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  #901  
Old Apr 03, 2013, 09:28 PM
Anonymous200104
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It is still cold here in Michigan--I'm talking 30's and 40's cold. I want spring to come. I noticed that there is rain forecast for next week--I am supposed to go to a baseball game next week. My job bores the snot out of me. My T says that I need to make myself go out and be curious, to make myself get up and do things that interest me. But I don't know what those things are.

I'm not depressed, really, not any more than my normal baseline. I just...still need that win in my life. Really looking for it right now...
Thanks for this!
Bill3

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  #902  
Old Apr 03, 2013, 11:27 PM
Anonymous48778
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bummed. not sure why. just watched a documentary called Kurame or something like that. depressed me.

meeeeeeeeeeh...
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  #903  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 01:25 AM
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MPD-AvPD-BPD MPD-AvPD-BPD is offline
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Another cold and wet morning... Another S#1tty dream last night, Ended up waking the wife .. and of course.. it's all my fault..... what else is new..

3 nights in row having the same/simular dream of a big car crash, with my car falling off a bridge/flyover.. Always wake up on ground impact.. Except last night i woke up with severe pain on the impact side of my body...
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scuse me .. but i'm dis-lic-sic ... des-kic-lic ... dus-tic-sic .... ermm... F'ed in the head....
Why does the word that describes people that battle with language skills be spelled so flipping difficultly.
Whatever is eating at you must be suffering horribly.
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  #904  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 03:47 AM
Anonymous327401
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Off to a gig tonight with my daughter she has ASD and gets anxious so easy, It is her favorite group though so hopefully she will be ok but the crowds are a bit of worry as she can't cope with them and I can't for that matter, Anyway maybe I am worrying over nothing
  #905  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 08:25 AM
Anonymous32935
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I feel better today, at least right now. I'm so tired of the constantly changing emotions!
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  #906  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 09:59 AM
Anonymous48778
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meh...husband stayed home for my birthday. but i have work tonight. idk...it's nice to have him home since he's only home on wednesdays and sundays which means i'm always running errands or we have to be out of the house for some reason...i hate it.

but it kind of voids it since he's missing a day of work...

but that is kind of void because now i'm working and he got a raise...

but blah...

i'm just trying to relax...which is hard because i'm sick and my tat hurts, haha.
  #907  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 10:04 AM
Anonymous12111009
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Feeling a little productive today. Had to work with the team that manages our web servers because their resolutoin to our problem at my work was assuming I was a noob and the error was caused by user error o.O Yeah I've been doing this for about 8 years... I think I know when it's a server problem :/ LOL. Anyway got the stuff done I needed to and because my job doesn't consist of constant work (managing/maintaining and developing sites) it always feels good to have something to do lol. Sorry my check ins are always longer than necessary haha
  #908  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 10:46 AM
anonymous91213
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I'm so worried about seeing my PDoc next week. Haven't seen or emailed since the 18th of March. I would email, he would call me and stay in constant contact with me.. I emailed him during my vacation and he had his nurse talk to me when I returned.. In one email he told me that he could arrange for me to see someone else if I wanted.I am feeling like he will abandon me after my appointment. I'm afraid to email him and tell him anything. A dilemma that will keep on going until next week, six day's away.
  #909  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 11:12 AM
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Shutt3rxbug Shutt3rxbug is offline
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Location: Florida
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Ugh its raining. Why do they call in the sunshine state i never understood that cause it rains all the time!

I signed my youngest son up today for PreK. I am so not ready for this. I have been crying in my office off and on since then. I am glad my co-workers near me are at least out for the day so i can cry in peace
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  #910  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 11:17 AM
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beautifulfreak beautifulfreak is offline
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Location: a nest where a cuckoo once flew over
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The sun has been shining here all day, however, I am not…
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"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." ~ Nietzsche
  #911  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 01:39 PM
Anonymous12111009
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Things look good today. Have gotten a reply about a car that I hope to buy. it's a Ford Focus ZX3... looks clean, says he'd keep it, if he didn't need a truck. Setting up something for Sunday.
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  #912  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 03:52 PM
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BrokenNBeautiful BrokenNBeautiful is offline
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Location: I live with myself. Because that is all I can depend on. Everthing around me changes.
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I joined another online bpd group over the weekend. I think it's good for me to be involved in different groups. Although this group is still great.

Still struggle with terrible guilt and have to keep reminding myself it's part of the bpd itself as well as my sensitive concience.

I still don't know what's going to happen to Bruce and me. He applied for 2 more jobs and still has not gotten any responses.

One day at a time. Do what's in front of you, Carol.

Yesterday was Bruce's birthday. He turned 64.

I took him out to dinner. I was relieved that my uncle, his friend, called him last night and did not ignore his birthday.

I am forming a new rule in my life: Make friends with people who not too busy to spend at least time with me once a week or call for five minutes every other day. My uncle told us he would "call during the week" and I did not know if he was going to remember Bruce's birthday.

Bruce told me last night he was glad he had at least one friend who gave a d about him---me. BPD, messed up me, but I still care about him. Everyone else is too busy...

Carol
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The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!
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  #913  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 03:59 PM
Anonymous12111009
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Wow things are looking up! I get to walk home 1.5 miles today in. the. rain. Yay me! /sarcasm
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  #914  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 08:22 PM
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greentires4me greentires4me is offline
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I applied to another job last night and today I had a response but I have to wait until Monday when the guy is there to talk to. because by time I got the message he was like heading out the door for his weekend..lol...people these days....

I am still thinking about zumba classes because I spent some of the money to the classes now trying to come up with an idea to still do the classes
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  #915  
Old Apr 04, 2013, 08:41 PM
Anonymous200104
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Feeling really, really stressed over money issues. I took a fairly big pay cut when I took my current job and I'm not able to make my debt payments so I have to meet with my debt counselor and--yay me!--I get to show her that I still haven't learned when it comes to credit card debt because I've gotten myself in over my head yet again. I'm really scared. (And yes, I've learned my lesson...now. Too late.)
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  #916  
Old Apr 05, 2013, 12:41 AM
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MPD-AvPD-BPD MPD-AvPD-BPD is offline
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Even colder today.. Winter has now realy kicked in here... Moods a little better.. not sure if i'll really get any work done today ....
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scuse me .. but i'm dis-lic-sic ... des-kic-lic ... dus-tic-sic .... ermm... F'ed in the head....
Why does the word that describes people that battle with language skills be spelled so flipping difficultly.
Whatever is eating at you must be suffering horribly.
Thanks for this!
BrokenNBeautiful
  #917  
Old Apr 05, 2013, 05:34 AM
anonymousxyz
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Going to make today a better day than yesterday.
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BrokenNBeautiful
  #918  
Old Apr 05, 2013, 08:10 AM
Anonymous32935
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I'm up and going to work for a few hours, at least until the coffee wears out. Not officially working today, but still working... Feel okay, so far.
  #919  
Old Apr 05, 2013, 09:32 AM
Anonymous48778
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blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah my feet hurt so bad.

my tattoo hurts. i wasn't able to keep it moisturized last night while at work and also had to keep it covered so when i got home and later when i woke up it was all dried out and painful...but trying to keep it extra moisturized today since i'm not working...

feeling okay today. planning to go to hobby lobby this afternoon and try to start on a nice jacket for myself...since husband gave me a $100 gift card...

feeling kind of bad about that, but oh well...not like we can take it back now...

oh well...




scratch that, i feel like ****. and not anything anyone did or said, i just want to curl up under a rock and die. i feel so guilty and stupid and i hate myself. i sucked at my job last night and even though i know it's not my fault we were there so late (i wasn't the first department to finish for the night but i wasn't the last either) i feel like it's all my fault. i feel like i'm such a failure because i didn't do it all on my own or faster or perfectly. i feel like such a fat slob because my stupid ankle started hurting and i had to slow down for it, and maybe it wouldn't hurt if i'd never gained so much weight..........


GOD i was doing so good.......

Last edited by Anonymous48778; Apr 05, 2013 at 10:03 AM.
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  #920  
Old Apr 05, 2013, 01:09 PM
Anonymous327401
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Therapy today was just awful.
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  #921  
Old Apr 05, 2013, 02:33 PM
BrokenNBeautiful's Avatar
BrokenNBeautiful BrokenNBeautiful is offline
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Location: I live with myself. Because that is all I can depend on. Everthing around me changes.
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I am doing some self-care today. Going to have a stubborn case of pinkeye (had since March 22) checked by an eye specialist. UGH i hate doctor visits. Depress-ing.

My BPD voice says, "Don't go. Don't go!"

But I know it's my bpd.

thank goodness I know this now.

I am going to take care of myself.

I want my eyes. I want to be able to type!

Carol
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!
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  #922  
Old Apr 05, 2013, 03:11 PM
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greentires4me greentires4me is offline
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I got woken up by someone wanting me to come work up at their establishment full time

so I went on got x-rays on my hand

then I stopped at the bank for 3 months for my rent review

then I went to the pharmacy and got my pills

then I stopped by at the liqour store picked up some coolers

then I walked home in the pouring rain.
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  #923  
Old Apr 05, 2013, 05:26 PM
Anonymous48778
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pissed. needing sleep.
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  #924  
Old Apr 05, 2013, 08:39 PM
vorticella vorticella is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2013
Posts: 9
Having a gloomy day. I managed to control my anger issues to some extent, but still can't completely fix my relationship problems. I'm trying to stay positive and not let my BPS get the best of me.
Thanks for this!
BrokenNBeautiful
  #925  
Old Apr 05, 2013, 09:11 PM
Anonymous200104
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I'm scared that, due to money issues, I may have to quit going to therapy. It might come down to therapy or meds and I need the meds. God, what have I done to myself? Out of all the impulsive behavior I could have been "blessed" with, I got impulsive spending. Nice.

BTW, I still have the impulse to spend (though I don't know why, it's not fulfilling, not like having friends or relationships would be), so now I feel the stress of fighting the impulse as well as the stress of being in over my head in debt. I feel as though I'm choking all the time. I'm only mild-to-moderately depressed but I have to say, I don't enjoy my life at all. Like I've said a million times... I just need a win right now.

Sorry. I know I'm going long these days. The end.
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