i had a really good day. went for a walk with the kids and dog (which was overall pretty good but about halfway through i had an asthma attack) and then got home, took a shower while kids napped...eventually got to work and filled out paperwork...then tried to go buy some khakis for work...

that's when everything went downhill...

i'm leaving PC. i may find another site, i might go back to an old one...but i don't think this place is good for me. it was neat for a while. but i'm done.

I'm feeling depression trying to creep into my brain. I'm fighting it...got my game face on...grrrrrr.

It's just that, well, see... I feel like I have no personality. I don't know how to relate to people. I don't know how to be. I'm so awkward. I'm okay when I'm talking to people online but if I have to actually be around people, I'm so freaking awkward. I'm fairly certain the people I work with think I'm a freaking idiot because I bumble around and screw things up so much, and I'm not an idiot. I'm actually pretty smart and good at my job. I just... argh. Whatever. Sorry. This could turn into a novel.

I'm like a fetus. A problem with a pulse. Sorry christian people. At least today I'm happy!

Made it to the bus stop with time to spare again but man life likes to throw wrenches in things when you're trying to do good sometimes. Got there, this bus is always on time, if not a bit early. time for the bus comes. No bus... waited a few min... Then realized it's Good Friday. Didn't think it would affect bus schedules but come to find out they run on limited schedules on Good Friday! O.O At home dreading calling a cab for the whopping $40+ ride to work. It'll be ok but still kinda aggravating.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Made it to the bus stop with time to spare again but man life likes to throw wrenches in things when you're trying to do good sometimes. Got there, this bus is always on time, if not a bit early. time for the bus comes. No bus... waited a few min... Then realized it's Good Friday. Didn't think it would affect bus schedules but come to find out they run on limited schedules on Good Friday! O.O At home dreading calling a cab for the whopping $40+ ride to work. It'll be ok but still kinda aggravating.

Why in the world would it affect bus schedules when most people still work on that day? I'd be severely aggrevated too....and with the frame of mind I'm in I'd probably have to give them a part of it.

[poptart316]

Just woke up.. I have class in a bit, contemplating my topic for a paper, I'm thinking gay marriage. I'm glad it's nice out today.. maybe I'll wear one of my new summer belly shirts? or maybe it's still a bit too cold for that and people will think I'm nuts.

Feeling a crying jag coming on. Aw, nuts. Was hoping I could avoid this. Holidays really get to me. At least someone invited me to their house for Easter. Can't go though because I picked up an extra shift at work...because I thought I'd have no plans for that day (I usually don't for holidays). Heh.

[greentires4me]

what can I say its gorgeous outside and I have had 4hours of sleep again I woke up at 2am then just stayed awake until now...I'm exhausted.

Originally Posted by Maranara

Why in the world would it affect bus schedules when most people still work on that day? I'd be severely aggrevated too....and with the frame of mind I'm in I'd probably have to give them a part of it.

I should have checked. Traffic was light too so apparently in this hick town I live in it's kind of a holiday for many O.o I never have recognized Good Friday as a holiday or anything even as I do celebrate Easter!

Originally Posted by greentires4me

what can I say its gorgeous outside and I have had 4hours of sleep again I woke up at 2am then just stayed awake until now...I'm exhausted.

The weather is beautiful here even as it was only 30 degrees as I walked to the bus and back home! >.<

I am starting to feel better from my depression and tirade from yesterday, but I'm still a bit volatile and will change fast. Hopefully that won't get me in to trouble, but if it does, I've brought it on myself and will deal with it. BPD or not, I'm taking responsibility for my actions and behavior even if they're not good sometimes.

Originally Posted by Maranara

I am starting to feel better from my depression and tirade from yesterday, but I'm still a bit volatile and will change fast. Hopefully that won't get me in to trouble, but if it does, I've brought it on myself and will deal with it. BPD or not, I'm taking responsibility for my actions and behavior even if they're not good sometimes.

::: is holding bat threateningly ::: (inflated one, of course)

[poptart316]

Ugh, I'm hungover. I feel gross.

[beautifulfreak]

Feeling pretty isolated this afternoon, in physical pain and somewhat depressed. Even though I am not alone in the house I feel lonely. My partner is downstairs. I'm still up here still lying on my side with my Tablet in hand so I can type etc with ease. Can you imagine me trying to go onto PC or internet or whatever trying to hold a laptop sideways! Lol.

The cat is curled up on her own blanket at bottom of bed…such a cutie.

Feeling isolated. There are things going on tonight that I could join but I don't have the motivation (or the money, really) to do so. So I guess I can't really complain that I feel isolated, hey? I'm missing my friend this weekend quite a bit; I need to let go. I'll be seeing him at work on Monday for sure and I'm afraid that I've built that meeting up in my head too much. I'm afraid I'm going to be hurt and disappointed and rejected all over again.

Going to watch a movie now, maybe get out for a walk later and enjoy the weather if it warms up some more.

Terrible night last night feeling a little better today.

Second major insomnia night in a row. Starting to drag. Working all day. I'll be all right, but it's not going to be easy to make it through the day.

I have to work today and don't really want to. I was invited over to someone's house for Easter dinner before work. I don't want to go (I don't like to feel rushed) but at least I was invited somewhere, so I shouldn't be so weird about it. Feeling kind of meh today, wishing I had a place to really belong today...

[poptart316]

I'm actually feeling pretty calm today, maybe meds are starting to kick in.

I'm receiving texted Happy Easter greetings from family members I haven't seen in forever. It's making me feel lonely and sad.

I'm fine.

[greentires4me]

Feeling depressed and almost ate a whole Easter bunny to myself

[BrokenNBeautiful]

fighting the old tapes today and sitting in uncomfortable feelings, esp around confronting others.

I will win.

[poptart316]

I had a pretty good day today.

Anxiety has set in a bit but hopefully won't get any worse.