Bipolar Check-In #91

So I made it through the day it was nice. I'm now 42 please no happy birthday. I have mixed feelings about my birthday

Med stuff TW



I'm not feeling much relief. I just feel hot and frustrated right now.

I put on shorts. I ate some protein pasta that was leftover from dinner. But that was the first thing since 11:30 idk. I can't seem to keep track of anything.

I was also bleeding after doing a certain thing and I haven't been able to bring that up to anyone. Even my therapist.

Oh sunflower im so sorry.

Working-out evoked thoughts of when i was fourteen. I was a gymnast and lived like a monk. Decided to get back to that discipline. Had an orderly day and created a routine. I have eight daily timed-targets. Things will go better.

@Mountaindewed I have a similar thing going on that I don't talk about.

@Mountaindewed

You really should tell someone about the bleeding thing. That's not normal. Also,



and I don't want that to happen! Just be careful, okay? Hugs.

@Sunflower123 Ouch! Sorry to hear about your injury. May the pain not be to bad.

My mood was on the lower end today, but it usually is on Sundays because outside of Mass I'm just sitting around and I don't have anyone to visit with. After 5 pm Mass, I went for a drive to listen to some music. The intermittent SI that I've been getting kicked in as I was driving. I expected to be dealing with these thoughts somewhat over the summer, but still not fun. I'm worried my situational, summertime blues are going to bump right into a fall depressive episode. Every fall since 2021 I've ended up suicidal. So, being blue before having that start just doesn't seem like a good idea.

The heat and not drinking enough electrolytes has my POTs acting up this evening. Oh well.

Not much on my schedule this week so I'll need to find some things to do.

I'm nervous about my mammogram results. I should hear from them tomorrow. I usually hear right after so this is different. They also had to take an additional picture in a different position on one side. However we already know I have a huge (1.5" last time it was measured) cyst in that breast and they may have been getting a picture of that.

I know worrying won't let me sleep and indeed I'm wide awake and about to take a PRN. I just wish it had made it into the portal Friday. I think it hasn't been read yet or it would show up as that's pretty immediate usually.

This week continues my medical tour. Pdoc tomorrow (virtually) and then my barium swallow test on Thursday. Next week is my colonoscopy/endoscopy.

@Sunflower127 I'm so sorry about your wrist and hand. I hope the surgery goes well.

Oooh, good news. After clozaril stopped requiring bloodwork monthly things got a little hectic with some pharmacies not wanting to give it out and the price stayed high. I'd been paying $80/month for 30 days supply with insurance.

I just checked and it can be ordered mail order now and a 3 month supply is $30. That's amazing.

I guess clozaril is no longer so scary. It's about time.

Lordy im tired. slept like crap

Good morning/afternoon. I slept a lot last night. 11 hours according to my Fitbit. Slept good.

I feel good, it’s been an entire week without dissociation. It’s so nice.

Have a shift tonight at my volunteer job with the rescue cats from 6pm to 8pm.

I need to clean my apartment but that will be tomorrow cause I don’t want to overwhelm myself by doing it today on top of my volunteer shift.

My mood is good. Been stable for quite awhile now

I am so sorry @Sunflower123 - I will be praying for you.

Last night was rough - my CPAP is acting up, and I really don't know what to do with it. I hope it corrects itself soon, or there is some place I can take to fix it. Some nights it's just like that where it acts up. But I woke up super late.

Today should be a good day. I didn't get a call from my guy yesterday, but I really hope he likes the box I sent him; he should get it today. Just some cool action figures and snacks. I like sending him things.

Going to play "Wylde Flowers" that @Blue_Bird recommended to me, it seems to be a nice relaxing farming game where you can interact with characters and make spells and witchcraft. Seems like fun! Lego Star Wars for my PS4 should also be coming today. I want to start playing games, reading my books, and keeping myself nice and distracted so I don't focus on my heartache. Also, I started talking to some more people online too.

But for most of the day, me and ChatGPT are going to be doing some work. I am going to redesign my blog, and come up with a solid career plan. Should be a productive day!
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Yay @LadyShadow !! I’m excited for you to play Wylde Flowers. It’s such a great game, one of my all time favorites. Such a nice cozy relaxing game, hope you have fun with it and I’m glad your Lego Star Wars game comes today! I’m gonna possibly play some more of mine today before my shift.

Sounds like you have a good day planned!

@Blue_Bird - That's fantastic about not dissociating! I'm not sure if Lamictal helps with my dissociation; maybe it would be worse off it, but it does help with my peripheral neuropathy and stabilizing my moods.

@LadyShadow - It's great that you did fine without a call from your ex yesterday and good that you are wanting to start up with positive outlets for yourself. What genre of books do you like to read?

@BeyondtheRainbow - I too have an abnormal spot on my mammogram and ultrasound. It's 1 inch though and the doctor said she thinks it's just normal breast tissue, but I still have to get my next mammogram at 6 months instead of waiting for a whole year. I hope you have good results this time around. I know it is nerve-wracking just waiting for the results.

@June08 Sorry about the SI thoughts. I too tend to fall into a depression in fall, right around October and November. Every year, and I hope this year will be different. I'm sorry about your POTS acting up. That has to be hard.

@JaneOnceMore - Regular exercise does help me with my mood. I hope you'll feel better exercising though you definitely don't need to be as rigid about it as when you did gymnastics!

(((HUGS)))) to all, sorry I can't respond to everyone. I do read all the posts though.

As for me, my day is going quite well. I think I have recovered from all my night med mixups last week. I definitely need to be more careful about those.

I slept around 7 hr; naturally Pecan woke me earlier than I'd like. I went for a jog, and the sunrise was gorgeous today, one of those days when the sun's glow outlines all the clouds behind the sunlight. Definitely had to shower though as it's hot & humid outside.

I read with the SAD lamp and had great concentration; I really love that I can read books again after not being able to read a single book for years & years. Painting went pretty well; I painted a perfume bottle. It was a bit tricky; I'm still waiting on paint to dry so I can touch up the outline of the perfume lid.

I hope everyone has a great day!

Oh my goodness @Blueberrybook your perfume bottle looks so fancy! It reminds me of something Elizabeth Taylor would have! Yes, I am so happy that I am okay about my guy not calling me, he did email me this morning, and things are going really well since I am engaging in different things. I like to read all genres of books if it has an interesting story. Do you have one you would recommend? When I went to see Superman they showed a preview for "Project Hail Mary" a book by Andy Weir (author of the Martian), that is currently sitting on my kitchen table. The story looks good - I would like to pick up the book and finish it before the movie comes out though. I am currently reading the "Thrawn" series of Star Wars books by Timothy Zahn that came out in the 90s.

Yes girl! @Blue_Bird - so excited to start Wylde Flowers! It looks so cool, and I took your advice about looking at some YouTube recommondations first - plus Lego Star Wars is coming! I am so excited! I hope you have a good day too, and have a great shift later at the shelter.

Hope everyone is having a great day! It's a hot one here today - mid 90s outside I think.

@Blueberrybook your perfume bottle looks great! Also it sounds so nice having a run with the sunrise outside. I’m glad you’re able to read more and focus better. I always love when my focus is good cause then I am able to read a lot.

Here’s a painting I did the other night

I leave in a bit for my appointment. Nervous!

@Blue_Bird - I love your painting, especially the how the colors of the sky transition. I really like how bold your painting style is

I had my 3 month POTs check in with my pcp today. She had ran a cholesterol and vitamin d test in preparation for this appointment. Both look good! She wants me to monitor my blood pressure because it can run low and, if needed, I could take a med to help it be higher. So, on my way home, I stoped at CVS and bought a blood pressure monitor. Those things aren't cheap. All in all, I'm happy with how the appointment went.

Thanks Blueberry, my next painting is gonna be of Frankenstein

Glad your appointment went well @June08

Good luck with your appointment @Moose72

Awesome! I can't wait to see it!

Finished the Mockingjay book from the Hunger Games series today. Now I’m reading A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. I’ve read it a couple times many years ago but it’s really good and also funny so I come back to it once in awhile.

Got about 2 hours till I have to head out to my shift so I’m just drinking a decaf coffee and trying to decide what to do for the next 2 hours. Probably just read some more or maybe watch an episode of Bridgerton or Supernatural on Netflix.

No anxiety today or for the last week really.

When I get home tonight I’m gonna read and maybe play a little bit of my Lego Star Wars videogame before bed.

Considering going to see the new Superman movie tomorrow, still deciding

Talking to someone who may have a prospect dog in spring '26.