guys are saying don't drive when I'm emotionally/mentally unstable and likely to do dumb shyt, not based on false assumptions that I was under the influence.

Unfortunately my other option is to stay at my mom's where I will end up killing myself or getting arrested or being involuntarily hospitalized again by the end of the week if I do not regularly get out of a 5 mile radius of the house. (I'm honestly surprised I wasn't put on an IEA today. My "unofficial conditional discharge" included no self-harming, sticking to a healthy meal plan, no substance use, no purging, and taking my meds as prescribed. The only thing I have not broken on that was the meds, and I was an hour late today on that too.)

Edit to add: Since I'm not a 20 minute walk from my meds anymore, I also have to drive to get there again (and for appointments, which I see my pdoc tomorrow afternoon). I had a plan of going out for a strenuous walk/really easy hike that's maybe an hour drive from the office between meds and the appointment, but if I'm not feeling much calmer (AKA, ask myself "when I get on I-93 am I going to be one of the dozens or so they talk about on WMUR news they clocked in at going over 100mph? Or if there's too much traffic to go "a decent speed" am I going to want to take my little sedan four wheeling before the exit?" and if it's a "yes" I'm just going to park in a free day lot and walk to meds, go to the library between or if the weather's nice go hang out at one of my favorite outdoor reading places, walk back to the appointment, then back to the car, then back here.)

[Blue_Bird]

Sorry I haven’t really responded much today to people tagging me, I’ll try to catch up on posts in the morning, I’ve just been out of it from only getting only one hour of sleep last night. I’m excited to sleep tonight it’s gonna be amazing.

I’m probably making the bread this weekend. I have to go to the store and get some milk, eggs and butter for it. I have the other ingredients already. What I’m making are chocolate chip rolls. They’re like a kind of dessert roll. Hoping it turns out good. Though it’s my first time ever baking anything as complex as homemade bread myself so who knows. If it fails I can always try again lol at least it’d be a learning experience
My friend gave me a recipe book of various breads. There’s like dessert breads, muffins, savory breads etc all kinda of cool stuff in there.

Hope you all have a good Monday night, I’ll be back on tomorrow morning and start catching up on posts

[Crazy Hitch]

just ate a fruit salad from the canteen. Way to go I'm being healthy! Jealous of my colleagues who have hot soup today!