Bipolar Check-In #92

Yes I had polyps. But small. They sent them in for testing but I’m not worried about, there’s no cancer in my immediate family. I worried about the cysts in my ovaries but that turned out to be benign. So I’m not going to worry about this.

I felt so bad last night I went to bed at 9:30. Just woke up just a bit ago, 12 and a half hours! I read the list of meds they used, ketimine and propofol, plus others. They gave me such a headache! But I feel much better now. Still bloated but the gas is starting to come out. So feeling better from that too.

Need to get things done today. Should have plenty of energy. I can’t remember the last time I slept so long!

As they say, you must’ve needed it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by gary290 I’m sorry things are hard right now. I know dealing with doctors is pain in the butt. Hopefully, things will improve soon.

Thank you so much @gary290 - I ended up making an appointment with another medical doctor at my clinic - I refuse to see a nurse practitioner to deal with my medical health stuff - just too much involved in my treatment plan that I was going over with my doctor that's on leave. Hopefully, she's good.

Sorry you've been having trouble sleeping @Blue_Bird - hopefully you're able to relax and feel better today.

@Nammu - I can't t think of the last time I slept 12 hours, wow!

Having some trouble getting going today - I have some cleaning to do before my friend comes tomorrow; I'm glad I did a lot of the other cleaning earlier this week. My house is really neat and tidy, but there are a lot of odds and ends that needed cleaning that I should really keep up with. Praying that I get some motivation today. I hope everyone has a really good day.

Good morning all! Big yawn! I’ve been awake since just after 3:00am. Awful! I am beyond tired but couldn’t sleep. Woke up from a dream. My dad was alive in my dream. He always is in my dreams. It would be nice if he was here to walk me down the aisle next year but my mom is going to walk me down the aisle and I know she’s very happy about that so that makes me pleased.

Therapy went well. On the way home I said eff it and went and got my haircut too. Now I'm just watching TV and listening to music

I went into therapy really anxious. Then we did some mindfullness thing and I felt this shift in my anxiety. It was weird but my anxiety is still low

Got a LONG not-so-nice email from a parent. I might ask the Year 9 coordinator to reply via phone call. She’s frustrated because her son has ADHD and he keeps getting in trouble especially the last 2 weeks or so. Yesterday, he wouldn’t get off games from his device instead of revising for a test today so I sent him to a senior classroom to do work (standard procedure). Instead, he walked home. It was the last period of the day. He tells his mother half the class were on Minecraft. Not true at all. Apparently I was just picking on him. In addition she states he’s allowed breaks / cool down pass. But it’s never given to him. Reality is he has never once asked me if he can use his cool down pass. It’s meant to be student lead. I feel like I am the straw on the camels back and she’s taking all the frustration of previous phone calls out on me.

I don’t think I will reply to her email. I’ll get coordinators to ring her because back and forth via email is probably not best in this situation.

That sounds like a wise move.

Thanks Nammu. Appreciate your support.

@Crazy Hitch it's so tough receiving parent emails like that. I hope it all gets resolved smoothly and quickly so you don't have to have it hanging over your head!

My dumb taint yeast infection came back. That and the 140-170 blood sugar readings and the fact that water has tasted like it came from gods personal fountain is annoying.

I'm a bit crabbty right now.

I just did like over 80 reps with my weights and 20 squats. I did 84 crunches this morning and I'm just now taking Tylenol. My stomach has been pretty good today but I've eaten yogurt mainly.

I smelled gas earlier but I'm pretty sure its just Crookshanks. Not sure why he always smells like a hard boiled egg.

I had this bacon wrapped filet for dinner and I chewed it very well but it was still hard to swalkow and now its just sitting in my throat and stomach.but it isnt like the other night.

Ended up taking a 2 hour nap in the afternoon which I really needed and ended up feeling a lot better afterwards. I went to the crochet class which was an hour and a half long and was a lot of fun. I also read for 2 1/2 hours today. My focus has been immensely better.

Anyway, I took a shower and am unwinding now for the evening. Tomorrow’s my psychiatrist appointment.

This weekend I don’t have much going on. Going to the pharmacy but that’s about it. Gotta clean. But otherwise just pre-draw some stuff for the weeklong watercolor class I’m taking that starts Monday. Excited for it. Should learn a lot.

I also need to paint some flower pots for examples for that painting class I’m leading.

My NAMI peer to peer class starts September 9th. Looking forward to that as well.

Just in general ready for summer to be over and autumn to be here. Ready for pumpkin spice and cozy sweater season. 🎃

I made a $250 online purchase. I canceled it before it shipped. They insisted that it was too late to cancel which was bbuullllsshhiitt. They just want to deliver the item and hope that i don't pursue a return. Shady.

They sent me a mailing label to return it once it has arrived. I do not have a printer. I have been too sick today to get out to the mall to the print shop. The guy is coming tomorrow to pick the item up and it is not ready. I tried to postpone the pickup but they couldn't find me in the computer.

So now they are sending a delivery guy for no reason. They would rather throw their money out the window than search their ffuucckkiinngg database for my entry.

What is wrong with the world?

Enraged, frustrated. I hate life.

Another good day at school. It was productive, but the day felt. My students asked some more really good questions in religion. I have a feeling we are going to have a lot of good discussions this year, which is great! They have so many questions it is hard to both answer them and cover what we need to. I'd rather have this than what I had last year which was a class that didn't talk at all.

SI was a little worse again today. My Friday schedule is tough so I'm hoping the mental strain this schedule will require won't make things worse. Weekends can be a trigger of SI too so I'm trying not to let the approaching weekend make me to anxious.

I wish I felt valued and loved. I wish I felt good enough - my emotional pain is too heavy to carry some nights - I wish I had more self-worth.

It’s been a long day. I was up at four this morning with only three hours of sleep. I napped later until two. I’m blessed to be able to nap when a lot of people don’t have that luxury.

I dont understand. It sounds like your parents are very nice to you. Dont they value you? Did they not in the past? My parents were always mad at me and disappointed in me, except when they could use me to insult my brother (why cant you get A's like her?), but the still belittled my achievements, so my self-worth is totally nonexistent. They stomped it into the ground.

So im seriously asking - how do you "wish for self-worth." I know its just an expression, but - ? Like i know my parents didnt SEE my worth, so that makes it invisible to me too. How do you visualize yours?

How I feel right now. I had a piece of steak and its giving me terrible nauaea and heartburn

I'm going to have the same dream I have every night. Sometimes twice a night where I'm in a giant store with rows of either exotic soda or racks of clothes. My best friend from elemantary school will also be there. Also there is a big shower room with endless showers. Then I will end up at the beach.

Of courae I wake up 2 hours latee

Got my psychiatrist appointment in a few hours. Will be completely off trileptal officially starting today. And I’m hopeful that he gives consideration to stopping the Thorazine too. I’ll update later.

Hope you’re all well

I slept way better last night! Only difference is my dr raised my Gabapentin to 600 from 300.

Just thought I’d share these pics of one of my cats looking at the galaxy lighting

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ooo blue bird 🐦 those are awesome pics! So cool.

I'm really exhausted today. I took a caffeine pill but it just helped my anxety. I worked out a lot earlier but food sounds gross.

I'm trying to get a couple things from Walmart and the drivet was all over the place on the map. Then they suddenly said he couldn't deliver and they would try again.

Yeah I just cant function today. My therapist said even leaving the house to get a soda would be good for deprresion.

Your funny. Would your therapist recommend booze to an alcoholic to relieve their depression?

Much better than anything that neil patrick degrasse guy puts up!!! CATS IN SPACE... (echo echo echo)

Neil DeGrasse Tyson? He talked about cats in space?? I’m confused. Unless you mean Neil Patrick Harris?