[greyclouds]

I'm doing okay but something feels a drift, missing not sure what it is.. But def lot better then have been,
A lot of paranoia so maybe that why I feel a drift. But I not empty I cam feel this stinking cold I have!!,

doing okay today. bought myself a new shirt last night and some cute clothes for son to go to church in today. daughter actually got excited to go to her class, i think; went with the teacher and told me bye when i was going to follow so that's full of yay...

church was okay.

[youwillrise]

pretty "whatever" today.

Originally Posted by Bill3

What if you say something like that to her?

I'll probably just sound stupid or something and my secrecy will make her more curious.

[greentires4me]

feeling crushed I had concert tickets to go see great big sea...but in the end no one to go with so I felt the point of not going. Made an executive decision.

I am not a fan to go by myself...but anyways I have the hockey game, lost girl and walking dead to take over...

playing pandemic and trying not to think about much, haha. not in the mood.

[youwillrise]

attempting to make candy and thinking about a friend.

Originally Posted by greentires4me

feeling crushed I had concert tickets to go see great big sea...but in the end no one to go with so I felt the point of not going. Made an executive decision.

I am not a fan to go by myself...but anyways I have the hockey game, lost girl and walking dead to take over...

I want to go see Dave Matthews Band in July and I've thought about buying tickets and just seeing if I come up with someone to go with but I'm afraid I'll spend all the money and then no one will go with me. I've seen them five times and they're so fun in concert. I want to go so badly.

It was a weird day. I felt okay to begin with. Then I went to the store and seeing all of the happy people with their own people made me really lonely and sad. Then I wrote a letter of apology taking responsibility for my actions to my ex-friend (the one I had the falling out with Monday). Until now, I haven't taken responsibility for being so awful and angry. And I wanted to tell him what he meant to me. I don't expect a response, which I also said, but it was important that I apologize. So... I have mixed feelings about that. I'm watching a show and then I'll go to bed. Don't really want to do tomorrow...pdoc appt, T appt, and then work. I hope they cancel my shift.

I'm here, I'm working as usual, but I will be staying off the forum for the forseeable future. Nothing against anyone....I just have to think of myself right now.

Originally Posted by misskeena

I want to go see Dave Matthews Band in July and I've thought about buying tickets and just seeing if I come up with someone to go with but I'm afraid I'll spend all the money and then no one will go with me. I've seen them five times and they're so fun in concert. I want to go so badly.

you should just buy the one ticket for yourself, and go. you deserve to have some fun, and you don't need someone else to do that.

i dunno, i prefer doing things alone. even my husband can be too cynical for me (i'm already a cynical person and he's pretentious sometimes to boot so it's a double whammy) and sometimes i like to go out (when i do) without him just to get away.



today's agenda...coffee, kids, crocheting, and laundry.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I talked to my mother last night, and my girlfriend, about how I feel, and now I feel so depressed and remorseful about talking about it, and I don't know why. The past couple of days my mood has been a lot worse. Maybe it's just better if I pretend I'm okay. I want to get professional help but that means asking my mom about it again and that makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward for some reason and then I just feel like I'm wasting their time.

Slept horribly last night, cried during my appt with my T because I had to tell her I lost one of my best friendships, and now I have to go to work. Where I may see my ex-friend. And I'm so tired. It's not really a great day at all, but I'm looking forward to coming home tonight and sleeping. And I don't have to work tomorrow so I can sleep as long as I want.

I'm doing well today, feeling healthy and strong today. A little edgy this morning but it was soon extinguished once I got busy at work.

[greentires4me]

feeling not too bad...taking it day by day moment by moment.

[ScrewedUpMe]

Really anxious and agitated. Got stuff on my mind regarding T and how she thinks of me after recent revelations. Racing thoughts, driving me nuts. Thank god for the meds to make me sleep..

[youwillrise]

im okay...wouldnt say particularly happy or excited about anything...but okay.

Doing a little better. Have an easy assignment at work, my ex-friend isn't here tonight but some other friends are. I may have found a friend to go to the Tigers game with for my birthday and someone to go out with on St. Patty's Day. I get so down on myself but I just need to suck it up and ask people for what I want. They don't need to be my BEST friends to hang out with me. I'm just...not good at asking for what I need or want and then I get depressed and resentful when I don't get it.

[youwillrise]

last time i saw him he told me that he would have to do some work for army stuff...i know he doesnt usually reply to my messages when he's doing that stuff, but i cant help but send them...grrrr. he probably looks at them, rolls his eyes and thinks "i wish this chick would stfu and leave me alone"

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Bruce (roommate) is sick again, another cold. I have the runs. I almost got kicked out of my chat 12 step meeting last night because I was being "disruptive". I had had to leave the room for just a moment because my computer was acting up. I apologized to the leader, told her about the tech problem and she did not answer my pm. She did not say, "Carol, it's okay; don't worry about it." she just ignored it. I felt really bad.

I have seen around me, in that 12-step-meeting-chatroom, people being accused of being disruptive or a threat to safety in the room, when they didn't mean to be that way; even when they have explained that they had tech problems.

The leaders of this group (chat 12 step meeting, not here at PC) are granted the power to kick ppl out or to de-voice them just for being annoying or for causing what they think is a disruption.

I have never been kicked out of a face to face 12 step meeting before and I almost got kicked out of the chat room meeting. Just for a stupid misunderstanding.

Also, the ppl in those rooms are unstable. Unpredictable.

I think I am making a new rule for myself---no more chatrooms. Anywhere. Internet misunderstandings happen and when they do and I cannot communicate with anyone because of their attitudes or behavior or having too much power over the rooms (right to kick ppl out summarily, without a "12 step group conscience") I don't feel safe there anymore.

Message boards and face to face groups are what I will now tolerate.

I have also been reading here on this board at PC about how some ppl here have had bad experiences in the chatrooms and that bothers me. I don't see so much of that in the message boards. That's sad---that PC chatrooms are like that. I heard at least 2 stories about that.

I went to my usual face to face meeting, then another one in the evening.

I am not running anymore, but I do think I am realizing when it's appropriate to run and when it's appropriate not to.

thanks,

Carol

Tired of being tortured from within. I'm fighting a battle I will sometimes come out on top with, but there's no way I'll ever win the war, and I'm getting tired of trying.

[Bill3]

I'm fighting a battle I will sometimes come out on top with, but there's no way I'll ever win the war, and I'm getting tired of trying.

Hang in there! It took courage and strength and persistence to move the way you did and to keep up with your blogs and activities. You can continue to win battles!

Stay in the moment, think of the battle, not of the war. You can continue to win battles...which puts you on the path to success in the war.

Originally Posted by Bill3

Hang in there! It took courage and strength and persistence to move the way you did and to keep up with your blogs and activities. You can continue to win battles!

Stay in the moment, think of the battle, not of the war. You can continue to win battles...which puts you on the path to success in the war.

I am trying and I know you're right; I've been working on my meditation. It seemed to work last night in calming me down to sleep but then I couldn't sleep. I'm tired of the constant thinking and obsession about things that don't matter and all the emotions tied around them.... I work constantly as a way of offsetting my thinking only for it to catch up later when I stop....

I'm here, at least on some level. Can't say I'll be posting a lot or not. I just don't know. I have a lot I'm thinking about.

I just woke up. Slept for about 12 hours. I woke up already feeling pretty empty, like there is a big hole at the center of me that I don't know how to fill. Thinking a lot about my friend and wishing he'd respond to my email (he won't). I know everyone is sick of hearing about it, but I really miss him. We texted everyday and my phone is just so...quiet. I don't know when I'm going to be okay about this.

lurking.