Originally Posted by Luctor

Then shame, and guilt, because I feel like it's all I think about, that I should be stronger than this. That I'm handling this breakup like a teenage girl. I'm such an idiot. I ruin everything.

You're handling a breakup like a person, and no, you shouldn't necessarily be over it already. Don't beat yourself up so much. We've all been there. At the risk of sounding trite, just take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself because you're grieving. Give yourself time.

[greentires4me]

so today I went to port moody then we went to 5 guys its burger joint here...crazy good eats then we went to abbotsford to visit my dad in the hospital where he is getting chemo and dialysis its so hard to see him like that. make me cry but I cannot cry physically for some reason but it does it makes me sad all inside

[poptart316]

I'm actually in a good mood for once. A new romance has me elated!!

[radioactivegirl]

I sob all the time over basically nothing. I know it kills my boyfriend to see me like this. This crippling depression just goes and goes. Who knows? Maybe I'll be better tomorrow. I just keep thinking of ending my life. The only thing stopping me is that it would shatter people's lives. Lives that deeply care about. I thought about how I felt when my friend killed himself, I though about my grandma killing herself because she couldn't bear to live without her husband. My technical theater teacher around that same time wrote a suicide note and then jumped off the school building. I can't just be another suicide that destroys live... but I just want out so bad...

[Luctor]

There's an ever-present, crushing weight on my chest. Trying my hardest to implement DBT skills and mindfulness. If, no, when, I get through this difficult patch, I will come out of it with entrenched coping skills that will make the smaller, daily things so much easier to deal with.

This will pass. I will be happy again. I will get over her.

[beautifulfreak]

This is my midday check in, well approximately midday. I am shattered, there is a deep void, like a wound that is raw yet I can't tend to it. My head is full of destructive thoughts and urges. My tears are rolling down my cheeks.

I don't belong, or if I do belong I do not know where.

I have tried. I am drained. I am truly sick of existing in such wretched and raw emotional turmoil. The physical issues don't help.

I have tried. I am sick of hurting.

**ing sick of this. Not sick of having bpd so much as me letting challenges in life keep me down for so long. SMH at myself really. On the one hand, as I said to one friend this morning, "I'm such a f**ing loser, but on the other hand, if I am, it's a choice. Am I going to just give into that idea or fight it and stop doing things to make myself feel like one?

Sorry ranting.

[Fuzzybear]

hating self.... Feeling like hibernating

[greentires4me]

my dad is still in the hospital I feel so alone and compelled to cry some more I cried during my pdoc appointment

I just hate life right now and I am just trying to keep it together but its not working....

[ruby.lestrange]

I'm checking in for the first time in a while.
I'm not really OK. I am feeling absolutely terrified, like I don't want to move or breathe, at the thought of heading to the U.S. and trying to get help for my BPD. I am so afraid that there won't be help, or I won't be able to get insurance, or they won't cover me...it's just scary. I don't know how the U.S. members do it.

Hugs or everyone today, I hope you're all doing alright.

[hawthoerne]

Met my new T today. He's going to get me lots of handouts and he taught me a technique to help control my anger.
he said when i feel the physical symptoms of getting angry, blink and imagine a stop sign in front of my face then breathe deeply and don't say anything and pace around some to get rid of the adrenaline. This is for when i get angry at my boyfriend on the phone. He seems like he knows what he's doing so i have confidence that therapy with him will go well. i also told him one of my coping skills was buying stuff and he suggested that i make stuff instead! (i have a ton of beads and chain and jewelry making stuff so i can certainly do that!)

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by radioactivegirl

I can't just be another suicide that destroys live... but I just want out so bad...

I relate to wanting out.

Carol

Feeling okay for the first time in a while. I feel like things are falling in order and that I have a few people in my life who care about me. I still find it difficult to fight this overwhelming boredom when I'm alone (and I find that I'm afraid that I'm boring to other people), but I suppose that's something that I have to work on--I need to just get up off my a-- and do something. Get out of the house, find hobbies...

I just feel like a waste of space. It seems that wherever I go I don't fit in, though I try, but it's just not enough.

Finally feeling a little better, but I'm not quite ready to come out and play yet. Did open my visitor's page back up, and I'm writing here, so I guess that's a start.

[Luctor]

Feeling a little stronger today. Started exercising again, which always does wonders for my general stability and self-esteem.

My mantra during this trying period is simple: Stay strong, stay focused, stay active.

I will get through this.

[Luctor]

Today has been a steady decline. I am not coping.

[Fuzzybear]

((( Luctor )))
Here if you want to talk

[Luctor]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

((( Luctor )))
Here if you want to talk

Thank you. I really appreciate that. I want to talk, but the more I dwell on this the closer I come to a complete breakdown. For now, I need to distract myself.

Okay frame of mind but....working....sleepy...finding it hard to stay awake and concentrate.

[greentires4me]

today I have no clue whats life like anymore I just got up and don't want to do the simple things like go get my meds

I can only describe how I feel at the moment like a "hell" for me, I feel like I can't control my emotions lately or my impulses, My CPN came to visit me this morning and she noticed the cuts on my arms she is concerned about me and is going to talk to my Pdoc to see about increasing my medication, I see my therapist tomorrow too and at times this can be difficult

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( Buttercup )))))))

[greentires4me]

well I went and got my meds and my rent money now just waiting to pay my landlord the money...I took out the trash and felt like jumping into the container....

[ruby.lestrange]

Feeling better today than yesterday.

Still terrified about moving, but trying to remind myself to take little steps and deal with one thing at a time.

Hugs for everyone.