Bipolar Check-In #92

I may even know about some censorship, thank goodness for reading an entire book 📕 on ONE essay from long ago!

I am so Way beyond glad I cancelled my colonoscopy prep today and moderate any panic attack while i discovered diarrhea and diarrhea and allowed alliteration of you think reading books rocks!

I wonder why I'm so different then the way I was in 2014. I used to have terrible style. Like I would wear a cookie monster shirt. I also said goofy stuff trying to be funny.

Now my style is a lot better. I don't say anything goofy. I'm invovled in current events. I work out alot and I care more about my appearence. I eat better then I did in 2014.

Mainly I'm just a lot more stable then I wss before

I may have downloaded everything I know about my own meds today!

EVEN MY OWN MEDS IN MY SIGNATURE! WHILE CHANGING uP MY SIG!gy SINGNATURE!''''

oNLY I KNOW HOW TO BECOME A COMEDIAN! get SOME JOKES FROM THE INTERNET USING SPAM AND FALSE STUFF (***, CURSES) LEARN SOME MAJOR MAGIC JOKES THATARE SILLY AND

use YOUR sPACE BAR!


dON'T TRY TO UNDERSTAND YOUR PRESCRIPTONS IN THE DARK! (OR DO JUST THAT!

Took sleepy med combo. Hope it works!

I was pretty upset after my therapist appointment today and just wanted to check out, so I took the second half of my seroquel early. I have NO idea how I'm going to sleep tonight because I'm out of melatonin! Ugh.

Originally we were going to go to my parents place next week, but my therapist (and husband for that matter) HIGHLY suggested we meet in a neutral setting, so I texted my mom back and said we'd love to take them out for lunch on Thursday instead.

I just want to cry. My parents make me feel so bad about myself. And guilty for that matter. When I'm with them I completely shut down. My therapist recommended I try to be myself.... but I don't want to talk to my parents!! I don't want to tell them anything! I have serious religious based trauma because of them! Last time I opened up to them my mom called me a ***** and my dad wouldn't speak to me and all because I lost my virginity to some assshole who took advantage of me while I was drunk. I was 18. My parents verbally and mentally abused me. I hate them, and I feel guilty about hating them. I love them because they're my parents obviously, but I hate e them as people. And it makes me feel so damn BAD.

I’m sorry raspberry. People who abuse in the name of religion rarely are enlightened enough to see their behavior as wrong.

Welcome home nyx.

Awww soooo cute

Good morning. Today is my favorite kind of day. A day where I have no commitments or obligations and can just do whatever I want. Probably gonna take a walk to the store soon to get some ingredients I need for homemade brownies for when my sister comes over Saturday. I was gonna do egg custard pie but I got the wrong sized pie shells.

My arm is really sore from the tetanus shot yesterday and I pulled a muscle in my neck yesterday as well so sleep was very uncomfortable last night.

I need to sweep and mop the bathroom. The cats have made a mess in there kicking litter everywhere. If I don’t get to it today I’ll do it this weekend.

Might sit outside and read some later. I need to get out of my apartment. Been inside too much. Maybe I’ll go to the library and read there for awhile for a change

I fell asleep around 8:30 and I slept until 2 and then I ate some rice pudding. I got back to sleep until 5 and I tried waking up and I took a caffeine pill but then I ended up falling asleep until 7.

But I feel good today mood wise. I haven't had any visteril or valium. I feel decent physically but I did drink something and I swallowed it the wrong way and started coughing and then I got sick.
But overall I'm doing really well.

Last few days have been great. Just getting around town and spending time with friends. Been going back to my AA meetings which have been really helpful too. Might see Naked Gun at some point, maybe Friday. Don't really think it will be good, but maybe at least entertaining.

I am so sorry you feel that way about your parents @raspberrytorte - those are real traumas you faced, and your feelings are definitely valid and real. I hope the visit, (I don't know if you went yet?) is at least tolerable for you.

@Blue_Bird - glad you are going to have a relaxed day today! How is the weather by you? I am going to count my blessings at these 70 degree days here in the south in August. I have been really enjoying having the window open with fresh air coming in.

@Moutaindewed - glad to see you are feeling better too.

Hopefully, we have our thread back for the time being. Really missed seeing everyone posting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte I was pretty upset after my therapist appointment today and just wanted to check out, so I took the second half of my seroquel early. I have NO idea how I'm going to sleep tonight because I'm out of melatonin! Ugh. Originally we were going to go to my parents place next week, but my therapist (and husband for that matter) HIGHLY suggested we meet in a neutral setting, so I texted my mom back and said we'd love to take them out for lunch on Thursday instead. I just want to cry. My parents make me feel so bad about myself. And guilty for that matter. When I'm with them I completely shut down. My therapist recommended I try to be myself.... but I don't want to talk to my parents!! I don't want to tell them anything! I have serious religious based trauma because of them! Last time I opened up to them my mom called me a ***** and my dad wouldn't speak to me and all because I lost my virginity to some assshole who took advantage of me while I was drunk. I was 18. My parents verbally and mentally abused me. I hate them, and I feel guilty about hating them. I love them because they're my parents obviously, but I hate e them as people. And it makes me feel so damn BAD.

Parents can be really challenging. Meeting in a neutral location is a good idea. I hope that your visit goes well. Some parents are so toxic.

@LadyShadow the 70s sound nice especially since it’s usually so hot down there. It’s in the 80s here in NY at the moment. Glad you’re having good days

I’m so tired and achy all over. Idk if it’s from PMS or what. But I feel like I have the flu without actually having it. Just the all over body achiness, tiredness, and feeling a bit cold. I don’t often get sick so idk. Last time I got sick was several years ago with Covid. It’s probably just PMS though and maybe pushing myself too hard lately to be productive 24/7. Anyway, I’m just resting today and relaxing

Oof da just got back from having lunch with my sister and brother in law. I had a waffle with apples and whip cream. That was low fiber.

I was going to go to the fair with them but decided not to as it’s hot and muggy. As soon as the triva question is shown on the news I’ll go downstairs and play games.

My nurse was so Worried about me she called the doctor. The dr called me. I explained that I just live with self harm thought they're no worse then normal. He asked if I was safe which I am and said we'll see how the lexapro goes. So mad but whatever.

It’s Friday here! Yeehaa. Just have to get through the day teaching at work. Will see how I go!

Second day of school went well. It was a mix of productivity and games to help the kids get comfortable with each other. Tomorrow is our first day going through a normal schedule. I'm already getting self conscious about my quality of teaching compared to my coworkers and whether or not my students will like me. Gotta love anxiety.

I have a volunteer interview scheduled to see if I'll be chosen to help lead grief support groups. The interview is next week.

I'll need to try to manage my mood for the rest of the day to try not to crash. I don't have much to do to distract me from the depression symptoms I'm having and that is when my brain sometimes spirals.

I’m glad your second day of school went well @June08. May Friday be kind to you on the teaching front too!

I kinda feel like I'm in a depression? I haven't showered in a week and I'm not eating much but I'm working out a ton and sleeping a lot. My visible moods are fine and so is my anxiety. I just feel blah.

I think I'm going to get off my *** and take a shower right now. My therapist talked about intuitive showering one time.

My shower was good. As soon as I got my clothes together and went into the bathroom I felt fine. Idk why it is so hard for me all of a sudden

Crookshanks hissed at me again for the second time in a month or so. I wasn't doing anything. I don't get why he doesn't like me. He loves my mom, and Gary is always climbing on me and meowing in my face but Crookshanks has never cared for me.

I also just found out what my favorite song Little Talks is about and now I'm just like wtf.

I texted my mom and told her in code about the bleeding and she wants me to see a gynecgolgist. And I'm like no... I know they are respectful but I don't want them being like "the guy wirh the hoo hah is back."

So I'm trying convince my mom to message my endocronoogist or some **** like my messed up intestines are bleeding.

My mom said she'll tell my GI if it could be related and then have me see the gyne

My stomach never did get better today. I just ate pudding and yogurt

Also my knee is still going crazy and giving it rest days and tylenol and icy hot arent doing much.

My entire body still aches. So spent most of the day watching Netflix or reading. I’m rewatching season one of Wednesday so I can watch the newly released season 2. I just now took some ibuprofen for the achiness. Probably should have taken some this morning but I felt like I could deal with it but I’ve felt pretty miserable all day.

Hopefully wake up feeling better tomorrow.

Also trying to rewatch season 1 of the lord of the rings: Rings of Power so I can watch season 2.

Tomorrow is bingo.

I made it into the regional supportive housing newsletter AND on their Facebook page as well. There’s a picture of me and it writes about me and the art class I started teaching to other residents here. I feel pretty proud

Went to eye dr today. Prescription changed a lot. Cataracts still there- probably because of those the dr said. Going to go to Costco with my stepdad as he trusts them- maybe reuse old frames. I had them send me my prescription. Told Dr I can’t read signs in time to change to appropriate lane. I’m very nearsighted she said.

Ariel has lost some weight on her new food! Not the whole pound she’s overweight but she’s on track at least. They said to keep doing what we’re doing.

I got my Risperdal and benzos upped today. I am tired of struggling with sleep and just want some chemical rescue at this point.

Which benzo are you on? I'm on oxazepam.