Originally Posted by Luctor

Yesterday I sent my ex an email asking how she is. She hasn't responded, but has been active on facebook. She's ignoring me. Which she knows causes me a lot of pain.

I don't understand why she'd enjoy hurting me like this. It's causing me such turmoil. I miss her so much. I just want to hear from her.

Well...she is your ex. I doubt she is ignoring you maliciously; she's probably not even thinking of it, and it's likely not out of a sense of enjoyment. She's probably not giving it as much thought as you are. It's just time to move on and she's trying to do that and is likely (if not intentionally) encouraging you to do the same. Emailing her is probably not the most productive thing you can do for yourself in terms of getting yourself to a place where you can feel good about her not being in your life.

Originally Posted by greentires4me

I don't know what to say anymore I had vision or a dream that I overdosed on everything I had...when I came to I was like so thats what its like or something like that.

I feel out of it....

((hugs))
i have had weird dreams like that before. i dreamed i died, jumped off a building and hit the ground. felt my insides explode. oddly enough, it was after that dream that i started going downhill, haha.

i hope that you are able to relax some.

[wadingthruemotions]

I am extremely irritable today. Like I just want slap the flipping stupid people I have to deal with today. Grrrrr

Originally Posted by shortandcute

Had a visit from my brother in law today. Apparently, I'm not really ill, I just don't read my Bible and quote scripture enough!

((hugs))
my parents try to say the same thing, and i unfortunately have my pastor on my news feed, and he often posts things about mental illness like he knows anything about it, saying that only God can give you the help you need, and it really pisses me off. my pastor is cool and all, but if he EVER says anything to me personally or posts on my wall he's going to get it big time.

i hate it when people say this kind of stuff to me. if they knew what it was like to feel this way, they probably wouldn't be going on about how God is the answer.

maybe it helps some people, praying and all, but others, not so much.

i am confrontational today, i think. i am glad i'm not working today.

i want to go wreck the Abercrombie & Fitch store in the mall because they're hateful bastards.

but i won't, because if i do, i'll get arrested.

meh...

[Britneigh]

I'm beyond sad. The barn owner who I'm farm sitting for, her cat was hit by a car last night at 1:30 am. Our neighbour saw her and thought she was already dead so she left her, Bryn managed to pull herself off the road and was still alive this morning at 10:30 when the neighbour decided to come see if it was out cat. We drove her to the vet where he said it was best to put her down, she had a major spinal injury and internal bleeding. I just am sad. Poor Bryn. She's our kittens mom

[Ultra Darkness]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

Had a visit from my brother in law today. Apparently, I'm not really ill, I just don't read my Bible and quote scripture enough!

I hate hate people who say things like this! What do these people think we are, possessed?
Don't answer. I already know.

Originally Posted by DreamAddiction37

i want to go wreck the Abercrombie & Fitch store in the mall because they're hateful bastards.

but i won't, because if i do, i'll get arrested.

meh...

Is it because of that whole thing the CEO said about how he doesn't want fat people to wear their brand? What a crock. Their sizes are way off. Even when I was skinny, I fit into their largest size because I'm tall and my proportions don't fit the normal average female sizes. But I wasn't "fat."

Originally Posted by Britneigh

I'm beyond sad. The barn owner who I'm farm sitting for, her cat was hit by a car last night at 1:30 am. Our neighbour saw her and thought she was already dead so she left her, Bryn managed to pull herself off the road and was still alive this morning at 10:30 when the neighbour decided to come see if it was out cat. We drove her to the vet where he said it was best to put her down, she had a major spinal injury and internal bleeding. I just am sad. Poor Bryn. She's our kittens mom

Oh, that is very sad. That makes my heart hurt.

[wadingthruemotions]

And now the irritability is gone and replaced or not really replaced but overshadowed I suppose, by hunger and anger. hmmm I am confrontational.

Thought my friend and I were gonna hang out tonight but he hasn't gotten in touch with me and it's getting pretty late. Oh well.

[poptart316]

I'm bored.

I'm very tired, emotionally drained, and could become emotional. I wish I had someone in real life that I could talk to. Lonely for someone.

I realized again today how truly socially awkward I am. I wish I knew how to talk to people. It seems to only get worse the older I get; I remember being much more outgoing and personable when I was younger even though I was still a little bit anxious around new people. I'm afraid this will never get better and that I will be one of those lonely old women with a hundred cats. I don't want to be a lonely old woman with a hundred cats. If I don't learn how to talk to people soon, I may not ever date anyone again, or make any new friends, and new jobs will become increasingly difficult. Part of it is that I don't feel like I'm worthy enough to talk to certain people (which is not rational, but it's how I feel so I clam up and get awkward), part of it is that I don't feel like I'm interesting (I'm not), part of it is that I feel like I don't have anything to say (I don't). I don't know what to do. I'm bored and lonely, and I look like a dork sitting all by myself when everyone is talking in a circle at work...

[kala83]

I think my biggest issue with BPD is that I don't always know what to watch out for with it. With having ADD, Anxiety,Rapid mixed bipolar and BPD I have a lot of things I am trying to sort out and work on...with all of it and it will be a long process I am sure even just to learn coping skill but I am going to put my all into it.

well one of the biggest things I can totally tell with my BPD is my constant feel of fear of losing people that means something to me in my life.

This last few weeks I lost several friends and lovers, because my bipolar was acting up due to being on a cocktail phase with my meds and lithium was simply not a good mix for me. But I had to aslo deal with the side affects and how this impacts my BPD and my abandonment issues. me and my best friend have been on and off fighting over trivial things. And I have no idea why, the only thing I could even think of is that I have made friends with an old ex of her's and we talk fairly often and have become close.

I am taking a break from dating right and so is he but we seem to like each other as people and being attracted to each other but naturally its difficult for my friend to see us getting so close when she is close to him and was "with" him at one point in her life.
So my abandonment issues have been tested a lot these last few days and weeks all I can do is hope your friendship can hold together. I am giving her space and hoping things will just roll over in time.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Started going back to meetings.

I can't keep running.

I'm okay right now. Feels like it could be easily shattered though.

I'm feeling sad.

I'm tired of how much others can affect my emotions and mood. I wish I didn't give a flip about anyone and could stand on my own two feet no matter what. Just tell 'em all where to go and not feel like crap for it.

[tigersassy]

Originally Posted by Maranara

I'm tired of how much others can affect my emotions and mood. I wish I didn't give a flip about anyone and could stand on my own two feet no matter what. Just tell 'em all where to go and not feel like crap for it.

Completely get this. Am experiencing now.

[poptart316]

I'm in a fairly good mood today, I'm going to the Detroit Erotica Ball.. yes, it's a fetish show.. I'm not really a freak, never got into BDSM or anything like that, I just like going to all sorts of fun/weird events, whether it's vaudeville, burlesque, side show performances (which this event will have some of that) anything that allows you to have a good laugh and step out of the ordinary and take a break from the mundane/boring swing of things. It's also one of the very few opportunities that I have to dress up and wear my $400 corset. But yeah, today is a good day.

[wadingthruemotions]

I am tired of being ignored by others.

Seriously, just text back saying hey hows it going and stuff. but nooo, I am too much trouble to bother with. I am nothing, why would anyone spend time on me.

I gave up smoking yesterday, I did do last year and lasted 4 months but this time I am determined to keep it up

[kala83]

even though my fear of losing friends and relationship or being choosen last over someone else. Is very present in my life right now I am trying very, very hard...to just take heart in that if they are close to you like they say they are and they do care for.

You need to trust them to do as they say, if they don't they were never a true friend in your life anyway.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Trying to control rage. Grocery-shopped today. Hated it. Got home safely, no incidents.